Monogamy Sucks

Monogamy Sucks

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You can read Part 1 about Monogamy and Part 2 about Monogamy of this series by clicking on these links here.
Yes, I know this is a confronting series of articles, and very intentionally so. I’ve been an ardent student and teacher of A Course in Miracles for almost four years now, and even I for a long time resisted the part about letting go of the “special” relationship. The Course actually predicts this, as it predicts many things that have already happened to me. It is, after all, a prophecy of the salvation of the world .
This is what the Course predicts about the difficulty of letting go of the “special” relationship:

You who have tried so hard, and are still trying, to fit the better picture into the wrong frame and so combine what cannot be combined , accept this and be glad: These pictures are each framed perfectly for what they represent. One is framed to be out of focus and not seen. The other is framed for perfect clarity. The picture of darkness and of death grows less convincing as you search it out amid its wrappings. As each senseless stone that seems to shine from the frame in darkness is exposed to light, it becomes dull and lifeless, and ceases to distract you from the picture. And finally you look upon the picture itself, seeing at last that, unprotected by the frame, it has no meaning.
The other picture is lightly framed, for time cannot contain eternity. There is no distraction here. The picture of Heaven and eternity grows more convincing as you look at it. And now, by real comparison, a transformation of both pictures can at last occur. And each is given its rightful place when both are seen in relation to each other. The dark picture, brought to light, is not perceived as fearful, but the fact that it is just a picture is brought home at last. And what you see there you will recognize as what it is; a picture of what you thought was real, and nothing more. For beyond this picture you will see nothing.
As I read through the Part 2 about Monogamy , I see a lot of people struggling to fit the “special” relationship into the new frame. It’s not going to work. Sorry, folks, monogamy cannot be squared with the Course. Period.
So after much soul-searching about this and exploration of this topic, I’m now ready to let go of the “special” relationship, and all of its egoic trappings. Not because it is being taken away from me. Because I don’t want it. Nobody does. The “special” relationship damns you to guilt, hell, and death. It damns you to a world where you never get what you really want. Is that what you want?
Let’s notice what happens when you allow yourself to get involved in a “special” relationship. Especially when you make promises of exclusivity to another person.
The first problem is obvious. You have promised to be exclusive, and “temptation” arises in the form of another person with whom you want to connect. Depending who you are, your solution may be to “go behind the back” of your partner (and please don’t underestimate how common this is) and “cheat.” … ooooooh, guess what?
You’ve now got GUILT. You cannot break your word and not experience guilt.
But there’s an equally guilt-ridden outcome that most “moral” people don’t understand is just as destructive as “cheating.” And that is what happens when you don’t “cheat.”
You have committed yourself to a monogamous relationship, and next thing you know, you are telling other people that you “can’t” connect with them in various ways because of the promises you’ve made to your “significant” other (a label which implies that other people are “less significant” than your “significant” other) … oooooh, guess what?
You’ve now got GUILT. Despite what you may think, and what the ego would like you to believe, the guilt here is just as destructive as the guilt you will experience by cheating. You cannot choose among your brothers and sisters in this fashion and not experience guilt. You cannot put one person above everyone else and not experience guilt.
And guilt, my friends, is the great saboteur. It will bite you in the ass every time. In fact, if you don’t wake up, it will lead you straight to sickness, suffering, and death.
It doesn’t matter what form the guilt takes. Any form of choosing among one’s brothers and sisters will do the trick. Thus, the same goes for women who say “I have a boyfriend” when they don’t, so they can avoid connecting with a guy they believe is “beneath” them. If you believe anyone is beneath you, or above you, or above others, you are asking for pain.
“Under the Holy Spirit’s teaching all relationships are seen as total commitments, yet they do not conflict with one another in any way.” – A Course in Miracles
Really breathe that quotation in, and notice what a breath of fresh air it really is … I am no longer choosing among my brothers and sisters …
If you are not totally committed to every person whose life touches yours (and, by definition, you cannot be totally committed to everyone if you have made ego-based promises of exclusivity), you will experience guilt and all of the unfortunate outcomes that go along with guilt. You DO NOT WANT THESE OUTCOMES.
So it is time to open up our relationships. It is time to share our relationships fully. Don’t kid yourself. Don’t pretend you are sharing the relationship fully with the world if you are keeping certain areas “exclusive.” Everything must become non-exclusive and shared. Starting right now.
“Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. This is a feast that honors your holy relationship, and at which everyone is welcomed as an honored guest. And in a holy instant grace is said by everyone together, as they join in gentleness before the table of communion. And I will join you there, as long ago I promised and promise still. For in your new relationship am I made welcome. And where I am made welcome, there I am.”
Don’t kid yourself. The phrase “at which everyone is welcomed as an honored guest” means you share EVERYTHING. You don’t leave the feast and go back to your SEPARATE bedroom to have sex with your exclusive lover, unless you want to exile yourself from Oneness.
And I assure you, you don’t want to exile yourself from Oneness, because you are damning yourself to hell by doing so. Make your own choices, but when the inevitable suffering bites you in the ass, don’t tell me I didn’t tell you so ….
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Erika said: “…Let’s notice what happens when you allow yourself to get involved in a “special” relationship. Especially when you make promises of exclusivity to another person….”
When a ‘relationship 1 to 1’ happens, there is no problem at all. Let it just appear, and disappear naturally.
Then, the ‘ego-demon’ appears in the form of a though in mind: “What if this person leaves me? I will be lonely and miserable again.”
And instead of just FEELING this fear, the ego wants to ensure itself, by making a CONTRACT!
– “I promise you my exclusivity! (And you have to do the same to me..!!!)
– “Let’s marry!” (Let’s make a contract which insures that we stay together forever, so that I will never have to feel lonely again..!!)
The cause of all this chaos and misery is as always:
Fear of death!
The ego does whatever it deems helpful for is survival… and of course it is a hopeless case…
So what is this ego which is afraid of death…?
The concept “special hate relationship” is intriguing.
I think that to reverse that would be a fast track to
non-suffering. However you do that, as there are many
ways to do it.
Erika’s arguments are like a moving target! The point keeps changing! But that’s OK, I enjoy people who can baffle me.
The less you know, the better off you are to act from the space between fear and desire.
Ok. Ok.
You win.
You can now rest your case. lol.
Good. ‘Cuz OUR happiness depends on it ;)
You are not special, dear one. You are exactly like everybody else. And if you hate anyone, you hate yourself. Period. Sorry, “I” didn’t write the rules. We did, before we incarnated here.
How many times must I say this, dear one? You can only perceive “condescension” if you believe it is possible for one person to be above another. I don’t. I definitely believe one person can teach another, as Christ teaches me. But we are not separate, so even if I’m teaching you, I’m really just teaching myself.
And how many times must I say … I did not “advocate” polyamory in this article … if you are polyamorous and believe that any of your partners are “special,” the ego has you by the throat just the same as in monogamy. Monogamy by definition is ego because you cannot choose one partner over everybody else without making that person “special.”
I’m quoting you Erika. You write: “Differences are of the ego. Comparisons are of the ego.”
But aren’t you being egotistical by making claiming monogamy is death vs. polyamory which is the way to salvation?
To regain your sanity, you must see the truth. “There is no spoon.” Then you will see, it is only your mind that bends.
and Neo and Trinity only had eyes for each other.
OK, Erika, dear one, it is an absolutely beautiful evening outdoors
here, i will go enjoy it,
again, thank you for the chat,
and continued success to you, love your pics
And Trinity died (not a coincidence) … which is why the title was “monogamy = death” … we are going to evolve beyond that, love.
I capitalized the word behavior for a reason. It’s not about hating or condemning a person.
I am not crazy enough to believe that I am in control of every thing
or that my belief systems create everything that happens to me.
That is simply not the case. It’s like saying that our behaviors of the past 100 years are fully responsible for global warming.
Just as no one can say where creative inspiration or the force of life originates, we also can not say where thoughts actually come from?
I do believe however, that what you resist, persists.
so, I don’t have to DO anything to get rid of any thing.
All I need to do is ask to see and understand, and it will be shown.
Anyway, I was not defending either monogamy or polyamory.
I agree with Rumi, that there is a field out beyond
wrong doing and right doing and let’s meet there.
Dear one, I never used the word “polyamory,” very intentionally so …
The ego is crazy enough to believe that you are not in control of every thing that comes to you … that is why your world appears to be insane.
To regain your sanity, you must see the truth. “There is no spoon.” Then you will see, it is only your mind that bends.
And in that realization is all your power restored.
“The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself. No matter what the form of the attack, this still is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this the truth. Whatever seems to be the cause of any pain and suffering you feel, this is still true. For you would not react at all to figures in a dream you knew that you were dreaming. Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.
“This single lesson learned will set you free from suffering, whatever form it takes. The Holy Spirit will repeat this one inclusive lesson of deliverance until it has been learned, regardless of the form of suffering that brings you pain. Whatever hurt you bring to Him He will make answer with this very simple truth. For this one answer takes away the cause of every form of sorrow and of pain. The form affects His answer not at all, for He would teach you but the single cause of all of them, no matter what their form. And you will understand that miracles reflect the simple statement, “I have done this thing, and it is this I would undo.”
“Bring, then, all forms of suffering to Him Who knows that every one is like the rest. He sees no differences where none exists, and He will teach you how each one is caused. None has a different cause from all the rest, and all of them are easily undone by but a single lesson truly learned. Salvation is a secret you have kept but from yourself. The universe proclaims it so. Yet to its witnesses you pay no heed at all. For they attest the thing you do not want to know. They seem to keep it secret from you. Yet you need but learn you chose but not to listen, not to see.
“How differently will you perceive the world when this is recognized! When you forgive the world your guilt, you will be free of it. Its innocence does not demand your guilt, nor does your guiltlessness rest on its sins. This is the obvious; a secret kept from no one but yourself. And it is this that has maintained you separate from the world, and kept your brother separate from you. Now need you but to learn that both of you are innocent or guilty. The one thing that is impossible is that you be unlike each other; that they both be true. This is the only secret yet to learn. And it will be no secret you are healed.”
“When you choose among your brothers, seeing more “honesty, integrity, and generosity” in some and less in others, you are living in ego consciousness. And you will suffer because things will appear to be “done” to you.”
So let me ask you a question. If you are looking for a roommate that you can trust and get along with, and will not have to be inconvenienced by, and you have a choice between someone who has a track record of lying, stealing, cheating BEHAVIOR and one who has the opposite track record, who would you be more likely to choose?
This is exclusive of any judging or condemning or victim mentality. This is just practical facts.
Right, and it is this same ego consciousness that leads you to defend monogamy … same exact beliefs underlying the two things. Now we are getting somewhere, because we can look at the HATRED underneath both of them.
Dear one, I don’t attract any “lying, stealing, cheating” people anymore. Why? Because I went deep into my own Shadow Self and found the unhealed parts of myself and healed them.
YOU are creating it … and when you “make believe” to yourself that some people are good and others are bad, you perpetuate the illusions of hatred and fear.
When you realize that it’s your mind creating all of it, the only place to look for correction is to yourself, dear. “Only the self-accused condemn.”
“You never hate your brother for his sins, but only for your own.”
Suit yourself, Brian. There’s no running from the truth. You either face it directly, or it bites you in the ass ;)
“Let them be as hateful and as vicious as they may, they could have no effect on you unless you failed to recognize it is your dream.”
Ok. It’s my dream. And in my dream if someone attacks me viciously, I won’t turn the other cheek. I’m more likely to go with the “eye for an eye” philosophy.
This has gotten to biblical for me.
Peace.
May I suggest, dear, that you get present with the uncomfortable feelings instead of succumbing to the temptation to disconnect? Because that is how you will reconnect to your power …
Sure. Everyone is “special” and has the God force in them. I see that in ALL people. However, there are some people I choose to hang around with more so than others, simply because they have more of the characteristics I value, such as honesty, integrity and generosity.
Yes, everyone has the potential to cultivate these characteristics, but not all people are willing. Most prefer to hold onto their ego personalities, Erika.
Dear one, when you place the blame on someone else, you give your power away …
All people are willing. All people are willing. You can heal the whole world just by healing your mind.
When you choose among your brothers, seeing more “honesty, integrity, and generosity” in some and less in others, you are living in ego consciousness. And you will suffer because things will appear to be “done” to you.
When in fact, you are creating all of it with your mind.
“The secret of salvation is but this: that you are doing this unto yourself . No matter what the form of the attack, this still is true. Whoever takes the role of enemy and of attacker, still is this
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