Moms I Son Love
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Home / Featured Content / Moms of Boys Share: What I Want My Son to Know About Love
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I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. I’ve always told my oldest son that love should be expressed on a daily basis. I’ve also told him that just because I don’t celebrate the day doesn’t mean he should deny his grandmothers, his future girlfriends or wife their right to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
During one of our conversations, that I asked him a simple question, “What is love?” Since he is a teen, lately our conversations have evolved into more in depth and thoughtful exchange of ideas and opinions. As he explained love to me, I realized that although we’ve always talked about love, I took for granted that he was also observing love from our daily interactions. He observed how my husband and I expressed love to ourselves, to each other, to our family and friends and to other people. He observed that despite our best intentions, we didn’t always behave in loving ways and our words didn’t always match our actions. Most importantly, he told me that love is a strength. As with most of our conversations, I learned more than I taught that day. I know that there is much more to teach his younger brother and him about love and every day I am given an opportunity to be love in action.
I posted a call for submissions from other moms of boys to share what they were teaching their sons about love. I am grateful for their submissions and am touched by their words. Here’s what they had to say:
Sons: Age 10 & 13
I hope you grow up knowing love isn’t about what someone does for you, rather, love is the joy that radiates from your heart when you show humble kindness and respect to others without any expectations. Remember to treasure those who possess the same kindness and respect.
Son: Age 8
Love is gentle and to be shared liberally. It transcends the confines of category or label. Love is loving action, a verb. Love seeks balanced mutuality and reciprocation of ever changing sentiments for many different wonderful people, with the influence of your love on their lives as their one commonality.
crisiscenterinc.org
I want him to know that it surrounds him. I want him to know that it doesn’t look any one way or live in any one relationship – it’s expressed in infinite ways. If he sees it everywhere then my hope is that he will feel deserving of love.
Son: Age 2
Love does not hurt, it heals. But love makes mistakes. Love is irrational, but makes sense. And love, in all it’s glory, will scare the hell out of you. You just have to choose which of those wins…the love or the fear. I hope he chooses love every time because life is too short to fear.
Sons: Age 19, 24 (both unmarried)
Love is the woman whom you can’t live without, not simply the woman with whom you can live. Love will leave you vulnerable, therefore choose a woman based on the heart AND head. One who will love you for you, not the man that she hopes to mold you into.
jacquelinedujour.com
Son: Age 4
As a Mom of a 4 year old – who now has a “special girl” at school – I would like him to remember who his first love was… and someday hope he loves a “special girl” as deeply, richly and as sweetly as he has loved me since the day he was born. For when the “special girl” takes my place entirely… the sadness/joy of that day will change the love in his life forever. As it should.
www.onepickychick.blogspot.com
Son: Age 2
I want my son to know and understand that love is a word you say genuinely. Do not feel pressured to say, “I love you” if you don’t. Never lie about loving someone either just to get something you want for yourself from them. When you love sincerely, say it often.
www.phillyrelay.org
I want my four sons to know that love is learning how to cherish the heart of a woman. The way God designed her, and then to love her. Love is an act of kindness. Love is coming alongside, joining hands and discovering life together, always holding hands, no matter what.
www.elizabethtraub.com
www.girlfriendshub.com
That love is an action word, a choice, a decision, a commitment an attitude, not just a feeling ( which come and go)
www.marriagemindedcoaching.com
I want them to know that love is like building a big snowball. It starts out small and over time as you add layers it grows bigger and bigger. It takes work to have true emotional and physical intimacy. In some places the snow is thick and heavy and at other times light and fluffy. It has less to do with sex and everything to do with partnership. Love grows over time as you work at it just like the snowball. With time and care it begins to have structure, you can see its not perfect with dimples and clumps but yet each ice crystal glimmers with beauty.
AND last but not least if your snowball melts DO NOT GIVE up it can be rebuilt or began again. Love is always there waiting for you to find when you least expect it.
Son: Age 4
What I want my son to know about love is that it is always, and will always, be about contentment. You will not always feel those special “butterflies” in your tummy all the time when you are with the person that you love. But you will always feel a special kind of contentment in your heart. You will know who “the one” is, without a shadow of a doubt. You will know because when you are with them, you feel a great and deep connection with them, something that you won’t have with anyone else. But the biggest thing that I want my son to know about love is that there is no greater gift in this world than love.”
www.corter.co
Sons: Age 9, 15, 20, 23
Love is something you build. Just like you need ingredients to bake a cake, materials to build a house, and threads to weave a rug—so do you need to create love by concrete, consistent acts of trust, integrity, respect, kindness, and giving of your time.
www.howtomovetheuniverse.com
Sons: Age 6 and 4
Love has nothing to do with feelings and, believe it or not, nothing to do with you. Love is a daily choice to put the needs of someone else above your own. It’s selflessness even when you really want to be selfish. It’s hard, but it’s completely worth it.
www.ohhonestly.net
I want my son to know that even though you feel happy when you feel love for someone, love does not make you happy. I don’t want him giving up on love simply because the person he loves doesn’t make him happy every day.
My sons (22 & 14) need to first love God, who created them in His likeness. Thus they must love and honor themselves and know they are worthy of blessing and be responsible for their actions. Genuine romantic love comes from selecting a partner that compliments AND challenges them to grow!
http://about.me/genuinehero1
This post is republished on Medium.
Marie Roker-Jones is the Founder of Raising Great Men™ which provides parenting programs and workshops for raising boys and navigating the challenges of military deployments. Marie created #ManYouWantToBe, programs that help boys and young men to "mind up", not man up. Marie is co-founder of #CompassionConvos, #CompassionConvos are cross and inter-generational conversations using social media, online and in person around difficult subjects of bias. Conversations include, and are not limited to racism, sexism, homophobia and xenophobia. These conversations challenge biases through dialogue and taking action. Follow her on Twitter, LinkedIn, and G+
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Moms I Son Love
