Much Xxx
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Much Xxx
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The average adult has sex 54 times a year (once a week, basically, with a few extras thrown in), according to a study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2017. If your personal average is a lot higher, you might be wondering, how much sex is too much—and what are the repercussions of having too much sex, anyway?
Let us put your mind at ease, with help from Rebecca C. Brightman, MD, assistant clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive medicine at The Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Health System in New York City. "The definition of frequent sex is variable and if it feels good and doesn't hurt, then sex at any frequency is okay," Dr. Brightman tells Health . In other words, get your freak on to your heart's content as long as you're not experiencing any adverse effects.
However, it does help to know some signs that you should maybe give your body some respite from sex—your own personal "too much" warnings, if you like.
The main physical hazard of having a lot of sex is excessive swelling of the vagina and labia, Sherry A. Ross , ob-gyn and women's health expert in Santa Monica, California and author of she-ology and she-ology. the she-quel , tells Health . "With a lot of sexual stimulation, the vagina and labia become engorged with blood, and this can lead to excessive swelling and pain with sexual contact," she explains.
A long sex session can also cause the natural lubrication of the vagina to dry up, which can lead to friction and pain. "If you haven't had the right amount of foreplay to become sexually aroused and get wet, the vagina will be dry—making sex painful when the penis or fingers enter the vagina," Dr. Ross says. She points out that vaginal dryness can also occur in menopausal women, resulting in a burning sensation inside the vagina during sexual contact and penetration.
If you end up with a swollen and/or sore vagina after sexual contact, back off until you feel okay, Dr. Brightman says. If the swelling seems excessive, try an ice pack for some relief. Next time you do it, consider using a vaginal lubricant or extra virgin coconut oil to create extra wetness in the vagina for a prolonged sex session. For chafing, aquaphor or a similar product can help to soothe affected areas, Dr. Ross says.
Men can also experience similar discomfort when they overdo it, Dr. Ross points out. "The penis can experience soreness, swelling, and chafing, and [a man may have] difficulty urinating."
Speaking of penises, bigger isn't always better—especially if you're having a lot of sex. While a thicker penis makes the vagina feel more full, being overly stretched can be painful and uncomfortable, and it might even cause vaginal tears.
The more sex you have, the greater the risk of bladder and vaginal infections. This is due to disruption to the natural pH balance of the vagina, Dr. Ross explains, when bacteria from the vagina and anus find their way into the bladder. To help prevent this, get into the habit of emptying your bladder after having sexual penetration with your partner.
In some cases, the side effect of having a lot of sex might call for medical attention. If you have any abnormal discharge, unusual or persistent bleeding, evidence or tearing, pain with urination, or persistent vulvar pain, get it checked out by your health care provider.
But if the only thing all that sex has left you with is a feeling of satisfaction (and perhaps a little fatigue), there's no reason why you can't keep going. "As long as there is proper lubrication and consensual breaks in between going under the sheets, you're not in any danger," Dr. Ross says. "Communication is vital in a relationship—especially during intimacy. Being honest and comfortable with your partner ensures a healthy and satisfying sexual relationship."
Listen to your body at all times, Dr. Brightman adds. If something doesn't feel good—whether it's the first time you've had sex for a week, or your third round in 24 hours—stop and discuss it with your partner. And if you feel like you're overdoing it, take a break for a day or two.
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Each person’s definition of a good sex life is different, and while some people are perfectly fine to rarely have sex, others prefer to have it multiple times a day.
Still, you might be wondering if it’s possible to have too much sex. Whether you’re in the honeymoon phase with a new partner, on vacation enjoying getaway sex thanks to all that extra free time, or point-blank love having a lot of sex, you might wonder how much is too much for your body and mind to handle.
"There’s no limit to the amount of sex anyone can have, but there are physical issues that might leave you a little, shall we say, uncomfortable days later," Diana Bitner, an OB-GYN, told Women’s Health Magazine . Even though you can have as much sex as you’re comfortable with, there are plenty of surefire signs that your body has had enough.
The first obvious sign is vaginal dryness . If things are feeling dry down below, it might be because your body has experienced too much prolonged contact or penetration. When this happens, tiny micro-tears in the vagina can occur, which can be seriously painful.
" Vaginal tears can happen with too much sex , especially if there are any other conditions such as vaginal dryness from low dose birth control pills," Bitner said.
Sherry Ross, an OB-GYN and women’s health expert in Santa Monica, California, agreed, noting that the more sex you have in a short amount of time, the less natural moisture your body is able to produce.
"This typically causes friction and pain, which is your body’s signal to press pause," she told Women's Health Magazine .
Bitner added that too much sex could also cause irritation, chafing, or rashes on the external skin around the vulva, and your labia could become engorged and swollen.
Another unpleasant, possible side effect of too much sex is an increase in the risk of bladder and vaginal infections. Bodily fluids can knock your vagina’s natural pH levels out of whack, making you more susceptible to infection.
You should always use the bathroom before and after sex to help keep your vagina healthy , but too much intercourse could still cause an infection, and you might not notice until days later.
"Semen has a pH of seven, which can support unhealthy bacteria within the vagina," Bitner said . "That combined with too much friction from sex could increase the chance of bacteria from the vagina and anus finding their way into the bladder, causing a urinary tract infection ." According to Prevention , common signs of an infection include an increased urge to urinate with little or nothing coming out, a burning sensation while urinating, and urine that is cloudy, pink, or has blood in it, as well as unusual discharge, pain, and odors. But these symptoms don’t always appear, so check with your doctor if you’re not sure.
People with penises can also experience pain, irritation, and soreness from too much sex.
"When people ejaculate eight to 10 times over the weekend from Friday to Sunday, it’s going to cause some pain and discomfort when you go to that extreme amount," Jonathan Schiff , assistant clinical professor of urology at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, said to Muscle and Fitness .
But, over time your body may be able to adjust. "It’s like anything else. If you’re doing an activity steadily, your body will be able to tolerate it when you push it more," he said .
Aside from the potential for unpleasant physical symptoms, there’s also the psychological aspect of having " too much sex ." Certified sex therapist Kat Van Kirk told Brides magazine , "One or more partners may feel overwhelmed by the expectation to perform sexually more than the other, and this can cause withdrawal and resentment."
You should be regularly checking in with your partner — and yourself — to ensure that the amount of sex you’re having is what you’re both happy with.
"Using sex as a way to resolve problems in the relationship in lieu of talking about them might be a way that a couple uses sex to avoid the actual work of the relationship," sex expert Madeleine Castellanos , told Brides. She added that while "sex is a source of pleasure and vitality and it's natural to have a strong drive for it, if you find that you look for sex compulsively, you may be using sex as an outlet for something else."
Though compulsive sexual behavior as a psychiatric disorder is a topic that's hotly debated by researchers and medical experts, only you and your partner can determine if your sexual patterns are interfering with your life in a problematic way. Castellanos added that "if stuff is not getting done — like cleaning the house, going to work, or taking care of your basic needs — in order to have sex, then it's probably too much sex."
"When it comes to the frequency of sex, each person has their preference, which is then limited by their schedule, their sleep pattern, and of course, their partner's availability," Castellanos told Brides. Van Kirk noted that, "Couples will find their own ebb and flow. There will be times of more sex and times of less. The most important thing is to stay connected and communicate so that you can weather and enjoy wherever you are on the spectrum."
Communication is the most important aspect to a healthy sex life, so be sure to check in with your partner and with yourself to ensure you’re on the same page and enjoying the amount of sexual activity that you feel comfortable with.
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Have you ever had your life flash before your eyes? I have.
Well, more specifically, my sex life.
It happened while lying back on a cold latex mattress as a GP peered beneath a sheath of surgical cloth draped over my pelvis.
“Ahhh, yes. I see what you mean. It looks inflamed,” he noted.
This is not how I planned today would go.
My new squeeze was already on her way to see me, having made most of the trek from Orange to Sydney.
We’d met on Tinder when I was what they call, a “baby gay” – still green to same-sex dating, and wildly naive about the world of heartache I was about to enter.
As someone who spent my twenties and early thirties convinced I was emotionally cold on account of never crying over a break-up, I’d learn this was one of many overlooked signs I was in fact gay and extremely able to be wounded ; when it was by another woman.
She was a fly-in-fly-out miner who faced her own mortality half the month, navigating excavators hundreds of metres underground, and spent the other two weeks in Sydney.
The sex was, quite simply, life-changing. Like seeing the world in full colour for the first time.
I savoured every moment as though it were the first bite of a delicious meal.
“Okay, I get it now. You’re gay. You’re VERY gay!” she’d laughed the first time we slept together; having remarked I struck her as “a straight girl, experimenting” when we initially matched.
It was fast and frivolous, but I fell crushingly, embarrassingly in love.
Something no one tells you about coming out much later in life is that it essentially thrusts you back into adolescence.
I’ve since discovered an entire community of self-confessed “late-bloomer lesbians” via TikTok who confirm the existence of this phenomenon.
Ranging from their early thirties to fifties, they’re women who, like me, had relationships with men for decades before coming to terms with their queerness. And you could be forgiven for mistaking them for a bunch of teen girls hopped up on puberty hormones; giddily lip-synching to love songs and spouting angsty monologues about their insatiable sex drives.
It would all seem terribly cringe-worthy if I hadn’t experienced it myself.
“It’s like a second puberty,” a fellow late-bloomer explained to me
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