Muslim Girl Dating White Man

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Muslim Girl Dating White Man
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Muslim Arab woman marrying a White man
Comment deleted by user · 2 yr. ago
I am a Muslim Arab girl and was born and raised in the US. I started dating this white American catholic guy about a year and a half ago. We already discussed him converting, and he has agreed and has begun to research Islam and whatnot. Other than that, he has a good degree, full-time job, we get along, he checks off the boxes. No, he doesn't speak Arabic but is also willing to learn. We talked that we would raise the kids as arab-americans, etc.
The issue is my parents, having immigrated to the states, have always wanted me to marry an Arab Muslim. My dad refuses to meet with him just on the basis that he's an American and "they won't get along". He says even if he converts, he will never accept the marriage. My mom has said she is willing to meet him, but only if my dad says okay, which he has not. My dad is INSISTING that I break up with my boyfriend just because my dad said so (which i think is unfair because I feel like I should get to choose who I marry). He also says that I should break up with him so that "when an arab guy comes around, I am emotionally available". He has made it very obvious that he doesn't approve EVEN THOUGH he has never met him, or his family, and refuses to meet up unless its to break us up.
My largest issue is that Idk if we're gonna be together tomorrow, in a year, or be married forever, BUT i should still be able to make that decision on my own.
I guess my question, does anyone have any advice for how I should go about with my dad? Anyone living in Western societies or otherwise experience similar situations?
LATER NOTE: a lot of people in the comments are arguing about the religious aspect of it, which is fine. i know he needs to convert for it to be halal. i would like to emphasis the issue of the fact that my dad disagrees because of the culture difference.
So, I don't want to be that guy, but relationships where someone converts to Islam just to marry a Muslim usually don't last long. Is he converting because he genuinely wants to? Or is it because he wants to marry you? If the case is the latter, then take into account that his lifestyle prior to becoming a Muslim will likely not disappear all at once, if at all. If the guy likes to drink, for example, he may be able to stop for a while, but if he doesnt genuinely believe drinking is haram that habit will eventually come back.
If you're not religious and don't really care, then I guess it won't be a big deal for you, but if you are it will eventually start to strain your relationship when you ask him to pray and he refuses because he just doesn't want to. I've seen a lot of these relationships go south in like a year or two. Make sure his conversion is something he really wants, not just something he'll do for the heck of it.
As for your parents, if the reason they're refusing is for the reason above or similar, then I can understand it to an extent. If it's just because he's a white guy, then that's on them.
I don’t think he would’ve considered converting to islam on his own. but now since he’s been exposed to it he’s been doing his own research and is interested in reading more and is finding things that he enjoys about the religion
Thank you! I didn't know about that page. I'll share it there too.
It sounds like he’s just going to convert for the sake of marrying you rather than because he is absolutely convinced about Islam. That’s very dangerous territory imo.
If religion plays a large role and carries major significance for you and your family, I would steer clear of this arrangement.
Love is nice and all but without a very strong foundation of compatible beliefs, ethics, morals, and religion or lack thereof- any relationship is bound to fall apart.
If he isn’t completely convinced without your influence or pressure- he will likely never practice and it’ll just be a temporary label. What if you have children? Will he agree to raise them as practicing muslims etc? Will he uphold ends of marriage that you islamically value that he may not? You need to truly investigate these answers and realistically decide if the two of you are even compatible in the long term. Marriage and children are no joke.
For me, the issue isn’t that he’s white or that he’s a potential convert- it mainly lies in whether you two are truly as compatible as you think you may be. You have to really weigh this rationally before potentially creating a huge rift in your family and uprooting your life- all for a guy who may not even be worth it.
It’s only worth it to take such a big stance against your family if you’re as close to 100 % sure about it as you can get.
I’m all for children making their own major life decisions despite their parents’ lack of approval. However, it truly depends on what the issue is and if it truly is in your benefit.
Side note: in my personal situation I still haven’t decided what my religious stance is and until I am certain- then and only then, will I consider pursuing a serious relationship leading to marriage. This is pretty complicated stuff and I hope you really weigh out your decision carefully.
There’s never a rush to get married- you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Take your time and make a good choice that future you will be proud of
P.S. don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy
If he converts then this is your choice and إن شاء الله it is a fruitful marriage.
Here is my advice. I am mixed-race. My father married my mother (a Catholic) and had five children with her. They are now divorced and live very different lives.
Modern relationships and marriages seem to be built solely on the idea of personal compatibility. What I mean by that is, based on: is this person attractive, are they nice to me, do they make me laugh, and so on. These marriages always seem to fail.
I believe the core foundation of a marriage is common values and beliefs. Think they don't matter so much now? Wait ten years. What house can still be standing with a faulty foundation?
I tried to reverse what my parents did in a lot of ways. I married a girl who is a similar mix to me (and had similar problems growing up), and more importantly agrees with me on all the larger philosophical life questions, agrees on how we should raise kids, and so on. We tick off the boxes in our personal compatibility as well, more times than not; but if everything was the same but she had a different faith than me, I couldn't go through with it because I know it would fail. And she feels the same way. And in many ways that's comforting.
Hopefully you learn something from my experiences.
I am aware this is also a matter of emotions and feelings. Things are always easier said than done. My advice, if this man converts sincerely (e.g., not just as a pre-req to have you), then Allah will bless the marriage. If he's doing it for you, then does he worship you? Is that healthy? Should we want that? I know I'd rather my wife fear God than fear me. In fact I joke with her, I say, the reason I wont cheat on you isn't because I like you, it's because I fear God.
I’m not Muslim or Arab. I do understand some a few things of the culture having worked for and with also great friends with both. I’m Native American. The way you worded your comment with understanding is something that is individual and the way most all of us see the world as how you find your true mate in life. Surpasses any label you want to put on a person/people. I could not have said it better if I wanted too, Allah who akbah. Sorry I’ve forgotten a lot.
This guy gets it. Romanticism of marriages and romance have been a plague on us the younger generation raised on TV and movies. I'd add to that, it seems that you value family approval and relationships with your dad very highly, and your mother too. You have to make sure that these values are compatible with your boyfriend too etc. It's a tough set of choices and I sincerely hope that you will prevail this predicament إن شاء الله. Best of luck.
You hit the nail on the head. Good job.
Marrying without the consent of parents and whether it will be blessed is one of the most asked questions scholars received
Whats the point of converting when marrying someone in the states? They have civil marriage laws.
I am still religious, and in Islam there's like a whole thing about how he needs to convert for the marriage to be halal. However that's not really the issue, even if he converts my dad still says no because "he's an American and we wont get along with him or his family" without ever meeting him
Personally, this is why I would advise people to just never start a relationship like this because a conflict like this is inevitable and you have to know from the beginning what you’re willing to deal with.
It’s America and your dad can’t stop you or force you to do anything. But he can be mad about it and it will affect your relationship with him. He might get over it eventually, but he might not. If your dad never gets over this, are you willing to cut him off for the sake of your marriage? If your boyfriend changes his mind about converting, are you going to break up?
I think you have to answer those questions and make your decision based on that. Personally I would advise people to answer them at the very start.
My personal experience: I don’t know your dad, but a lot of Arabs love white converts but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a marriage last where they converted because of the marriage.
Take that with a grain of salt because I don’t know what the stats are, but that has been my unfortunate experience.
If your dad never gets over this, are you willing to cut him off for the sake of your marriage?
If that situation arises, then it's her dad that's cutting her off, not the other way around.
If he is converting they have no excuse, this is racism, not an Islamic matter.
Not accurate. Wanting to marry someone your own background is not racism necessarily, it could be to guarantee matching and agreed upon future.
I'm not saying I'm with the father, but it's just ignorant calling him racist.
Nothing racist about it. Personally I’d prefer a girl of my own background for marriage, same country, religion and traditions. It’s all but matter of choice. Preference not racism
Haha no... But sure. Not that helpful. Arabs are generally very community and family oriented. This father says he wants his daughter to marry an Arab, but an Arab in Jordan, or Saudi will say I want my daughter/son to marry from tribe xyz or something close, and it will be tough to accept a marriage from tribes ABC.
The cultural values and how each tribe orient themselves around these shared family values will often come in conflict and marriages fail because of that.
If you wanna call it racism, sure. You don't seem to be compatible for that complexity of a traditionalI middle eastern family. The dad is compromising just saying his daughter is marrying an Arab.
Eh is it though? I don't think they refuse him outright because he's American he just doesn't share their culture and values. Personally I would want to marry someone with a similar culture and values so my house and family will be harmonious. It's not racism
I was in the same situation as you 10yrs. ago.
Main wisdom I can pass on is, make sure you are at peace with this arrangement. Can you be your full self with him? A practising Arab Muslim woman born and raised in a western country lives a very unique life with different experiences and outlooks, it helps to be with a partner who understands this about you and accepts it (and vice versa, his life is very different from yours). Is your foundation solid? If it is, your relationship can survive this.
As for your dad, he loves you, and he will eventually come around. It may take a while, don't give up on him, keep talking and visiting and slowly he'll get used to it.

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I don't want her to get killed by her father so it's very not likely, the violent and sexist Islam is allowing only muslim men to date non-muslims. so what is the point in that question? also isn't it's make more sense to become non-muslim and risk being killed for leaving the "religion of peace" then to risk being killed for both dating non-muslim and not wearing hijab? the double is greater. www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...ing-said-hed-again.html www.jihadwatch.org/.../canada-honor-killing-victim-aqsa-parvezs-father-and-brother-sentenced-to-life-of-prison-dawah hotair.com/.../
I would not be any less inclined to date a Muslim than a woman of any other faith. It would completely depend on her relationship with her faith and family (and their relationship with their faith), and the expectations she placed on me to participate or not in it. I've dated a Christian, Buddhist, and Hindu, and know plenty of other white men with interfaith relationships, although I concede that I do not have any white man-Muslim woman couples in my social circle (white woman-Muslim man though, yes).
very dangerous thing to do that... muslim women MUST marry and date a muslim men to breed little muslims and spread islam. If she chooses men from other religions her family abandons her, father kicks her out and she looses everything.. havents u heard case that father even killed a daughter because she left for a white guy or other religion man? if she is not religious she is not muslim... weird question..
REASONS WHY THIS QUESTION IS DUMB 1. MUSLIMS CAN BE "WHITE". THATS LIEK SAYING "CHRISTIANS DO U DATE BLACK WOMEN" BLACK WOMEN CAN BE CHRISTIAN U IDIOT! 2. MUSLIM WOMEN DONT DATE, EVEN THE OENS WHO DO KNOW ITS NOT PERMISSABLE OT HAVE PREMARITAL RELATIONS 3. im sure no muslim woman wants an anglo saxan idiot
Well... I'm sure some are willing to do so. I'm Muslim and have been asked out by white guys a couple of times. In general religious people date religious people from their religion. And not religious people prefer darling not religious people. I guess you're not religious anyways so it should be possible.
You do realize that skin colour and religious beliefs are two different classes? White people can be Muslims same as black people can be Christian.
I am white. My secondary girlfriend right now is Moslem. I have dated MANY Moslem women. Most are Indonesian, several Malays (both Malaysian and Singaporean), a Persian, and a Moroccan. I don't think I would date an Arab (this excludes North Africa) or a Pakistani. Never found one I liked.
Fuck all that religious crap. No sex on the second week of the month. We need to get dressed my parents and all my uncles and cousins are coming to pray in the living room in half an hour, pause the game I've got to get the prayer mat out and face mecca for the next hour. Where's my dinner? Honey i told you we're fasting for the next week, Allah demands it. Can't smoke. Get a dirty look for cracking open a beer. Stop it! We can't do it doggy style, it's immoral. My whole family are coming over and they hate white people, try and ignore the cold front when they come in. Honey when are you going to see about circumcision? I've told you it's against my religion. Allah will be furious. Oh why didn't i listen to mother and go for a nice Muslim boy. Fuck that for a carry on.
As long as she doesn't mind me being an atheist. Unfortunately the only time you normally hear someone talking about atheism is when they are an extremist bashing religion. As a result we have a bad public image. This is similar to how the only time a lot of people hear about Muslims, is when the news is talking about an extremist.
How can she be muslim and not be religious? Will I date a girl who's muslim on paper but nowhere else? Yeah. Sure. I will confess that as a non-muslim dating muslims who care about their religion is a bit of a no-go zone. Tends to be too much unwanted drama and problems with it. And whilst saying this will certainly put me in a bad light, it isn't particularly uncommon that you or your family end up in trouble because of it.
If she's not religious, doesn't wear that thing, and doesn't have a crazy family, then yes.
not every muslim are religious, most are not
I work with a few women of Pakistani descent who are quite 'westernised'. I enjoy their company and would certainly date them but can't imagine their relatives who adhere to a more stringent culture would be too pleased.
If she's not religious, then she's not Muslim. If she is "Muslim", then she is religious. Therefore no.
There is such a thing as secular Islam where they don't follow all the religious teachings. Every religion has some form that isn't super religious but still believes in God.
@QuestionMan In which case they're still religious, and I'm still going with no.
@QuestionMan To a certain degree. I've seen certain factions of Christianity in certain households have positive effects, but that was never the case with Islam.
I've met many Muslims both secular and religious. Really nice people.
@QuestionMan Just make sure you don't look at them the wrong way or speak of Mohammed the wrong way.
Dude c'mon you wouldn't make Jesus jokes with a Christian or Moses jokes with a Jew. Have a little respect.
@QuestionMan I don't see why not. They wouldn't kill you for it.
It's called being respectful. Everyone has their own beliefs you teasing them only makes you an asshole.
@QuestionMan And killing you for it makes them a murderer.
Every religion that I know of has some bad history associated with it (and science, or any way of life). Does that make religious people particularly evil? No more than anyone else. Most conflict comes from ignorance and fear, and it doesn't seem like you're helping, whatever you are.
@Visko I haven't heard of Buddhism being used for evil
@Visko https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Islam_and_violence this one is so much more interesting haha ""Islamic law stipulates detailed regulations for the use of violence, including the use of violence within the family or household"[...]"
That is not how that works. If she is born to a Moslem mother, then she is Moslem. In many cases, it says so right on her ID card.
@WalterRadio Nah she can always choose to be whatever else
In some countries, apostasy is punishable by death.
There are millions currently moving to Europe. But the vast majority of them are not giving up their medieval beliefs.
@WalterRadio then there's no point in them moving... they'll just cause a war -_-
You said not religious but you still call her muslim. Her family probably is religious, they won't like an atheist. She might have some ridiculous ideas about the world (Muhammad flying to heaven on a magic horse) which will conflict with my own ideas. Sounds like trouble.
Well im a christian and if she converted her family would murder her.
If she's not religious, she's not Muslim. Yeah, I'd date her as long as Islam is never in the picture. I don't know how I'd
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