My Sissy Boyfreind
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My Sissy Boyfreind
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I (26f) just found out my bf (30m) is a Sissyboy. I could really use someone to talk to about this.
Is there any straight man sissy in a successful relationship I can talk to? Just to help me understand? Reassure that our relationship can work...
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Comment deleted by user · 8 yr. ago
/r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve.
Hello! I am just in need of some advice. About 2 weeks ago, I found out my boyfriend of 3 years is a Sissy. At first I was very understanding, with the way he talked like it was just something he is ashamed of. But over the past couple of weeks, I come to find out that I may be in over my head. I stumbled a crossed his clothing (he has more panties, and shoes, and skirts than I do). I know he has an alter ego and that he has some people he talks to on the regular under that person.
What it boils down to is that I'm all kinds of lost and confused. Can a man just be a sissy and be straight? Live a normal life with a girlfriend? I'm not supposed to know about how much clothing or his alter ego (but a confused, semi-heartbroken, nervous girlfriend does all the research). If a person is in a 3 year relationship, living with the other, should I know all this? Should I know all the details? What should I do? The love of my life is wearing womens clothing, talking to other sissies (in a flirtatious manner) in his alter ego. This is a man I saw myself marrying, and now I still want to be with him...i think..., but I'm so lost and confused. I hate the secrets and the lies. If anything, that's what is hurting the most. I know more than what has been said. He loves me. I'm not a cover up.
tl;dr : Just found out bf is a cross dresser (sissyboy). Want to make it work, but currently feeling like I can't. Just need someone with experience over this to talk to
TIL a "sissyboy" is more then just a derogatory term, it's an actual thing one might aspire to be.
Sissyboy competitions are quite the thing in a place like Thailand. There was a front page post with pictures a couple weeks back.
That being said...I would not be okay with any "Alter ego" having personal conversations while I'm dating them.
This sounds like it's a big part of your boyfriend's identity. He owns more panties/shoes/skirts than you, he has a full-on alter ego, and it seems like it's something that's important to him. He can still be straight and he can still love you, but I see two important things here:
If he wants to have an honest relationship with you, he needs to be open about who he is with you. If you're "not supposed to know" about it, then that seems to be a breakdown in communication between you guys. It's worth sitting down and having an honest conversation about it, but keep in mind that since it's a part of who he is, it's probably very important to him that you're accepting of it.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone you can accept, and he deserves to be in a relationship with someone who accepts him. This might be a dealbreaker for you or it might not - that's your decision. But either way, if you feel uncomfortable about it and don't see that changing (and he is unable to convince you otherwise), then it might be better for both of you to break it off.
There are all sorts of sexualities. Yes, I think someone can be a sissyboy and straight at the same time.
3 years is an awful lot of lying. It's one thing to be accepting of other sexualities and genders in theory, but he lied to you about who he was for three whole years. I couldn't forgive that.
In my experience, people seem to have a different opinion on this when they themselves have had a skeleton in their closet. Knowing what it's like to have something that causes you to feel such great shame and self-loathing that you would readily lie to yourself about it, it gets easier to empathize with someone who might want to avoid hurting someone they love.
It's also possible that he could have been trying to convince himself that it was just a phase or that he could get over it this whole time. When someone's in denial and won't even admit it to his/herself, how can you expect them to admit it to anyone else?
Perhaps r/FemdomCommunity can give you some insight.
He's just a person, doing things he enjoys. He's opening up to you about something society in general frowns upon, he's likely nervous as hell. Talk to him about it, there's nothing to fear there. Tell him if it seems awkward at first, but let him know that it's just new to you. I'm sure it'll be fine, but honest communication is needed.
How a person presents themselves (sissy) and who they are attracted to are completely unrelated. That he is a sissy doesn't mean he has to be gay by any means. They have no real leaning on each other. He can absolutely be straight. He can live a 'normal' life. The fact that you think he wouldn't be able to be 'normal' is a bit narrow-minded, I think.
If you are okay with his kink, and him flirting/becoming intimate with others, I don't see a big problem with the relationship. If you aren't okay with it, however (and it seems like you're not), then you two may be in a bit of trouble, because this seems to be a pretty large part of his life. He may not be willing to give up that part of his kink to keep you happy.
However - three years dating, and you're only just finding out about it? He may be ashamed, but with it being that large a part of his life, and your relationship being so serious, I would be worried that he has hidden this from you. If you talk things through with him and make it very clear that he can't hide things from you anymore, and you feel you trust him, then perhaps you can move on from it. I would be incredibly hurt only just finding out about it.
Now, while I'm not exactly a sissy and straight, I am trans and dating a woman, so my relationship ezperience may be relevant. If you'd like to talk about things, I'm open.
So you have a few things going on here that are a little bit troubling (and some may be more troubling than others).
He's got a kink that you don't know very much about. This kink (Sissyboy/femdom) IS something that people can engage in within 'normal relationships' and still have a 'normal life'. In some kinky relationships, both partners engage in each other's kinks. For some Sissyboys, this means that they might have sex with the guy dressed up, or do other things that indulge the fantasies associated with the kink. In other kinky relationships, sometimes one partner will indulge in their kinks on their own or secretly. For example, for some men, wearing panties to work is what gets them off. Or sometimes it might be wearing a sort of costume and going out so people can see him.
So your level of involvement in this kink may vary. That said, in most kinky relationships there is a level of openness as to what each partner likes and how they're getting off or engaging their kinks.
So then there's the lying, the secret life, the secret clothes. That's got to hurt. Remember that your bf probably has had a lot of people react pretty badly to the revelation that he likes to wear women's clothing. Try to empathize with him about how tough it might have been and why he might have kept this a secret.
That said, do let him know that you feel betrayed by his secret life. Let him know that you understand why he might have been so secretive, but that it really hurts anyways. Then you may want to ask him more about his cross-dressing proclivities so that you two can set boundaries. For example, you might want to ask him to refrain from flirting with others (while cross-dressing or otherwise).
Best of luck to you and hopefully you can talk to your bf and get some more answers.
I swear I can't tell if this is a joke.
If you aren't sexually compatible then there's nothing wrong with that. I understand why he didn't tell you earlier but he really should have. This is a pretty big thing. Advice here is always "if you aren't sexually compatible it won't work" and in this case I kind of agree. There's nothing wrong with him being in to this, but there's also nothing wrong with you being uncomfortable. It's a big discrepancy.
"Sissyboy" is actually a descriptive term in this instance, not a derogatory one. My ex had a sissyboy fetish.
That is the term they use to describe themselves. Google it.
Do you have to tell your kids every little thing that turns their dad on? "Hey Timmy, I just gotta tell you that your daddy loves getting rim jobs. Have a good day at school! (kiss)"
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