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How to Deal with Mother’s Day When Mother’s Day Sucks for You
Earlier this week, those of you who have a difficult time with Mother’s Day shared your strategies for making the day a little less painful. Here’s what you told us.

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, and it isn’t a happy celebration for everyone. Whether your…
For anyone who suffers on Mother’s Day, Facebook and Instagram are a minefield: picture after picture of smiling faces at Mother’s Day brunch and posts focused on moms who have good relationships with their kids. Reader greenamerican advises:
Add a Packet of Ranch Seasoning Mix to Your Pickles
The fact is, you’re not going to miss anything important by going offline for a day or two. If you have push notifications for social media, make sure to turn them off so you’re not tempted to log on.
If your mother, child, or partner has died, Mother’s Day can be excruciating.
If you’ve lost your mom, you might find comfort in taking the time on Mother’s Day to remember her and everything she meant to you. PhlegmFatale offers:
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You don’t have to engrave a bench to pay tribute to your mom’s memory. Visiting where she’s buried, listening to her favorite music, swapping stories with family, or simply taking a moment to pause and think about her are all ways that might help you get through the day.
If you’ve lost a child, reader AVDawn has a recommendation:
If you’ve lost a partner who was a mother, you might consider spending Sunday celebrating them with your children. Depending on the kids’ age, you can enlist your kids’ help in figuring out how to spend the day.
Mothers aren’t always our biological moms: many of us have someone else in our lives like an aunt who always answers the phone, mentors us in our career choices, or a neighbor who keeps an eye out for us. Focus on the mother figures in your life and acknowledging all they do for you. NopeNopejustNope says:
If you know you’ll be spending the holiday with your partner’s mom, but you don’t view her as a mother figure, HesterMofet has a trick to help you reframe the day and get through it:

If you don’t have a mother figure to celebrate, you might expand your definition of what a mother is to women in general. You can volunteer at a women’s shelter or other organization or send texts to important women in your life.
Self care is important any time, but if this day is rough for you, it’s essential. Plan a day full of your favorite activities, like a marathon of your favorite movies with your favorite snacks. Or treat yourself to something new, like taking an art class or a new hiking trail. The goal is to distract yourself with things you enjoy. Reader LarsVargas needs $20 million and a nap suggests another approach: treat it like any other day and go about your weekend routine.
Whether you decide to do something special or not, you can still focus on the good things in your life, as whatdidyousay11 proposes:
Whether your mom has died, you don’t have a good relationship with your mother, or you’re not able to be one and want to, knowing that you’re not alone and having a few ways to handle the holiday will hopefully help.
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I usually just take a moment to reflect and acknowledge that estrangement is the right and healthy thing to do for the both of us. I will always love and respect my mother, but that relationship is toxic at best. And instead of being pressured into reconnecting because society tells us it’s the right thing to do, I make space for forgiveness and remind myself that it’s not for everybody.

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Mom Still Breast-Feeds 8-Year-old Son
July 9, 2002 -- Single mom Lynn Stuckey thought she was doing the right thing by letting her son Kyle wean himself on his own schedule.
But his babysitter thought differently and called a child-abuse hotline after Kyle — then 5 years old and in the first grade — allegedly said he wanted to stop breast-feeding but "Mommy wouldn't let me."
Although Stuckey denied she forced her son to nurse, Illinois child-welfare officials put her son in foster care. Now, a little over two years later, Kyle is back with his mom,and still nursing occasionally, although he is 8 years old. And his mother is speaking out about the controversy.
"I did nothing wrong with nursing him for an extended period of time," Stuckey, 32, a part-time store clerk, said today on Good Morning America. "Kyle is my only son and he's very important to me … and he's going to be allowed to nurse until he decides to finish weaning himself."
Back in 2000, Stuckey went on Good Morning America, although she chose to appear in shadow, and maintained there is nothing abnormal about breast-feeding an older child. Stuckey said she did not make Kyle keep breast-feeding; she wanted him to decide when the time was right to stop.
"I never forced my child to nurse," Stuckey said. "I did not nurse because I was gaining any sort of sexual pleasure out of this. The [Illinois] state's attorney's office and the Department of Children and Family Services are very incorrect and are greatly misstating my motives."
The state claimed that breast-feeding a first-grader was "sexual molestation," but a family court judge disagreed. Nevertheless, the judge refused to return the boy to his mother.
"Even though Kyle is a bright, sunny boy, he is alsoembarrassed and faces enormous potential emotional harm," the judge wrote.
His mother says the only harm to Kyle came from the six months and six days he had spent in foster care. She maintains that she was also a victim. Now, after six months of separation that included counseling and evaluations, mother and son have been reunited for a year and a half.
Stuckey says her son, now 8, still chooses to nurse occasionally. She says he does so every 10 to 14 days, just for a few moments each time.
Although she is not certain she is producing milk, her son says she still does occasionally, Stuckey said. And she says she sees nothing inappropriate about breast-feeding unless the child is "maybe into their teens."
Americans are just uncomfortable about breast-feeding, Stuckey suggested.
"Around the world, they commonly nurse until 5, 6, sometimes even 7 and 8 years old," she said.
The American Academy of Pediatrics says all but 18 percent of mothers in the U.S. have weaned their child by age 1. The World Health Organization says that children breast-feeding at 2, and even 3 years old, can be seen around the world. Neither of the health organizations give a cutoff date as to when a child should be weaned.
Diane Sanford, president of Women's Healthcare Partnership, said that in other cultures it is not uncommon for children to nurse until they are 3 to 6 years of age.
Sanford said Stuckey is confronting the same problem other parents have faced in different forms: Her son does not want to give up something he is used to.
"Like with many practices, like allowing your child to suck her thumb or carry a blanket around, there reaches an age at which we really need to help our children develop more mature means for comforting themselves," Sanford said. "However, it's clear that Lynn is a verycaring parent, who, like many parents, doesn't want to force her childinto giving up something which means so much to him."
Is Mother Thinking About Her Own Needs?
Critics have said Stuckey is really serving her own needs, not Kyle's, and should find other ways to reassure her son.
Stuckey says that's not the case at all.
"You don't nurse to serve your own needs when you've got a small childclawing at you because he's so upset and wants to nurse," she said today. "It's notabout your needs, it's about putting your child first."
And she said that if the state had not gotten involved, the boy would not feel at all embarrassed.
"I don't think the embarrassment came in until he was taken fromme and interviewed by numerous people about it because before he wastaken, hardly anyone knew he was nursing," she said.
At the time, he nursed for about 10 minutes at night, and a little more on the weekends, she said.
Other Ways to Make Kids Feel Secure
Although Stuckey's son is back in her custody, there's still a lot of controversy about when a child should be weaned. Stuckey said she decided to go public now because she wants people to see her and her child, and realize that breast-feeding is a perfectly normal practice.
"We are your standard,middle-class American family, and we're not doing anything wrong," she said. "And he's a wonderful child. He gets along so well with hisclassmates at school, his teachers adore him. He's got so manyfriends around our neighborhood and at our church."
Kyle is not teased as far as she knows, his mother said.
Sanford said there is often a push for kids to grow up too soon, and that Stuckey is helping her son feel secure in many ways. But, said Sanford, there are alternatives.
She said parents should have their child find other ways of relating to them, such as cuddling or reading together, or helping the child develop his own ways to relieve stress and comfort himself.
That is all happening in good time, Stuckey contends.
"Kyle is finding his own ways to comfort himself," Stuckey said. "But occasionally, he still wants to nurse, and that's fine with me."

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