My Girlfriends Hot Christian Mom

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My Girlfriends Hot Christian Mom

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My husband and I have a fairly traditional marriage. I stay home with the kids and he goes out into the world and “slays dragons.” (Well, he works for the local gas and water company, but “slays dragons” sounds more edgy, doesn’t it?) We are your typical chaotic family.
On any given day, I’m breaking up sibling squabbles, staring into my pantry to see if the “dinner fairy” has again overlooked me, and trying to tame the calendar. Oh, I also clean up the dog poop. Besides his regular job, my husband juggles his fair share of home responsibilities, too — cars, lawns, broken stuff, clogged pipes and precarious “about to fall” tree limbs. In addition to all this, we care for two elderly family members.
My husband and I are Christians and therefore I believe that it is my calling to be a “submissive” wife. So, what does submission look like for me? I am submissive in that while my husband and I openly discuss all major decisions that impact our family, I ultimately yield to his decisions. We agree on some things; we disagree on others. That’s marriage, but when it comes down to deciding time, I defer to him.
Certainly submission does not mean going against what I believe is right or moral. For example, if a husband tells his wife she should “steal,” then she would be completely justified in not submitting to him. And submission absolutely does not mean a woman should overlook abuse (either of herself or her children).
But I do seek my husband’s advice and opinion and defer to him on many decisions. I believe that he is the head of the house and I respect his leadership role. This isn’t hard for me. I am fortunate to have a husband who “loves his wife as Christ loved the church,” which is part of a verse from the Bible (Ephesians 5:21-32) that instructs husbands to care for their wives.
So, despite what many people think, submission for me is not so hard. The life of a submissive wife is a daily reality for many Christian couples. And I wouldn’t exchange roles for anything. In fact, our traditional roles and Christian values have led to a great sex life.
So what does this have to do with sex?
Let me clarify that when I say “submission” in regards to sexual intimacy, I am not talking about a wife automatically doing whatever her husband wants sexually, especially if what he wants flies in the face of what the Bible commands. For example, if your husband wants to have a threesome or wants you to view pornography, this would be adulterous, which certainly is outside the bounds of God’s design for sex.
If, on the other hand, your husband simply wants to try a new position or add some variety, I urge you to not instantly say “no” without some legitimate discussion and prayer.
The Christian model for a marriage encourages women to be modest, but that doesn’t inhibit us from sexual expression with our husbands. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, God says that husbands and wives should not withhold their bodies from each other. Sexual intimacy is a mutually-shared endeavor, where both the husband and wife bear responsibility. And let’s not forget, orgasms were designed by God. And orgasms feel really, really good.
Odds are that because the clitoris is a bit less predictable than the penis, your husband is going to need your help in understanding what it is going to take to make you climax. This is where sexual confidence can strengthen your marriage. You both need to learn with each other and from each other what arousal looks like for each of you.
Because I submit to my husband, I feel confident in his care and love and this gives me sexual confidence as well. We have a mutual sense of safety and trust that can’t help but lead to great sex. I believe God gives good gifts to married couples to be savored and enjoyed, not ignored and treated carelessly. My husband and I do enjoy a tremendously satisfying sex life, because we have grown in our sexual confidence and because we are secure in our roles for our marriage.
Another way that submissiveness outside of bed lends itself well in bed is that my husband and I have grown in our vulnerability. Without a doubt, because I am a submissive wife and my husband “loves me as Christ loved the church,” we have really learned to listen to each other with respect. This equips us to be able to say what we like sexually and to really listen to one another.
We have a foundation that allows us to be able to say when we make love, “I like it when you (fill in the blank with random exciting sexual details).” It’s so reassuring to have that kind of vulnerability that leads to great sex!
All too often, people think that a good Christian wife isn’t sexually confident; however, following the traditional plan for marriage that God has outlined in the Bible has given me an immense confidence not only in bed, but in my husband’s love and care for me.
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Priscilla Fleming became a licensed massage therapist in 2019 to help people. What she didn’t expect was sexual harassment, which she says began almost instantly. “At that point I now had to process this traumatic experience while also navigating a brand new industry that put me alone in a dark room with strangers. So I really contemplated just leaving the industry all together between the vulgar messages and then trying to navigate that. I wasn't sure if it was worth it, but I stuck it out, “ says Fleming. In response, Fleming launched the ethics course, “Safety & Solicitation: Gaslighting and Power Dynamics” to help other therapists recognize threatening behavior from clients. She’s also on a mission to combat harmful stereotypes that plague the massage industry. The dangers facing massage therapists made headlines last month, when NFL quarterback Deshuan Watson was suspended by the Cleveland Browns for 11 games and given a $5 million fine after he was accused of sexual misconduct by 24 massage therapists. Allegations included Watson exposing himself and manipulating therapists into touching him in an inappropriate manner. Two of the women also accused Watson of pressuring them to perform oral sex. While Watson has repeatedly denied the claims, 23 of the 24 civil lawsuits have been settled. In an interview with Sports Radio 610, Watson’s lawyer, Rusty Hardin, claimed that a ‘happy ending’ was not a crime unless extra money was paid for the service. “I feel as though he single handedly put a lot of us at risk to be assaulted,” says Fleming. “The NFL is a very large, well known industry and there is a very large fan base. So by his lawyer making these allegations, I'm afraid that this is going to empower that fan base to come and seek what Dashaun Watson was receiving.” With her ethics course, Fleming spends considerable time educating other therapists about gaslighting and grooming tactics used by predatory clients. Gaslighting involves manipulating someone by sowing self doubt in what they are experiencing, and grooming is a process of seeing how far a predator can push past a person's personal boundaries. Fleming notes that in the therapeutic relationship, the licensed therapist is granted the power to lead the dynamic in a professional setting. She says that when that power dynamic shifts, therapists may find themselves operating in threatening territory.
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Years ago, I was having lunch with a woman who would eventually become one of my closest friends.
At the time of our lunch all those years ago, we were new colleagues, and we soon discovered we had a plethora of things in common — our love of sex being one of them.
To say she and I had great ease in talking about sex in our marriages would be an understatement. To this day, she is a confidante who I know will always be up for a transparent and authentic conversation about sexual struggles and sexual joys.
At our first lunch together, we eventually came upon the topic of oral sex, to which I said, “Who doesn’t love oral sex?!” She looked at me quizzically and asked, “Giving or receiving?”
“BOTH,” I answered enthusiastically. She agreed.
I know there are many wives out there who have never given oral sex to their husband, or if they have, they do not enjoy it. The reasons can vary, but suffice to say, most reasons would fall into at least one of the below categories:
“I associate it with promiscuous behavior.”
“Oral sex is something I did before I was married, and now I feel guilty doing it.”
“I don’t think it’s a Christian thing to do.”
“I don’t want him to come in my mouth.”
“I don’t know how to give oral sex right.”
“I’m self conscious. I just don’t know what I’m doing.”
If you are steadfast against giving oral sex to your husband, I am not sure if anything I write here is going to sway your opinion the other direction. I also recognize that some couples have mutually agreed to not include oral sex in their sexual intimacy, and I respect this choice.
My experience has been, though, that the exclusion of oral sex is rarely a mutual decision. Someone in the marriage has selfishly dismissed it without genuinely thinking through that decision (or the impact it has on their spouse). My heart is always to challenge people where they may be sabotaging intimacy.
From a biblical standpoint, many theologians (and average everyday Christians) agree with the interpretation of Song of Songs in the Old Testament. This poetic book gives us great imagery of passionate sexual love between a husband and wife. The challenge, of course, is that it is told primarily in allegory and metaphor.
The words “sex” and “oral sex” don’t appear in the book of Song of Songs. But we do get the below passages…
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” Song of Songs 2:3
“Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Song of Songs 4:16
“I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride. I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.” Song of Songs 5:1
“My lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my lover’s and my lover is mine; he browses among the lilies.” Song of Songs 6:2-3
For a moment let’s put the interpretation debate aside and rely instead on good ol common sense. You would be hard pressed to find any married couple who thinks the only appropriate way to kiss is face to face with our mouths and lips.
We intuitively know that sexual passion affords us the freedom to kiss our spouse’s neck or their hand or their chest. A husband longs to kiss his wife’s breasts; a wife longs to be aroused this way. And those touches (just to name a few) are arousing.
So why would using our mouth to sexually bless our spouse’s genitals be any different?
It is no different. God has not arbitrarily drawn a line anywhere on our spouse’s body to indicate where sexual pleasure with our mouth is off limits.
“Okay, Julie, even if I can accept that oral sex is okay in God’s eyes, I’ve got all these other hurdles to get past.”
If your gag reflex is strong, then you will not be able to take your husband’s penis as deep into your mouth or you will have to go slower and/or you will not be able to swallow when he ejaculates. However, I think a lot of these can be overcome simply through practice.
Note to husbands: If her gag relfex is strong, then you may have to modify your expectations. Certainly you need to not force yourself deeper into her mouth.
Wives, if you can’t handle him coming in your mouth, then ask him to alert you that he is going to come. Pull his penis out of your mouth and let him come on your breasts or on a towel.
If you gave someone else (or even your husband) oral sex before you were married, good news! If you repent of that sin, you are indeed forgiven. What made oral sex wrong in those instances wasn’t the act itself, but rather the context in which it happened.
Same can be said when sex is portrayed among singles or glamorized in media, pornography or advertising — context means everything. When sex is taken out of the context of the exclusivity and sacredness of the covenant of marriage, that’s when it becomes sinful.
Oral pleasure with your husband is good and holy and God-honoring. You can choose to not associate oral sex with promiscuous behavior. Your mental stumbling block in this regard is self-created, so choose instead to embrace a healthier perspective.
This may seem obvious, but have you asked him to shower before he comes to bed — or at the minimum wash his penis and testicles well with a washcloth? I’m guessing that if you make this request with the suggestion that you would then be interested in oral sex, he will oblige.
Note to husbands: Come to bed clean guys. Come on. Clean yourself up down there. Trim the hair a little if you need to; wash thoroughly.
Most insecurities about giving oral sex can be overcome by simply asking him to tell you what feels good. Be honest. Say to him, “I want this to be really good for you, but you’re going to have to help me. Tell me what feels good and what doesn’t.”
When he gives you suggestions, don’t get defensive. The more you can develop good vulnerable dialogue about your sexual intimacy, the better!
Trust me, he wants it to feel good too, so I think he will welcome your request for input.
Note to husbands: Kindly give her some feedback and suggestions. Likewise, ask her what feels good when you please her orally.
An easy solution to this is have him sit on the edge of the bed and you kneel on the floor as you perform oral sex on him. This way your neck is in a more comfortable position.
Beyond asking him what feels good, there are some other techniques that are sure to increase his arousal and enjoyment of oral sex.
Men typically are visual, so have some light in the room and position yourselves so that he gets a good view of what you’re doing. This is easily accomplished by him propping a few pillows behind him.
Also, use your tongue gently up and down the shaft of his penis and his testicles, in addition to taking his entire penis in your mouth. A variety of touches, firm and gentle, with your tongue and hands can make oral sex off the charts for him.
I’ve long said that a good blow job is part hand job too, so don’t think for a moment that you have to use only your mouth. Use your hand as well to stroke his penis firmly as you bring his penis in and out of your mouth. For that matter, don’t be shy about rubbing his penis on your breasts. This can be very arousing for him and quite the visual experience as well.
Oral sex can fit well into your sexual intimacy, often as part of foreplay and occasionally as the main act all together. Communication is key.
As a wife, you ethically are the only one in your husband’s life who can sexually please him. No one else is charged with that privilege and responsibility. There is tremendous power in that, and I would argue it is a good and righteous power, because it is a pathway to deeper intimacy with the man you married.
For more reading specifically on oral sex, check out these posts:
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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I love giving my husband blow jobs. He works hard, and when he gets home, he is either going to get a blow job, or a hand job, as he loves how I will keep him on edge for a couple hours before letting him cum. I enjoy him cumming in my mouth, and like the taste. I always swallow. Weekends are when we get serious about intercourse, and I get to enjoy his love of giving me oral.
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The first step Christians can take to help women struggling with lust is to acknowledge that they exist.
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