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Incest is illegal, controversial and morally objectionable - but after embarking on a secret relationship with her brother, Cristina Shy is campaigning on behalf of incestuous couples around the world
TO all their neighbours, Cristina and her boyfriend were like any other regular couple - they enjoyed date nights together, were wildly attracted to each other and seemed, from the outside, like the perfect match .
But they were hiding a huge secret - not only were they lovers, they were brother and sister.
Reunited as adults after being adopted as babies, Cristina and her brother - who are keeping their identities secret for fear of prosecution - fell for each other.
Incest is illegal in the US, the UK, and throughout almost the entire world - but some states have harsher penalties than others, such as Montana, Nevada, Michigan and Idaho, where incestuous couples could face life in prison.
It also poses huge genetic risks to those conceived by blood relatives, with studies suggesting that as many as 40 per cent of children whose parents are immediate blood relatives are born with serious medical conditions.
To hide their controversial love, Cristina and her brother moved across America and settled in a state where nobody knew they were related, although they don't personally see any trouble with incestuous sexual relationships.
In an exclusive interview with Sun Online, Cristina, 36, says: "As long as everybody is a consenting adult, they should be able to do whatever they want to do in their own bedrooms - it's up to them how they want to live their lives.
"Lots of people believe incest is wrong but it's only wrong because it is illegal, but there are lots of things that are illegal now that won't be in a few years."
Since she started dating her brother, legal secretary Cristina has been campaigning to help people around the world who are in sexual relationships with their blood relatives - including a double murderer who had a baby with his biological daughter.
She also believes that related couples should be allowed to have babies, despite numerous studies showing that children of incest are significantly more likely to be born with deformities or disabilities.
Cristina has had to change her name, and asked not to be pictured because she fears that she and her brother could be jailed under incest laws.
However, she doesn't agree with these laws, saying: "You can't say something is wrong just because it is illegal - because laws change all the time.
"There are already laws to protect children and vulnerable people: there are rape and sexual battery laws and I don't think incest should be included in that."
Cristina said it wasn't an instant attraction when she first met her long-lost brother after being reunited as adults, but over the weeks that followed she started to develop feelings for him.
"It took a few weeks - it was like getting to know any other stranger," she revealed. "I remember feeling really confused at first - like why am I feeling like this towards my brother?
"Then he began dropping little hints about liking me and I caught on.
"I told him it's best to be honest and assured him nothing would change and then he just kind of blurted it out. And I told him, 'I've been feeling it too'."
Cristina claims that the many physical similarities between her and her brother made them more attracted to each other, saying: "I did begin to notice how much we looked alike. We had the same everything; same eyes, hair colour, cheekbones, lips, nose – even the same hands and same feet."
Cristina is unapologetic about her love, saying many people in incestuous relationships describe their partner as their "soulmate".
"I think there's definitely more of an emotional connection than a regular couple," she says.
"You have the family dynamic and also the adult dynamic - the attraction - so it just makes it different."
Cristina says she has helped high several high profile incestuous couples come to terms with their feelings.
The people she's offered support to include Steven Pladl, 45, who married his biological daughter Katie, 20, and had a baby with her, before shooting them both in a horrific murder-suicide earlier this year.
Katie, who had been adopted as a baby, went to live with her biological parents in 2016 after tracking them down on social media.
But when Pladl separated from Katie's mother, he started a sexual relationship with Katie. The pair married in secret and had a baby together, before eventually being arrested and forced to live apart.
Just two months later, Pladl suffocated his seven-month-old baby at his home, drove to Connecticut where he shot Katie and her adoptive father and then drove to New York where he turned the gun on himself. 
But Cristina claims that the devastating murder-suicide could have been prevented if people had been more understanding towards the eventual killer, Steven Pladl.
Cristina says that Pladl was "smeared" by society, and that she "felt horrible" for him and his daughter and wife, Katie. 
“I’m not making excuses for him but it’s a real shame it got to the point where he did what he did," she says.
Cristina also helped organise legal representation for a mother and son couple who were arrested last year in New Mexico on incest charges.
As with many incest cases, Monica Mares, 38, and son Caleb Peterson, 21, were reunited as adults after he had been adopted as a baby.
The pair fell “madly in love” and lived together before they were both arrested on incest charges and faced 18 months in prison back in 2016.
In interviews at the time, mum-of-nine Monica told how Caleb was the “love of her life” and how nothing could come between them - even jail.
Cristina says these cases, and her own incestuous relationship, were caused by a condition known as Genetic Sexual Attraction or GSA.
GSA is the term for an overwhelming sexual attraction which develops between close blood relatives who were separated at a young age and then meet each for the first time as adults. 
Studies have shown that up to 50 per cent of reunions between immediate relatives who were separated at birth result in obsessive emotions.
“We know from studies that the majority of people are attracted to people who have similar features to themselves," Cristina adds.
“So when you think about how siblings who did not grow up together meet and they look similar, have similar interests, have similar dislikes - of course it’s likely they’ll be attracted to each other.
“They have so much in common - it’s what everybody dreams of - this is their perfect match.
“There is no 'ew factor' - the feeling of ‘that's my family member I don't want to even think about that'."
Cristina believes that incestuous couples should be allowed to get legally married and enjoy the same legal rights as non-related couples.
She says she and her brother - who have now split up for “typical” reasons that were nothing to do with being related - missed out on many of the things other couples take for granted such as having a wedding.
Cristina even thinks that she should have been allowed to have children with her brother if she'd have wanted, despite the serious and well-established dangers to the baby's well being.
However there are huge risks for any children the pair might have had.
Dr Carol Cooper tells Sun Online: “The main problem with blood relatives having children is that it vastly increases the risk of serious genetic conditions, including cystic fibrosis and rare but life threatening diseases like Niemann-Pick and Tay-Sachs disease.
“The latter two have recessive inheritance, meaning that carriers don’t have any symptoms and they don’t know they’re carrying the disease.
“However, when two carriers conceive a baby together, the child has a high chance of contracting the disease. You often find that some of the more serious diseases are recessively inherited, which is why it’s not a good idea for cousins to conceive children together.”
Cristina, who is now in a relationship with a man who isn’t a family member, runs a website called Lily's Gardener and a support forum which offers emotional and practical support for incest couples.
She says the forum has hundreds of members from all over the world - including the UK.
Cristina, who lives on the east coast of America, also believes that with the increase of sperm donors the issue of GSA and incestuous relationships will only grow - and she hopes society will become more understanding of GSA.
"I'm not saying these people need to go shout it from the rooftops but they should be able to live without fear of prosecution,” she says.
"There's plenty of things that I know don't like the thought of - for example I would never do anal sex. I think it's the most disgusting concept in the world. But just because I don't want to do it doesn't mean that I'm going to say, 'Oh, you shouldn't do it either.' If you like it, I love it, it's your life, whatever you enjoy.
"Just because I like something I'm not going to force you to like it. But you don't need to report me to the police just because you don't like what I'm doing. 
“Is this the kind of world that you would leave in or want to live in? Because that's the kind of world you are forcing us to live in.”
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I watch a young mother climb into the swimming pool with her 3-year-old daughter. They wrap their arms securely around each other and playfully bob up and down. Not a hint of distrust crosses this child's face; she appears confident of her mother's love and protection.
After a few moments, the mother attempts to place the child into an inflatable toy ring. Protesting, the little girl begins to kick her feet and cling desperately to her mother's neck. The mother tries to assure her daughter that she will not be left adrift, but her efforts fail.
Acknowledging the fear, the mother tosses the ring onto the deck and gently kisses her daughter's cheek. A smile of success and relief appears on the child's face.
The memory surfaces of myself as a small child: My arms are wrapped around my father's neck while swimming in a lake. I see the same joy on my face as I just saw a moment ago on the child's, until my father reaches his hand under my swimsuit to fondle me. My look of joy suddenly turns to one of shame and fear.
Today, I am left with an image of horror and betrayal.
I acknowledge another equally painful memory, of my mother, who did not protect me from my father. I look at the little girl in the pool and wish that I could have felt the same bond of trust with my mother that she feels with hers. Tears form in my eyes, and I dive into the water so they will go unnoticed.
Vulnerability is difficult to expose to others, but now I can allow myself the relief of crying. For most of my life, the pain was buried under the defenses that I had developed to emotionally survive the incest. ::
My father, a former police officer, began to sexually abuse me at the age of 3 and continued until just prior to my 16th birthday. His assaults ranged from manual stimulation to oral, anal and vaginal penetration. As a child, I did not understand what my father was doing. It seemed that he was providing me with the love and affection that a child desperately needs from a parent. Only after he began to mention the word "secret" did I question if what we were doing was right.
My father never physically forced me to participate sexually with him until my mid-teens. His force was emotional. He was my father, and I trusted him.
Between the ages of 13 and 15, I informed four people of the incest: my mother, a physician, a schoolteacher and my best friend. None of them believed me. Yet my behavior at the time indicated that there was, in fact, something seriously wrong in my home environment.
I was desperately crying for help -- through bedwetting, truancy, poor academic performance, attention-seeking behavior, self-destructiveness, hypochondria, chronic depression, fatigue and eventually drug and alcohol abuse and promiscuity.
Physical indications of sexual abuse were also present, such as chronic upper respiratory, kidney and bladder infections, as well as gynecological problems and rectal bleeding. My entire physical and emotional being screamed for someone to recognize that something was deeply hurting me.
At 16, no longer willing or able to endure any further abuse, I ran away from home. A week later, my father found and brought me home, only to beat me and throw me physically out onto the sidewalk. My mother's immediate concern, I felt, was that the neighbors might see what was happening. I walked away knowing that I would never return home, even if it meant ending my own life.Putting aside my fear that again I would not be believed, I sought the help of a social worker at the county mental health center. Finally, someone knew that I was telling the truth. She looked at the bruises on my face and said that it was her responsibility to report child abuse to the Department of Social Services. She asked me if I would talk to a case worker. I said yes; she dialed the telephone.
As she talked to the case worker, my heart raced. I was terrified of what would happen next. Would my father go to jail? Would I be sent to a foster home?
That telephone call led to my father's indictment and a trial. Although I was relieved to be out of my parents' home, the thought of testifying against my father in court was horrifying. I was breaking the silence that he demanded I keep -- I was betraying him. I felt ashamed, as if I were to blame for the abuse and should have been able to stop him.
As I testified, I could see the hate in his eyes. My mother sat next to him; I had been abandoned. Her support of my father strengthened my belief that I was a very bad person.
At the end of the court proceedings, my father was convicted of criminal sexual conduct in the fourth degree. His sentence was a two-year probation, with an order for psychiatric treatment and a $750 fine.
My sentence was the emotional aftermath of the abuse.
Ten years have passed since the trial, and at age 26 I look back on the painful process of recovering. Healing the wounds of my childhood has required more than the passage of time.
In fact, most of this time was spent in a state of emotional denial. On an intellectual level, I knew that I had been a victim of incest, along with physical and emotional abuse. But on an emotional level, I felt numb. When talking about my experiences, it was as though I were speaking about someone totally separate from myself.
I lived from crisis to crisis, was unable to maintain a healthy intimate relationship and continued to abuse alcohol. I was financially irresponsible, chronically depressed, a compulsive overeater and lived in a fantasy world. Yet at times my behavior was the opposite: super-responsible, perfectionist, mature, overachieving and ambitious -- to the point of near exhaustion.
Behavior that I had developed as a child to protect myself from my father was also still present. I would sometimes awaken in the night, screaming for my father to leave me alone. Locking bathroom and bedroom doors, out of fear that someone would attempt to enter and violate me, was common.
The greatest effect of the abuse was the profound sense of guilt and shame that plagued me on a daily basis. I hated myself. No matter how hard I tried to feel good about myself, feelings of shame and worthlessness would surface. I continuously sought the approval of others. Surely someone would think that I was a good person if only I tried hard enough to please them. I would do almost anything for a friend or my employer to gain approval, even if that meant neglecting or overextending myself.
At times, my guilt would overwhelm me to the extent of becoming suicidal. I wanted to end the pain, not my life, but the two were deeply enmeshed. I desperately wanted someone to rescue me from my pain. Turning others into parental figures and expecting to be taken care of was a way of survival. I didn't have to face my losses if I could maintain the fantasy that someday I would have the kind of parents that I needed.
Eventually, I recognized my need to return to professional counseling. I had been in psychotherapy during the court proceedings, and again five years later.
This time, along with therapy, I sought the help of an incest survivors' support group. Being in the presence of others with similar experiences helped me feel that I was not alone in my quest for recovery. Hearing other victims talk about their sorrow, fear, rage and confusion allowed me to share my own feelings with them. We supported each other with acceptance and understanding, affirming that it was safe to grieve. Together, we acknowledged our need to learn ways of parenting ourselves. The skills that our parents should have taught us as children were absent. Essentially, we were growing up all over again.
In therapy, my social worker helped me become familiar with the little girl that I still carried with me -- the little girl who was hurt by her parents and needed me as the adult to love and accept her. First, we looked at how I treated the part of myself that was still a little girl. When she would cry fo
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