Muslim Marriage
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Muslim Marriage
Huda is an educator, school administrator, and author who has more than two decades of experience researching and writing about Islam online.
Huda. "Islamic Marriage and Involvement of Friends and Family." Learn Religions, Aug. 26, 2020, learnreligions.com/islamic-marriage-2004443.
Huda. (2020, August 26). Islamic Marriage and Involvement of Friends and Family. Retrieved from https://www.learnreligions.com/islamic-marriage-2004443
Huda. "Islamic Marriage and Involvement of Friends and Family." Learn Religions. https://www.learnreligions.com/islamic-marriage-2004443 (accessed September 12, 2022).
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In Islam , marriage is a social and legal relationship intended to strengthen and extend family relationships. Islamic marriage begins with a search for an appropriate partner and is solemnized with an agreement of marriage, the contract , and the wedding party. Islam is a strong advocate of marriage, and the act of marriage is considered a religious duty through which the social unit—the family—is established. Islamic marriage is the only permissible way for men and women to engage in intimacy.
When searching for a spouse, Muslims often involve an extended network of friends and family. Conflict arises when parents don't approve of the child's choice, or parents and children have different expectations. Perhaps the child is averse to marriage altogether. In Islamic marriage, Muslim parents are not allowed to force their children into marrying someone against their will.
Muslims take very seriously the decision of whom to marry. When it's time for a final decision, Muslims seek guidance from Allah and Islamic teachings and advice from other knowledgeable people. How Islamic marriage applies to practical life is also key in making a final decision.
An Islamic marriage is considered both a mutual social agreement and a legal contract. Negotiating and signing the contract is a requirement of marriage under Islamic law , and certain conditions must be upheld in order for it to be binding and recognized. Nikah, with its primary and secondary requirements, is a solemn contract.
The public celebration of a marriage usually involves a wedding party (walimah). In Islamic marriage, the family of the groom is responsible for inviting the community to a celebration meal. The details of how this party is structured and the traditions involved vary from culture to culture: Some consider it obligatory; other only highly recommend it. A walimah does not usually involve lavish spending when that same money could be more wisely spent by the couple after marriage.
After all the parties are over, the new couple settles into life as husband and wife. In an Islamic marriage, the relationship is characterized by safety, comfort, love, and mutual rights and responsibilities. In Islamic marriage, a couple makes obeying Allah the focus of their relationship: The couple must remember that they are brothers and sisters in Islam, and all of the rights and duties of Islam also apply to their marriage.
After all the prayers, planning and festivities, sometimes the life of a married couple doesn't turn out the way it should. Islam is a practical faith and offers avenues for those who find difficulty in their marriage. The Quran is very clear on the subject of couples partnered in Islamic marriage:
As with every religion, Islamic marriage is referred to by and in its own terms. In order to fully follow Islam's strictly defined rules on marriage, a glossary of terms regarding Islamic rules and regulations must be understood and followed. The following are examples.
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“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect” (Quran 30:21).
“O Humans revere your Guardian Lord, Who created you from a single person created of like nature its mate, and from this scattered (like seeds) countless men and women. Reverence Allah through Whom you claim your mutual rights” (Quran 4:1).
The above verses of the Quran lay out the framework for the basis and objectives of marriage in Islam. In the ultimate Wisdom of Allah we are first told that both partners, man and woman, are created from the same source and that this should be paid attention to as it is one of His Signs.
The fact that we come from the same soul signifies our equality as humans. When the essence of our creation is the same, the argument of who is better or greater is redundant. To stress on this fact, and then to talk about marriage in the same verse, is of great significance for those of us who are in the field of marriage counseling.
A shift in this attitude of gender equality as human beings causes an imbalance in marital relationships leading to dysfunctional marriages. Whenever one party considers that they are superior or above the law there is a power shift which may subsequently lead to misuse or abuse of that power. As a result, the less valuable partner is seen as an easy prey. Many marital difficulties are based on, or caused by, control and rule stratagem.
By stressing on the equality of all humans, men or women, and making it the basis of marriage, Allah, in His Infinite Wisdom, has laid the ground rules for establishing peace. He has assigned different roles to husband and wife as functional strategy, rather than as a question of competence as humans.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) has stated that: “men and women are twin halves of each other” (Bukhari). This narration also brings home the fact that men and women are created from a single source. Furthermore, by using the analogy of twin half, the Prophet (pbuh) has underlined the reciprocal and interdependent nature of men and women’s relationships.
The objective of marriage, according to the above Quranic verses, is to enable us to dwell in peace and tranquility. It is important for us to reflect on these words and their significance in the Islamic frame of reference.
In order to have peace certain condition must be met. These prerequisites to peace are Justice, Fairness, Equity, Equality, and fulfillment of mutual rights. Therefore any injustice whether it is oppression, or persecution, cannot be tolerated if there is to be peace in Muslim homes.
In the domestic realm, oppression is manifested when the process of Shura (consultation) is compromised, neglected or ignored. When one partner (in most cases the husband) makes unilateral decisions and applies a dictatorial style of leadership, peace is compromised. Persecution is present when there is any form of domestic abuse being perpetrated.
Tranquility on the other hand is a state of being which is achieved when peace has been established. Tranquility is compromised when there is tension, stress and anger. It is a mistake to take tranquility to mean perpetual state of bliss, since one can never be immune to tragedies and catastrophes. In fact God tells us repeatedly in the Quran that a believer will be tried and tested. However, a state of tranquility empowers one to handle difficult moments with their spouses as obedient servants of God. God, in His infinite Mercy, also provides us with the tools by which we can achieve this state of peace and tranquility.
The second principle on which Islamic family life is based is Rahma, meaning mercy. As mentioned in the above verse, God tells us that it is He that has placed mercy between the hearts of spouses. We are therefore inclined by our very nature to have mercy for each other. Mercy is manifested through compassion, forgiveness, care and humility.
It is obvious that these are all ingredients that make for a successful partnership. Marriage in Islam is above all a partnership based on equality of partners and specification of roles. Lack of mercy in a marriage, or in a family, renders it in Islamic terms dysfunctional.
Allah further states that He has also placed in addition to mercy, love between spouses. It should be noted, however, that the Islamic concept of love is different from the more commonly understood romantic love that has become so valued.
The basic difference is that love between man and woman in the Islamic context can only be realized and expressed in a legal marriage. In order to develop a healthy avenue for the expression of love between a man and woman, and to provide security so that such a loving relationship can flourish, it is necessary to give it the protection of Shariah (Islamic law).
Faith: The love Muslim spouses have for each other should be for the sake of Allah and to gain His pleasure. It is from Allah that we claim our mutual rights (Quran 4:1) and it is to Allah that we are accountable for our behavior as husbands and wives.
It sustains: Love is not to consume but to sustain. Allah expresses His love for us by providing sustenance. To love in Islam is to sustain our loved one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually, to the best of our ability. (Note : To sustain materially is the husband’s duty. However, if the wife wishes she can also contribute)
Accepts: To love someone is to accept them for who they are. It is selfishness to try and mould someone as we wish them to be. True love does not attempt to crush individuality or control personal differences, but is magnanimous and secure to accommodate differences.
Challenges: Love challenges us to be all we can, it encourages us to tap into our talents and it takes pride in our achievements. To enable our loved one to realize their potential is the most rewarding experience.
Merciful: Mercy compels us to love and love compels us to have mercy. In the Islamic context the two are synonymous. The attribute Allah chose to be the supreme for Himself is that He is the most Merciful. This attribute of Rahman (the Merciful) is mentioned 170 times in the Quran, emphasizing the significance for believers to be merciful. Mercy, in practical application, means to have and show compassion and to be charitable.
Forgiving: Love is never too proud to seek forgiveness or too stingy to forgive. It is willing to let go of hurt and letdowns. Forgiveness allows us the opportunity to improve and correct ourselves. Islam emphasizes the principle that if we want God to forgive our mistakes, then we should be forgiving of others too.
Respect: To love is to respect and value the person, their contributions, and their opinions. Respect does not allow us to take for granted our loved ones or to ignore their input. How we interact with our spouses reflects whether we respect them or not.
Confidentiality: Trust is the most essential ingredient of love. When trust is betrayed and confidentiality compromised, love loses its soul.
Caring: Love fosters a deep fondness that dictates caring and sharing in all that we do. The needs of our loved ones take precedence over our own.
Kindness: The biography of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is rich with examples of acts of kindness he showed towards his family and particularly his wives. Even when his patience was tried, he was never unkind in word or deed. To love is to be kind.
Grows: Marital love is not static, for it grows and flourishes with each day of marital life. It requires work and commitment, and is nourished through faith when we are thankful and appreciative of Allah blessings.
Enhances: Love enhances our image and beautifies our world. It provides emotional security and physical well being.
Selflessness: Love gives unconditionally and protects dutifully.
Truthful: Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise.
Edited from article by:
Sahina Siddiqui
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