Mom Step Daughter

Mom Step Daughter
Stiles and Parish. Photo courtesy Candice Curry.
The relationship between a mother and a stepmother is probably one of the trickiest to navigate. In theory, you’d get along for the good of the child you have in common. In practice, it’s not always so simple. There’s often history and baggage between exes, bitterness and jealousy between biological mom and stepmom, resentment from just about everyone.
But that’s not the case with 39-year-old mother Candice Curry and her daughter’s stepmother, 29-year-old Ashley Parish. In fact, both women are very clear on one point: They love each other.
In a Nov. 30 post on her blog that quickly went viral, receiving more than 10,000 Facebook shares and getting syndicated on sites like Thought Catalog , Today and Huffington Post , the San Antonio mom wrote “An Open Letter to My Daughter’s Stepmom.”
“I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you,” Curry writes. “When I first met you I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and a twinge of jealousy shot through my body. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a young, sweet woman. … You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our daughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.”
Curry goes on to thank Parish for respecting her position as 14-year-old Stiles’ mother, for filling in as ‘mom’ when Curry is away, and for unconditionally loving Stiles. “Ashley is so gracious and respectful of our daughter,” Candice tells Yahoo Parenting. “She always includes her, and was immediately so accepting, and that’s very hard to do for a woman who goes into a relationship with a man that has a kid. That’s a tough spot to be in.”
Curry, Stiles, and Curry’s ex-husband. Photo courtesy Candice Curry.
After one of Stiles’ recent volleyball games, Curry says Stiles got in the car and announced that her friends thought it strange that Curry and Parish were sitting together. “It would be so sad if Stiles had to go from one side of the gym to the other just to say hi to all of her parents,” Curry says. “But she doesn’t know that our relationship isn’t the norm.”
Curry, who has four other children—8-year-old triplets and a 9-month-old son—with her current husband, says she wrote the letter “so that other families could see that it can be this way, and so that Ashley can know that I love her.”
And it worked. Parish says reading the post made her cry. “It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me in a really long time,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. “For her to recognize my role — not that I’m looking for recognition — felt so good.”
Parish says she grew up with divorced parents, so she was cognizant of her place in the family as soon as she started dating her now-husband. “My father had a lot of girlfriends growing up, and I remember them very often taking the attention away from my sister and me, so my first thought was ‘I’m not going to be that way,’” Parish tells Yahoo Parenting. “The relationship between a girl and her father is so important, so when we have the girls at our house, I want them to feel like the center of attention.”
Though Parish and Curry haven’t actually seen each other since the post was written, Parish says she can’t wait. “I need to hug her and thank her in person.”
Family therapist Dr. Paul Hokemeyer says getting to this place of respect between co-parents is incredibly difficult. “Parents have evolved to protect their offspring, so the initial response of biological parents is going to be to reject a new person who comes into their child’s life and think they aren’t good enough and keep them at arm’s length,” he tells Yahoo Parenting. “It takes someone who is really evolved to accept someone new into the family.”
So what have Parish and Curry figured out that so many parents struggle with? Primarily, that children need to be the first priority, says Robert Emery, Director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law and author of “ The Truth about Children and Divorce .” “Kids in families who live apart want a life where everyone is on a team — their team,” Emery tells Yahoo Parenting. “Congratulations to both of these women for putting the life of a child ahead of their own issues. And congratulations to them for dealing with understandable issues like fear, jealousy, and uncertainty, and coming out stronger and deeper on the other side.”
Curry says the trick to her happy family is acceptance. “We had to put the past in the past and move forward and be cohesive with each other,” she says of her ex-husband and Parish. “At some point you have to accept where life has brought you and move forward and do what is best for your child. And we never ever badmouth the other parent or step-parents. Even in our worst moments, my daughter has never heard one single bad statement about them. That would be tearing away at half of who she is.”
To all the other moms dealing with stepmoms, Curry’s advice is simple: “You’re always going to be the mom, but try and find a way to be grateful for the person who is with your child in your absence.”
Updated as of 9/7/2022 at 2:15 p.m. ET
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A mom with a "colicky baby" has been slammed online for "canceling" her 13-year-old step-daughter's visits to "catch up" on sleep.
In a post shared Tuesday on Reddit 's popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, the mother shared the story which has since received over 9,000 comments and 5,800 upvotes.
The original poster, u/National_Law_6665, aged 35, began by revealing she has three children aged four, two, and four months old with her 13-year-old step-daughter's dad.
"My baby is super fussy. It's been really bad. The doctor said she is ok but she is really colicky. She cries all night long. The past few months have been a nightmare. Working all day no sleep at night. I am a super light sleeper. I have been canceling our weekends with my stepdaughter, 13. So my husband and I can catch up on sleep."
"My stepdaughter decided to blast us on social media. She said 'my dad and stepmom can't even take care of the kids they have. Yet they keep having more. So much for a reliable loving parent.'"
According to Family Lives, a charity that supports and offers advice to families, it is important to spend time with your stepchildren and reassure them that your love for them has not changed. Help children adjust by giving them the opportunities to help care for the baby and by choosing gifts, names and clothes.
The original poster continued: "My husband's family asked her what was wrong. She let them know that we keep canceling on HER time. It's not just HER time. it's also her dad's it's been a very difficult situation for both of us.
"My in-laws are now saying we are the A's in the situation. They stopped helping us with the younger kids altogether. Am I the A here? I feel like it's just circumstances. No one asks for a colicky baby."
Karen Pavlidis, Ph.D, founder of Child and Teen Solutions, told Newsweek : "The 13-year old is as integral a part of the family as the other three children, but step-mother is treating her as if she is an optional guest. This sends an incredibly rejecting message to the 13-year old.
"This family is fortunate that the 13-year wants to have these visits, given that many older children can feel displaced when a parent remarries and starts another family: in many cases, teens might resist time with the younger family.
"I'm sympathetic to the stress that the family is under with the colicky newborn. It sounds like the family needs more support to manage the challenges of three young children, rather than side-lining the 13-year old as a solution to their exhaustion. I'm concerned that there may be deeper issues with stepmother rejecting the 13-year old and ignoring the basic needs for a relationship with this young teen and her father."
Thousands of people have responded and the top comment has racked up 19,900 upvotes.
It said: "The colicky baby isn't your fault, but your solution IS unfair to your stepdaughter. Her father is abandoning her and disappearing from her life. You guys do need to come up with another way of dealing with this. YTA."
User brerosie33 said: "Agree. Also, the kid is 13! It's not like she is five and needs constant supervision. 13-year-olds are pretty self-sufficient. I really don't see how having the stepdaughter there could cause any issues."
The cause of colic is unknown but the symptoms include inconsolable crying that can seem more like screaming.
A survey of new parents by SleepJunkie revealed 10 percent of 1,000 participants stated they are no longer sleeping for seven or more hours per night.
Despite this, Reddit users feel it would be "easy" to include the teenager. One user said: "It would be so easy to include the original posters stepdaughter. Just have a chill weekend with her. They don't need to do anything fancy. Just have a movie day or play games together or bake some cookies. She's 13 not 3. She'll probably be happy to spend some time with her step-siblings too. I loved playing with babies and little kids when I was 13."
Newsweek reached out to u/National_Law_6665 for comment. Newsweek could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Update 02/09/22, 7.34 a.m. ET: This article was updated with comment from Karen Pavlidis, Ph.D., founder of Child and Teen Solution.
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step·daugh·ter

| \ ˈstep-ˌdȯ-tər

\

: a daughter of one's wife or husband by a former partner

In all the years since, my stepdaughter emailed me to tell me her dad had died, 10 years ago, and nothing since.

—

Washington Post , 16 Apr. 2022

Laci Mosley, who plays Carly’s roommate Harper, and Jaidyn Triplett, as Freddie’s stepdaughter Millicent, also star.

—

Rick Porter, The Hollywood Reporter , 27 July 2022

Police and prosecutors relied on the testimony of Dorothy Wilson, the victim’s stepdaughter who was there at the time of the murder and who identified James as the shooter.

—

Curtis Bunn, NBC News , 26 June 2022

When the storm first began to pick up, Zeleny's 17-year-old stepdaughter was asleep in an RV trailer in their backyard, reported ABC affiliate WFAA.

—

Maria Pasquini, PEOPLE.com , 5 Apr. 2022

Before President Vladimir Putin invaded Ukraine in February, before the possibility of nuclear war became a distinct reality, Daniel’s 12-year-old stepdaughter posted a TikTok showing support for the LGBTQ+ community.

—

Marisa Kabas, Rolling Stone , 8 Mar. 2022

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