Moms Teach Teens Sex

Moms Teach Teens Sex

Posted on September 17, 2014
- By
Lauren R.D. Fox

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A couple of days ago I came across Jezebel’s article: “ What Former Sl*ts Tell Their Daughters About Sex .” Not only did the title intrigue me but it made me think about the type of language we use to describe women who are sexually liberated. It also made me reminisce on a conversation I had with my Caribbean mother, as I inquired about her sex life. Of course she shut that down promptly and told me women do not kiss and tell — words I live by in my own dating life.
In their article, Jezebel investigates a Reddit Thread titled: Mothers who were promiscuous in your younger days- Did your values change once you had a daughter? Because of the word choice, the Jezebel article’s author, Tracy Moore, questioned:
“Why daughters? Why mothers? And why would dads never be asked this question about themselves or their sons? But we know why — because men still aren’t called sluts, and are often not even called promiscuous, which is just a coded word for slut and is typically used only to refer to women.”
Moore’s point moved me because as inquisitive as I am, I usually find myself asking my mother or aunts about their sex lives back in the day rather than my father or uncles. Reason being, the latter party has biologically shown me they had what appears to be a great time based on the number of siblings or cousins I have. Also, my father and uncles are more open about their sexual exploits (minus inappropriately awkward details I don’t want or need to know) because they were raised among men who freely traded stories about their sexual relations. Using my own family as an example, I understand the importance of the Reddit thread, which doesn’t necessarily focus on the juicy details of parents’ sex lives, but offers communication about how a person uses and treats their own sexuality based on personal or cultural measuring sticks. Two Reddit users responded to the question of their values changing by stating:
Yes and no, while I cringe at the thought of her being a sexual being, I understand that it is inevitable. I try to teach her the anatomical names of her body parts and that they are normal. I try to teach her what real love is like and to be a good example of what a woman is….other than what I’ve mentioned, I plan on being honest and thorough in all aspects of her education including sex. – Azzkerraznack
Why does the gender of the child matter?
I want the same thing for my sons and my daughters. Healthy sexual relationships with people who treat them well and are treated well in return.
I’d rather my kid have a fun ONS with an interesting, respectful stranger than spend 15 years ‘in love’ with someone who uses her and makes her miserable.- Whatim
When I brought this topic to two friends of mine who are also MadameNoire readers they responded with this insight:
I don’t consider myself to be promiscuous however, I would explain to my children when they come of age that sex is a powerful thing. It can bring a lot of pleasure and also a lot of pain. If you don’t have intentions on pursuing this particular person don’t lay with them because people’s feelings get involved and crazy things can happen. Sex can be good if done properly (I.e. birth control condoms and regular check ups) I would also tell them to be safe and take care of themselves.- M.R.
My second(and last) partner last taught me a valuable lesson:You can’t use sex to erase the heartbreak of the previous relationship and that’s what I did which is why I’ve had such a tough experience but you live and you learn which is why I’ve chosen to remain celibate for a while at least until I get my sense of self back.- L.A.
Although we can trade lessons about our sexual experiences with our peers or children, it’s also important for us to understand promiscuity does not have a concrete definition. For some, three sexual partners may be extreme whereas, 10 (or more) may seem normal. With that in mind, what sex lessons would you share with your daughters?
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This mom is taking the birds and the bees talk to a whole new level.
Chloe Macintosh has created a guide called “First Time Sex Starter Kit” for her two teenage sons in a bid to help them — and other teens — properly prepare to lose their virginities.
The British-based entrepreneur recently launched Kama — a sexual wellness app designed to educate people of all ages on various aspects of eroticism.
The app features a special section for first-timers, which Macintosh was inspired to create with and for her sons — Felix, 16, and Elliott, 14.
“The content we wanted to put out there is more than some tips to put a condom on,” Macintosh told HuffPost. “It’s more relating to the experience and making it as relaxed and comfortable as possible.”
The kit currently takes the form of 20 different videos, in which Felix is seen talking to a sex therapist. They discuss topics from “dry humping” to “how to use your penis inside.”
Macintosh said she never spoke about intercourse with her own parents and wanted to take the stigma out of sex for her sons.
“After an initial period of resistance, Felix and Elliott started to become more used to the topic, and speaking about it became more and more normal,” the open-minded mama declared.
She told the publication it would be impossible for her sons to ignore sex, given that there are sex books, “toys” and “gadgets” scattered “everywhere” around their home.
Her boys began asking honest questions about sex, and their friends even had queries of their own. The pals wanted to know about initiating sex, choosing partners and asking for feedback from them.
The candid discussions helped Macintosh formulate the “First Time Sex Starter Kit.” She wanted the guides to include language used in teen conversations in order to make the kit more accessible and relatable.
According to HuffPost, the guide features advice on topics including oral sex, vaginal and anal penetration, hand jobs, fingering, consent and more.
Macintosh said much sex education learned in schools is not delivered in relatable language. She also alleged it is “heteronormative, binary and generally backwards and incomplete.”
She told the publication she is concerned that teens are now trying to learn about sex from online pornography, which presents an unrealistic and distorted view of intimacy.
The mom said she hopes her starter kit can plug a gap in the market.
“The fact that so many teens and young people go through the processes of dating and intimacy without proper guidance is not good enough and can be easily repaired,” she declared. “If we remove the taboo and shame from talking about sex, then authentic pleasure can come more naturally.”

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