My Wife Having

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My Wife Having
Dear Coleen: My wife of 36 years is having sex with widow who lives next door
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My wife of 36 years is sleeping with the woman next door and I don't know whether to ignore it or put a stop to their new, intense friendship
My wife and I have been married for 36 years, we are very happy together and have four grown-up children and six grandchildren.
Just over a year ago, a lady moved in next door to us – she’s a widow aged 56. My wife and I have got along really well with her and are pleased to know her.
My wife will often go shopping with this woman and, before lockdown, they went to bingo together and also had the occasional day trip outing.
My wife has now told me that “it’s no reflection on me”, but she is having a sexual relationship with this woman next door.
To be honest, I wasn’t that surprised by what my wife told me – over the past few months I’ve had a hunch that it was more than a friendship.
My question is, should I just ignore it and leave things as they are or should I tell my wife this friendship has to stop? It hasn’t affected us in any way – we still have a healthy sex life and get along really well.
My wife said she told me because she didn’t want me to find out in another way. I’d appreciate your advice.
You seem to have reacted in a very calm and rational way to this, but how do you really feel?
Are you just trying to convince ­yourself that it’s OK, that you can deal with it and you’re happy to carry on as you are because you’re frightened your wife will leave you? Or are you ­genuinely fine with it?
If you’re not OK with it, I think you need to admit that and speak up now. The fact is, your wife is having an intimate sexual relationship with another person and that’s bound to have an impact on your self-esteem and on your marriage.
Maybe things are fine now, but their relationship could develop further and where does that leave you?
I think it’s good your wife told you rather than carry on an affair behind your back.
But, in the spirit of honesty, I think relationship counselling might help you to work through your feelings and talk about where the marriage is heading.
It’s important to be honest with yourself and with her or you might be setting yourself up for heartache down the line.
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There are many signs that might suggest your wife is having an affair, but they don’t always mean that she actually is doing it.
For example: A wife may have stopped wearing her wedding ring so often, or come home late from work without it on.
A husband might worry that it’s a sign she is having an affair and is taking it off when she’s with her new man.
Yet, in reality, it could just be that she is bored of wearing it, wants a better ring because she’s embarrassed of her ring compared to those of her co-workers or is starting to outgrow the ring because she has put on some weight.
Of course, her not wearing the wedding ring could mean that she is having an affair.
However, it is how you REACT to these clues and signs that really matters. Watch this video for more info…
Some husbands ruin a perfectly good marriage simply by overreacting to potential signs or clues that their wife is cheating.
She may have been thinking about it, but hadn’t done it.
Yet, because he is being so unattractive now (i.e. by being insecure, doubting his attractiveness to her, being emotionally sensitive), she is starting to really like the idea of potentially having an affair or asking for a separation or divorce.
So, make sure that you aren’t creating a problem where none exists.
Of course, sometimes a wife is having an affair, so a husband does have cause to be worried.
What should he do before confronting her?
Look for more clues, but be calm and don’t jump to conclusions.
Some obvious clues, which may just be innocent and might not mean that she is having an affair, include:
If you suspect that your wife loves you as a person, but is no longer in love with you, I recommend that you fix that problem ASAP.
When a woman isn’t in love anymore, she starts to feel less committed to a relationship or marriage.
If another guy comes along and creates a strong feeling of attraction and new love inside of her, while you keep turning her off at home (e.g. by being insecure, being too neutral around her), she will start to feel drawn to him and may decide to go ahead with an affair.
If you are a man who looking for information on how to know if your wife is having an affair, an important question that needs to be answered first is, why are you looking for this info?
What has happened to raise your suspicions and make you feel worried that she might be sleeping with another man? What has happened to make you feel as though your wife might now be having an affair?
Chances are high that you’re worried she might be having an affair because you have been experiencing troubles in your relationship that you just can’t seem to fix (e.g. she has lost interest in sex, is no longer affectionate, doesn’t say “I love you” anymore, seems to be more interested in her phone than you).
Sometimes those suspicions and worries are valid, but you have to very careful not to turn her off even further than she is already.
In many cases, a husband will actually lead his wife to cheat because of how badly he reacts to her lack of affection, desire to look better or overly keen interest in her smartphone.
How to know if your wife is having an affair is one of those queries in Google that points to you directly to evidence to suggest that she is, but jumping to conclusions without any real evidence is a mistake that must be avoided.
If something about her behavior has raised your suspicions and sparked an idea in your mind that she might be having an affair, then it’s quite possible that your subsequent behavior may make things worse between you and her.
For example: Let’s say your wife has started to go out with her friends more frequently than before. Until recently, she met up with her girlfriends a couple of times per month, but lately she’s been organizing outings a couple of times a week.
Instead of finding your own things to do when your wife is away, you may have been sitting at home on your own feeling “left out” and your mind has started to go into overdrive as a result.
You’re now questioning whether she might be having an affair because after hanging out with her friends, she always says that she’s too tired for sex. Your suspicions and insecure feelings cause you to seek regular reassurance from her that she still loves you and isn’t thinking of having an affair or having one already.
Unfortunately, approaching her in an insecure way and asking her about or accusing her of having an affair will only create more problems between you.
If you and your wife are able to talk about serious issues like that in an easy-going, light-hearted way and are able to have a laugh about it, then it won’t be a problem. However, if the communication between you is more serious and insecure, then expressing your fears about her potential infidelity isn’t going to go down too well.
If she isn’t having an affair, but you are convinced that she is and you become needy, insecure and over-protective as a result, she is going to lose touch with her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
She will then begin to feel suffocated by your neediness, causing her to look for more opportunities to do her own thing out with the relationship…and so a vicious cycle begins.
If you suspect that your wife really is having an affair, then something about your attitude or behavior in the marriage may have caused her to lose respect for you, lose attraction for you and begin to fall out of love with you as a consequence.
Of course, it may not be all your fault. If she is having an affair, it could also mean that she is a woman of bad character and despite saying, “I do” on your wedding day, she always knew in the back of her mind that she would be open to having an affair or divorcing you if she was no longer happy.
Yet, if your wife is the type of woman who really believes in marriage and has been loyal to you all the way, then her desire to have an affair may come down to your lack of ability to deepen her love, respect and attraction for you over time.
Most guys don’t get taught how to create and maintain the ideal relationship dynamic with a woman and simply try to guess their way through it. In the past, this was absolutely fine because a woman had to stay with a man for life.
Back in 1900 for example, divorce was still taboo (the divorce rate was less than 10% across the developed world) and even if a wife was unhappy, she had to stick by her promise of “Till death do us part.”
In today’s world, a woman can get up and leave if she wants to. The society around her will support her and even encourage her actions if she is leaving an unhappy marriage with a man who is unable to make her feel the way that she really wants to feel.
For example: A lot of men unknowingly cause their wife to lose respect and attraction for them by slipping into the false belief that women are happier in a relationship when they’re put in the position of “wearing the pants.”
This is a mistake on many levels, but not least because it leads to a wife seeing her husband as a weak, wimpy and sexually unattractive man.
Women are naturally attracted to men with alpha male qualities.
Alpha males are confident, masculine men who are natural leaders in life and in a relationship.
Regardless of how intelligent or successful a woman is with her career, she will almost always prefer to be with a man who takes on the role as the more dominant one in the relationship.
That doesn’t mean she wants to be bossed around, corrected and control, but instead that she wants to relax into the feminine role.
In other words, she wants to be your woman and to be able to look up to you as her man.
She wants you to be the strong one in the relationship, rather than making her feel like she needs to support you emotionally and lift you up.
She wants you to be the pillar of strength in her world and the man that she feels excited and proud to be in love with.
If a wife feels her husband is taking a back seat and putting her into the driving seat of the marriage, it doesn’t make her feel happy.
She might like the feeling of control for a while and get off on bossing her husband around, but she will eventually grow tired of it because it will cause her to think less like a feminine woman and more like a logical, masculine man.
When the relationship dynamic makes a woman feel less feminine, the all-important sexual dynamic that is needed to keep a relationship on track is knocked out of balance.
To keep the sexual spark alive, there needs to be a clear masculine/feminine dynamic.
Being 50/50 is being neutral and doesn’t create a sexual charge.
Likewise, putting your wife in charge and asking her to be the strong, masculine one will ruin her feelings of sexual desire for you when she notices that she is stronger than you.
When this happens in a marriage, a wife may begin to notice the exciting affairs that other women in TV sitcoms are having and feel attracted to how masculine the men that they have affairs with always seem to be.
If you’ve ever seen an affair play out in a TV drama show, the man will always make the woman feel like a feminine, sexy woman. This is not a coincidence.
Additionally, if a woman feels like something is missing in her romantic life and she hears her work colleagues or friends discussing their sexy affairs, she may become open to the idea of straying and looking for the excitement of an affair herself.
She might have started out as a trustworthy, loyal wife who was committed to the idea of only being with you for life, but if you’ve been taking her love, respect and attraction for granted, she may have become open to exploring new ways of feeling happy.
Yes.
The good news is that human emotions are not fixed in a permanent state.
If your wife is currently feeling unsatisfied by the way that you make her feel, it doesn’t meant that you can’t change that.
When you learn how to bring the qualities that first attracted your wife to you back to the forefront and then focus on creating create the ideal relationship dynamic between you, then you have a great chance of fixing the troubles that you’re having in your marriage.
Do you know how to trigger your wife’s feelings of respect and attraction for you? Do you know how a woman’s attraction for a man really works?
You were obviously able to attract your wife into a relationship and then marriage, but have you lost touch your ability to make her feel attracted?
To keep a relationship or marriage together, a man has to be able to keep his woman’s feelings alive.
You can’t just expect her to stick around, even though she’s not feeling what she wants to feel in a relationship.
Unfortunately, the world isn’t the same as it was 100 years ago, when it was shameful to get divorced.
These days, we men need to be able to keep a marriage together, rather than just taking our woman for granted and doing whatever we want.
So, i f you feel as though you haven’t yet lost your wife to another man, you should really think about switching your focus from, “How to know if your wife is having an affair” to “How to be the type of man that a woman feels more attracted to, respectful of and in love with over time.”
When you have what it takes to rekindle the deep love, respect and attraction that she felt for you when you got married, you will have what it takes to get your marriage back on track.
All of a sudden, other men won’t seem so appealing to her and she will begin to reconnect with her original feelings of love for you.
Except this time, it will be much more meaningful and exciting because she will be falling in love with you all over again.
She will feel happy and proud of her decision to marry you because, unlike many of her friends who are unhappy with their husband, she has a husband that she is more in love with than ever.
Getting her to love you, respect you, touch you and want you the way she did in the beginning, isn't difficult at all.
In fact, it's one of the easiest things you'll ever do.
So, if your woman isn't showing you the respect, love and affection you deserve, watch this eye-opening, life-changing video by Dan Bacon to find out what you've been missing.
You will discover what she has been WAITING for you to do, but will probably never tell you about.
Watch the video now to find out more...
Dan Bacon is a relationship expert and is happily married. He has helped men from all over the world to easily fix relationship problems with a girlfriend, fiancé or wife and he can help you too. He has also discovered the hidden secret to making a relationship or marriage last for life. Watch this free video and he will share the secret with you.
Dan Bacon is happily married to the woman of his dreams.
Even though the relationship with his wife was amazing at the start, it just gets better and better every year that they are together.
That's how a relationship is supposed to be.
A relationship should make your life better, not worse.
So, if you're having relationship problems with your woman and haven't been able to fix them on your own, Dan will show you the way.
Dan has discovered the elusive secrets to keeping the love and sexual attraction alive for life when in a relationship with a woman.
When you use Dan's proven techniques in your relationship, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and begin to treat you in the way that you deserve.
Your relationship will literally get better every day from then on.
Men from all over the world have done it and you can do it too.
Watch this free video to discover how to create a happy, loving relationship where the spark never dies.


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