My College Stepsister Sisterisfine Com
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My College Stepsister Sisterisfine Com
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Nicole Wojnicki is an alumni of LIU Post and has studied Broadcasting Journalism. Nicole drinks Starbucks, tweets about reality TV, spends time with her two cats Shishka and Bob, works out and writes about her interests and life.
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Mental wellness is currently affecting us all at this moment. Life is at a standstill for you and I and it’s really scary. Some people may be going through these feelings for the first time and their feelings are absolutely valid. Others may be going through this on a periodic basis and that is okay too.What matters the most is that you’re doing and living your best. So here are seven women who are living their best life with today’s circumstances.
Jamilah is the founder of Sister is Fine , a community she created for women to uplift and support each other. “I had just left a long term relationship. The last glimpse of hope was marriage, but four months into it, I had to face a truth—I was unhappy. I was unhappy and simply going through the motions. I was going through the same cycle every day. Work, home, kids, clean, sleep, repeat. I suffered from depression as a teen and I just felt it creep back into my life until I decided to leave my husband.” This was just some of the inspiration of how Sister is Fine was started. Since finding Sister is Fine, she has even created a Facebook page for those to join. “I want the Sister is Fine Conversations group to be a space where women can be vulnerable and relate to one another on levels they didn’t know were possible,” she says about the group. “I feel the ladies are doing a great job of supporting each other.”
One of the things she believes is currently happening right now is the stigma around mental health in the Black community. “There are still some people in the Black community that still insist on praying away mental issues. There is also the notion that we can’t let everybody (a therapist) know our business.” She believes that if those in the Black community get “out of our own way,” we can fix the stigma. “It’s important that there’s so much outreach on social media. I’ve seen several Instagram accounts normalizing therapy for Black people. The more we talk about it, the more we can talk about it.”
She has four children, two sons and two daughters. When asked what she wants her daughters to learn from Sister is Fine, it’s to love themselves. “Love themselves enough to not settle for less than they deserve. If they keep that in mind, they will never let anyone, including themselves, give anything less than their standards.” She also wants them to learn how to forgive themselves saying that women tend to do this. “I think too often, women beat themselves up over mistakes they’ve made, but I hold it to be true that mistakes do not define you. It’s how you recover from those mistakes that define your character.”
In her free time, she loves to tend to her plants and explained that it’s actually a family activity. “When I think “plants,” I think about my grandmother. She had an ivy plant that spanned across the room and I thought I was magnificent. My sister actually still has a piece of that 30+ year old ivy. And my mother has houseplants. It really is a family affair.” Tending to her plants is so therapeutic and comforting to her, she’s taken on the challenge of trying to grow vegetables and herbs! “I find it to be even more rewarding. You actually get to harvest and reap the fruits of your labor and love.”
Since creating Sister is Fine, she has said that her mental health has blossomed since then. “Back then, I was extremely focused on everyone else’s expectations of me and their happiness. Now, I am focused more on my own feelings. I have to be aware of when I feel myself falling into a dark space and I have to do what I can to correct it. Life is no good if you’re busy living it for someone else.” Her advice for those struggling with mental health right now “Breathe and do whatever you have to do in order to decompress. I suffer from anxiety and one thing that helped to get it under control was deep belly breathing. I still practice it when needed. Also, go to therapy, if you can.” And if you don’t have health insurance or severe depression, she encourages you to do research into your local community’s health services. Jamilah also wants to urge people to be careful who surrounds you “Are they uplifting us and encouraging us to seek help, if needed. Are they genuinely wanting to see us win? Or are they negative and always looking for an opportunity to put us down? I am a firm believer in boundaries and I would rather see someone set them in order to protect their peace of mind.”
Kat runs Books of Notes on Instagram, a page that her bio describes as “Planning & wellbeing for people whose life path looks like a messy bag of strawberry laces.” She’s been running the page for five years after losing her job. “At the time, it was horrible, but now I can see that I still had this drive to keep going under it all, even though the steps were tiny.” The main things promoted there are self care and journaling, something Kat has been doing for a while. “I first kept one when I was about 8 or 9 — I’d found a really kitsch, Victoriana-style journal, with a picture of a little girl on the front and snippets from old poems on the pages inside, and I wrote about what me and my little sister got up to at my Grandparents’, that kind of thing.” It wasn’t until she was around twelve that she started taking journaling seriously “Writing felt like this quiet, secret place I had to process what was going on around me, somewhere I could be myself and talk endlessly about boys (spoiler alert, turns out I’m queer as heck). And it just became such an integral part of my life, getting to the end of the day and writing while sat on my bed, listening to terrible pop-punk.”
She also creates little notes to promote self care and make others smile on the page. One of her favorite notes she wrote was from December of last year “It’s okay if the best you did this year is survive.”
“By my standards, it had been a pretty good year, but I know I’ve done a lot of work on self-acceptance and self-compassion and that it’s not as easy for other people to see their achievements (or not) through the same lens. For years I struggled with it myself, and I wanted some way to acknowledge that even if the year had been tough, even if you’d not reached goals you’d hoped you would or things hadn’t gone as planned, that it’s okay. It’s okay. You made it to the end, you know?” According to Kat, we don’t give ourselves credit for what we do and writing that note felt validating to her past self, her current self and to the community as well.
Books of Notes has garnered a lot of conversations but Kat says the most profound moments that happen are the small ones. “Something I’ve been enjoying recently is asking the community to write a certain phrase in the comment section – a recent one was “I am enough” – and it’s really wonderful to see both the difficulty people have writing something like that and how powerful it feels when they actually do. Just allowing the possibility that it might be true by writing it in a comment section on some internet stranger’s Instagram can have an impact, and I’m grateful to each and every person I chat to for trusting me with their thoughts.”
Five years ago around the time Kat lost her job, she started seeing the first signs of mental illness and physical disabilities but since then, she’s learned to live with and embrace herself. “The mountain back to ‘well’ felt insurmountable, and I’ve since discovered that ‘well’ isn’t my aim anyway. It is possible to live a good, happy, fulfilling life with mental illness, neurodivergence and disability, and that’s where I’m at. You get good at working with the curve-balls life throws at you!” She says when she encounters someone who also has mental illness, she feels sad for them having to deal with it but is compassionate and can connect with them. “Mental illness is something so individual and I can never fully understand what someone else is dealing with, but I know when I’m at my worst, just knowing that someone else ‘gets it’ on some level can be so comforting. I’m always so proud when I see people share that they’ve reached out for help, or are trying something new to care for themselves because I know how tough that is.”
And for anyone who wants to start journaling during this weird time, she has this to say. “Start small. Find a prompt you like and spend two minutes writing about it. Use the notes app on your phone to record a thought or two over the day. My favorite easy way to begin journaling is using a “Good Sh*t” log – it’s like a gratitude log, but without the pressure to feel grateful, because sometimes, when life is hard, I don’t feel grateful that the best I managed to do was brush my teeth, but that sh*t still needs celebrating. So, at the end of each day, write down three things that were good about your day. Took a shower? Write it down. Went for a walk and saw something interesting? Into the Good Sh*t log it goes. Celebrate them, even if gratitude feels a bit… much.”
Alex Elle has many projects under her sleeve, all which have to do with mental health and wellness. Her fourth book, After The Rain, is releasing October 13th and is a collection of essays that are lessons of her life as well as affirmations and meditations that she’s learned along the way that she thinks will be a “relatable resource for readers.” She also has a podcast Hey, Girl that was “created with sisterhood and storytelling in mind.” She sits down with women who’ve inspired her and talks about things from motherhood, loss, love, separation, marriage family and friendship. She hopes the podcast will inspire others as well to come together. “Being able to sit down with other women and hear their stories and be in a moment of community and sisterhood and storytelling with them is just amazing. I love that part of the show and to be able to hear both different pathways and self care practices and how their businesses came to be or how their lives just came into full circle and fruition it really ignites a fire in me and I hope whoever listens to this show takes away something that is rooted in community and comradery.” When I asked what her favorite episode was, she couldn’t pick! “Really every single episode holds a super super safe and special place in my heart. I really love them all so I encourage everyone to go and just pick one because they are truly all just magical in their own right.” She also runs an Instagram where she writes sticky notes of snippets of pieces she’s written in either an essay or her journal. “They are short affirmations that I needed for the morning or needed for the day and I know that if I need it, someone else might.”
Alex also has an extremely supportive husband and 3 daughters, the oldest being 12 and the youngest 9 months. When asked what lessons she hopes to teach them she said to be “their own greatest teacher” and “advocate for themselves.” “Standing alone is just as empowering as standing in community so I want them to be comfortable and confident in their ability to show themselves, be it with someone standing next to them or not.” Even with trying to keep 3 children entertained during these times, she is still able to keep up with her self care and praises her husband for helping her. “There have been days where I’ve slipped through the cracks but it’s really awesome to have the type of partner that I have who encourages me to you know just lean in to self care when I need to.” So what does self care look like to Alex? “Asking for help and naming what you need, relying on your community if you need that and that is self care too. I think a lot of folks don’t realize that self care is so much more than a face mask, a latte, a bath or a massage it’s also these other intangible things that we sometimes forget to lean on.”
Alex’s advice if you’re struggling right now? “Ask for help and lean on the people that you love and don’t be afraid to name what you need and also accept when people show up. I know that can be really challenging to accept help and to open up in these really vulnerable ways, but as someone whose been there and someone whose struggled with depression and anxiety on multiple different levels, I think being able to say I need help is wonderful and can really kinda take the weight off of feeling like we have to do it alone. That help can look like therapy that help can look like a bunch of different things and I just encourage people to do what feels good for them and their lives and their bodies.”
Ashley is a photographer based in New Jersey and first created her account when Instagram was a new platform at first with the intention to post old photos, until it became more. “It just slowly kind of transformed into a place where I talked about my mental health, because it was a part of my life and it was a transition that I was going through that I was doing by myself. So it was more like, it was going to be my memory book of the journey of having a mental illness and living my life while trying to heal and grow and learn everything I can. So then it just became very real life to me and very everyday normal for me to just post about it.” Ashley found out she had generalized anxiety disorder and depression from research on the computer and then was diagnosed by a doctor when she was old enough to go herself since her community has a stigma around mental health. “Culturally it’s looked down upon in our communities to even seek help because our families think it’s creating drama and people will talk and that’s something you don’t want to happen. The community has had people talking about your families because it’s like a social witch hunt.” She went on to say “Since a lot of Spanish people are very religious, they would also say, ‘you just pray about it’ or ‘you go to church and you’ll be healed.’ The thing is that’s not how it works.”
Photography has always been a passion for Ashley and she even has made it her job by creating her own business, which was greatly affected by COVID but is doing fine now. She’s even done multiple mental health picture projects but told me about the one she did for Keds called Clouded Thoughts. She created a cloud out of stuffing and interviewed anyone who was “connected to mental health.” The cloud gave them anonymity and if they felt confident to show their face at the end of the interview, she would slowly show their face. “I definitely do a lot of personal projects that are geared towards mental health because it’s my life. It’s important that we create a bridge to connect other people to understand mental health and what other way than with art? I feel like that’s something that pulls the neurotypical and mentally ill people can come together and understand.” She even spoke on some of the mental health portrayals she’s seen in art and movies “I wanted to flip the switch and show people that you’re still able to live a beautiful normal life. I also had a mental illness and we’re not murderers and we’re not killers. We’re very sensitive people and care a lot for other people too. It’s just very weird to see how Hollywood kind of like stigmatizes mental illness in a way that’s like, ‘Oh, this is love. Oh, this is normal.’ In reality, you can’t do that. It’s a bit dangerous.”
During COVID she said in the beginning she didn’t make a big deal about it but once we were in quarantine, it started to hit her. “I think I cried maybe once or twice, just because the news was so negative and I’m a very sensitive person. It just made me sad for the world. Other than that, I was like, this is kind of normal for me. This is, having a mental illness. I’m always kind of fearful of life and I’m at home most of the time.” Once her rituals were messed up, she started finding new projects to do. “I painted a lot, did self-portraits and photo competitions online where you would edit other photographers’ photos. I just focused on learning photography a lot more. I made sure I was talking to my friends just to keep myself busy. After a while, around the middle of April, I felt like I was crashing because I was just doing way too much stuff. I didn’t realize it was me trying to avoid reality. So when I started to slow down, I just started looking to nature more, reading more and just surrounding myself with people and my dogs.” She also wants people to know that this quarantine is what mental illness is like and hopes the experience makes people more empathetic for those who have to go through this. “We’re all going through it together: what you’re feeling right now, it’s what people with mental illness feel like all the time. We always feel very isolated and othered. If we can’t connect with society, people look at us differently. So when COVID happened people who normally stayed at home were like, this is fine. Then you had other people who would go out all the time like, how do people do this?”
She also feels that those living alone during quarantine will develop some type of mental illness when we come out
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