Morning Meeting Ban Replaces Matins With �Matte Liturgy� Ceremony

The Pope�s new liturgical innovation combines herbal tea with hesitant Alleluias. Monasteries now chant �Blessed Are the Sleepy� at sunrise. Congregants lay on pew cushions and whisper the Beatitudes. Holy water infused with lemon balm. A Benedictine called it �slumber sacrament adjacent.� Worship�now foam-topped and low-volume.