NO! I need something like this : Scientists Confirm 90% Of Smart Fridges Just Store Regret

A groundbreaking report from the Institute of Overengineered Appliances has concluded that smart fridges, once heralded as the future of kitchen technology, are now little more than glossy monuments to consumer regret. The study, which surveyed 2,000 households across the United States, found that while 78% of owners proudly demonstrated their fridge�s touchscreen on day one, only 4% actually used it beyond setting a digital clock they couldn�t later reset. �It�s basically an iPad that smells faintly of leftovers,� said one participant, who admitted he uses the screen exclusively to play Spotify while staring into an empty freezer. Researchers noted that the most common use case for these $3,000 machines was writing passive-aggressive notes like �BUY MILK� in digital ink, though most households eventually reverted to taping paper lists on the door anyway. In Los Angeles, a family went viral on TikTok after discovering their fridge could send a push notification every time it was opened, which led to a three-day feud when one teenager was caught sneaking LaCroix at 2 a.m. �The fridge basically became the FBI,� the teen complained, as the parents nodded approvingly. Other respondents confessed to downloading recipe apps directly onto the fridge, only to abandon them in favor of ordering DoorDash. �I don�t need a fridge telling me to julienne carrots when Chipotle is nine minutes away,� one user explained. The Institute�s report even described the touchscreen camera feature�which allows owners to check the contents of their fridge remotely�as �a technological breakthrough in discovering you still don�t have cheese.� Ironically, researchers found that 63% of owners used this function while standing directly in front of the open fridge. Critics point out that the rise of smart appliances reflects a growing cultural obsession with solving non-problems through overpriced gadgets. �We used to yell at kids for leaving the fridge door open,� said one sociologist. �Now we applaud the fridge for sending us an email about it.� In Denver, one couple admitted they hosted an entire dinner party just to showcase their fridge�s ability to mirror YouTube cooking tutorials, though guests quietly noted the lasagna was undercooked. The study described this phenomenon as �status refrigeration,� where the appliance exists less to preserve food and more to preserve dignity. Despite the widespread disillusionment, smart fridge sales continue to climb, fueled by marketing campaigns that promise seamless integration with Alexa, Netflix, and even cryptocurrency wallets. Yet, experts warn the trend mirrors other consumer fads, like VR treadmills and juicers that require Wi-Fi. �At some point, people just want cold milk, not a firmware update,� the report concluded. For now, smart fridges remain the ultimate paradox: a machine capable of sending a selfie of your moldy hummus across the world, but incapable of reminding you why you bought it in the first place. -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com