Mutual Pleasures
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Mutual Pleasures
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All the fun of solo play — but do it together.
Ashley Britton/SheKnows
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By far, one of the hottest things in the world can be watching a partner feel sexual pleasure (all the better if you’re a part of making that pleasure happen). Whether that means warm and fuzzy, sensual feelings or a full-blown orgasm, getting off is one of the great pleasures of life.
Basically, mutual masturbation is a fancy term for touching yourself — or your partner (or doing a mix of both). The great thing about this type of sexual pleasure is that there’s no genital-on-genital contact necessary — thus greatly reducing your risk of STIs or pregnancy. Plus, if you’re not in the mood for penetrative intercourse , it’s a way to still give and receive pleasure without necessarily including those moves.
As far as safer sex goes, it’s a gold-star winner. Here are five ways to experience mutual masturbation with a partner.
If you want a no-fail mechanical assist, the Motorbunny (starting at $899)
is my ride-or-die go-to. It’s akin to riding a mechanical bull, except with a thrusting phallus and no risk of being bucked. From the penetrative vantage point of this sex toy, I can play with my clit while maintaining eye contact with a partner who’s touching themselves. If you’re feeling more interactive, have your partner sit on the corner of a bed and position the sex machine in front of them for a hand job or oral sex fun.
This is a super-easy yet satisfying position for mutual stimulation. This scenario works well for both penis- and vulva-havers. I like to lie down toward one side of the bed while my partner stands alongside facing the bed with legs slightly spread From this position, my partner can use their hands or toys to pleasure me while I use my hands and mouth on them. It may take some finagling to find the best angle for body parts to connect, but it’s definitely doable with some patience and practice.
For multitasking masturbation, have a penis-having partner lie down on their back. The vulva-owner straddles them just below their penis and moves their hand up and down the shaft while positioning their thumb on their clit. Add a dab of lube to make things move even more smoothly.
It may seem a little odd at first to lie side-by-side, on your backs, head-to-foot. But if you scooch so that each of you can easily reach the other’s genitals by reaching up between their legs, this can be a very relaxing position. (Not to mention a fantastic perspective of your partner’s party spot.) If your hand and forearm get tired after stroking or finger-banging for a while (*raises hand*), this position allows proper arm support to go the duration.
This a tried-and-true position for when you’re feeling lazy AF. Lie next to your partner, then scissor your legs sideways so your genitals graze each other’s (but no penetration takes place). I like to feel my partner’s penis at the entrance of my vagina while I rub my clit to orgasm. Penis-in-vagina sex is possible from this passive position but by no means necessary to bring pleasure.
So the next time you’re looking for a fun way to spend time with a partner, consider trying a few of these out.
A version of this story was published January 2019.
Before you go, check out 69 (nice) sex positions we’d recommend you try before you die:
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SheKnows is a part of Penske Media Corporation. © 2022 SheMedia, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on June 23, 2021
Mutual masturbation is when partners use their hands or toys to stimulate each other’s genitals. It can be done between two or more people. Like many other sexual activities, mutual masturbation is a way for partners to give each other pleasure or sexual stimulation. You may also hear it called mutual pleasuring.
Orgasm doesn’t always have to be the goal of mutual masturbation. It can be part of foreplay leading up to other activities like oral sex or penetrative sex . Or it can just be an intimate activity between you and your partner.
A common method of mutual masturbation is when two or more partners sexually pleasure each other by touching the other’s genitals with their hands or fingers. It may or may not include penetration. If you and your partner are comfortable doing so, you can also use sex toys such as vibrators.
Another method is for each partner to touch themselves while the other watches. You might do so while talking to your partner or while looking at erotic materials together. This shared experience can be pleasurable for both of you in many ways.
Many people masturbate to learn more about what they like or dislike during sex. It can help you figure out the best way to reach orgasm, and how to control when you climax.
Many couples use mutual pleasuring throughout their relationship, but it may happen more at certain times. Pregnancy hormones can heighten your libido and can leave you open to new activities like mutual masturbation. Bodily changes during pregnancy may make mutual masturbation easier than intercourse.
Mutual masturbation is an activity that requires a partner. You can do it to satisfy your partner, yourself, or both. You and your partner can begin by kissing and touching to build up excitement and arousal.
Once you’re both ready, you can touch yourselves or each other. Start out gently. You can continue to masturbate each other or work up to other activities like oral sex or penetrative sex.
In the past, masturbation was mistakenly thought to cause things like:
In fact, masturbation --whether alone or with a partner -- can have benefits such as:
Some people think masturbation is only for people who don’t have a partner. This isn’t true. Many adults, even those in relationships, continue to masturbate throughout their lives. Mutual masturbation can be a healthy, fulfilling part of a relationship if both partners enjoy it.
Another misconception is that mutual masturbation is totally risk-free. It’s true that there’s no risk of getting pregnant or spreading sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) when you masturbate alone. The risk of getting an STD through mutual masturbation without penetration is also low.
But there’s a small risk of STDs if you penetrate your partner with your fingers and injure the lining of their vagina or anus. This can leave an opening for bacteria or viruses to travel through.
This is also true of pregnancy. The risk is very low, especially when compared with other sex acts. But there’s a possibility of pregnancy if a partner uses fingers with semen on them to penetrate another’s vagina. To avoid STDs or pregnancy, use a latex glove or condom when penetrating the vagina or anus.
APA Dictionary of Psychology: “Mutual masturbation.”
APA Dictionary of Psychology: “Petting behavior.”
British Association for Sexual Health and HIV: “A BASHH Guide to Safer Sex.”
Definition.org: “Mutual masturbation.”
Family Planning Victoria: “Masturbation.”
The Journal of Perinatal Education : “Sex and Pregnancy: A Perinatal Educator’s Guide.”
National Health Service: “Fun with less risk.”
Woodlands Health Centre: “Masturbation Q&A.”
© 2005 - 2022 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
The Love Life Blog
Sex advice, sex tips and relationship advice - 100s of articles containing real information and inspiration by leading sex and relationships expert and educator Jacqueline Hellyer.
Jacqueline Hellyer - Monday, February 23, 2015
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#331: It's OK to Disappoint Your Partner
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#327: Pace Your Sexual Interactions
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#325: When Things Get Wobbly Assume the Best and Get Curious
#324: How Alike do You Need to be to Have a Good Relationship
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#319: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 3: Sexual Transformation
#318: The Benefits of a Great Love Life Part 2: Relational Transformation
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#307: Three Types of Sexual Communication: Chit-chat, In the Moment and The Debrief
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