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Muslim Date
IranianPersonals Magazine > Dating & Relationships | March 01, 2021
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Since the beginning of time, it is human nature to desire a mate. While we all adhere to the natural principles of romance, lust, and courting, different cultures may have different perceptions of love and dating. One of the cultures that gets a lot of attention for its views on family and dating is the Muslim culture.
Muslims are known for being conservative on the topic of relationships, While there are many benefits to this mindset, there are some frustrating aspects, too. It's also important to remember that we are in 2021, where many devout Muslims have decided to modernize their practices to fit into Western ideas of dating. It's a misconception to think that all Muslims get into arranged marriages. Here is everything you need to know about Muslims and dating before you hit the scene.
Muslims are followers of Islam- one of the oldest major religions. The story goes that both Muslims and Jews claimed to be the children of Abraham and, therefore, God's chosen people. Muslims claimed that the true first son of Abraham was Ishmael. Ishmael was Abraham's illegitimate son to a slave named Hagar. After Ishmael, Abraham has a son with his wife named Isaac. The children of Ishmael became Muslims, and the children of Isaac became Jews.
Muslims follow the holy book known as the Quran, said to be written by the prophet Muhammad. This is the book that many Muslims obtain their moral laws. This includes views on marriage.
The very simple answer is yes. Of course Muslims can date. If they couldn't date, you wouldn't find any Muslims while swiping through Tinder. From experience, I know that there are people of all cultures on the dating scene- including Muslims. However, that doesn't mean that all Muslims date or that all Muslims see dating the same way you do.
Muslims tend to jump straight into marriage as opposed to dating. Despite the seemingly quick progression of Muslim relationships, they tend to take the decision very seriously. In fact, it is seen as one of the most important decisions in a Muslim person's life. That's why a number of people tend to get involved.
In Muslim culture, family and community plays a large role in relationships. In fact, your Muslim family may start to plan your future when you are playing in the sand still a child. When an adult is ready to settle down and marry, the first step is to ask Allah for guidance. The second step is to examine the possibilities. You and your family will consider the eligible people in the area. Once you consider a particular person, your parents may even help arrange a meeting.
During the first meeting between a potential couple, the woman must have a family member present. This is to curb temptation between the two love birds. The couple may meet couple of times before deciding if they want to move forward with the relationship or not. Ultimately, it is up to the couple if they become a couple or not, but friends and family play a substantial role in the decision-making process. If everything goes well, a traditional Muslim wedding occurs. This is the first time the couple will spend the night together.
After marriage, the couple will finally move in together. The woman will be expected to clean, cook, and take care of the children. They are also supposed to honor their husband and his wishes. The man is expected to provide for the household and make decisions that are best for the entire family, not just himself. Both parties are expected to be happy in their family role.
Not everyone wants to follow traditional Muslim dating techniques. In fact, many modern Muslims see some benefits to dating. For one, you get to spend more time with someone before making a lifelong commitment. Many modern Muslims also see some benefits to intercourse before marriage. They may also like the additional independence in Western dating. They won't necessarily need to bring someone to meet their parents before they know if they like them or not. This allows them to find someone they like instead of their family. Muslims may find people new ways these days, too. Instead of focusing on potential mates in the village, modern Muslims are using dating apps or meeting in bars.
While things are changing when it comes to Muslim dating, some of the traditions continue to permeate through. Parents probably have much more say than American parents. Muslims in the dating scene may also have a more long-term goal in mind while dating. However, be weary of dates who may see a Westerner as forbidden fruit to try once or twice before marriage.
Before learning about modern Muslim dating, it's a good idea to know what the Scripture says. Here are some pertinent quotes from the Quran on marriage and dating:
It is part of God's plan for us to get married and procreate. He wants us to get married and fall in love and have babies. This prolongs the life line of the species and also personally gives each of us a reason to work hard and contribute to society.
This quote shows us that Muslims believe that the home should be where you find peace and comfort. This encourages both husbands and wives to avoid fights and support each other.
Ultimately, every individual is different. Never judge a person based on their ethnicity, nationality, or religion, or you may make assumptions that don't apply to a particular person. Take the time to get to know someone and learn their unique views on the topic before you make a decision about them. You may be pleasantly (or unpleasantly) surprised. With that being said, Muslim culture has a traditionally conservative view of relationships.
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Halal dating is essential to establishing a relationship built on a firm foundation of faith. When it comes to finding a spouse, you should be aware of all of the Muslim dating rules that can arise from the first moment you meet a potential partner. Understanding how to follow halal dating customs can set you up for a strong and lasting marriage.
If you are looking for a spouse in the Muslim community, you need to understand the following eight Muslim dating rules:
Dating is seen as a precursor to any serious relationship. Young Muslims interested in finding a partner often want to know more about halal dating and building long-term relationships.
While many couples focus on building an emotional connection, they often incorporate physical contact into the relationship as well.
In the Islamic religion, however, having any type of sexual contact before the wedding ceremony is prohibited. This gives Muslim women and men a unique experience when dating compared to many non-Muslims.
To counteract the temptation to engage in physical contact, Muslims who are dating often meet in public places with a chaperone or among groups of friends.
One of the Muslim dating rules for halal relationships is to start with good intentions. Dating should be reserved for those men and women who are seeking a spouse. You should intend to honor your chosen partner and date them with this purpose in mind.
Instead of focusing on the physical aspects of the relationship, you should be paying attention to a potential partner’s other traits, such as:
As young Muslims, you will find it easier not to go astray from what your faith commands when you stick with the tradition of halal dating.
Whether you meet your partner on Muslim dating apps or in real life, there are a few rules that you must follow to have a halal relationship. Consider how to best apply some of these Muslim dating rules to your budding romance.
There is no set age in Islam where individuals are considered old enough or mature enough to enter into a relationship. Islam encourages individuals to marry young so that they won’t fall prey to the temptation of fornication before marriage.
It is perfectly acceptable for young Muslims to start dating around the age of puberty if they feel they are ready for all of the rules and potential responsibilities that come along with it.
Spend some time in prayer and with the Holy Quran to determine whether you are ready to begin searching for a partner. Age is just a number and should not deter individuals from seeking out a partner, as long as both families are actively involved in the process.
Dating in the Islamic tradition is not done just for fun or for curing loneliness. Engaging with the opposite sex through dating should be done solely to find a lifelong partner.
Make your intentions clear, particularly if you are on a dating app, to help you find a thriving relationship.
Zina, also known as fornication, is strictly forbidden to unmarried individuals. Many young people today struggle with this because the Western world views premarital sex as acceptable and even encouraged in some instances.
Those who profess the Islamic faith are at odds with Western culture on this topic. If you want a halal relationship, premarital sex is off the table.
Because of the temptation to give in to premarital sex, or Zina, Muslim singles should never meet one another alone. A chaperone should always be present, ideally a member of either the young man’s or the young woman’s family.
If this is not possible, then go out with friends and meet in a public location where physical temptation will be much lower. One of the things you should always avoid is meeting alone in a private setting. The temptation to give in to the desires of the flesh is too great and can compromise your faith.
It is also sometimes encouraged to have a chaperone for your conversations. A silent chaperone can be involved in your text messaging, stay on the line during phone conversations, and be in the room when you make video calls. This ensures that no unsavory talk will enter the conversation and lead you astray.
When you meet someone on a dating app or social media, you may encounter the temptation to have inappropriate conversations with your new partner.
Because sex is forbidden before the wedding ceremony, it is essential to keep your hearts and minds pure. Chaperones can help you manage your conversations and maintain purity during this time.
Avoid all talk of sex and other types of physical intimacy, whether in public or in private. If you are at a loss for things to discuss, consider sharing what you are learning through your daily reading of the Holy Quran to refocus your relationship back to the basics of your faith.
Many individuals have a hard time waiting for physical contact with their partners. They connect with them on a deep emotional level and often want to express that love physically as well. While this should be avoided, it leads many people to rush into a proposal so that they can begin having sex with their partners.
Do not rush to this important stage in your relationship. Wait until you know for sure that your partner is a good match for you and will be a faithful spouse for the rest of your lives together. Be mature and take things slowly if you feel that is what is right for you and your partner.
The bedrock of your relationship lies in the connection you share. During the halal dating process, you should be building your friendship as well as your romantic relationship. When things are only about being lovers, it can be tempting to relate to them only on this level.
Unfortunately, this is where many people get off track and give in to temptation.
Instead, you should focus your efforts on remaining friends with your new partner so that your relationship can deepen as you proceed toward marriage. Never discount the importance of friendship to the health of your relationship.
How are you doing in terms of your dedication to your faith? Never allow your faith to waver with the excitement of a new relationship. Spending time on a dating app can be exciting, but it should not be detrimental to your faith practice of praying, visiting the mosque, and reading the Holy Quran .
Spend time cultivating your relationship with and understanding of Allah and His Holy Messenger. This will lay a firm foundation for your relationship to grow from and ensure that you stay on the halal path laid out before you.
If you want to find a partner who is equally serious about a commitment to marriage, then you need to download Salams. Build a great profile and connect with other like-minded individuals who share your faith.
We have over 2.5 million single Muslims on our platform, so you have plenty of potential matches. Download Salams App today!
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Deputy Editor of The Muslim Vibe. I enjoy talking about religion, sports and current issues and love writing. Digital marketer by day and night, footballer on weekends.
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We shouldn’t be afraid of the word ‘dating’. It’s a social construct that can be made halal provided we follow a set and certain guidelines endorsed by Islamic principles.
We shouldn’t be afraid of the word ‘dating’. It’s a social construct that can be made halal provided we follow a set and certain guidelines endorsed by Islamic principles.
Whenever we hear the word ‘dating’, we automatically think ‘haram’. This isn’t necessarily the case.
One definition of dating describes it as “two people meeting with the aim of assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a future intimate relationship.”
Dating in and of itself isn’t un-Islamic provided we go about it the right way. There’s a western version of dating, so why can’t there be an Islamic equivalent?
Chances are your parents and/or your grandparents were in arranged marriages. Whether that was for the better or worse is a debate for another time, but it was the norm. Today, things are very different. The advancement of technology has opened up the number and variety of the proverbial fish in the sea. Thanks to the internet, we’re able to connect with almost anyone in the world, where previously our ancestors were limited to their tribe, city or county. Furthermore, gender roles have developed, particularly for women. Our sisters are no longer confined indoors. Many work in advanced fields in a wide variety of sectors. Going out there in the world brushing shoulders with their male counterparts has made them independent, free thinkers and able to make their own choices.
If we believe Islam to be a timeless religion, a religion that has answers for everything from the beginning of time to its end, it must also provide a solution and way to navigate marriage and relationships in today’s age.
We shouldn’t be reluctant in trying to adapt to the present time without, of course, doing anything forbidden. In Sunan ibn Majah, the Prophet (PBUH) says:
Marriage is part of my sunnah, and whoever does not follow my sunnah has nothing to do with me.”
This is quite a strong statement from the Messenger of God. It shows how eager and willing he is for Muslims to get married. We know the social ills that arise from pre-marital relationships and cohabiting (living together without marriage). Relationships that exist without the commitment that comes from a marriage contract results in children being raised without a parent, having no stable family and a loss of identity.
Islam, therefore, puts a strong emphasis on getting married. There’s no getting away from the fact that God has created men and women with a desire for the opposite gender. This is normal. Marriage allows us to channel this desire, as well as a need for companionship in a stable way.
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.”
(49:13)
We all understand the necessity of marriage so I don’t want to continue preaching to the converted. The next step is about finding our partner in a halal way i.e. halal dating. Here are some recommendations.
Once we have made the intention of getting married, we should try to tell our parents, even if we intend to look independently. Some of us may not want our parents as involved and that’s fine. Being our parents, they should at least now. So, before you sign up to an online matrimonial site or put the feelers out amongst your network, let your parents know. Their experience in marriage and relationships counts for something and we don’t want to miss out on that wisdom!
Before we rush to make our profiles, be clear with what you do and do not want in a spouse. That way your conversations with a potential spouse will be on-topic and will reduce the risk of it becoming a general conversation without purpose – which is what we want to avoid. Furthermore, we don’t want to waste our and other peoples time in conversations that aren’t going anywhere. Make sure you’re ready and have a general understanding of what would make your ideal spouse.
People will have varying preferences throughout the ‘getting to know’ phase. Women, for example, may not want to share a picture or personal contact details immediately or want to meet as soon as they’d like. Give them the time and space they need to become comfortable. It would be useful to have a conversation around boundaries. Make sure both sets of parents are aware of the contact and outline the purpose of the interaction.
When meeting in person, there’s no harm in bringing a chaperone who sits at another table or is there somewhere in the background. If that’s not possible, the next best thing is to meet in a very public space. Al-Majlisi, Hayat al-Qulub, vol.1, p.126 has recorded a conversation between Noah and Satan, where the latter says:
Remember there are three situations when I find it very easy to gain control over a person, one: when he is angry, secondly, when there is arbitration between two parties and thirdly when a servant is alone with a woman. ”
If we are talking to someone online, we are also alone with them to some degree. To get around this make sure a parent or elder is aware of your activities. They don’t need to be standing over your sho
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