My Honey Daughter Set4 Xxx

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You may remember James as the stay-at-home dad who wrote this hugely controversial post for Mamamia that sent many readers ballistic. He followed it up with this post and gave everyone whiplash. Today, he writes about something altogether different…..

I had better start from the beginning…
Our two year old daughter has always had baths and lately she wants to have showers, which stands to reason because that is what we all have around here.
She now loves the shower so much that she refuses to have a bath. Luckily Mum has been around to do the showering but lately we have had to change plans.
I mean, I can’t really say, “Sorry honey you can’t have a shower because of daddy’s penis” can I?
She has seen me in the shower at times but I usually leave my undies on when she is around and while she knows boys and girls, she has never seen a penis as far as I know.
She has seen mum naked and knows that she has the same bits. We call it her “corker” which is a direct translation from a European language for the female anatomy. She does not know about what dad has and we haven’t had to explain it yet. She is only two.
If I leave my underpants on in the shower and sit down while she stands up I can probably get away with it without any awkward questions.
As we are toilet training and thus have an open door policy in the bathroom, I usually sit down to pee so as to show her what to do. So far that has enabled us to avoid any explanations as to what’s between my legs and why it is different to her and mum’s.
I have recently been caught on a couple of occasions trying to sneak a quick stand up pee when her curious little head would peep around the corner saying ” What are you doing daddy?”
I can see her little brain ticking over going ” Wow how can he do that standing up?” and she creeps closer to try and get a better look at this amazing technique.
Well if you have ever tried to stop a pee you will know that it can be quite a difficult thing to do, especially under pressure. So I have to manouvere myself to block her view while I attempt to abort the mission. I’ve been lucky so far.
When and how do you explain physical gender differences to kids? If I try to explain the whole boy and girl anatomy thing to her at this age she is bound to demand a full inspection and what do you do then?
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This Glorious Mess
Big Kids: How To Make Your Kid A Useful Ally
Big Kids: How To Make Your Kid A Useful Ally
This Glorious Mess
You can’t pull down your pants and say “Well this is a man’s penis and blah, blah…” so immediately you must say “No, you can’t look at my penis” and then make up something unconvincing about the why and begin to create a taboo around genitalia. What else can you do?
I can’t remember ever seeing my mum naked and my wife doesn’t remember ever seeing her dad naked either. We had both seen our same gender parent naked though. We then learned about the opposite sex through everyone else except our parents. Is this the normal thing?
So anyway, here we are in the shower and I am sitting down in my undies and she is standing up and everything is going fine. We have even managed to wash her hair which is a small miracle in itself.
As I stand up to turn of the water and grab her towel she turns around to face me. She is two years old and three feet tall and I’m 42 and almost six foot. You do the math.
She looks directly at my crotch and before I can react she points her finger and jabs it into the slight protrusion in my wet undies a few times and says “What’s that thing Daddy?
OMG! I freeze for a second, coming to terms with what has just happened.
“That’s daddy’s pee pee” I say, recovering slightly. She looks at me, looks at my undies and back up at me with a grin. “That’s not daddy’s pee pee” she says, “That’s a corker!”
UPDATE: I’ve taken all your comments on board. I never really intended to leave the gender explanations this long but after listening to you all I decided that I really needed to get my undies off in the shower and do it soon in the name of body image and most importantly, preventative behaviour.
Now that the natural moment for gender revelation has passed (after our first shower) I can’t help feeling a little weird about premeditating this particular anatomy lesson. I didn’t think that I had too many hang ups but I must admit that for some reason I feel a bit nervous about this. Why is that? Is it because I went to a catholic school or something?
I have always walked to the shower naked (we are getting really personal now) but she is usually in bed by that stage and when she has seen me naked it has usually been from a respectable distance. This shower of ours is really small.
Anyhow, once the decision was made to get naked in the shower, good old Murphy came into play and conspired with my daughter to go back to having baths for a while. She must have known.
I even resorted to walking around the house naked for no reason at all but as that is not what I would normally do, it felt unnatural. All my daughter could say was “daddy needs a shirt”.
The best that I have managed to do this week is to make sure that she knows the proper names for the body parts in question which is an excellent start, don’t you think?
So here we are washing away in the bath and naming her body parts as we go as per normal. Arms fist, then shoulders and neck and so on until we get to her bum and her ‘corker’.
I explain to her that her bum has two names. The bum is the soft part that you sit on and the little part where the poo comes out is called the anus. So far so good. I then explain that the proper name for her ‘corker’ is ‘vagina’ and that all girls have a vagina.
“Bagina” she says, trying out the word.
She looks at me thoughtfully for a few seconds before asking,”Does mummy have a bagina?”
“Yes she does. Mummy is a girl and all girls have a vagina.”
“Yes honey you are a girl and girls have a vagina.”
“No sweetheart, Daddy doesn’t have a vagina. Daddy has a penis instead of a vagina. All boys have a penis.”
We continue the bath for a little while longer and then she looks up at me.
“Umm no honey. You don’t get to choose. If you are a girl you have a vagina and if you are a boy you have a penis. That is the way we are made.”
“No no no!” she says. “I don’t want to have a bagina. I want a penis.”
“I don’t want to be a girl. I want a penis! I want a penis! I want a penis…!”
James Wilkinson is a stay home dad, the husband of a corporate wife, a writer and a musician. You can find his blog here.
Have you had trouble explaining genitals and the facts of life to your child? How did you maneuver it?
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It's not a Vagina, its called a Vulva and the Vagina is inside of the Vulva.
I never understood all of the fuss. Nudity was common in our house growing up, in my house and in our kids' houses too. Fortunately, we make it a point to maintain physical fitness, which in turn, promotes the same. Mom and Dad's genitals were never a mystery to us, we even knew how they functioned from an early age. Helps promote well adjusted children-adults early on, no doubt about it.

What should you do if you catch a 10-year-old looking at porn on the Internet? (brian kersey / getty images)
Q: I recently found my 10-year-old daughter looking at pornography on the Internet. When I asked her why she was looking at this, she said, "The devil made me do it!" I am appalled and don't know how to handle this.
A: The Help for Families panel understands you are upset, but wonders whether saying you are "appalled" may be a little harsh.
Pornography is rampant on the Internet, says panelist Michael Daniels. He suggest it may have been innocent. A 10-year-old could've been doing a report or looking up something simple and could easily comes across a pornographic site, he says.
"It is scary how pervasive it is and how accessible it is," he says. "But as a parent you need to get a handle on it and be a parent, to be effective."
The panel guesses from your daughter's reference to the devil that you are a religious household.
For the future, you can put controls or filters on your computer to control what sites she can access on the Internet, says panelist Pam Wallace.
You need to sit down with her and explain that pornography is something that isn't for children, Wallace says.
"She is at a developmental age when many kids start to be curious about sex," says panelist Denise Continenza. "Have an open conversation with her and give her information that aligns with your family's values."
She may be looking for answers to questions she has but will be directed in an inappropriate way, Daniels says.
"You don't want to squelch her curiosity," he says.
Talk to her to find out what she may be curious about, says panelist Rhoda Stoudt.
She also recommends you keep the computer in a public place so you can see what sites she is going on.
"Look at it objectively," says Continenza. "Put your emotions aside. This is one of the hardest parts of raising adolescents. Don't judge or condemn her."
If you feel you can't talk to her about these issues, find someone else who can talk to her," Wallace says.
You do know what to do, Daniels says.
"Love her and step back," he says. "Look into your own experiences. Pornography has been around for a long time, although it was not as accessible in the past as it is now," he says. "How you respond to this will determine whether your relationship with your daughter grows or not. She has obviously internalized your family's values and from a religious standpoint she's right."
She is showing she knows it's not the best thing to do, agrees Wallace.
"This is an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your daughter," says panelist Suzanne Mulhern. "She is a whole individual and this is just one small aspect of that."
Keep the communication open with her, Daniels says.
"This could always be a door to the next level," he says.
Parenting experts and guest panelists who helped this week:
Pam Wallace, program coordinator for Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House.
Denise Continenza, family living specialist for Penn State's Lehigh County Cooperative Extension, South Whitehall Township.
Michael Daniels, adolescent and attachment therapist, Bethlehem.
Rhoda Stoudt, Lehigh County Office of Children and Youth Services.
Suzanne Mulhern, The Arc of Lehigh & Northampton Counties, Bethlehem.
Help for Families is a collaboration between The Morning Call and parenting professionals brought together by Valley Youth House's Project Child

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