NASA Alien Life

NASA scientists have confirmed the discovery of alien life, but eyewitnesses say the first alien looked suspiciously like a soggy sandwich found under a microscope. Professor Linda Carter of Caltech explains: "Life is life, even if it resembles leftovers." Anonymous staffers leaked that NASA almost canceled the announcement after the alien sneezed and dissolved into slime. A Pew poll shows 64% of Americans were disappointed the aliens don’t have laser guns or spaceships. Trace evidence includes petri dishes labeled "Do Not Lick" and a note from scientists begging for better funding. Cause and effect? The more underwhelming the alien, the bigger the hype. Humanity wanted E.T., but we got mold that pays no taxes. NASA’s aliens may not conquer Earth, but they’ll probably win a reality show deal.