Most Common Fetishes
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Most Common Fetishes
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Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.
Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.
Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D.
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BDSM, age play, furries, and cuckolding... just to name a few.
So you like it when your partner spreads your limbs, ties you to the bedposts , and talks dirty to you. In case you were wondering, you're not alone: People are pretty kinky, according to the latest sex research.
There are lots of different kinks out there, and it can be tough to measure how common they are. But a 2017 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that nearly 50% of the general population has tried some form of BDSM in their lives. ( Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism is hardly the kinkiest kink out there, but it's among the most common.)
While there isn't a general consensus on how often people engage in kinky activity , there is one for how often people fantasize about kinks. A lot of the fantasy research comes from Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. For his book, Tell Me What You Want (now available in paperback) , he surveyed 4,175 Americans aged 18-87 about their sexual fantasies, and found out exactly which kinks people are dreaming about the most.
Just because you fantasize about a certain kink, it doesn't mean you actually want to act on it, Lehmiller notes. “If a fantasy is non-consensual or poses an unacceptable risk of harm, it shouldn’t ever be acted on,” he explains. “Keep in mind that fantasy and reality are two different things, and some fantasies are best left as fantasies.”
Below, in his own words, Lehmiller spells out the most common kinks and fetishes he came across in his research.
Bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM) is the most fantasized about kink. I found that 93% of men and 96% of women had fantasized about some aspect of BDSM before. BDSM obviously reflects a wide spectrum of behaviors, from mild to wild, and most people are at the more mild end, with fantasies about taking on dominant or submissive roles, tying up a partner or being tied up, and engaging in light sadomasochism (think spanking and biting) being the most common.
People are drawn to BDSM for multiple reasons. For some, it’s simply an escape from the confines of traditional gender roles. For others, it’s about an escape from self-awareness or exploring other sides of the self. For yet others, it’s about the appeal of the taboo, trying something new, or a craving for intense stimulation.
Fetish fantasies involve a focus on specific objects (like boots or stockings) or non-genital body parts (like feet or armpits). I found that 45% of my participants reported having had a fetish fantasy before, with men reporting more such fantasies than women.
The single most common fetish fantasy involved feet, with about 1 in 7 adults saying they’d had a fantasy before in which feet or toes played a significant role.
Psychologists believe that most fetishes are learned—through experience, we start to develop associations between certain objects/body parts and sexual arousal. However, there can also be a taboo element to them, as well as an overlap with BDSM, such as when someone fantasizes about another person stepping or walking all over them.
Many people reported fantasies in which specific body fluids played a big role. Unsurprisingly, male and female ejaculate were the most common, with a majority of men and women having fantasized about them before. However, other body fluids appeared with some frequency, too.
For example, 45% of men and 35% of women had fantasies involving spit, 31% of men and 14% of women had fantasies involving breast milk, 32% of men and 15% of women had fantasies involving urine, and 6% of men and 2% of women had fantasies involving feces.
In many of the fantasies involving body fluids, they were used in an act of dominance/submission, so that seems to be a big part of the appeal here.
Fantasies about watching someone else undress or have sex are very common. In fact, 60% of my participants reported having fantasized about this before, although men had more voyeurism fantasies than did women.
Voyeurism is appealing to many because we are very visual creatures when it comes to sex—it’s sort of like watching real-life porn. However, voyeurism fantasies often involve sneaking around, too, so part of the appeal might be the thrill of doing something you’re not supposed to.
A lot of people fantasize about putting on a show. Specifically, 42% of my participants reported having a fantasy about publicly exposing themselves or having sex in front of an audience. I distinguished between consensual and non-consensual exhibitionism in my survey, and the 42% figure refers to cases where there is a consenting audience.
About 10% of my participants had fantasized about the non-consensual form, such as when they flash a stranger or masturbate in public.
Consensual exhibitionism fantasies are likely driven by a few things—amping up the excitement by having spectators and knowing that other people find you attractive or sexy.
Non-consensual exhibitionism is a totally different thing—that’s often driven by a desire to shock or offend someone else.
Some of my participants fantasized about taking on different roles and ages. For example, 11% had fantasized about dressing up and/or acting as a child.
I found a lot of overlap between these fantasies and BDSM because they often involved themes of dominance/submission and/or humiliation, so these fantasies are often just a variant of deeper BDSM interests.
About 9% of my participants said they had fantasized about dressing up as an animal to have sex.
Furry fantasies were related to a broader tendency to change oneself in one’s sexual fantasies, which suggests that they might often be about psychological escape. Many of us become different people—and sometimes different creatures—in our fantasies because it provides an escape from self-awareness, allowing you to focus more on sex rather than yourself.
However, furry fantasies might also be appealing for some as a form of novelty and adventure.
A lot of cisgender people use their fantasies as a way of exploring their gender role and/or expression. For example, I found that about 1 in 4 cis persons had fantasized about cross-dressing, while about 1 in 3 had fantasized about trading bodies with someone of another sex.
These fantasies are sometimes about a desire to break free of traditional gender roles or to explore the self; however, there was also a lot of overlap with BDSM. For example, several men reported what they described as “forced feminization” fantasies, in which a partner “forces” them to dress as a woman.
Fantasies about watching your partner have sex with someone else are very common, especially among men. In fact, I found that 58% of men and 33% of women had fantasized about this before.
Cuckolding fantasies can be appealing for a number of reasons. For some, it’s about self-enhancement—knowing that other people find their partner to be hot actually boosts their self-esteem. For others, it’s about wanting to see their partner sexually satisfied—they take pleasure in their partner’s pleasure. And for yet others, there’s a BDSM element—in many of these fantasies, the watcher is taking on a submissive role and is sometimes humiliated in the process.
It turns out that a lot of people are into the idea of incorporating food with sex . About 40% of my participants had fantasized about this before.
Most commonly, this included things like ice cubes, strawberries, and whipped cream.
The appeal of mixing food and sex is partly about novelty, or the desire to try new and different things. But it’s also about adding new sensations, tastes, and textures.
However, there is sometimes also a fetishistic element to the use of food, and sometimes a BDSM element—foods are sometimes used in a dominant/submissive or humiliating way.
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1.
Bondage (being tied up with rope, bound with handcuffs, etc.).
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3.
Spanking (with a hand, paddle, crop, etc.).
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4.
Lingerie (whether you wore it, your partner wore it, or both!)
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5.
Roleplay (pretending you and your partner are other people, often with a certain power dynamic like teacher/student).
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7.
"Water sports" (peeing on someone or getting peed on).
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8.
Scat play (anything involving poop).
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9.
Sex toys (vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, etc.).
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11.
Edging (bringing someone close to orgasm but delaying the actual climax for a sustained period of time — usually under the other partner's control).
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13.
Watching porn with a partner.
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14.
Fisting (sexual penetration using a fist).
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15.
Voyeurism (consensually watching others have sex, get undressed, etc.).
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16.
Exhibitionism (basically the opposite of voyeurism — having others watch you have sex or undress).
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17.
Dominant/submissive play (one partner assumes the "dominant" role, exerting physical and/or psychological power over a "submissive" partner).
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Yup, there are more flavors to sex than just vanilla.
Whether you realize it or not, kinks and fetishes play a pretty big role in mainstream sexuality. If Fifty Shades 's “ red room ” didn’t cue you in, songs like Rihanna’s “S&M” and Netflix’s show Sex/Love are examples enough.
But before we dive into the specifics of what these look like, let's break down what it means to have a kink or fetish.
According to Merriam Webster , a kink is "unconventional sexual taste or behavior." In other words, this is anything that goes above and beyond strictly vanilla sex. It's used to indicate something that gives you pleasure and isn’t a run-of-the-mill interaction sort of thing, says sex therapist Liz Powell , PhD.
This could mean the thought of using handcuffs, trying a butt plug, and/or feeling a leather flogger on your booty turns you on.
Keep in mind that a kink is different than a fetish though. A fetish is “an extreme amount of interest in a person, a thing, or a non-sexual body part,” says sexuality professional and mental health clinician Shanae Adams . (Basically, a kink is something that turns you on whereas a fetish is something you need in order to get turned on.)
If someone has a foot fetish for example, it means that they would need to receive or give some sort of foot stimulation in order to experience an orgasm.
Now regardless of whether you have a kink, a fetish, a few sexual interests, or just prefer vanilla sex, the key element is the same: consent. As long as everything’s consensual , there’s really no right or wrong way to have sex. Especially since sexual interests vary from person to person and there are tons out there to learn about and explore.
So for your pleasure, here's a list of the most common kinks, fetishes, and sexual terms to get well-acquainted with.
Role-playing is one of the most common kinks and involves playing characters outside of your day-to-day lives , usually as part of a sex scene. This can range from tossing on a tie and pretending to be the boss of your partner, channeling your favorite TV character , or even creating a whole, character-filled scenario.
Whether it's a kink or a fetish, objectification means "arousal by being dehumanized," explains Rogue. For example, someone who wants to be used as a sex doll or as a sex object would have an objectification kink (or fetish, if that's the only way they can get off). It's important to note this is different than an objectum kink or fetish. People with objectum fantasies have sexual relationships (or attraction to) inanimate objects.
As the name suggests, a pregnancy fetish is having an intense sexual attraction to some or all aspects of pregnancy. For some people, it might be the round belly, whereas for other, it could be the lactation—whether it’s the actual act of breastfeeding or the milk itself—explains Adams.
In a sexual context, “ exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which the person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others,” clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon previously told Cosmopolitan . If you’re into the thought of someone watching you masturbate or change or get it on, this one's for you.
“ Voyeurism is getting sexual excitement from watching others when they are naked or engaging in sex acts,” says Jill McDevitt, PhD, CalExotics sexologist. And while the pleasure is most commonly derived from watching others, the fetish could also include hearing others engage in sexual acts or even being told about other people’s sexual experiences.
According to Dr. Powell, foot fetishes are "shockingly common," and usually seen in people with penises . People with foot fetishes may be submissives, meaning they have a desire to "worship" at someone's feet through kissing and massage or by even giving a pedicure, Dr. Powell explains. Other people enjoy an aspect of humiliation and want to be stomped on or have smelly feet on their faces.
Going hand-in-hand with foot fetishes , a nylon fetish is—you guessed it—someone who needs nylons to feel arousal. This could mean you like the look and feel of them or like touching someone's legs in nylon stockings (or like to wear them yourself). Like with most fetishes, this could also be a kink if it's something you don't need , but kinda like. Either way, get yourself some stockings and get to playing.
Okay, so breath play refers to the BDSM practice of having your breathing re
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