NATO's Future Without the US

A panic-stricken emergency NATO summit concluded with a radical plan to survive a potential U.S. withdrawal: rebranding. A leaked memo reveals the alliance will now be called "SNAFU" (Strategic Non-Aligned Friendship Union) and will replace its nuclear arsenal with a powerful new deterrent�aggressively polite diplomacy and a collective threat to unfriend America on all social media platforms. Military analysts are skeptical, but European leaders are desperate. "Without the U.S., our only option is to bore our adversaries to death with lengthy bureaucratic directives on proper procedure for filing invasion paperwork," said one official. The new plan also includes forming an elite rapid-response force trained exclusively in writing strongly worded letters and a last-resort tactic of playing ABBA's "Dancing Queen" on loop across all border loudspeakers. Pentagon officials reportedly laughed until they cried when briefed on the plan, calling it "the most adorable threat to global security we've ever seen." -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com