New Sex Daughter

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My fourteen-year-old daughter has just admitted she is having a sexual relationship with her boyfriend.
They have been together for nine months and he is a nice boy, a couple of years older than her. He treats her well and they seem genuinely happy with each other.
After my initial shock, I have been trying to think things through rationally. I know she is having sex with him and she has already told me she will carry on with or without my blessing. We have talked about contraception and I'm convinced she is taking proper precautions.
My dilemma now is whether to allow them to sleep together in my house. I don't want to be seen to encourage this sort of behaviour, but I can't bear to think of my daughter having to slope around in back alleys or parks because she and her boyfriend have nowhere else to go. Apart from anything else, the safety aspect of it worries me.
If she's determined to go on having sex, shouldn't I make sure this early and very important experience isn't tainted by secrecy or seediness?
Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd
Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group

Published
by: Harvard University Press

https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctvjnrv84

Log in to your personal account or through your institution.

Front Matter

(pp. i-iv)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.1

Table of Contents

(pp. v-vi)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.2

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.3

Author’s Note, 2000: In Memory of Lisa Hirschman

(pp. xiii-xvi)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.4

Introduction: Cinderella or Saint Dympna

(pp. 1-4)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.5

1 A Common Occurrence

(pp. 7-21)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.6

2 The Question of Harm

(pp. 22-35)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.7

3 The Question of Blame

(pp. 36-49)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.8

4 The Rule of the Father

(pp. 50-64)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.9

5 Incestuous Fathers and Their Families

(pp. 67-95)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.10

6 The Daughter’s Inheritance

(pp. 96-108)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.11

7 Seductive Fathers and Their Families

(pp. 109-126)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.12

8 The Crisis of Disclosure

(pp. 129-143)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.13

9 Restoring Families

(pp. 144-161)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.14

10 Criminal Justice

(pp. 162-176)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.15

11 Remedies for Victims

(pp. 177-201)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.16

12 Preventing Sexual Abuse

(pp. 202-218)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.17

Afterword, 2000: Understanding Incest Twenty Years Later

(pp. 219-250)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.18

Appendix: The Incest Statutes

(pp. 253-292)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.19

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.20

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.21

Back Matter

(pp. 316-316)

https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvjnrv84.22

Through an intensive clinical study of forty incest victims and numerous interviews with professionals in mental health, child protection, and law enforcement, Judith Herman develops a composite picture of the incestuous family. In a new afterword, Herman offers a lucid and thorough overview of the knowledge that has developed about incest and other forms of sexual abuse since this book was first published. Reviewing the extensive research literature that demonstrates the validity of incest survivors' sometimes repressed and recovered memories, she convincingly challenges the rhetoric and methods of the backlash movement against incest survivors, and the concerted attempt to deny the events they find the courage to describe.
Every little girl knows the story of Cinderella, who was persecuted by her wicked stepmother and stepsisters, and who was rescued at last by her prince. The fairy tale most commonly repeated in Western culture warns girls to expect nothing but abuse from women, and teaches them to look to men for salvation. But the currently popular Cinderella story is only one variant of an old tale which has been preserved in folklore for many centuries. In other versions, the tale is about the sorrows of a girl who has lost her mother, and her persecution by an incestuous father....
Female children are regularly subjected to sexual assaults by adult males who are part of their intimate social world. The aggressors are not outcasts and strangers; they are neighbors, family friends, uncles, cousins, stepfathers, and fathers. To be sexually exploited by a known and trusted adult is a central and formative experience in the lives of countless women.
This disturbing fact, embarrassing to men in general and to fathers in particular, has been repeatedly unearthed in the past hundred years, and just as repeatedly buried. Any serious investigation of the emotional and sexual lives of women leads eventually to the...
Denial has always been the incestuous father’s first line of defense. For a long time it has served him well. The belief that incest is extremely uncommon, and the tendency to discredit children’s reports of sexual encounters with adults, have until recently remained entrenched in the public consciousness. With the collusion of the larger society, the incestuous father has thus been largely successful in preserving his secret.
In the last decade, as increasing evidence of the wide prevalence of father-daughter incest has been amassed, and as the victims themselves have become emboldened to speak out, it has grown more difficult...
If it must be conceded, first, that father-daughter incest occurs commonly, and second, that it is not a harmless pastime, then apologists for the incestuous father are thrown back upon their third and final excuse: he is not responsible for his actions. Most commonly, they blame his daughter, his wife, or both. Thus we make the acquaintance of the two major culprits in the incest romance, the Seductive Daughter and the Collusive Mother. Ensnared by the charms of a small temptress, or driven to her arms by a frigid, unloving wife, Poor Father can hardly help himself, or so his...
The incest taboo is universal in human culture. Though no single definition of the taboo applies among all peoples, no known culture permits unrestricted sexual union among kin. Almost all cultures prohibit intercourse and marriage within what is known as the nuclear family, that is, between parents and children, brothers and sisters.¹ The particular forms of the incest taboo, the types of behavior forbidden, the range of persons to whom the prohibition applies, and the punishments that attend its violation vary endlessly from one society to another. What is common to most cultures, however, is the seriousness with which the...
Forty women who had had incestuous relationships with their fathers shared their stories with us. Most were young women in their twenties or early thirties. At the time we met them, most had already married and some had already divorced; half had children. They worked at common women’s jobs; they were mothers and houseworkers, typists and secretaries, waitresses and factory workers, teachers and nurses. About half came from working-class and half from middle-class families.¹ Their ethnic and religious backgrounds reflected the predominant Catholicism of the state of Massachusetts, where most of them lived (see Tables 5.1 and 5.2). To all...
Many years had passed in the lives of our informants since their incestuous relationships had ended. All of the women we interviewed had been living on their own for several years, and many had raised families of their own. All had attempted, as best they could, to put their incest experiences behind them and to get on with their lives. But the memory of incest persisted, shaping their relations with others and their image of themselves. All, without exception, felt somehow branded or marked by their experiences:
Marion: How do you get over this? I know it eats away at...
Twenty women whose fathers had been seductive, but not overtly incestuous, told us their stories. Their class, ethnic, and religious backgrounds were similar to those of the incest victims whom we interviewed (see Table 5.1). Like the incest victims, most were young white women in ordinary women’s occupations. Like the incest victims, all were patients in psychotherapy.
We defined seductiveness on the part of fathers to mean behavior that was clearly sexually motivated, but which did not involve physical contact or a requirement for secrecy. For example, some fathers constantly talked about sex with their daughters, confiding the details of...
Most incest victims both long and fear to reveal their secret. In childhood, fear usually overcomes any hope of relief; most girls dread discovery of the incest secret and do not reveal it to anyone outside the family. They believe that no recourse is available to them and that disclosure of the secret would lead to disaster. But as the daughters grow up, the burden of secrecy becomes increasingly difficult to endure. The child who has remained silent for many years may finally be driven to seek outside help.
Unfortunately, given the current state of law enforcement, child protective services,...
After the crisis of disclosure comes the slow, laborious task of putting lives back together. For all family members, the time of reconstruction is a time of extreme anxiety. Return to the status quo ante is impossible, yet particularly for the parents, it may be equally impossible to conceive of a new way of life. The incestuous father has immense difficulty imagining how life can be bearable if he loses control over his wife and children and sexual access to his daughter. He cannot be expected to give up his accustomed power and privileges without a fight. If he meets...
Sexual relations between adults and children are forbidden by law in every state. Curiously, however, most incestuous relations between fathers and daughters do not meet the statutory definition of the crime of "incest," but rather fall under the definition of somewhat lesser crimes, such as "carnal abuse of a child," "indecent liberties with children, "or "corrupting the morals of a minor." Incest statutes are primarily concerned with prohibiting marriage and inbreeding among kin, not with protecting children. The definition of incest is therefore usually restricted to sexual intercourse between blood relatives. Only five states include sexual conduct other than intercourse...
Most incest victims reach adulthood bearing their secrets intact. It is not known how many successfully bury their past and go on with their lives, and how many continue to suffer the effects of their victimization. There is reason to suspect that a substantial proportion, perhaps even the majority of incest victims, feel lastingly scarred by their childhood experience. The complaints of the women we have interviewed about their experiences are so similar as to suggest the existence of a syndrome common to all incest victims, a syndrome that often leads to repeated disappointments in intimate relationships in adult life....
The sexual abuse of children is as old as patriarchy itself. Fathers have had sexual relations with their children from time immemorial, and they are likely to continue to do so for a long time to come. As long as fathers dominate their families, they will have the power to make sexual use of their children. Most fathers will choose not to exercise this power; but as long as the prerogative is implicitly granted to all men, some men will use it.
If incestuous abuse is indeed an inevitable result of patriarchal family structure, then preventing sexual abuse will ultimately...
This book, like so many feminist writings, began with two women talking. Our simple acts of speaking and listening joined us to a world-wide liberation movement. In the "free space" we created in our intimate dialogues with our patients and with each other, we joined with numerous other women who were uncovering the secret crimes at the heart of patriarchal order’.¹ When Lisa Hirschman and I began our study in the mid-1970s, incest was publicly invisible, yet the private confidences of numerous victims led us and a number of other feminist writers to suspect that sexual exploitation of women and...
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Enlarge Image Pregnant Jhené Aiko and Big Sean revealed the sex of their upcoming baby. Getty Images via Getty Images

Bailey and other "Housewives" attended a party at Larry Flynt's...

Bailey and other "Housewives" attended a party at Larry Flynt's...

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10/14/22
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Pregnant Jhené Aiko and Big Sean let their concertgoers in on a little secret Thursday: the sex of their baby.
“Make some noise,” the “Dance (A$$)” rapper, 34, yelled into his microphone during the Los Angeles show as he performed “I’m Gonna Be” with his partner.
“Make some noise for my baby boy!” he continued, cradling the 34-year-old “Bed Peace” singer’s baby bump.
The crowd loudly cheered at the Twenty88 collaborators’ revelation.
Many social media users had suspected that the couple were expecting a son since Sean often uses blue heart emojis when talking about his upcoming arrival.
The dad-to-be announced Aiko’s pregnancy in July with a nude maternity shoot photo . He captioned the Instagram upload with an infinity emoji.
When the “P*$$y Fairy (OTW)” songstress shared her own picture , her beau commented, “Thank you Can’t wait! .”
Two months later, Sean told his Instagram followers that Aiko had reached the third trimester of her pregnancy.
“Life is changing!” he gushed . “LottA Gratitude!”
While the little one will be Sean’s first child, Aiko became a mom in 2008 when she gave birth to her and then-boyfriend O’Ryan’s daughter, Namiko, now 13.
The former couple split in 2008, the same year as Namiko’s arrival — and Aiko has spoken candidly about her “large and supportive” family’s help as a single mom.
“I hope that my story inspires other young moms to feel strong and driven,” she told CR Fashion Book in May 2017.
“You can be responsible for your own income, provide a roof over your child’s head, be nurturing, maternal, and wear as many pants around the house as you need to,” she continued. “Moms, we can do it all.”
She and Sean began dating in 2016. Although they split two years later, they reconnected in 2020.

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