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Countering "going to do it anyway."
I recently completed a graduate course in character education in which we were required to carry out an "action project." For my project I chose to use character-based sex education to try to instill in my younger sister and her friend the self-respect, self-control, and courage needed to lead moral, fulfilling, and healthy lives.
I wanted to inform my 14-year-old sister Kathy about something that I unfortunately just began to take seriously: abstinence. Sure, I have always known what the word meant, but I had never considered it an option for me, until recently. I felt that it was my responsibility to pass the philosophy of abstinence on to my sister because I know that she will not get it in the "going to do it anyway" program that is used at her high school. Also, she is a virgin (her friend is, too), so I wanted to show her how important it is to hold onto that purity.
I started these discussions when I accidentally overheard my sister Kathy, and her friend, Michelle, talking about a "slut" that one of their friends was dating. I asked them why they considered her a slut, and Michelle responded: "She has slept with at least eight guys already, and she is easy." I asked them to think about why this girl is so promiscuous. Kathy said, "She's trying to keep a boyfriend." They assumed that having sex was a way of holding onto a boyfriend and showing love for one another. They also assumed that condoms would protect them from disease and pregnancy and that having sex had no implications for their future adult lives. My goal was to dispel all these myths.
We first tackled the issue of sex as "showing love" or "keeping a boyfriend." I used the girl they were talking about as an example of how boyfriends come and go whether girls have intercourse with them or not. We also talked about girls' feelings when they are rejected after giving part of themselves to another person. I then told them about my having pre-marital sex, and how I wished these relationships had never occurred and that the only true way to find out if a guy loves you is to make him wait until marriage.
We talked about the self-respect and courage involved in leading sexually abstinent lives until marriage. These two young girls developed a new awareness of how truly loving relationships and commitments develop and are sustained. Their awareness was evident in their response to my disclosing that I recently told my boyfriend that I wanted to abstain from sex from now on and he said he could not do this. I asked Kathy and Michelle if they thought the relationship was worth continuing, and they both said, "No, he does not love you if he won't wait for you." I was proud of their answer.
I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine.
I also wanted to make these girls aware of the physical dangers of pre-marital sex. I gave real-life examples of teens who became pregnant or who contracted STDs even with the use of condoms; one of those persons was a close friend of mine. They were shocked to find out that this friend contracted herpes from sexual intercourse while using a condom. We considered the possible implications of such diseases: the inability to conceive a baby, passing on a sexual disease to your spouse, and transmitting a disease to your baby in the womb or during delivery.
Besides being more confident in their virginity, Kathy and Michelle have now set the personal goal of saving sex for marriage. They also no longer pick apart boys or girls who are sexually active by calling them "sluts" or "pimps" but instead focus on the deeper consequences of such behaviors and on what promiscuous girls and boys must be lacking in their lives.
My sister and Michelle have recently asked two of their friends to join us in our discussions. I've also shared my project with the parents of these girls. These parents are beginning to realize that abstinence-based sex education is more beneficial than the model now used at their daughters' high school.
A pdf version of this article is available here .
Jessica Burberry. "Teaching my younger sister about sex and love." excellence & ethics (Summer, 1998).
Reprinted with permission. Excellence & Ethics , published by the Center for the 4th and 5th Rs , is the education letter of the Smart & Good Schools Project. It features essays, research, and K-12 best practices that help school leaders, teachers, students, parents, and community members do their best work (performance character) and do the right thing (moral character).
excellence & ethics is published twice a year and may be subscribed to, without cost, here .
Jessica Burberry (a pseudonym) is a first-year elementary school teacher and a graduate student in education at SUNY Cortland.
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Three years ago, I lost the man I loved the most in this world. We had been married for 23 years and sadly, he passed away after a prolonged illness. However, he left me with the most precious gift any mother could ever wish for, my daughter Whitney 17.
She is the closest person to me and I would do anything for her but recently, something happened that has left my heart shattered in pieces.
Early last year, I met the most loving and amazing man. He asked me out a couple of times and before I knew it, we started dating. The man is extremely wealthy and quite powerful at the same time. A few months later, he proposed to me and I agreed.
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I came home one day to find my husband touching my daughter in a very romantic way. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. My daughter did not resist, in fact she was laughing in a manner that suggested she was enjoying it.
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The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
Email: corporate@standardmedia.co.ke
2006 Nissan Navara Mileage : 0 Transmission :Automatic Registration Year:2006 Price: KES 1,450,000
2012 Nissan Note Mileage : 82000 Transmission :Automatic Registration Year:2012 Price: KES 550,000
2013 Toyota Auris Mileage : 115342 Transmission :Automatic Registration Year:2013 Price: KES 1,180,000
2011 Toyota Vitz Mileage : 101214 Transmission :Automatic Registration Year:2011 Price: KES 680,000
2011 Subaru Impreza GH6 Mileage : 150476 Transmission :Automatic Registration Year:2011 Price: KES 860,000
Three Bedroom House For Sale Offer Type :Sale Price: KES 7,250,000
Three Bedroom Mansionnett For Sale in Kitengela Offer Type :Sale Price: KES 15,900,000
Townhouse For Sale in Rimpa Ongata Rongai Offer Type :Sale Price: KES 32,000,000
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Three years ago, I lost the man I loved the most in this world. We had been married for 23 years and sadly, he passed away after a prolonged illness. However, he left me with the most precious gift any mother could ever wish for, my daughter Whitney 17.
She is the closest person to me and I would do anything for her but recently, something happened that has left my heart shattered in pieces.
Early last year, I met the most loving and amazing man. He asked me out a couple of times and before I knew it, we started dating. The man is extremely wealthy and quite powerful at the same time. A few months later, he proposed to me and I agreed.
We got married at the end of the year and I was so happy that I was able to finally move on. My daughter and I moved into his mansion in Karen and it felt like the best moments of my life.
Whitney was already done with high school and thus, she was at home waiting to go to campus. Her step father took her to driving classes after buying her a posh car. She was very happy since she was been treated like a princess. She was given everything she asked for, they were close.
After few months of living with him, I started to notice a queer relationship between my husband and my daughter. They gave each other strange glances during dinner and very long hugs before going to bed. At first I just assumed it was the normal father- daughter relationship but later, I realized it was more than that.
I came home one day to find my husband touching my daughter in a very romantic way. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. My daughter did not resist, in fact she was laughing in a manner that suggested she was enjoying it.
I tried to confront my husband and my daughter but they didn’t seem to care. Instead, my husband threatened that if I said anything he would take my daughter away and I would never see her again. My heart is broken into pieces that can never be mended.
They both sleep in the same room and there is nothing I can do about it. I love my daughter but what she has become makes me feel like a failure. I want to expose my husband but he is wealthy and powerful, and I am afraid that I would never see my daughter again. What should I do?
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