My Boyfriend Wants A Threesome

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My Boyfriend Wants A Threesome
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I feel insecure and nervous. Any tips?
Logan Hill
Logan Hill, a veteran of New York, Vulture, and GQ, has spent twenty years covering the arts for outlets including Elle, Esquire, Rolling Stone, The New York Times, This American Life, TimesTalks, Wired, and others.


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My guy and I have been dating a few months, and everything is going really well except for one thing. He wants to have a threesome. I told him I'm up for it, but the more it becomes a reality, I feel nervous and insecure. Any tips? First things first: Just because you told your boyfriend that you'd be up for a threesome doesn't mean you have to go through with it. You can change your mind. If it feels too uncomfortable, just tell him, "The idea turns me on as a fantasy — but just as a fantasy."
Guys do not expect their girlfriends to have threesomes. They may ask. They may ask repeatedly . Or even beg. But they rarely expect that it's really going to happen. So, yes, he may be disappointed if you back down, but he won't exactly be shocked. Think of it like this: You'd basically be telling him, "Guess what, I didn't get you a new car." Would he like a new car? Yes. Did he have any reason to expect that you owed him one? No.
If you do go through with it, remember some simple advice: Talk about your limits with your boyfriend. How will this go down (literally)? What's allowed? What can he do with her? How about you? And how will you find this girl? Talk out the details so you know exactly what you're getting into: It should be a hot conversation anyway. But just make sure you're both clear on what's fantasy and what's permissible in the real world.
Above all, the only reason for you to have a threesome is if you want it.
I have belly hair, like, a treasure trail. It's always been there, but when I was younger, a friend made fun of it. I shaved it, and now it's darker. I'm really insecure about showing my stomach because of it. I don't often wear bikinis and usually trim/wax/shave it any time I'm with a new partner. Am I overreacting? Do guys think a woman with belly hair is unattractive? Should I just stop shaving it? Before you worry about what other guys think of your body, you should decide, on your own terms, how you like to see yourself: If you like your natural body just the way it is, embrace it. If you like the way you feel when you shave or wax, then get rid of it.
I think it's important to know what you want before you go chasing somebody else's idea of what's hot. A turnoff for one person can be a turn-on for someone else. Some guys may prefer a huge, wild au naturel bush, and other guys prefer baldies. But it's your body — not theirs.
That said, I don't think it's a secret that more guys than not are skittish about women's body hair — whether that's your legs, armpits, belly, upper lips, and, increasingly, pubic hair.
So, let me answer your three questions.
Are you overreacting? No. Plenty of women have the same worry. And it's confusing because what turns on one guy might not turn on the next.
Do guys think belly hair is unattractive? A lot of guys do, but not all.
Should I just stop shaving it? That's up to you. That's not for any guy to answer — not a boyfriend, and certainly not me.
I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and when we met, he lived with his mom. I moved out when I was 19 and haven't gone back since, but he has never lived anywhere but with his mom. She even pays his cell phone bill (he is 28 now). We have talked about moving in together, but I have a good situation with a roommate I love and rent is cheap. Frankly, I don't really want to live with him until he proves he can actually handle having bills (his mom charges him nothing). Am I being too hard on him? I know a lot of people live with their parents for a while, but it seems ridiculous and immature at this point. Thoughts? Actually, I think you're being very smart. No matter how much you like this guy, it's a big, whopping, neon-flashing warning sign that he's 28 years old and still can't support himself. That's not the kind of guy you want to move in with. You're absolutely right that he should prove he can handle adult responsibilities.
You want to be his girlfriend. You do not want to be this mama's boy's next mama — and I'm afraid you might end up in the caretaker role if you move in together.
Tell him you just can't see this relationship moving to the next level unless he gets his act together. While you're at it, question why you're with him in the first place. Do you really want to be with a guy who can't take care of himself?
Man-children like that are hilarious in comedies like Step Brothers , Grown Ups , Tommy Boy , or Knocked Up , but those immature characters usually grow up by the end of the flick. The boy thing gets old after two hours. Are you ready to tolerate it for years?
Do you have a question for Logan about sex or relationships? Ask him here.

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Today my boyfriend asked me while we were in the middle of having sex that he wanted to have a threesome with me and my friend and he kept asking and saying oh you love me don’t you and you want to love me even more and trying to get me to get my friend to have a threesome with us and I just don’t know what to think of it? Like yeah I love him but why does he want a threesome with me and my friend like why doesn’t he just want me it’s getting me wondering if he actually loves me or is just using me now?
My boyfriend wants a threesome all the time
My boyfriend wants a threesome, but it will ruin me
What does it mean if my boyfriend wants a threesome?
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Weird that he asked you during sex. Maybe he did it because he knew you were horny then, and would give him the response he wanted. Regardless, he should have asked in a manner where you were both calm and not under the influence of other feelings. It's like asking someone to have sex while they're drunk because they know drunk people are more easily convinceable. But this is a decision you have to make. Suggest a MFM threesome and see how he reacts. Throw the ball back at him. Sometimes guys change their mind if they know it has to go both ways for it to be fair. Even if you don't want a MFM, suggest it anyway. Maybe an attractive friend of his. Keep in mind though that threesomes have destroyed relationships in the past. You also have to be super comfortable with yourself and the person you have a threesome with. My boyfriend has suggested one too, but kind of brushed off the idea when I said we could do it, on the condition that there was a guy involved as well or we would have a MFM next time. But, I know he still thinks about it. I do too. I've just come to realize that I need more time. Because we haven't been together for that long and I need to grow more in our relationship. I have to completely trust him and be confident in myself. I'm not rushing anything. If it happens it happens. But I would have to be drunk I think to ease the pain
That doesn't look like love hunny. I’ve been used by guy who talks dirty and only sex in his head. If he loved you for real then The only THREE he should mention is your child. When you two start a family the only another member in your house. The audacity for him to even ask you such a stupid question and use such a beautiful word ‘love’ just for his pleasure does he think your friend is easy to give s** to him. He is not the one please walk away before its too late. you dont have to listen to me but please think about it. For me thats a disrespect, if my any of my exs asked me that i would block him once i walk out of him. I made a mistake once loving a guy so much who only talked about sex only to realise he was using me for s** and once hus pleasure was gone, he cheated on me Dont be like me please
If my girl asked for a threesome, I would also wonder if she loved me. A threesome sounds like a bad idea to me, as it breaks the bonds that tend to keep a couple together. That tends to lead to a breakups. So, if you do decide to have a threesome, understand that your relationship probably will take a dramatic turn, and likely will not last. As if, if he keeps pushing for a threesome, it's likely that he is using you.
Don't fall for the "if you loved me, you would do this" nonsense. That's his way of guilting you into doing it. He probably wants a threesome for the excitement and he finds your friend hot. This is his way of trying to have sex with her too while remaining with you. He may also be bored with the sex with you. Be very careful with this. This guy is somebody you may want to think twice about remaining with.
So he's basically saying "if you truly love me, prove it by getting your friend to join US in a 3some and let me have sex with her while you watch" I would show him the exit door if I were you, I doubt he sincerely loves you because if he did he wouldn't want to put you through what sounds like you would find to be sexually demeaning
It doesn't matter what he wants if you live him you'll do what he asks IF YOUR COMFORTABLE WITH IT, if your not and he says those exact words he trying to minimize and manipulate you into things your not comfortable doing, its toxic and predatory behavior that you should not except or excuse in anyway regardless of the situation.
Your young and you have the rest of your life to experiment and to fall in love. Don't let any guy pressure you into anything you're not wanting to do even if you're on the fence about it. There's plenty of time to stop and think about it so you can make your decision not anyone else's decision
Relax, he obviously like your friend and figures the quickest way into her pants is via yours. Guys like variety in girl bedmates whereas girls prefer single partners. Both desires are driven by genetic programming, not stupid lust - though for girls it may seem that way. If its OK with you and your friend, it could be a fun experience.
If he pressures you to choose in his favor, then he uses you for sex. If he had just asked you, it would have been much more correct to let you decide and accept your choice of yes or no. And the pretext of love for a threesome is really vile to do that. I once asked a girlfriend if she would agree with that. She nicely refused me, stating her reasons for jealousy.
its alright if he wants a threesome i guess cause its a fantasy of his but i dont fuck with the vibes of him trying to manipulate, if he loved you, he wouldn't put you through that pressure that if you love him you should share him with your friend, sounds more like lust than love to me, homie gotta stop watching porn and wake up cause that shit is flake and shows a pretty fucked up side of him
Tell him right after you have a threesome with him and his friend. If he balks at that idea then you know he is just plain selfish and want to experience a very popular fantasy most men have. The way you describe him asking sounds very selfish. Rather than ask, he should consult you to see if your interested in sharing and if not then he should drop the subject. Nothing wrong in sharing fantasies but unless both are interested in exploring them then they stay as just fantasies.
Well, just to check how he reacts, if I were you, I woudl do that.. I would ask him back in flirty way that I also want to have threesome. But with a guy... Then tell him that I think his XYZ friend is kinda hot! Then I would say that I am not comfortable having it with girl first but if we can explore it with guy, we can do it with girl!
What do you want? That's a big ask. Saying "you love me don't you" is the BIG RED FLAG of manipulation. If you don't want to do it, say no, sorry, I'm not into that. You'll have to find two other women if it's that important to you.
He is manipulating you by using your "love" to fuck another chick and not be pegged as a cheater
Talk to him. Not strangers on the internet. U could ruin a good relationship over assumptions and assclowns on the internet that have good intentions but have no idea of the circumstances.
Been there. he may think she's hot or just want a 3 some or possibly just thinks it's really hot to have his girlfriend share him with a friend. I've even wanted that when the friend wasn't attractive. Just so much fun.
If he loves you he wouldn't demand a three some. It's okay to ask about it. Would you be okay in sharing him with another girl? Give him a test. Ask him if he is willing to have a three some with one of his male friends.
Sounds manipulative and disrespectful. Tell him to fuck off. Respect yourself more
Do not do it it's going to mess up a perfectly good thing the guy or girl going to fall in love with the other person it's going to ruin everything in some way shape or form
If you're not ok with a threesome, make it clear right away and if he keeps pressuring you, I'd say he isn't with your time.
And if you're not ok with a threesome, do not let him pressure you.
It's been 11 hours now, and you didn't bother to reply to a single person who took the time to answer your question.
No matter how you feel about a threesome him saying if you loved me you’d do it is the beginning of an abusive relationship.
Bad idea, unless its with a total stranger. He obviously lusts after your friend and this could blow up in your face.
I’m very sex positive, but that’s a pretty manipulative way for him to broach the idea of a threesome with a partner.


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I didn’t mind indulging my boyfriend’s fantasies at first because they were not extreme and they were something we kept between the two of us
Now, he has asked if we can have a threesome with another woman. I don’t want to do it but I don’t want him to think I am a prude. I am also worried that if I refuse, he will do it without me.
No offence, but you really are going out with a dope. Threesomes are an extremely intimidating concept and the idea needs to be broached with the utmost sensitivity and consideration. You have indulged all your boyfriend’s fantasies to date and he should be deeply grateful.
Instead, you think he will accuse you of prudishness if you don’t engage in an experience that violates your sexual boundaries, and you worry that he will set up a threesome without you.
While both people in a sexual relationship have some obligation to fulfil their partner’s sexual needs, when one person pushes another to engage in unwanted sexual activity, it can be upsetting.
You do not have to take part in a threesome but rather than becoming emotional or defensive, talk him through the pros and cons of what he is proposing to illustrate the complexities of fulfilling this fantasy.
First, you need to establish why he wants a threesome and he needs to understand why you fear the idea. If that doesn’t kill the idea, you need to discuss the logistics. Does he have a third person in mind and, if so, what does that imply? If he suggests a stranger, would either of you want them coming into your home?
How would you find that third person? Would certain acts be off-limits? What about safe sex? You also need to ask him to consider what the real as opposed to the fantasy experience will be like?
In his imagination it will, almost certainly, be a glamorous, universally satisfying sexual interaction. In reality he would be sharing you with a volunteer who may be more interested in you than in him.
It is also worth asking your boyfriend how he would feel if the third person was a male. Heterosexual men are less enthusiastic about this scenario, largely because they have been primed by pornographic magazines and movies to believe that all women are latently bisexual.
While there is some research that appears to show that female sexuality is more fluid, it is based on how women respond to visual imagery, not how they behave during personal interactions. Meredith Chivers, associate professor of psychology at Queen’s University in Ontario, found that women are aroused by naked images of men or women having sex, whereas heterosexual men are turned on only by images of women having sex — with each other or with men.
Although Chivers’s research has caused a media buzz, there is a gap the size of the Grand Canyon between a woman’s ability to get turned on by an image and her desire to translate that into real-world behaviour.
Essentially, human beings are programmed to commit to one person at a time, so group sex can feel counterintuitive. The most obvious problem with threesomes is the potential for jealousy. Sex is the way in which we express our attraction to the person we consider to be our “other half”.
Add a third party and suddenly those feelings are not exclusive to you as a couple. There are, of course, upsides. For some couples, threesomes can provide a new perspective on the relationship. We all have a tendency to take long-term partners for granted and watching someone that we love engage sexually with another person can jolt us out of that complacency.
That was the premise for Robin Rinaldi’s Wild Oats Project, a book out last month, detailing the author’s sexual odyssey. She and her husband allowed each other to have sex with anyone they wanted for a year. It was a misguided attempt to solve serious relational and sexual difficulties — and ended in divorce.
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