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“They’re making babies down there,” my brother told my mom after walking in on me and a friend fooling around. Little did I know that he was right. That was the day I conceived my first child. I was only 16.
My mother was blasting Al Green like she did every Sunday when she cleaned the house. “No, we weren’t,” I tried to assure her, but I doubt she believed me. I was usually pretty open about my sex life with her. She had known for quite some time that I was sexually active. I probably could’ve just told her the truth, like I had many times before, but this time was different from the rest. This time I did it in her house, and my heart was still racing from the excitement.
You’d think the experience of being a teen mom would make me want to keep all boys at least 10 feet away from my daughter, or at least ban boys from her room. Certainly, I don’t want her to go through what I did as a teen mom. I want her to wait until she’s ready to experience motherhood on her own terms, until she’s lived life for herself at least a little bit.
But I know that trying to keep teens from having sex is impossible. If they want to have sex, they’ll find a way. I know this because I remember being a teen. I remember a dark moonlit bedroom not being a requirement for fooling around. I remember taking advantage of my boyfriend’s parents being at work. I remember the sex in parked cars, the park and garages. And I remember not being the exception — almost all of my friends were having sex.
Banning boys from spending the night wouldn’t have prevented my teen pregnancy. It won’t protect my daughter either. Not from pregnancy, or the other potential consequences of unsafe sex. If my daughter were to engage in unsafe sex with a person of any gender, she could contract an STD or STI. It would be completely irresponsible of me to ignore the possibility that my daughter isn’t heterosexual. If I am worried about boys, I should be equally worried about girls. It’s either no one can spend the night, or everyone can.
That’s the logic I used when I asked my mother at 15 to have a good friend who happened to be male sleep over.
“You realize I could be sleeping with my girlfriends when they spend the night, right?” I remember asking her. I identified as bisexual at the time, and she knew it. But I could tell she had never even considered the possibility that my girlfriends were anything more than friends.
“Well, have you?” she asked. “No, never,” I responded. “Well, if he’s just a friend and you trust him, I’ll trust you.”
My mom trusted me. After that day, she often let me have boys spend the night. Every male friend I had knew what my bedroom looked like. And although it may seem counterintuitive, this is what she did right. She understood and listened. She never judged or punished me for being sexual. She believed me when I told her that a boy was just a friend and nothing sexual would happen if he spent the night. She created an environment where talking about sex was natural.
But despite her trust in me, she also failed me. She never talked to me about safe sex . I don’t know why. Perhaps she intended to but didn’t know how, or maybe she trusted I was getting accurate information somewhere else. She never once mentioned birth control or condoms; she just vaguely mentioned staying safe a few times.
And it’s not that I didn’t know birth control existed; I did. I just didn’t know how to ask for it. Every time I confessed my sexual activity to her, I hoped she would offer to get me the pill, buy me condoms and teach me about safe sex with both girls and boys. I wanted her to teach me how to be assertive and insist protection be used. But she never did.
I won’t fail my daughter the same way. She’ll have my trust and guidance. She already knows about my own experiences and that I could never be mad at her for being sexual. I’ll give her support and information. She can have boys and girls spend the night just like I did as a teen, but unlike me, she’ll have access to condoms, birth control and information about STIs and STDs. The conversation about sex will be ongoing and comprehensive.
I know I can’t stop her from having sex, but at least I can help her stay safe.
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This mom is taking the birds and the bees talk to a whole new level.
Chloe Macintosh has created a guide called “First Time Sex Starter Kit” for her two teenage sons in a bid to help them — and other teens — properly prepare to lose their virginities.
The British-based entrepreneur recently launched Kama — a sexual wellness app designed to educate people of all ages on various aspects of eroticism.
The app features a special section for first-timers, which Macintosh was inspired to create with and for her sons — Felix, 16, and Elliott, 14.
“The content we wanted to put out there is more than some tips to put a condom on,” Macintosh told HuffPost. “It’s more relating to the experience and making it as relaxed and comfortable as possible.”
The kit currently takes the form of 20 different videos, in which Felix is seen talking to a sex therapist. They discuss topics from “dry humping” to “how to use your penis inside.”
Macintosh said she never spoke about intercourse with her own parents and wanted to take the stigma out of sex for her sons.
“After an initial period of resistance, Felix and Elliott started to become more used to the topic, and speaking about it became more and more normal,” the open-minded mama declared.
She told the publication it would be impossible for her sons to ignore sex, given that there are sex books, “toys” and “gadgets” scattered “everywhere” around their home.
Her boys began asking honest questions about sex, and their friends even had queries of their own. The pals wanted to know about initiating sex, choosing partners and asking for feedback from them.
The candid discussions helped Macintosh formulate the “First Time Sex Starter Kit.” She wanted the guides to include language used in teen conversations in order to make the kit more accessible and relatable.
According to HuffPost, the guide features advice on topics including oral sex, vaginal and anal penetration, hand jobs, fingering, consent and more.
Macintosh said much sex education learned in schools is not delivered in relatable language. She also alleged it is “heteronormative, binary and generally backwards and incomplete.”
She told the publication she is concerned that teens are now trying to learn about sex from online pornography, which presents an unrealistic and distorted view of intimacy.
The mom said she hopes her starter kit can plug a gap in the market.
“The fact that so many teens and young people go through the processes of dating and intimacy without proper guidance is not good enough and can be easily repaired,” she declared. “If we remove the taboo and shame from talking about sex, then authentic pleasure can come more naturally.”
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A Nebraska jury found a 38-year-old mom guilty Wednesday of sexually assaulting her daughter’s young friends after grooming them at booze-infused overnight parties.
Christina Greer, 38, allowed her 11-year-old to host sleepovers involving a half-dozen children, including the victims: two boys aged 12 and 13.
She was found guilty of three counts of first-degree sexual assault of a child, six counts of felony child abuse and two counts of witness tampering Wednesday. She was cleared of two other charges. Jurors spent three hours deliberating, according to Sarpy County prosecutors.
Between 2017 and 2018, Greer let the kids drink alcohol, consume marijuana-laced snacks and play drinking games, according to the Sarpy County District Attorney’s Office.
And then she had sex with the boys.
Deputy Sarpy County Attorney Philip K. Kleine said that Greer’s daughter testified that she heard her mother and one of the boys in her bedroom and they were kissing.
And a teenage witness testified Greer’s daughter had said the boy was having sex with her mom at the time, Kleine said.
Then, when she became aware of a law enforcement investigation, Greer told the children to delete any evidence from their phones, according to prosecutors.
But investigators found explicit images of the mom on one victim's phone.
"We’re immensely pleased [with the verdict]," he said. "It’s been three years, a harrowing experience for the families, for the victims. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions. Just immensely proud of the victims in this case to be able to stay on course and still testify."
Greer's daughter also gave damning evidence to prosecutors in 2019, local media reported at the ti
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