Nation�s Coffee Shops Bracing For Oat Milk Shortage Meltdown

Coffee shops across America are reportedly preparing for chaos after supply chain analysts warned of an impending oat milk shortage, a development that one barista described as �the avocado toast riots of 2017 all over again.� The Dairy-Free Institute projects that 72% of millennials and Gen Z customers will experience �existential beverage crises� if forced to return to dairy or, worse, soy. In Portland, activists have already organized a candlelight vigil outside a Starbucks, chanting, �No Oat, No Peace,� while handing out zines on the oppression of alternative milks. Meanwhile, Oatly�s stock has surged as panicked consumers hoard cartons, with some reselling on Facebook Marketplace for triple the retail price. Reports indicate that influencers are stockpiling oat milk in mini-fridges specifically purchased for aesthetic TikTok videos, while grocery clerks describe customers camping overnight in the nondairy aisle like it�s the new iPhone launch. Psychologists warn that coffee culture may fracture, as lactose-tolerant Americans seize the moment to reclaim �whole milk supremacy.� One economist summed up the stakes: �This isn�t just about milk; it�s about whether people can still feel morally superior while ordering a latte.� -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com