My Black Gf

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My Black Gf
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Dec 11, 2013, 12:24 PM EST | Updated Jan 25, 2014
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Huffington Post Trends and Digital Innovation editor. Writer, Artist Extraordinaire
Meet NYC-based writer and comedian, Akilah Hughes . She is your first black girlfriend. Akilah has a few things to say in the ways of love, interracial dating, and how to treat women who are, black, but first and foremost, human.
In an email Akilah told The Huffington Post that the video was inspired by her own experiences being in an interracial relationship, and dealing with the frustrations that come with having to educate a partner in what is acceptable treatment, and what is not.
"...there is so much unspoken common ground in those relationships. Anything to do with hair maintenance is always going to be a long drawn out conversation where the boy may or may not ever really understand what you mean by "oiling your scalp" or "protective styling," Akilah tells The Huffington Post.
In an effort to create a kind of guide, and to spare some future akwardness for those entering interracial relationships, Akilah put together this video along with editor Tim Knight .
In it, she covers everything from the exoticization of black women, to hair, to fried chicken stereotypes, to white guilt, to how she feels about the N word -- Never ever say it. Just don't.
I think Black women are exoticized in interracial relationships because the media only portrays Black women in a few ways, while other races tend to get more options. The media mold for a young Black woman is very limited--must be extremely aggressive, commandeering, unintelligent, etc.--while that has not been the case with the overwhelming majority of Black women I've met from all different backgrounds. Truthfully, I think more Black women would feel comfortable dating outside of their race if that wasn't the case, because it's one thing to have a TV show or movie that doesn't know you see you in that negative light--it's quite another to find out that your significant other does as well. When media starts to reflect the actual world we inhabit instead of aiming to create it, I'm sure there will be greater understanding in interracial relationships.
A long history of racial tension has led to an exoticized image of black woman in the media, a form of attraction feminist, social activist and African-American author bell hooks calls " Eating the Other "-- the idea that racial differences in mass culture are oftentimes not celebrated, but instead commodified.
"Within commodity culture, ethnicity becomes spice, seasoning that can liven up the dull dish that is mainstream white culture," hooks wrote in an essay on the topic.
As a result, the "Othered" black woman is classified as a hyper-sexual temptress, an image that can consciously or subconsciously seep its way into real life relationships creating stereotypes and unrealistic expectations of black women.
While videos like these help to educate and serve as a springboard for conversation, we, as a society, still have a long way to go before this problem no longer exists.
Check out Hughes guide in the video above and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Huffington Post Trends and Digital Innovation editor. Writer, Artist Extraordinaire

HELP! My black gf calls me racial slurs even tho I'm white.
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Ask her to stop and tell her it makes you uncomfortable. If she dumps you for it, she’s doing you a favor

my mother and Father are from Ireland and Germany, so they kinda have "old ideals." They can't understand why I want to date black girls, My father said "if you ever bring a black girl home ill beat the life out of you." and my mother "why can't you find a nice white girl like your brothers?" Don't get me wrong I like white girls a lot, but black girls are so damn sexy I can't not stare at them lol. I know some are into the ghetto/thug thing, but there are so many sweet, beautiful, sexy black women all over the place! ah! back to the point, my Girlfriend is black, I've met her family and the women seemed to love me but the black guys were so angry and called me things I don't care to repeat, but we got through it and they accept us now. the next hurdle is my family, who I will get no support from at all but I don't care. i need advice, how do I break it to them so that my family doesn't turn it into world war 3 over this? oh and one last thing, I have read on here that many black girls think of themselves as ugly or unattractive. that is so not true black ladies you are BEAUTIFUL and I love you.
How do I tell my parents about my black girlfriend when they are racist?
It depends on your personality, but it's always a good rule of thumb to ease everyone into the idea of it. Much like a very hot bath when you ease into it you will find the situation pleasant and relaxing, but if you just jump in, it will burn your ass. Well, that is how this situation will be for your girlfriend and your parents if you don't ease them into it. Also, it helps if you can support yourself so if your parents do throw you out you have a place to live. Definitely let your girlfriends know about your parents she needs to be mentall prepared for that whole awkward situation that will eventually take place. Secondly, I agree with some of the other posters ask them why they don't like black people. Also, not in the same conversation, but mention frequently over time how great your girlfriend is. This is good because it let's them realize you are happy, it will constantly keep her in your thoughts, reminds you how wonderful she is and it will get your parents more interested in a positive manner. At some point again this shouldn't be done all at once but have a heart to heart with your dad don't even mention relationships. Just ask him questions about being a man and if he thinks it is being happy in life is important? Ask him if he thinks a man should chose happiness or conformity even if one meant not being happy? Mention the things that your dad has done that are different than most people (these are the things that give personality so everyone has things they don't do exactly the same as everyone else). Ask him why he does them if he knows they are different? It is likely he will say "Because he likes or prefers doing things that way." Ask him if he thinks he is wrong for doing things differently. Of course he will say no. Then tell him you are proud he is the man he is and willing to go against the grain of society. Tell him you hope you can be like him and stand up for what you do even if it's not what everyone expects. Then transition to relationships and ease into everything from there. I hope this helps.
the only way that you can change their mind is if you stand to them like a man and let them know, verbally or non-verbally, something like... i love this woman and I can see myself with her for a long time. I already know you may not like it but this is my choice. and if you don't appreciate my choices as the man that I am then its OK. just support me as your son who won't make decisions that will jeopardize my or anyone elses life in any way. this is my decision and I'm sticking with it for as long as I can. if that or something in the nature of what I just wrote doesn't work, then you maynt be able to make them change their minds... but theyre STILL parents. parents can't help it but to understand that its your decisions, feelings and heart and you give it to who you want. i have a Girlfriend whose white. while my parents taught me finding a women that treats you correctly is the correct way to pic, my black neighbor, is against it... but she still understands. she doesn't like it but she realizes that I'm happy and we talk about it over wine at her house all da time. otherwise just make sure you have your boxing gloves at the ready when you walk in da door. p.s.: leave the engine running too.
My dad is completely racist and my husband's mom is completely against her children dating or marrying outside of their race. I am white and my husband is Mexican American. Neither of us cared what our parents said about it because we love each other and we are going to be together despite what they have to say and now they are used to it. My dad said "I like him even though I really don't want to". At one point I was living in his parents house (without him there) while we were dating and his mom kicked me out. Now that I am pregnant with her granddaughter she has accepted the fact that no matter how much she doesn't like that I'm white, I'm not going anywhere. Sure I'd like my daughter to look like me and maybe she will you never know, but that doesn't change how much I love her and it doesn't say that she won't get an even mix of both races heritage. Also, she will most likely "act white" also (though I hate using that statement because I don't believe people really act as a race) because my husband "acts white" (he says that he is 'white washed') and I am white. If you love a person for who they are (race and all) then their or your parents shouldn't be able to choose who you are with. There is no need to even bring them into the relationship unless you truly want to. If you do, then sit them down and say that you understand their beliefs are one way but yours are another and you would hope that they are accepting of your decisions as their son. Tell them that your girlfriend is of another race and talk to them about it. We both know that you didn't pick the girl you are with just because of her race so explain that to them also. Tell them that if she was white you would still feel the same way about her but she is not and they should accept her for who she is. If they don't accept it then just don't bring her over to meet them. If you end up marrying her then they will have to accept it anyways.
Okay I went to an urban college. I was out of place since I was actually a country girl from roots. I will tell ya like this ... My father always told me if I ever brought a black guy home he would kill me. I never did but I never really found love or big feelings for a black man perhaps it was because what he said to me!? I met a lot of lovely men whom were black and arab mexican race didn't matter to me we were all friends! However I became great friends with this black man he is married there was no love we were like bro an sis! Each time we go out the older black ladies will tell him you should be ashamed of yourself there is so many beautiful black women you are a disgrace! Haha they think we are together! So we got into the conversation of interracial dating. He told me that it is the same way for the black families that they do not want their kids dating outside. Some are better about it however it happens on both sides. It is pretty much equal its not necessarily racism it is more so they want to maintain culture and creed in their kids. They don't want the kids being picked on that those two in love may bring into the world. I know it sounds dumb yet it does sound understandable as well. But I still feel you cannot put a color or culture on love it is the heart. Just make sure its what you want and discuss it with the one your in love with before you get to deep and make sure that its something your both willing to stand up to!
I'm a black girl and I love white guys. My dad is from Nigeria had always told me that if I ever brought a white guy home that he would disown me. Sounds like you have something similar going on. The only thing you can do is tell your parents in advance before you bring her over to meet them and make sure you warn her that things may be a little uncomfortable. Also make sure she is really special to you because it sounds like this could create quite an uproar in your family. If you believe she is worth it then you will have to let them meet her sooner or later. Better sooner so you and her can decide together if the drama will be worth staying together for. By the way, the reason all the females in her family were so nice and the males so mean was because the females tend to be a little more open minded toward interracial dating when the guy is white. If it were reversed, say they had a son and he brought home a white girl, the women would have been mean and the guys would have been nice. It's weird I know.
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Racism started with white people called the Slavic's, that is where the name, SLAVE came from, it is completely wrong for white people to be racist, but not exactly mad a blacks, blacks are mad about slavery still, why can't the white people be mad about there past slave masters? slavery isn't as uncommon as you think, there are still many slaves being sold in other countries, and some still in the united states, slavery isn't about race, it is about ignorance and power, any color person can be a slave, black people just got a little privilege to be able to call a race card against any white person that doesn't like them cause they threw a fit, if you do your research on REAL INFORMATION, not the governments so called "truth" you will find that the south was right, and the civil war wasn't about slavery, it was about citizenship status, there were first class citizens and there were second class citizens (slaves), when the civil war ended, we lost so many rights that we can't even own property anymore(yes taxes are rent, RENT), all the south wanted was to be free, but the ignorance of stupid people made not only them, but everybody second class citizens, they did not put slaves up higher, the dropped everybody else down. tell them that, and it was there own fault for being ignorant and that you care if they approve, but won't take no for an answer
AlI can say is I'm sorry you have such racist parents. Its really horrible that you should be forced to deal with such pointless hate in your family. That's rough brother. I think the other people who posted are right. Be sure your girlfriend knows your family is racist, so she isn't shocked when she finds out. I would avoid getting angry with your parents, that will only escalate the situation. Are you still living with them? That changes the landscape a lot. If you must discuss it with them, just calmly say this is your life, and if they can't say anything nice about your girlfriend they should keep it to themselves, and stay quiet.
Well thanks for the love! I'm a black girl that has always loved white guys. My grandmother is racist and never tries to hide it except at work. Anyway back to your question. Try asking them why they don’t like black people, I doubt that they (or anybody else) will have a good answer. If they still give you crap about it then try telling them that it is you life and black people (girlfriend, guy friend or whatever). So its up to them to be a part of it too. Btw, I love that you met her family without knowing how everything would turn out. It shows you really care about her.
as much as I agree with lost-angel, I don't think that approach'll last long. what happens when your girl says, "how come you won't go ahead and tell your parents about me?are you ashamed of me?i told my parents about you. when are you going to tell your parents about me" that's when you make the mistake of telling her the truth, "i want to make sure this works. I want to wait until we may or may not get married" which is code for, "i want to know this is worth fighting for." she's already introduced you to her parents so in her eyes, it's already worth fighting for. I agree with lost-angel for now but just be careful because it could very much bite you in the ass. I'd tread water carefully with that one.
im sorta kinda in the same situation I'm mexican born in the states but my dad is always saying that if he ever finds out I'm dating a black guy or chineese korean guy that he will kick me out of the house and if I start to date them I'm gonna end up marrying 1 and I do find some guys verry atractive but I guess I'm just to scared to even say it out loud my mom she's supportive of who ever I date as loong as I'm happy and I don't get pregnate as a teenager she's good but its hard cause my dad rather me date a white guy cause I'm white complected with light brown eyes that change color sometimes and I have no white in me at all and basicly the movie "our family wedding" can basicly say how my famiy would react if I dated some1 that wasn't hispanic. So I just hope things work out for the best although it won't be easy
i am no expert on this stuff but what I would do is think of an icebreaker convo ya know like don't just like tell your parents one day "Oh hey I have a new girlfriend." And then like when they meet her say something like, "Oh hey did I mention she was black." Avoid that situation at all costs! But like maybe over dinner or something just tell them you have a girlfriend and explain to them how much you like her and that you two know that the relationship is more than an infatuation. Um...then tell her that she is black. Maybe if you tell them how good of a person she is then they will be less reluctant to accept her. Yep! I think that is so admirable t
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