Muslim Women Love Sex

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I’m a Muslim Woman, and I Love to Orgasm
I furrowed my brows and turned around as I ladled the last batter of bean cake into the deep fryer, taking a few seconds to process what my husband had just said.
“So many women have never had the big O,” he said as he poured boiling water over the black Lipton tea bags in our teacups. “Many even believe that they’re not supposed to.”
“How do you know this?” I asked curiously, leaping up to sit beside him on the cabinet. This was the beginning of a very long conversation that started in our kitchen and rolled into bedtime.
My husband had joined a conversation about sex at his workplace, and he found out that none of the women knew what an orgasm felt like. Upon asking them why they’d never had an orgasm, some admitted that the idea of the female orgasm was alien to them while the majority responded that they just never saw it as a goal to which Muslim women should aspire.
I met my husband over the phone about seven years ago. He had heard about me from a relative and wanted to meet me. Our relationship was distant and we knew that having decided to wait till marriage before having sex, we didn’t want to spend our honeymoon learning the basics. It was a topic we openly explored, and we both concluded that we needed to take more and more sex education lessons. We both learned about male and female sexual anatomies, and we established that we were both equally entitled to sexual pleasure and consideration.
Upon getting married, we realized that the topic of sexual pleasure could not be exhausted — the anatomy of hymens being on top of the list at that time. With each passing day, there was always so much more to unpack. But we learned together, tried new things together, improved together, and grew together — each new sex becoming the best sex — sometimes sensual and sometimes heated. And each of us ensured the sexual pleasure of the other. Sex in our home is a gift of love that we give to each other.
As I listened to my husband narrate the experiences of the women at his workplace, I became genuinely disturbed. I couldn’t comprehend how women would stay in a marriage characterized by one-sidedness. That sex in many homes had become a chore that lots of women render to their husbands was disheartening. But what was more heartbreaking was the fact that many of these women had been religiously manipulated into believing that they were mere sexual objects for the pleasure of men.
A woman’s orgasm comes down from her head whereas a man’s orgasm comes down from his back… She was asked which finds greater pleasure in sexual union: a man or woman? And she answered: We, women, find such pleasure…
— The Encyclopedia of Pleasure, Ali ibn Nasr al-Katib
In 2017, a book written by an anonymous woman under the pen name Umm Muladhat, titled The Muslimah Sex Manual: A Halal Guide to Mind Blowing Sex, took the entire Muslim world by surprise with raw, candid advice on everything from cunnilingus to BDSM. Surprisingly, the topic of sex for Muslim women remains a mystery. However, just like women all around the world, Muslim women have sex, too. And it’s nothing to be shocked about! Yet, it seems that many Muslims are disgusted when it’s talked about openly.
If there’s one topic that Muslims are proud to talk about, it’s procreation. And if we’re being mathematically correct, the Muslim population is the fastest-growing segment in the world, according to birth rates. Of course, the act of procreation and sexual pleasure are two entirely different matters. And as women, shouldn’t we know this?
All over the world, the history of the female orgasm has been both chaotic and mysterious. While it’s true that it had been shelved, misconstrued, misplaced, and debated, the history of the female orgasm has meandered from the medieval belief that female orgasms were required for procreation to the 20th-century recovery of female pleasure up to the mind-blowing TV series Sex and the City, which opened the eyes of the world to the fact that women really do talk about sex.
It is rather so disappointing that in 2020, Muslim women still have a regressive perception and/or relationship with their sexual pleasure.
Many of us learned about the alleged sexual tricks and proclivities of Cleopatra who as far back as 51 B.C., supposedly fashioned a vibrating device for self-pleasure by putting angry bees into a hollowed-out gourd. In Muslim history, we’ve most likely also heard about The Perfumed Garden of Sensual Delight, a 15th-century work of erotic literature by Tunisian author Muḥammad ibn Muḥammad al-Nafzawi, which taught readers the art of flirtation, sexual anatomy, male fertility, pregnancy, abortion, and most importantly, provided a guideline for and showered so much praise on the delightful enjoyment of sex.
Many women are reviving this lost tradition in the 21st century. This is how far we’ve come. It is rather so disappointing that in 2020, Muslim women still have a regressive perception and/or relationship with their sexual pleasure, especially considering the fact that we do have a rich Islamic history and tradition of female pleasure to fall back on.
Within the context of marriage, Islam places a great emphasis on sexual equality. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was a big advocate of female pleasure. He was once reported to have said:
Do not engage in sexual intercourse with your wife like hens; rather, firstly engage in foreplay with your wife and flirt with her and then make love to her.
Imam Ibn Qudamah, a renowned Hanbali Jurist, mentions a narration in which it was recorded that the Prophet (PBUH) said, “Do not begin intercourse until she has experienced desire like the desire you experience, lest you fulfill your desires before she does.” [Al Mughni, 8:36.]
Over 14 centuries ago, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) recognized the fact that female pleasure had to come before male pleasure, given the anatomical differences between men and women and the fact that most penises become flaccid after orgasmic ejaculation, making it difficult for a woman to thereafter achieve orgasm. And no, the burden of female pleasure wasn’t only placed on the man but also on the woman, who had to take charge of her own pleasure and ensure that she guides her husband along the path of her own sexual climax.
When it comes to learning about Islam and sex, Muslim women have long relied on the opinions of scholars, many of whom operate under a culture of purity, present sex to us as both a duty owed to a husband and as something so dirty and shameful that shouldn’t be openly discussed. They deliberately ignore the fact that sexual intimacy is really an impetus for a lot of people to get and stay married and any anomaly in this regard could be tantamount to the failure of a marriage.
Because Muslim women see the topic of female pleasure as “taboo,” they lack information, experience, and self-confidence in the bedroom.
Lots of scholars have also limited the scope of sexual pleasure by stating, for example, that male dominance should be observed by outlawing sexual positions such as woman on top and rear-entry (doggy) style and forbidding cunnilingus and fellatio.
Based on these scholarly views, Muslim women then sacrifice their sexual well-being in submission to the will of their sexual partners, suffering in silence and hoping that they’ll be divinely rewarded for their endurance. After all, critics would say, “orgasm is not something that a ‘nice’ Muslim woman should be concerned about.”
Because Muslim women see the topic of female pleasure as taboo, they lack information, experience, and self-confidence in the bedroom and are therefore susceptible to acts that they would otherwise not have participated in. They also lack the courage to speak up for what they do want for fear of being labeled as sluts or whores.
Praise be given to God, who has placed man’s greatest pleasure in the natural parts of woman, and has destined the natural parts of man to afford the greatest enjoyment to woman.
— The Perfumed Garden of Sensual Delight, Muḥammad ibn Muḥammad al-Nafzawi
Indeed, sex in Islam is not just physical but also soulful — it offers lots of spiritual delights. God really wants us to orgasm, and that is why the act of pleasurable sexual intercourse within the confines of marriage can be highly rewarding. Little wonder the tradition of female genital mutilation (FGM) — which aims at regulating women’s sexuality — is not just physically repulsive, but also repugnant to the spirit of sexual pleasure in Islam. In fact, one of the grounds for divorce under the Shariah is sexual incompatibility and denial of sexual pleasure. The demure attitude toward physical pleasure is frowned upon in many Islamic teachings.
My 2018 article in Amaliah titled “A Woman’s Right to Orgasm: Feminism in the Bedroom and Sexual Liberation Through Islam Not Despite It” was a counternarrative to the religious suppression of women’s sexual rights and voices, challenging the heartbreaking disregard for women’s value. While some have argued that it is the intersectionality of culture that has penetrated into Muslim thinking and claimed the mantle of religious teachings, it is important to remind ourselves of the establishment of sexual equality between Muslim men and women under the Shariah.
In recent times, Angelica Lindsey-Ali, who goes by the nickname “The Village Auntie,” has gained media recognition for her work, which aims at helping Muslim women to reclaim their sexual power. From penis sizes and dildos to Kunyaza and physically modeled sex positions, her goal is to eliminate the pleasure gap and curb misinformation about sex within Muslim communities. Fortunately, her work arrived at a time of increased awareness and conversations surrounding the sexuality of Muslim women in the media, especially with London-based Yumna Al-Arashi’s photography celebrating Muslim sexuality and pleasure.
If Muslim men refuse to be educated about the fusion of body and mind to bring their women to experience sexual pleasure and do not care about the art and mystery of satisfying the physical woman let alone ensuring the sexual well-being of their partners, then it is time for Muslim women to put their destinies into their hands. It starts from having these conversations, acknowledging that we have sexual needs yearning to be fulfilled, and deciding henceforth that we would not settle for less than we deserve. In the words of Angelica Lindsey-Ali, “Don’t ever waste a ghusl!”
The female orgasm isn’t a unicorn, it’s a misunderstood breed of purebred hound: common, frequently feared, occasionally in fashion throughout history, and giving great happiness if well-trained.
My husband and I sat up in bed for a rather long time, still consumed in the topic that had kicked off over dinner preparation in the kitchen.
“Do you know the most disturbing part of it all?” he asked, turning toward me.
“It’s the disturbing narrative of a colleague who’s planning to marry a second wife because his woman doesn’t yield to his sexual demands.” He arched his brows and continued: “When I asked him if his woman had ever achieved orgasm in their marriage, he seemed irritated by my question as if orgasm had never been a woman’s business.”
And yet again, I realized that, perhaps, lots of women feel reluctant to have sex because it appears to be nothing but a chore from which they gain no pleasure, yet are required to do to become mothers. My husband seemed disturbed by the fact that a man who isn’t capable of pleasuring his woman would seek to marry another.
But, it was not surprising. After all, aren’t we in a world where nothing that happens is new?
Founding Editor, The Muslim Women Times. I write about Gender, Culture, Equality and Islam | Visit our Website at https://www.themuslimwomentimes.com
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Перевести · 27.05.2020 · Surprisingly, the topic of sex for Muslim women remains a mystery. However, just like women all around the world, Muslim women have sex, too. And it’s nothing to be shocked about! Yet, it seems that many Muslims are disgusted when it’s talked about openly. If there’s one topic that Muslims …
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