My 1st Lesbian Experience
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My 1st Lesbian Experience
I Discovered I Was Bisexual At Girl Scout Camp
By heatherbarmore — Written on Apr 03, 2020
The first time I kissed a girl was at Girl Scout camp when I was 14 years old. Girl Scout camp, of all places! She was a short, red-haired girl named Bailey who I pecked on the lips in a moment of teenage experimentation.
I kissed her again in the parking lot in front of my rather prudish mother who stood by, ready to load me up into our minivan. In my periphery I could see her eyes widen and her face scrunch in disgust. “Let’s go,” she said curtly.
After kissing Bailey, I returned home and started my sophomore year of high school. I didn’t head through the doors of my small town school and proudly proclaim that I was contemplating my sexuality and possibly being a lesbian. A kiss was just a kiss, and a peck was my version of "we’ll see."
Although my parents were sexual beings by my estimations — I once found more condoms than any man could possibly need in a dish on my father’s dresser — they never spoke of the big "it" out loud. Since the Internet came of age, just as I did, instead of having "the talk" with my parents, I learned about sex via the World Wide Web. Thanks to Ask Jeeves (remember Ask Jeeves?), I learned about orgasms and the purpose of a clitoris.
From September to June, I admired (and attempted to approach) the boys in my grade and was quickly rebuffed. It seemed I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, popular enough for them. I simply wasn’t enough at all.
Come July, I officially switched to the other team, so to speak. Nothing serious, mind you, just casual flirtation and a willingness to be open and affectionate with women.
But it was Girl Scout camp where my curiosity about women, bisexuality, and sexual orientation first piqued. It wasn’t simply the place I learned to tie a rope, build a fire, kayak and sail; it was where I learned to appreciate women as leaders.
I envied these women because they were able to be themselves and — as it seemed from my teenage vantage point — had been able to forge a path of acceptance in themselves and those around them. The women I met were creative, talented, and kind. They often wore their heart on their sleeves.
These weren't the girls I was forced to be around in my high school for nine months of the year — these were women. Real women. They weren’t mean or haughty, but adventurous and clever. These were the type of women I hoped to become.
Eventually, during my junior year of high school, I moved past personality traits and truly began to notice the female form of my fellow staffers, the way a woman’s body moved with hips and curves. At the time, I was a breast girl. An enthusiast, if you will, so I admired (clandestinely) the chests of those around me to compare and contrast to what I had to offer.
I developed a lesbian crush on my friend Lindsay, but she was dating a fellow counselor. On one of our breaks, I brought Lindsay home with me before heading back to camp. My father was courteous, but later referred to her as "that dyke." It was then I realized that crushing on a woman and holding hands in the woods was as far as it could ever go.
Eleven years later, I stood in the bathroom of my apartment. My girlfriend at the time, Heidi, was taking a bath. I knew she had been dying for one, so I surprised her with a Lush bath bomb. I swirled the water around with my hand and asked how she liked it before receiving a kiss. Not a peck, not experimentation, but a full-on plant where she grabbed my face with her wet hands.
I got up from the edge of the tub and started to undress myself and prepare for bed. We had sex the night before — some of the best sex I've ever had — and she fell asleep wrapped around me so that I could feel her chest on my back.
Three years later, long after Heidi and I broke up, I was sitting on a friend’s rooftop with a group of girlfriends. While I hadn't inherited my parents’ reluctance to discuss sex, I'd been known to keep many intimate details to myself, namely the one where I openly say that I'd had sex with women and I'd probably do it again.
After a bottle of wine or two, it came up. Amid close friends, I nonchalantly mentioned an ex who happened to also have a vagina.
One friend simply said, “Oh, so you’re bisexual? How did I not know this?” and the conversation moved on. Another friend poked me in the arm, gave me a side-eye and said, “I told you no one cares.”
I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to people , full stop. For far too long, that was something I was reluctant to admit. Once upon a time, my parents sent me off to Girl Scout camp where I was imparted with a healthy dose of independence, and, more importantly, an ability to finally find women with whom I could form a bond.
Perhaps it was finding that capacity within myself, in this world full of gray areas, that made it possible for me to eventually be able to connect to women based on friendship and acceptance. Over the years, I've found a natural lust for both women and men, and eventually a confidence to go after both sexes.
In a recent conversation with my once-prudish mother, I mentioned what camp did for me: how it turned me into a woman who loves people — all people — and I told her that she raised a woman who wanted to love (and be loved) by whomever.
I broached the topic carefully, waiting for disappointment. She smiled and said, “Good.” Nothing more, nothing less. Simple acceptance, which is really all I ever wanted.
Heather Barmore is a blogger, freelance writer and policy advocate. Visit her website or follow her on Twitter .
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It was on a family trip to San Francisco , in my early tweens, that I saw what I recognized to be a real, true to life lesbian for the first time. Two, actually. I could tell because they held hands. After that, I started seeing lesbians everywhere. Well, not everywhere. But around. Whenever we left home, I saw women, often much older than me, loving other women: On the beach at the Mexican all-inclusive resorts my family vacationed at, walking down the same Main Street in a small Northeastern fishing town, at a second cousin’s wedding and reception in a midwestern town. Vacation, it seemed, was about lesbian-spotting. This was the early aughts, when absolutely no appropriate lesbian television shows or movies or really even books for girls my age existed.
My sixth sense continued as I grew up. I'd scout out lesbians, studying them as if looking for clues. My overactive imagination would wonder who these women were and where they lived and if their families still talked to them and if they had to lie at their jobs about their personal lives to afford a very nice vacation. I’d look at what books they’d leave on their pool chairs, what they ate and drank, and what they talked about, if I could hear. I was curious, totally unaware of why I was so staunchly fascinated by these strangers, like objects in a museum.
Years later, I found myself embodying my role as the lesbian at the resort with my now-wife, on a long weekend getaway to Sandals South Coast in Jamaica .
“Where’s Mr. Nice Guy?” our server asked us before we could decide if we wanted a lobster roll or fish sandwich and fries. I was confused, wondering if he meant the staff member who’d brought our bags to the room. “Where’s your man?” he asked again, insinuating that two very beautiful women couldn’t possibly be at a couple’s resort alone.
We hesitantly explained that we were together, and after a few seconds, the server fist bumped my wife, like I was an accomplishment, exclaiming something along the lines of “nice.” That became the familiar approval message once staff learned of our relationship status, though many seemed to completely misread why two women from New York were traveling together.
While our stay included a couples’ massage , staff insisted two women would prefer side-by-side facials instead. I don’t know if anyone suggesting this has ever had a facial, but having a stranger extract clogged goo from your pores anywhere near your partner is not my idea of romance.
Sandals resorts banned same-sex couples in 1981 , in efforts to maintain the chain’s exclusive image, allegedly prevent debauchery (still happens between straight couples on vacation, just FYI) and you know, to discriminate. In August 2004, following over a decade of criticism and pushback, the chain rolled back its restrictions, pushing for more inclusive marketing. It worked, swaying a proud, coupled lesbian like me to want to lay on the white beach and eat pasta chased by a frozen Bob Marley—three layers of slushie in the color of the Jamaican flag, thinned with a generous pour of rum.
A romantic setting at the Sandals South Coast
I generally don’t travel where I’m not wanted, preferring to support LGBTQ+ businesses in LGBTQ+ affirming destinations, but I’d actually been blissfully unaware of Sandals homophobic past. We’d stayed at one similar all-inclusive previously, an adults-only resort in Punta Cana we’d picked based off colorful pictures on a travel deal site. We didn’t really consider LGBTQ+ inclusion when picking that hotel. Sandals, whose marketing is targeted toward heterosexual couples eager for a luxe romantic getaway to a white sand beach, merely blended in with me to the majority of mass marketing in America. Perhaps it’s worth pointing out that there are zero lesbian resorts in the Caribbean, or anywhere, and the few gay properties cater to men.
The difference between the adults-only (party with friends) resort in Punta Cana and the couples’ (romance) resort in Jamaica wasn’t obvious to me until I experienced it: Everything was tailored for a man and a woman. Two women together were presumed to be friends, guests at one of the many weddings taking place on the property. This, of course, was nothing new: we generally don’t make our status as a couple obvious unless our surroundings seem safe. I was in Jamaica to relax, not to feel like I was being scrutinized or morally evaluated for holding hands with my partner.
Anywhere we go, including New York, our home , if we’re not obviously engaged in some type of PDA, my identity, as a femme lesbian, is often erased. When I’m out of my comfort zone, I’m not hiding—but I’m hyper-aware of my safety and surroundings: A taxi driver when I’m traveling solo doesn’t need to know my sexuality or relationship status; strangers at a couple’s resort, where we’re staying to unwind, relax, and hopefully, let our guard down, had to be clued in, and, as the hospitality industry is seemingly learning to do, be accepting, make us feel welcome, regardless of who we are.
On our last night in Jamaica, a folded piece of paper slipped under our door indicated that we’d been booked for a couple’s massage at the spa, just after sunset. It was unclear if the spa had ever accommodated a same-sex couple for a massage before (and I hadn’t thought to ask), but the masseuses walked us through a so-called love ritual involving the swapping of melting body oil candles and ostensibly enjoyed the same experience as any other couple staying on site.
As we slipped back into our oversize robes, a staff member encouraged us to relax out on the spa’s lawn chairs. Under the stars and illuminated by the light of the spa, several dozen towels lay rolled and styled across the grass. At a closer glance, they spelled out I <3 U, the arrangement adorned with kissing swans and sparkling red cocktails. We took a picture, laughed, and sipped our sugary drinks at the welcome cliche of it all. We were seen—and hearted—for who we were, if only in fluffy white hotel towels.
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My wife and i are young we are only 30 and last weekend we went out to a restaurat / bar and ended up meeting up another couple we got along pretty well fast we were drinking all night and it was all good until the other girl leaned on my wifes shoulder and my wife by couriosity or maybe she liked her kissed her. I saw everything but the other guy didnt i was cool with it i tough it was exciting. about half hour later the apoligized to eachother and it was back to having fun. my wife asked me to go to the bathroom with her and i as a perv decided this is the big move..... i asked the other girl to go with her.... 15 minutes later they come back and is all cool so i asked my wife what happen and she told me that they hooked up kissing and sucking involved. i was very excited i wanted to take the girl home but she was with her man and no other man is touching my wife...lol... well anyhow a couple days later im here feeling jealous now they are friends on facebook and text each other. Me and my wife have been together 13 years and her and her date have been together for 2 months. I just want to know what should do how should i feel??? Helppp im going a little crazy...lol...
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well replace "other girl" with "other guy" and you get how I would feel. IMO this rings alarm bells, just coz it is a girl you seem to not really worry, I am sure you will be raging if it was a guy she is txting etc after kissing.
I think you need to talk to her about it, maybe she is bi or gay and if she is then there is nothing you can do about it, if you have a threesome make it clear that it is a one off and that it is not ok for your wife to go off and see this girl for sex etc without you. Unless of course, youre ok with that?
My GF is bi but she knows that if she goes off with another girl its the same as going off with another guy, the idea of dating a bi chick maybe hot coz of the ideas of threesomes etc but when you fall in love with them, you get a bit funny about it, at least I do; I would only ever agree to a threesome if we agreed to never see the extra girl again and didn't remain in contact.
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If the OP is less jealous about a woman good on him, this is highly individual. I think I know where he's coming from - even if she's completely bi, a woman still can't "replace" him; the wife's relationship with her would always be an addition to her life, whereas another man is perceived as more of a direct threat. It's highly common in couples which are not completely monogamous that the woman is only allowed to hook up with other women but not with other men, it helps the guy deal with his anxieties and doesn't allow such a strong "macho" rivalry to build up. Usually it seems to work fine.
My concern is whether the girl's partner is aware, because I might be non-monogamous but I'm strictly against lying and cheating!!
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^ Totally agree - I would never perceive a woman to be a direct threat, but more someone my woman could have as a side line if she wants a lil extra loving.
As long as I know about every instance of activity so I can have a wank while she tells me about it there's nothing wrong with it - it's hot.
For me - homosexuality is a lust thing, purely animal...a man will always come out on top unless he's a bitch.
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My wife and i are young we are only 30 and last weekend we went out to a restaurat / bar and ended up meeting up another couple we got along pretty well fast we were drinking all night and it was all good until the other girl leaned on my wifes shoulder and my wife by couriosity or maybe she liked her kissed her. I saw everything but the other guy didnt i was cool with it i tough it was exciting. about half hour later the apoligized to eachother and it was back to having fun. my wife asked me to go to the bathroom with her and i as a perv decided this is the big move..... i asked the other girl to go with her.... 15 minutes later they come back and is all cool so i asked my wife what happen and she told me that they hooked up kissing and sucking involved. i was very excited i wanted to take the girl home but she was with her man and no other man is touching my wife...lol... well anyhow a couple days later im here feeling jealous now they are friends on facebook and text each other. Me and my wife have been together 13 years and her and her date have been together for 2 months. I just want to know what should do how should i feel??? Helppp im going a little crazy...lol...
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well its a bit obvious how he feels, he even says so. he feels jealous.
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