Most Cum Ever

Most Cum Ever
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Southeastfunwife

September 11 ,2021

Can't say enough about how hot it is for guys to line up to cum on me.
That is so hot my pussy is so wet I need my husband to organize this for me
Wow. I want to set this up for wife and when guys ate done, id lay her down and lick her face as im sinking into her sweet slippery pussy
i want to see my daughter doing so for my friendf.
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Michael Stahl
June 30, 2020

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According to urban legend and a confusing amount of Yahoo! Answers, an American man named Horst Schultz once set the record for furthest-reaching ejaculate with a load he projected 18 feet and 9 inches away. Was it real, or was all just a long-distance wet dream?
As Americans toiled through what some are already calling this year’s “ Lost Spring ,” with coronavirus depriving our schedules of haircuts, movie-going and pretty much all other acts of fraternity, people filled their free time in myriad ways. They finished fucktons of puzzles , plated meals in the spirit of Michelin-starred chefs and reinvigorated the snail mail industry through pen pal-ing. There was also one 35-year-old North Hollywood man we’ll call “Matthew” who began training his body so he could shoot his cum farther than anyone else in the world. The biggest, longest cumshot. The ejaculation record .
I’m bored; it’s quarantine. Let’s jerk off a lot , he thought to himself back in March.
To accomplish his mission, he’s gotten his pelvic floor into prime shape, through various exercises as well as the use of electrical muscle stimulation machines that work via anal probe. They’re typically marketed more toward women who, after giving birth, may deal with incontinence, a higher risk of the almost never fun pelvic organ prolapse and reduced vaginal elasticity . But, as Matthew says, “Muscles don’t give a shit if it’s labeled for women, so you pop one of those up your booty hole, you turn it on and it shocks you into doing kegels.” (Matthew also recommends vibrating kegel balls .)
The inspiration for all of Matthew’s quarantine jizz jetting?
The internet legend of Horst Schultz.
There have been and remain many men on Earth named Horst Schultz, from soccer players to architects to authors of knitting books to inventors seemingly obsessed with developing the perfect lid for cooking appliances . But only one of them, an apparent American , is said to have compelled his cum to travel 18 feet, 9 inches . This same “substantial” glob of seminal fluid purportedly set the all-time record for the fastest ejaculate at 42.7 miles per hour, while others have written that Schultz is the world-record holder for the highest-reaching jet of ejaculate as well. Apparently, the latter load defied gravity for 12 feet, 4 inches before falling back to earth — probably not onto the faces of any sky-peering spectators, because there almost certainly were none.
That’s because the Schultz records are completely unsubstantiated. No photos of him exist, though one YouTube video about his distance feat, which has nearly 230,000 views from now woefully ill-informed people, gives the impression he posed for one while donning a Sperm Man superhero costume . Other than that, there are no real videos of Schultz competing in what could only be termed a most “gripping” contest.
So why does the entire internet seem to believe that he launched his load nearly two stories away?
It’s difficult to say for sure where this ridiculous tale got started, how it spread online and why. But the oldest digital mention of Schultz appears to come from a 2005 Yahoo! Answers thread . In it, user DanE answered Andrew T’s question about who has the world record for the farthest-shot load. DanE likely copy-and-pasted his response from an eBaum’s World forum, which he’d provided a now-broken hyperlink to: “The greatest distance attained for a jet of semen that has ever been recorded is 18’9” (5.71 m) which was achieved with a ‘substantial’ amount of seminal fluid by Horst Schultz.”
The next time the Schultz record turns up is in another Yahoo! Answers thread from 2006. This one asks “What is the world record for most ejaculations in a day? Seriously?” An anonymous user offered the same copy-and-pasted text about Schultz, along with a list of other infamous “Sex Records.” “The most ejaculatory orgasms ever recorded in one hour for a man is 16,” the post reads, answering the original question.
Other sites that present themselves as more legitimate, truth-based publications have also reposted the Schultz figure. eBaum’s World crafted its own article about it, as did Mandatory , whose editor-in-chief Matt Branham wrote that he’d seen it in the Guinness Book of World Records. But searches through Guinness’ site for Horst Schultz and his far-reaching ejaculate came up empty. The Guinness people also declined my request for an interview about false records attributed to their organization that appear on the web.
The science, of course, would seem to call bullshit, too. As I’ve previously written , men simply can’t cum that far. The average distance of a male ejaculate is believed to only be about 7 to 10 inches , though many men in internet videos have shown off their skills to the tune of five- and six -foot long shots — dubious as there’s no measuring stick in sight. Numerous other clips with titles like “The Furthest Cumshot Ever” are of guys shooting past the torso of their partner or themselves to the head area, which is only about three or four feet away. Meanwhile, one redditor wrote that he once hit his ceiling , which shocked him, but that surface could reasonably have only been six feet north of his presumably bed-ridden cock.
To optimally shoot loads for distance, a man would probably have to be in excellent overall physical condition — yes, with a particularly strong pelvic floor — and living in the prime years of his life. His sensitivity and arousal must be at peak levels, and he likely would have abstained between four and seven days.
But even if the conditions are perfect, it’s still outlandish to think a guy would be able to get his batch to travel that far. For my earlier piece, I asked Paul Turek , a board-certified urologist and microsurgeon specializing in male fertility and sexual health, if the Schultz record sounded at all plausible. Until that point, he’d been very doctor-like and measured with his words, even as we talked cumshots. But at the mention of 18 feet, 9 inches, he let out a big belly laugh.
Nevertheless, when Matthew read about the Schultz record online, it motivated him to change the narrative about how far men can shoot their loads, and legitimize digital record books across the web. “It’s time to embarrass some liars,” he tells me.
In return, I inquire how long he abstains between measuring his love projectiles because building up the reserves can help with ejaculate power and, thus, distance. “I’m bad at abstaining,” he responds. Referencing the video he sent, he adds, “I think that was one day.”
I suggest he wait up to a week to cum, and try again. Maybe that will do the trick and get his load to travel beyond his desired six-foot distance. It’s not exactly Schultz like, but it would put him at least a third of the way there.
“Oh my god,” he says, sounding grateful for the tip. “Let’s see what Guinness says.”
Michael Stahl is a freelance writer based in New York City. He's covered the arts and culture, sex and relationships, business and tech, history and politics and other topics for Rolling Stone, Vice, Vulture, CityLab, Quartz, Narratively and many more publications. Follow him on Twitter @MichaelRStahl and read more of his work at MichaelStahlWrites . com .

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There’s a decent chance you know a few of your own sex statistics: how many partners you’ve had, the most times you’ve orgasmed in a day or the exact dimensions of your genitalia.
As much as the heated passion of sexual arousal and the cold, calculating search for knowledge and facts might seem like they’re at odds with each other, since sex is such an important and fascinating part of life, people have historically sought to learn about it from a more analytical perspective. That’s where the concept of sex records comes in. And no, not songs to have sex to — we’re talking about world records (think biggest, fastest and best).
Well, best is harder to nail down as one person’s dream sex could easily be another person’s nightmare. But when it comes to objectively measurable statistics, you’re not the only person who’s curious.
In order to alleviate that healthy — and purely scientific — curiosity, here are some sex records. At least, as close as we can make; given that most sex happens in private without any lab technicians or Guinness Book of World Records employees present, it’s possible that some of these records are way off. And because of the, ahem, intimate nature of the subject matter, the record holders in some cases are actually anonymous.
Regardless, they’re fun little windows into what the human body is capable of at extremes.
In 2004, Lisa Sparks (formerly Lisa Sparxxx) had sexual intercourse with a whopping 919 men in a 12-hour period as part of a competition with two other women to see who could have sex with the most men. Of course, “sexual intercourse” is used somewhat loosely here; at an average length of 45 seconds per partner, it’s closer to a “sexual hi-then-bye.” Anyway, the experience is on film, in case you’re the curious type.
When it comes to the animal kingdom, according to research conducted in the Royal Society Journal’s Biology Letters , the male Australian scaly cricket (aka Ornebius aperta) has been shown to have sex as many as 50 times over a three- to four-hour period — in part to counteract the female cricket’s habit of removing the male’s nutrient-rich sperm and eating it after sex. Kinky...
This one is surprisingly tricky to track down, in no small part (heh) because lots of different guys want to hold the title. Two different men with 13.5-inch penises have laid claim to it: one, an anonymous man measured by an aptly named Scottish doctor named Dr. Robert L. Dickenson, and an American actor by the name of Jonah Falcon with an equally large penis.
If you’re willing to accept a slightly less verified account, a man by the name of Roberto Esquivel Cabrera allegedly has an 18.9-inch penis. And for those who weren’t satisfied with the hand nature dealt them? There’s the world record holder for the longest penis extension held by an unidentified man who was operated on by Brazilian doctor Richardo Fischer. In 2000, Fischer added 6.3 inches to the man’s penis, bringing it over 10 inches in total length.
Oh, and the longest penis in the animal kingdom? The blue whale penis, which can measure up to 8 feet long. Figured you’d want to know that, too.
Ahhh, the smallest penis. The microscopic yin to its macroscopic wang — err, yang. If you’re in the running in this category, it’s most likely because you have a micropenis , a condition that affects less than 1 percent of the male population where the bulk of the penis is actually inside the body rather than outside. There’s also a condition called congenital hypoplasia , where a boy is born without a penis shaft at all — just a glans attached directly to his crotch.
With the way so many men seem hyper-focused on penis size, it’s hardly a surprise that smallest penis isn’t exactly a title anyone’s excited to grab the crown for. In fact, one popular factoid about the holder of the world’s smallest penis, which allegedly belongs to a Florida man named Mike Carson, is unverifiable. The best we can do is note an anonymous man in a penis size study whose penis measured a microscopic 0.39 inches.
At the end of the day, however, being a good lover has almost nothing to do with penis size — so if you’re closer to the smallest penis than the largest one, don’t worry too much. Good oral skills can go a long way.
Listen up, guys with one penis — you’re not that special. That’s because there’s at least one man out there with two penises. While he never disclosed his name, he did pen “ Double Header: My Life With Two Penises ,” a best-selling tell-all book on the subject of being affected by diphallia, a rare condition that leaves you with, well, two separate (but functioning) penises. As yet, no man appears to have three penises.
Mind-bendingly enormous breasts do exist. Just ask Annie Hawkins-Turner, aka Norma Stitz (yes, that’s a stage name made to sound like “enormous tits”), who has 102ZZZ breasts — and they’re natural.
A woman going by the name Maxi Mounds, meanwhile, claims to have the world’s largest surgically enhanced breasts with a mere 42M-sized bra. Which, yawn. Regardless, this seems like a good time to mention that having big breasts is really hard on a woman’s back.
Tatyana Kozhevnikova was inspired to start working out her pelvic muscles after feeling like they’d been weakened after giving birth. Eventually, she was able to pick up a 31 pound kettlebell with her private parts. Whoever said women were the weaker sex?
It’s not sex per se, but it’s hard to pass up the opportunity to note that the record for the world’s longest kiss is held by a couple from Thailand. Laksana and Ekkachai Tiranarat’s lip-locking session began during a Ripley’s Believe It or Not!-sponsored Valentine’s Day Kissathon in 2013, lasting a whopping 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds.
While Orgasms are great, and extended periods of post-coital bliss are as real as they are lovely, the actual moment of climax tends to be over in an instant. Unfortunately, your puny orgasms could never measure up to the longest orgasm on record, when an unnamed woman experienced an orgasm that was comprised of 25 different contractions over a period of 45 seconds.
A man named Horst Schultz holds the world record for the furthest ejaculation. How far did his ejaculate travel, you ask? Fully 18.75 feet, clocking in at42.7 mph. In case you were wondering, the average ejaculate speed is closer to 28 mph.
As much as female ejaculation deserves a place at the table, women don’t exactly measure up in this particular sex category; the furthest a woman has been recorded ejaculating is a mere 9 feet.
Women do have bragging rights when it comes to OPH (that’s orgasms per hour). A study at the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in California found a woman experiencing 134 orgasms in a single hour. That same study’s most impressive male candidate put up a puny 16 orgasms in an hour, by comparison.
You might not be a record holder in any of these categories — or even close to breaking them — but there’s more to sex than setting world records. Next time you’re getting it on, solo or with a partner, just try setting a personal best instead. That’s more than enough to be proud of.

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