Mom Treats Son Better Than Dad

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Moms vs Dads - who is REALLY the more important parent?
Moms vs Dads - who is REALLY the more important parent?
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Moms are NOT more important than Dads. Period.
There are bad Dads out there. Really bad ones. I shudder to think that some kiddos are actually better off with no Father than the one that is biologically connected to him. These kinda men, men who aren’t men, men who are pathetic and lazy and refuse to step up to the plate, ya those losers, this rant is not pertinent to them. Men who abuse their child in any way shape or form are not to even be considered “men” in my opinion, so obviously they don’t “count” in whom I’m referring to for the purposes of this rant.
I’m talking about the Dads out there who just want to love their babies, and want to be in their babies lives.
What argument could one possibly make that is truly unbiased and valid towards proving superiority in parental importance?
After finding the most ridiculous ideas to support this notion, here are the top 3 most argued….
1) Moms can breastfeed their babies. Dads can’t.
While men do not carry the reproductive organs to breastfeed their babies, they can still feed their baby from birth, with the incredible formulas that exist out there.
Yes, it truly is optimal to provide an infant with breastmilk, as long as the Mother is healthy, and not putting things into her diet harmful to said child. However, sometimes formula is the better, or only option available. To argue superiority because of the man’s inability to produce breast milk would be as absurd as arguing superiority over another mother because she was unable to produce an adequate milk supply and was forced to formula feed.
At the end of the argument; both moms and dads are equally capable of feeding their baby from birth with all the nutrition they require.
2) Moms can comfort baby/toddler/child/adolescent better.
Better how exactly? Can’t really explain it definitively? That’s probably because it’s a load of crap. Perhaps you have a tried and true method of rocking baby by bouncing to the beat of Adele, but that doesn’t mean it’s better than Dad’s method of rocking baby back and forth to the tune of Mozart.
That doesn’t mean that Dads comfort better than moms, it means that they’re both equally capable of comforting their child.
3) Moms are more biologically connected to the child because they carried them for 9 months
With this kind of logic, I would surmise that you would be offending a great deal of nurturing and loving mothers who were only able to have their child through surrogacy……
I’m sure you’re noticing a trend here…..
When it comes right down to it, both a Mom and a Dad have EQUAL capabilities in raising their child. What they do with those capabilities is up to them.
The very fact that women are automatically given the upper hand in the court systems is a whole other issue that will be written about another day, but for now, it is what it is. If Mothers don’t give competent Fathers who WANT to be in their children’s lives the opportunity of being amazing Fathers, well, I think that’s the true travesty.
With so much pointing to the benefit of children having BOTH parents in their life (providing of course they both wish to be actively involved, and are both upstanding humans…not pieces of crap as aforementioned) why still, are so many Mom’s bound and determined to keep the Father-Child relationship to a minimum?
When it comes right down to it, if as a woman, you have had a child with a man, and he is a good man, he is loving, attentive, and an incredible Father; if you purposefully attempt to sabotage the relationship the child has with their Father, either directly or indirectly, well I dare say that makes YOU the piece of crap. You could be the most upstanding citizen, bake homemade granola treats, hand-sew cute outfits, and love on your baby until they can’t take it anymore; but if you try to justify your need to alienate your child from their Father because of your own issues, you’re still a piece of crap. You’re just a piece of crap that has home made granola treats.
You cannot say in one breath that you love your child, and want the best for them, and then through your actions, come between the important relationship between them and their Father.
A minnesota Judge summed up what I’m trying to say in 2001 after presiding over a particularly messy divorce where a great deal of parental alienation was present.
“That is an unforgivable thing to do to a child. That is not love. That is possession. If you do that to your children, you will destroy them as surely as if you had cut them into pieces, because that is what you are doing to their emotions. I sincerely hope that you do not do that to your children. Think more about your children and less about yourselves, and make yours a selfless kind of love, not foolish or selfish, or your children will suffer.”
If you would like to challenge any of my arguments, please, I welcome all feedback. I would love to have the opportunity to obliterate any idea you may think justifies your lunacy.
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I think there are many, many men who don't know what kind of relationship to have with their mom once they get a girlfriend or get married. And a lot of times, the mother son relationship has a huge effect on the marriage, to the point of divorce in some cases.
09/09/2014 05:26pm EDT | Updated November 9, 2014
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The mother son relationship is really complicated. I know this because I have an ex-husband, a dad, a brother and a son.
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There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who adores his mom, treats her well, treats her with respect and goes out of his way to help her.
There is also nothing more unattractive to a woman than a man who can't stand up to his mother, who let's his mom control him, who fears his mother and who puts his mommy first (in front of his girlfriend or wife.)
I think there are many, many men who don't know what kind of relationship to have with their mom once they get a girlfriend or get married. And a lot of times, the mother son relationship has a huge effect on the marriage, to the point of divorce in some cases.
So much of the mother son relationship stems from childhood, and circumstances that might have happened. For example, maybe the guy's dad left when he was just a little boy, and he was all his mother had. Or maybe his father died, and the man has always felt sad for his mom and tried to compensate for his dad not being there. Maybe the guy's dad treated his mom like crap and the guy feels like he needs to pick up the slack.
While all of these scenarios are heartfelt and while I can understand a guy's need to treat his mother like gold, there are differences between healthy and unhealthy mother son relationships. Here are 3.
Unhealthy: The son always feels obligated to see his mom and put her first in front of his plans. In other words, he will drop anything if she calls because he feels some kind of guilt. This causes huge problems with his girlfriend/wife.
Healthy: The son WANTS to see his mother, and if she happens to call and ask to get together when he already has plans -- say a date, he tells her he will instead meet her for breakfast the next morning. When he meets her, he might bring her flowers or just give her a huge hug and say, "Mom, I know you already know this, but I really really love you a lot."
Unhealthy: The guy always fears that his mother will be angry with him or not speak to him if he disappoints her and doesn't do everything she asks. A wife or girlfriend will get frustrated by this and it will surely cause tension in their relationship.
Healthy: The guy doesn't fear the person who is supposed to love him unconditionally, and who understands that there is no son in history who didn't disappoint his mother at one time or another during a lifetime. Instead, if he has to say or do something he knows will upset his mother, he sucks it up and is honest about it because he knows his mother will eventually get over it.
Unhealthy: The guy who fears his mother tends to resent her (but won't even let himself realize that). That emotion then turns into annoyance with her, which then turns into his guilt for feeling annoyed by his own mother. Because of this annoyance, he will then become annoyed with his wife/girlfriend, completely unaware of it!
Healthy: A guy who has a great relationship with his mother gets joy out of seeing her EVERY time they get together. He cherishes the time, they laugh together, maybe reminisce and have heartfelt talks.
Here's the thing. I'm a mom, and when my son grows up, meets a woman, brings her home and marries her, I am really going to try to understand that he is madly in love with her, and that he will put her above me a lot of times. And that is how it should be! And any mother who doesn't see it that way is just plain selfish! Sure, it might be hard, and your feelings might get a little hurt at times, but that NORMAL!
The last thing I will say is something I always tell women. "How your man treats his mother is how he is going to treat you."
I will never forget being on a date with a guy who (I promise I'm not making this up) was referring to his mom as a "stupid idiot." I couldn't get out of the car fast enough when he dropped me off, and I never saw the guy again.
If a guy fears his mom and then resents her, he will do that to the person he marries, even subconsciously.
All men should treat their moms with kindness, respect and gratitude. That's a given. But he should do that because he WANTS to do that, not because the mom expects it. No mom is perfect, but men should do the best they can to try to have the best relationship they possibly can with their mom, AND to facilitate the best relationship between their mom and their girlfriend or wife.
THAT is how women feel about men and their mommies!
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, "Love Essentially" for Sun-Times Media local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she's divorced.
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