My Life With Mommy 3d

My Life With Mommy 3d

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There’s mom fantasy and then there’s mom reality. I used to be one of those smug moms to be who swore she wouldn’t let herself go. Post baby life will be glorious! My meticulously styled hair would whip slightly in the gentle breezes, I’d smell like a Bulgarian rose, and frolic at the playground with my two cherubs all day long.
My reality as a mother is beautiful, but it’s the kind of beauty only another mom would appreciate. Beautiful but not always pretty. There is sometimes shame. Secrets I keep to myself and hold on to tightly. In the spirit of camaraderie, I’m opening the vault. Fellow moms, you are not alone. Or maybe my shameful self is alone.
Either way here are a few of my shameful mom confessions for your reading pleasure.
I thought it’d be super cute to make my children little mugs of hot chocolate with a dollop of marshmallow fluff on top after a few hours spent playing in the late autumn cold. They were seated and enjoying themselves so I seized the moment, left the room, and got to work on a pile of dishes. Bad idea. My two-year old daughter rubbed the marshmallow fluff into her hair like candy shampoo while my three-year old soon gleefully cheered her on.
As I picked the large chunks out of her hair I checked the clock. Bedtime. Do I delay bedtime and wrangle two cranky kids into the tub alone, or go about my business as if nothing happened? That’s right. I let my child sleep with some marshmallow fluff in her hair.
I was exhausted and in no mood to endure the horrible shrill screams my daughter subjects me to during shampooing. No, thank you. She wasn’t carried away by a colony of ants in the middle of the night and I gave her a bath in the morning. Shameful? Maybe but I got some much needed sleep.
I wear yoga pants, but I hate yoga. I know I’m not alone but I take yoga pants wearing to shameful new levels. I buy yoga pants with the precision and meticulous research normal people save for purchasing their first home. They’ve got to have the right cut, stretchy fabric, and some sort of stomach panel.
I know what you’re thinking and yes I really should get back to my 18% body fat pre kids shape, but until I have the time to spend two hours a day in the gym – again it isn’t happening. For now yoga pants are my secret weapon. I look fantastic in them and that secret stomach panel keeps everything where it should be like a set of bootleg Spanx.
Of course on days when I have to go somewhere yoga pants aren’t appropriate and try squeezing into my jeans I’m shocked . Where did this weight come from! I looked so good in those pants yesterday! Oh, right I live my life in a deceiving yet flattering casing known as yoga pants.
Oh well. Oh and once I went out in my dressy yoga pants and when I came home changed into my more comfortable hole in the crotch home yoga pants. That’s when I knew I hit rock bottom.
If those aren’t bad enough for you here are a few hall of famers:
What’s your most shameful mom confession?
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An elementary school virtual classroom nearly got an eyeful from one of the student’s mothers, who accidentally walked in naked while her daughter was on a Zoom call.
Ashley Smith, a mom from Jacksonville, Fla., says she was having a rather productive morning on May 5 before the now-viral incident — she had logged her three daughters onto their online classes, “hammered out some work” and was planning to take a shower before running out of the house to complete errands.
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But after hopping out of the shower and walking into her bedroom to put on clothing, Smith realized her 7-year-old daughter had relocated herself from the home office to her mom’s room, bringing her computer and her classroom of first-grade peers along for the ride — and the accidental peep show.
“I heard a small voice say ‘hang on one second’ and then another one say ‘I think we need to hang up, we are going to get in trouble,'” Smith wrote on Facebook, recalling the moment she realized she was not alone in her room. “Ummmm, where in the heck are these voices coming from?”
“I’ll tell you where they were coming from,” she continued. “The perfectly angled computer sitting atop a pillow on my bed. While I was showering, the youngest one set up her Zoom meeting on my bed. Her computer was on my pillow, camera facing the middle of the room. Did I just walk naked into a zoom call? I DID!”
Smith shared a video of herself in a towel explaining the mortifying incident on Facebook, where it has since been viewed over 2 million times.
Although Smith said her initial reaction was pure embarrassment, she eventually decided to laugh at the situation.
“Do I like, write an apology note to all the parents?” she laughed in the clip. “Or pretend it didn’t happen or call them all liars and that they didn’t really see it?”
“How is this real life! I watch this stuff online and I’m like, ‘they’re lying, that didn’t really happen,'” she said, referencing a slew of journalists and other professionals who have had embarrassing , on-screen gaffes while working from home. “Except it does, it really really happens, and now a first-grade class just got a biology lesson from me. This is literally the most humiliating moment of my life.”
As luck would have it, Smith ultimately learned no kids were actually scarred in the making of her video.
“It has been confirmed that no child actually saw anything!” she later shared on Facebook. “They were getting off the call bc they would be in trouble for being in before the teacher. The timing couldn’t have been more awkward.”
Still, she says she hopes her mishap will serve as a reminder to others to be a little more cautious about their shared living spaces.
“This innocent mishap has brought joy and laughter to more than a million people since it happened,” she wrote . “Whether you have children at home on school calls, a significant other on work calls, or you are on work calls yourself, this is the REALITY of the times we are living in. I am sure that everyone has been a little more cautious in the last week.”
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“Pins and needles commonly occur in the arms, hands, legs and feet when sitting or sleeping on a body part that affects the nerve,” Dr. Laura Sander, northeast regional medical director at Heal and assistant professor of medicine at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, tells Yahoo Life. This sensation is what happens when your leg “falls asleep,” for instance. Dr. Jen Caudle tells Yahoo Life that the pins and needles sensation occurs when you interfere with your sensory nerves. “Sensory nerves process stimuli from our environment and send that information to the spinal cord and the brain,” she explains. “So when the sensory nerves are restricted from crossing your legs (or other body parts) too long, you first feel numbness because your nerves have stopped getting the oxygen they need to send the right messages to your brain.” As you might expect, “once you uncross your legs, the nerves can get back on track and continue making their way back to the brain. But the brain interprets this as tingling,” Caudle says.
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All signs pointed toward me being gay, but to my mom and relatives I was just a kid having fun. I was fabulous that night and I knew it; that is, until my father walked in and saw me.
Oral Fixation is a live true, personal storytelling series for adults dedicated to community building and social change.
Feb 19, 2014, 02:42 PM EST | Updated Dec 6, 2017
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Part of HuffPost News. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
Oral Fixation is a live true, personal storytelling series for adults dedicated to community building and social change.
This story was written and performed by Mike Thompson for the live, personal storytelling series Oral Fixation (An Obsession With True Life Tales) at the McKinney Avenue Contemporary in Dallas, Texas, on March 13, 2012. The theme of the show was "One Night Stand."
"Watching Mike read his story on the night of the show was electrifying- like watching him come out of the closet right there onstage," says Oral Fixation creator Nicole Stewart . "I admire his strength to share this once painful but ultimately uplifting story of looking shame in the eye and choosing love."
I had a one-night stand with my mother. Now, before you go crazy on me, let's rewind for a bit to get some history behind this little love affair.
Growing up, I was the only child of an American-born U.S. soldier and a bombshell of a lady from Vietnam. His name was Gary, and hers, Lieú. It's the classic story of soldier meets beautiful Asian lady. Asian lady says, "Five dolla, love you long time." Little did my dad know that the five dollars he spent was well worth the return. They fell madly in love and after his tour in Vietnam, my dad flew back to ask for her hand in marriage. Four years later, I came along.
From early childhood there was so much expected of me. I was going to "grow up and do great things," my dad would say. I was immersed in sports, all kinds of academia, church and developed a huge group of friends. I was one of the cool kids back in my day. Even though I had everything going for me, deep down I was struggling as most kids do at some point. I felt there was another part of me that wanted to be free and I couldn't figure out what it was.
I was 8 years old when it became clear. Picture this: a banana in hand for a microphone, prancing around the living room in my mother's long, flowy nightgown, Donna Summer's 45 of "Last Dance" spinning on the record player and yours truly lip-syncing my little heart out. If you haven't figured it out yet, all signs pointed toward me being gay, but to my mom and relatives I was just a kid having fun. I was fabulous that night and I knew it; that is, until my father walked in and saw me. The look on his face was enough to make me feel like I had done something wrong. His eyes were full of shame and disgust as he turned and stormed out of the room.
For several years after, I hid in the little closet I created to protect myself. Outwardly, I was perky, playful and content but inside I continued to feel unhappy, confused and at times suicidal. When my friends started dating, my father hassled me about not having a girlfriend. One evening it came to this: "So, why is it that all of your friends have girlfriends and you don't, Michael?" he would say. "Why do you think I need a girlfriend? Don't you always want me to focus on school, sports and church? You know, 'to grow up and do great things?'" I replied. "Michael, don't you think that would include a wife and kids eventually?" he pressed. "Dad, I am in high school! I don't want or need a girlfriend right now." Without hesitation he said, "Well, you better not be a faggot!"
With my heart beating, emotions flaring and hands trembling, I muttered the words "I'm not" as I turned and slammed the door on my proverbial closet. It was conversations like this that started a broken record of messages that I played over and over in my head: "I am not normal. He won't approve. He won't love me."
Aside from my own internal conflicts, there was a constant tension in my house and happiness was a rarity. Mom and Dad always seemed annoyed, angry or sad. I guess we were all just good at keeping silent when it came to things that mattered. That silence was broken when my father chose to kill himself.
I was 16 when my neighbor and I found him in the garage with the car running. We pulled him out and tried to breathe life into him, but he was pale and solid as a rock. He gave nothing back -- he was gone. This was the first time I experienced death. I was filled with every emotion imaginable and I was surprised that these emotions included happiness. I was happy because I was free from my father, and the hold he had on my life.
With my father gone, I assumed the role of being the man of the house and took on all the things my father did. I took care of the house and cars, bought groceries, did taxes, helped pay the bills and made sure my mother was taken care of and healthy. She was all I had when it came to family, and we got really close. I gave her almost everything I could at the time. What I couldn't give her was the honesty of who I was and what I was truly thinking and feeling. I continued my "normal" life but the next seven years in the closet were the darkest years of my life. I internalized the same pressures of success and family from my mom and I couldn't help but play that same broken record: "I am not normal. She won't approve. She won't love me."
Jan. 4, 2002: I was 23 and had just moved home from college. I was in my childhood room unpacking my belongings, looking at old pictures of my family all together and "happy," listening to the same oldies that my father enjoyed all while reminiscing about my life in that house. For years I had not shed a tear over my father's death, or over the exhausting task of caring for my mother and especially not over the darkness I lived in. But in that moment, with years of images and words flooding my memory, I cried my heart out.
Hearing me, my mother came to my room to see what was going on because this was not normal for me. She sat beside me and asked in her broken English, "What wrong, Michael, what happened to you?" With my heart beating, emotions flaring and hands trembling I played it off saying I was sad school was over. As with most mothers, her instinct set in and she knew it was much deeper than that. She then grabbed my hand and looked deep into my eyes and said, "It okay Michael, you can tell Mommy truth."
She let me feel what I was feeling while holding my hand and waiting for me to answer. Looking at her, I could no longer stand it. I couldn't cry any more and no amount of prayer could help me out of the depth of sorrow I was in. So in climactic fashion, I kicked down my closet door and said it: "I'M GAY!"
Without hesitation she replied, "Michael, are you sure?" With my palm to my forehead I answered, "Oh my God, Mom, I'm crying my ass off, I have tissue everywhere, snot hanging out my nose and you ask if I am sure?! Yes mom, I'm gay." We both sat there for a minute in silence and waited for our hearts to calm. The weight fell off my shoulders and now I could see she was bearing some weight from the revelation that I was gay. We then started the game of 20 questions beginning with, "When did you know?"
"Umm do you remember when I was singing in your dress?" I started. "Ooooooh, Mommy remember," she interrupted with a small chuckle. "Daddy get so mad when he see you act like girl. He don't talk to Mommy for two days. Mommy think maybe you gay but Mommy not sure. You look so happy sing a song with banana."
As the night went on we continued to have conversations about my father, how I was going to tell other relatives, my worries, fears and eventually my hopes and dreams. This impromptu tryst of sorts was a huge relief because I was able to speak freely and honestly after not being able to for so long.
It was rounding 2 a.m. when my mom finally asked me what motivated me to come out. I shared this quote by Oscar Wilde: "To love one's self is the beginning of a life-long romance." After explaining to her what that meant, three beautiful words came from her mouth, "I love you."
It was the first time in a long time she said that, and it felt incredible to know I had her love and support. Since then, my life has been what I always dreamed it to be and much more. I feel happy and free to be myself, I have made many wonderful friends and I now have a beautiful man in my life that loves and supports me. I can proudly say I have "grown up and done some great things" like my parents wanted.
It all began when I chose that one-night to stand and love myself.
Oral Fixation is a live true, personal storytelling series for adults dedicated to community building and social change.

2:38AM Saturday, October 15th, 2022
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