My Boyfriend Is Too Big
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My Boyfriend Is Too Big
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My current guy and I get along great, but we may not be sexually compatible. He has a really thick penis (think large cucumber), and I seem to be too small! We have not had successful intercourse because it hurts me way too much. Have you ever heard of this problem before? Are there exercises I can do to stretch myself so he fits? I’ve already had two children, so this is a real mystery!
Sure, we’ve heard this before! Sometimes everything else fits perfectly — your personalities, your taste in movies, your complimentary immune systems that would ensure fit offspring. Everything except your naughty bits. All is not lost, however. There are some things you can try to help improve the situation.
First and foremost, use lube — and lots of it. You two should never go without when it comes to intercourse: keep a pump dispenser of water-based or silicone lubricant by the bed and apply generously and often; it can really help ease friction.
Next, really work on strengthening your pelvic floor muscles. Many natural birth advocates encourage preggos to do their Kegels religiously, since having toned PC muscles not only means you can contract them at will, but you can also relax them when it’s time to make way for a baby to come out — and we don’t see why this wouldn’t work in the opposite direction in your
case. You could even try getting a series of increasingly large dildos or vibrators to help you work your way up to his cuke.
Finally, we’d recommend trying different intercourse styles — contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t always have to be deep pelvic thrusting, a.k.a. jackhammering. Try shallow penetration: the outer third of the vagina tends to be more senstive, anyway. Plus, that way he’ll have a greater chance of stimulating your G-spot (if you’re into that).
And remember, there are plenty of ways to have sex besides intercourse: try frottage, manual sex (i.e. handwork), mutual masturbation, oral…though, in your case, that may be a whole ‘nother column dedicated to lock jaw.
I have the same problem with my boyfriend and I find that these columns are really unhelpful. Lube only helps temporarily but it doesn’t help the psychological effects. It is hugely frustrating for both parties and not only this but it ruins ones confidence and self esteem. For my partner and I enjoying a good sex life is very important, it has got to the point where we are discussing having a threesome so we can experience and enjoy ‘normal sex’. We love eachother so much and everything else in our relationship is great but this has been ruining everything. I am starting to think there may be something wrong with my vaginal entrance as it only hurts around the outside – but doctors are unhelpful and use the ‘relax and use lube’ line every time. If only someone would take me seriously because it may result in us ending the relationship now.
Get thee to a sexual specialist (since you regular doc isn’t listening) asap to make sure nothing is organically malfunctioning; but really, we push babies thru this thing (and, yes, I’ve done the “mandingo” penis thing and I’ve NOT given birth. My issue is actually depth, not girth). Cowgirl is a great position for jumbo peen-i, we control the motion and depth. And, lube is essential. Just when you think you have enough? Use another handful, no such thing as too much lube.
I sooo hear you. This has been an issue for me a few times in the past. Sometimes women are just.. well smaller. I’m a smaller framed person (not skinny, but.. my body type) so maybe that’s it? I have to second talking to a Dr though because a lot of my problem was chronic dryness. I make sure to stay hydrated now, added some things to my diet, made sure my pH is in balance, and also getting a copper IUD added a lot of uh… natural moisture. Sorry for the overshare lol. The other thing is it’s possible you may have vaginismus. I had one partner who wasn’t treating me well (long long term relationship gone wrong) my body would literally clench shut, this is after a nearly 9lb baby. Also due to some experiences in my past. Now my current partner is just wonderful and that isn’t the problem but size differences are.
This is graphic but here goes. When I was pregnant, a midwife recommended I use Evening Primrose oil (break open capsule) to massage the opening to help tone/soften that tissue. It may be worth a try. I *think* its totally safe but might want to look it up. The other thing is that I’ve had “hidden” yeast problems that don’t have discharge but cause pain/dryness. Probiotics have helped that a lot.
It’s possible you may have hymenal remnants as well that are being pulled or torn. Supposedly some doctors will remove them if they are hurting you.
Its just a thought but maybe penetration before the penis is fully erect might help….
it gets easier with time, at least it has for me. Try being on top for a while., -And use lube
I’m having th same issue. My new boyfriend and I finally got to the point of attempting intercourse and I found it to be extremely painful. On top of this, he takes a very long time to climax, requiring a lot of foreplay and intercourse. I tried to hurry him along to no avail. It just didn’t work. I felt like a failure because I couldn’t satisfy him. He was understanding, but I want to find a method that works to satisfy both of us. Any suggestions would be great. We did use a lot of lube, but still each thrust was very painful for me. Help!!
More foreplay, more lubrication, and start slow and shallow. Consciously relax yourself as he enters you (Kegels, as Em & Lo said, help this enormously). Have him penetrate you with 2-3 fingers leading up to sex (or do it yourself – I’m sure he’d love it!) to get yourself loosened up a bit.
Also, a large part of it is mind over matter.
I have the same issue and I can’t say enough good things about using lube!
I did go to a naughty lady party once and the very young woman next to me had this problem, she was in heaven when the Penis Sleeve was shown. You can use it for hand jobs, oral or penetration. The sleeve was soft silicone and she was running to the lady to buy hers. I haven’t had this problem, but I ran to buy mine too, never used it for intercourse, as I don’t have that issue, but it’s a great addition to a blowie or handie! Easy to use and I’ve had nothing but positive feedback. LMAO
What To Do When Your Partner Is Too Big And Sex Is Painful
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I've never been one to be coy about sex.
I've never been one to be coy about sex. There isn't much that I won't try and nothing I'm afraid to talk about when sex is involved. I wouldn't say I'm a sex advocate but I'm absolutely for women experiencing just as much, if not more, pleasure as men in their sexual exchanges. However, I'll admit there have been times that my desire for adventure has led me to suffer in silence.
As a result, I've had men that equated being 'd*cked down' to 'smashing' and 'beating the brakes off the p*** ' considering that a challenge instead of seeing it for what it is—the mistreatment of women's bodies.
I can recall a very painful sexual episode years ago, where a partner I had was kind enough to ask me if I was OK.
I told him that I had been experiencing pain but I wanted to be able to take it all. Yes, those were my exact words. Back then, in lieu of wanting to please my partner, I wasn't being very considerate of my own body in those instances. While he admired my ambition, he made it very clear that hurting me was not fun. As a result, we approached sex differently; he made sure I was relaxed and comfortable, we made sure there was lots of foreplay for natural lubrication. The passionate kisses and him just making sure that I knew I was wanted, desired, and that I felt aroused made all the difference in the world. We took our time in the beginning to find the right rhythm for us both.
I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend about her terribly uncomfortable sexual encounters with a love interest. The only way she could describe it was to say that she could feel it in her chest. I was shocked to learn that she was literally running away from him in bed. Having been there, and done that, I know what it's like to have your muscles tense up, to anticipate discomfort, cry out in moments of distress, and to painfully endure in order to please your partner.
I spoke to Dr. Renee Matthews , M.D., Chicago-based Professional Health Educator and renowned Health Correspondent, about what painful sex really means, and what to do if your partner is too big.
"The vagina is elastic and will accommodate different size penises. The problem is that when a woman is not ready for a very large penis, this is where sex becomes painful and possible vaginal tearing that will need to be repaired at the hospital. I have also heard of some horror stories of other things happening not quite as drastic as tearing but still quite uncomfortable," Dr. Renee said.
That being said, it's important for women to be able to communicate when sex has gone from feeling good to painful.
Dr. Renee elaborates, "You shouldn't do anything you do not want to do so if you are in pain and want to stop, then stop. If this happens all the time, please visit your OB/Gyn. Painful intercourse is referred to as dyspareunia [and] there are several reasons people experience dyspareunia."
Dr. Renee's final words for women who may be concerned about the repercussions of painful sex: "I don't really think there are any, besides lack of desire to have sex. If he has a larger penis for your vagina, because we come in different sizes too, then I suggest you use lubricants and take your time to try different positions to figure out what works for you two. Women may also want to try masturbation, because this will allow them to understand how to achieve orgasm and they can let their partner know exactly what to do and where exactly to go. Also make certain there is plenty foreplay before the main event."
There's so much energy that goes into having intimate exchanges with another person, it would be unfortunate to spend those moments in unbearable pain.
A conversation about how it can be enjoyable for both you and your partner, what your concerns are, positions that would make sex more pleasurable for you, and ways to make sure you're as lubricated as possible before penetration.
It's important to be able to listen to your body and respond attentively. Your body will thank you for it.
DeJanae Evins is a certified cannabis educator, consultant and the creator of GreenGoddessGlow, a digital resource at the intersection of cannabis and wellness encouraging mindful cannabis self-care practices. Evins is also a freelance health and wellness writer often discussing topics around sexual health and women's empowerment. Since learning about the Plant Queendom and the many ways we can use plant medicine to heal ourselves both individually and on a global scale, Evins has been vocal in both the cannabis and wellness communities about integrating cannabis in her approach to holistic health. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @dejanaetanye .
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My Boyfriend is Too Big
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this is my first time starting a discussion i have no clue if it should be here or not - sorry!
so
here it goes, i apologise if it’s too much detail idk the social rules of this place ):
there is a 6 year age gap between my boyfriend and i
there is also a significant height gap - i am 5 foot 4 and a gymnast and he is 6 foot 7 (and yes he is a basketball player)
to fulfil the expectation- his height does very much reflect his penis size. he is between 9 and 10 inches. as much as i am grateful for how much there is to worship and love, when it comes to penetrative sex it hurts every time.
being petite doesn’t help but i’m scared that he’s genuinely just too big for me. i can take him but quite often it does result in me bleeding a little. the majority of the time i’m just overwhelmed with pleasure, but other times he can’t even enter
my questions are
is this normal? has anyone else been in a similar situation? is the bleeding anything more than small tears? how the hell do i make it less painful? how can i make it easier for him to enter?
Badges:
12
i) Firstly talk to him. That's a very large penis and does require a but of thought not to hurt most partners.
ii) Associating penetration with pain may naturally make your body tighten up and your vagina create less lubricant; resulting in a self-fulfilling prophesy.
iii) Make sure you are warmed up and use lube.
iv) Make sure he is gentle and remember that he doesn't need to go fully inside you relatively shallow thrusts will work for both of you. For most males the sensitive part of the penis is the 'head' so depth isn't that big a deal sensation wise.
v) Some guys have watched far too much pornography and don't seem to recognise that jackhammer like a lunatic is not normal, enjoyable, sexy or required.
vi) Bleeding isn't uncommon but is not a good thing. Use lube and care to reduce the chances. You could also talk to your doctor if the problem persists.
vii) Some positions are better than others.
Last edited by JTfoxlove; 2 years ago
Badges:
22
( Original post by Anonymous )
this is my first time starting a discussion i have no clue if it should be here or not - sorry!
so
here it goes, i apologise if it’s too much detail idk the social rules of this place ):
there is a 6 year age gap between my boyfriend and i
there is also a significant height gap - i am 5 foot 4 and a gymnast and he is 6 foot 7 (and yes he is a basketball player)
to fulfil the expectation- his height does very much reflect his penis size. he is between 9 and 10 inches. as much as i am grateful for how much there is to worship and love, when it comes to penetrative sex it hurts every time.
being petite doesn’t help but i’m scared that he’s genuinely just too big for me. i can take him but quite often it does result in me bleeding a little. the majority of the time i’m just overwhelmed with pleasure, but other times he can’t even enter
my questions are
is this normal? has anyone else been in a similar situation? is the bleeding anything more than small tears? how the hell do i make it less painful? how can i make it easier for him to enter?
( Original post by JTfoxlove )
i) Firstly talk to him. That's a very large penis and does require a but of thought not to hurt most partners.
ii) Associating penetration with pain may naturally make your body tighten up and your vagina create less lubricant; resulting in a self-fulfilling prophesy.
iii) Make sure you are warmed up and use lube.
iv) Make su
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