Muslim Mistress

Muslim Mistress

Monday 16 Ṣafar 1444
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12 September 2022

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What should she do with her husband who is committing adultery and his mistress is pregnant?

My husband has been having an affair for approximately 1 year and the other woman is now pregnant. I am also pregnant. should I forgive him or should I leave him? If I stay should he take custody of the child as the other woman is a drug addict and should I bring the child up?

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It is well known in Islam that zina (unlawful sexual relationship) is haraam
and is a major sin. The one who has fallen into this sin has to repent to
Allah, may He be exalted, before it is too late. The prohibition of this evil
deed is more emphatic in the case of a married man, hence the punishment for it
is stoning to death.
See the answer to question no. 97884
If it is proven to you that your husband
is committing adultery, either because he has admitted it to you or there is shar‘i evidence to that effect, then advise him to fear
Allah, immediately end his sinful relationship with that woman, do a lot of
righteous deeds, and seek good company who will encourage him to do good and
obey Allah and to avoid evil and sin.
It is not permissible for a woman to
marry a man who is known to have committed zina
unless he repents sincerely. If a woman marries a man who has been committing zina, then she is sinning and her marriage contract is
invalid. If a woman marries a man who is chaste, then after marriage he falls
into zina, the marriage contract is not annulled by
his falling into zina, but this does not mean that
the wife should accept him as a husband if he does not give up this immoral
action. Hence we think that in your case, if he does not give it up, you should
not remain in the marital relationship with him. Rather you should hasten to
end your marriage to him, by means of either talaaq
or khula‘.
You should understand that if your
husband continues to commit zina, it will have a
negative impact on his family members, his wife and children, in terms of both
their upbringing and their health. So do not think of staying with him if he
does not stop and give up this sin.
See the answer to questions no. 101771 and 110141 .
As you are living in a non-Muslim
country and the law in this country forces the adulterer to acknowledge the
child and also to spend on the child and take care of him, in this case Islam
does not oblige you to look after the child, take care of him or breastfeed
him, even if he was your husband’s child from a permissible marriage, unless
you do that voluntarily and out of kindness.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The husband does not have the right to
force her (his wife) to breastfeed his child from another woman, or to look
after him.
It was narrated from Jaabir
ibn ‘Abdillah (may Allah be
pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be
upon him) said: “Have you got married?” I (Jaabir)
said: Yes. He said: “To a virgin or a previously-married woman?” I said: To a
previously-married woman. He said: “Why not a young girl,
and you could play with her and she with you?” I said: I have sisters, and I
wanted to marry a woman who would be able to bring them together, comb their
hair and take care of them.
An-Nawawi (may
Allah have mercy on him) said:
This indicates that it is permissible
for a woman to look after her husband and his children and dependents if she
agrees to do so, but if she does not agree to do so, then no (she should not be
forced to do it).
Wali ad-Deen al-‘Iraaqi (may Allah have
mercy on him) said:
This indicates that it is permissible
for a woman to look after her husband and his children, sisters and dependents,
and that there is nothing wrong with a man asking his wife to do that, but it
is not obligatory for her to do so; rather she may do that if she agrees to.
If your husband has not repented and
given up zina, then you should separate from him and
leave him and his child. But if he has repented from that and you think that he
regrets what he has done, and you think it most likely that he has mended his
ways, then there is nothing wrong with you staying with him and we advise you
to help him to look after this child and take care of him, in the hope that
Allah may reward you for that and compensate you with good, and perhaps this
child may become righteous instead of being left under the care of disbelievers
and being raised by them.

Source:

Islam Q&A

Ruling on one who committed zina with a non-Muslim woman when he was not married

If she accuses her husband of zina, does she have the right to separate from him by means of li’aan?

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Articles Women Site Family Polygamy

This means that a male or female may marry an unlimited number of spouses at the same time. In other cultures and faiths, a male may marry an unlimited number of wives at the same time, for any reason, unrestricted by any conditions. Such practices are totally prohibited in Islam.
In Islam, a Muslim man is granted the right to marry more than one wife, accompanied by several clear conditions. These conditions are: financial, physical and emotional ability, equal treatment of the wives, that the women are not among those who are prohibited for him to marry permanently (such as aunts, foster daughters and others specified in the Quran) or temporarily (such as marrying two sisters at the same time); and that the number of wives is limited to four.
Hence, this is a legal provision that can be properly understood in the context of Islam's position on these issues:
First, in Islam, the family is considered the cornerstone of society; any extra-marital relationship is devastating and damaging to the family and hence it is strictly prohibited. Married life is most desirable in Islam, Islam envisions the role of a woman as a respected, honorable wife, not a secret mistress; while allocating to men the role of respected, responsible husbands, never indulging in secret affairs..
Second, Islam and Islamic laws are for all times and for all circumstances and situations, therefore, they must accommodate all possible social and individual situations.
Third, in Islam, every Muslim man should have a wife and every Muslim woman should have a husband.
Although it may have been abused in certain times and places, polygamy can have a valuable function in certain circumstances; in some situations it may be considered as the lesser of two difficult situations, and in others it may be even a beneficial arrangement.
The obvious example of this occurs in times of war, when there are inevitably large numbers of widows and orphans left without companionship, love, income, care or protection.
If it is still maintained under these circumstances that a man may marry only one wife, other women will be deprived of having a family that includes a loving husband, a companion for life, children and a father for the children. What option is left for those women who have no chance to get married ? They could either stay alone or enter into an illicit relationship.
Most women would not welcome either of those two options. A mistress is just an unofficial second wife who has no legal rights or security for herself or her children. The fact is that women under these circumstances may prefer to share a husband than have none at all; there is no doubt that it is easier to share a husband when it is an established and legal practice, than when it is carried on secretly with attempts to deceive the first wife.
There are other situations where this kind of practice may be preferable for all parties, such as if the first wife is chronically ill, if she cannot have children, if a woman cannot earn a living and needs emotional and financial support.
These examples are mentioned here because people assume that polygamy in Islam is a means to cater to the whims of the Muslim man, not as a real solution to some difficult social problems.
The first verse in the Quran that allows this practice was revealed following the battle of Uhud, in which hundreds of Muslim men were killed, leaving widows and orphans whose care was the responsibility of the Muslim male survivors.
Allah Almighty Says in the Quran (what means): {To orphans restore their property when they reach their age, and do not substitute your worthless things for their good ones, and devour not their substance by mixing it up with your own. For this is indeed a great sin. If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four ; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then marry only one.} [Quran 4:2-3]
From these verses, a number of facts are evident:
Polygamy is far better and more honorable than the case where a man is secretly having mistresses or involved with prostitutes (adultery). This practice is also better than the case where the husband divorces his wife if she falls ill and marries another one.
The requirement of justice between wives rules out the fantasy that a man can have as many wives as he pleases; it also rules out the concept of a "secondary" wife, for all wives have exactly the same status and are entitled to identical rights and claims over their husband.
The verses say "marry" -- not buy, seduce or select -- since in Islam, marriage is a civil contract, which is valid only when both parties consent to it. Thus no woman can be married forcibly or given to a man who is already married, except if she and her family agree, since there is no secret marriage in Islam polygamy is practiced as a free choice of both parties.
It is evident that the permission for polygamy is consistent with the realistic Islamic worldview, that remains applicable through varying social needs, problems and cultural variations for all time and in all places.

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Polygamy is defined in many dictionaries as: “Any person (male or female) may unconditionally marry unlimited number spouses at the same time."

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Islamic views and laws on sexuality

^ Arabic pronunciation: [fiqhu'l dʒin'siːu'l ʔis'laːmiː] ; Al-fiqh al-jinsi

^ Arabic pronunciation: [fiqhu'n nikah] ; Fiqh al-nikah

^ Umar bin Al-Khattab, the second Caliph of Islam, during his routine patrols in the streets of Al-Madina, heard the desperate chanting of a young female. The latter was uttering the following lines: "This night is becoming longer: it's dimensions am becoming darker. (In the flush of my aroused passions). I am restive: I yearn for my beloved to play with. By Allah, If I wouldn't have feared Allah. I would have managed someone in the bed and moved all its sides." Umar understood clearly that the broken-hearted desperate woman was sustaining the agony of separation of her husband. He also realized that the separation period was ostensibly longer. Her husband at that time was engaged in military operations against infidels. Umar also realized that such separations are decisive factors leading to acts of sure deviance and crimes. With such thinking he approached his daughter Hafsa and raised a question: - How long a wife can tolerate the separation of her husband, Hafsa responded: - From four to six months. Thereupon Umar issued a Caliphal decree. By virtue of this decree. he commended all Muslims on military service to return to their homes, though for a short duration. after a span period of four months. [57]

^ Hanafi scholar, Ibn Nujaym wrote, "It is mentioned in the collection of fatawa Al-Walwaljiya that there is no harm [in masturbating] if one only seeks to relieve sexual desire (i.e. excessive sexual desire that distracts a person from religious and worldly matters). Also if one is spouseless or has a spouse, yet it is difficult to reach her/him due to certain circumstances. This opinion is also stated in Al-Siraj Al-Wahaj." [80]

^ The Hanafi jurists have two words for the ruling that the other Sunni schools and Islamic denominations would refer to as simply "Haram" (forbidden) - 1) "Makruh Tahrimi", 2) "Haram". The difference is that what is "Haram" in their terminology is that which is established definitively, whilst the evidence for something labelled "Makruh Tahrimi" is not definitive (e.g. it is based on a Hadith that is Khabar Ahad .) "Makruh Tahrimi" should not be confused with what other schools generally refer to as Makruh - which in the Hanafi school is known as "Makruh Tanzihi" (Categorically Disliked). The Hanafi scholars view the sin of committing a "Makruh Tahrimi" act as lesser than the sin of committing what they call a "Haram" act, though both are forbidden and so incur sin. [81]

^ Love seems to be the most frequent occasion of contact between men and jinn. A jinni meets a woman and falls in love with her, or vice versa... This possession is manifest notably when the jinni has sexual intercourse with the person he/she possesses. In that case, the individual behaves with gestures and words as if they were having sexual intercourse, although he/she is apparently alone in the room. Besides, this person seems to suddenly lose all interest for his/her environment." [140]

^ Rassool, G. Hussein (2015). Islamic Counselling: An Introduction to theory and practice . Routledge. ISBN 978-1-317-44125-0 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Ali, Kecia (2016). Sexual Ethics and Islam: Feminist Reflections on Qur'an, Hadith, and Jurisprudence . Simon and Schuster. ISBN 978-1-78074-853-5 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Shah, Saeeda (2015). Education, Leadership and Islam: Theories, discourses and practices from an Islamic perspective . Routledge. p. 96. ISBN 978-1-135-05254-6 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Dr. Shahid Athar. "Sex education, teenage pregnancy, sex in Islam and marriage" . /www.islam-usa.com. Archived from the original on 15 June 2015 . Retrieved 13 June 2015 .

^ "Sunnah of the Wedding Night" . 15 March 2008. Archived from the original on 17 March 2015.

^ Simon, Rita James; Brooks, Alison (2009). Gay and Lesbian Communities the World Over . Rowman & Littlefield. p. 17. ISBN 978-0-7391-4364-3 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Mallat, Chibli; Connors, Jane Frances (1990). Islamic Family Law . Brill. pp. 55, 58, 60, 62, 63, 64. ISBN 978-1-85333-301-9 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Cohn-Sherbok, Dan; Chryssides, George D.; El-Alami, Dawoud (2013). Love, Sex and Marriage: Insights from Judaism, Christianity and Islam . Hymns Ancient and Modern Ltd. pp. XX, 88, 182, 196. ISBN 978-0-334-04405-5 .

^ Khan, Muhammad Aftab (2006). Sex & Sexuality in Islam . Nashriyat. p. 296. ISBN 978-969-8983-04-8 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Warren, Christie S. (2010). Islamic Criminal Law: Oxford Bibliographies Online Research Guide . Oxford University Press, USA. pp. 10, 11, 12. ISBN 978-0-19-980604-1 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Zia, Afiya Shehrbano (1994). Sex Crime in the Islamic Context: Rape, Class and Gender in Pakistan . ASR. pp. 7, 9, 32. ISBN 978-969-8217-23-5 . Retrieved 26 May 2020 .

^ Bukhari, Book 3, Number 0649

^ Myrne, Pernilla (2018). "Women and Men in al-Suyūṭī's Guides to Sex and Marriage" . Mamlūk Studies Review . The Middle East Documentation Center (MEDOC) at the University of Chicago. XXI : 47–67. doi : 10.25846/26hn-gp87 . ISSN 1947-2404 .

^ Jump up to: a b Alwan, Abdullah Nasih; Ghali, Mahmoud; Ghani, Kamal Abdul; Elkhatib, Shafiq; Shaban, Ali Ahmad; Al-Gindi, Ash-Shahhat; Zeid, Khalifa Ezzat; Cook, Selma (2004). Child Education in Islam (2nd ed.). Cairo: Dar-Us Salam. pp. 186–214. ISBN 977-342-000-0 . Retrieved 19 December 2020 .

^ Jump up to: a b "Circumcision of boys" . Religion & ethics – Islam . BBC. 24 March 2006. Archived from the orig
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