Mom Sister Father
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Mom Sister Father
By
Samantha Berlin
On 7/20/22 at 5:06 PM EDT
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Commenters praised a woman who called out her sister's parenting advice by reminding her that her kids chose to live with their father—her ex.
The anonymous woman, known as u/throwaway0292720, posted about the incident in Reddit 's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 15,400 upvotes and 1,400 comments. The post can be found here .
In the United States, a custodial parent has full custody of a child including being held responsible for their care and financial and medical support.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau , nearly 80 percent of the 12.9 million custodial parents in 2018 were mothers and about one in five were fathers. Of custodial fathers, more than half were 40 years or older, compared to about 40 percent of women.
Typically courts will ask the child their preference, although judges are not required to choose the child's desired guardian.
In the post titled "AITA for telling my sister there's a reason her kids chose to live with their dad?" the 32-year-old woman said she has a 14-year-old daughter named Jess.
She explained that her father—Jess' dad—died when she was young leaving the two of them to have a close relationship.
"Around a week ago she asked me if I could take her to the movies on a date with a guy in her class," the post read. "I know the guy distantly because they've done some extracurriculars together and I was thrilled he was my daughter's first 'boyfriend.'"
The woman said she drove Jess to the movie and they hung out at the house afterward.
"He was extremely polite and maybe it's just the mum inside me but I couldn't be happier for her," the post read.
But during morning coffee with her older sister, they began talking about Jess and her date. The woman added that her sister has two teenagers, 16 and 17, who live almost full time with their dad.
"They had a very messy divorce around three years ago, and both kids choose to live with their dad," the post read. "The reason for this was because my sister was extremely overbearing on them."
She said her sister believed her kids should have no privacy and that she "should run their lives" until they were older.
"I know she had many arguments with them because she would take away their doors, not let them hang out with friends, search through their phones every night etc," the post read. "This was the primary reason for her divorce, although she won't admit that. While I love her, as someone who grew up with little privacy I fully understand why her kids don't want to live with her."
During the conversation about Jess' date, the woman's sister laughed before realizing she was serious. She then told the woman she was a "terrible mother" for allowing her daughter to "walk all over" her and for "not setting boundaries."
Her sister continued, telling the woman she was being "lazy and neglectful" for allowing her 14-year-old to go out alone.
"She also said 'I would never allow my kids to do that,'" the post read. "So I replied by saying 'that's exactly why your kids live with their dad.'"
Although the woman thought she was telling her sister "what she needed to hear," her sister told her to leave the house. But after getting home, the woman said she wondered if her comment actually crossed a line.
More than 1,400 users commented on the post, many praising the woman for calling out her sister when she offered unsolicited parenting advice.
"Your sister thinks 'holding boundaries' is the same thing as 'making demands,' and she'll eventually learn that her children aren't accessories to treat as she wishes without consequence," another user commented.
"She opened things up to such a comment when she decided it was okay for her to criticize your parenting," another wrote. "She just doesn't want to hear the truth and would rather think she is a flawless parent despite the evidence."
"NTA. A hit dog hollers," one user commented. "She was only upset by what you said because deep down she knows it's the truth and doesn't want to admit it to herself or anyone else."
"You are providing your child with a safe environment in which she can grow and explore. Your sister is the poster child of helicopter parents," another user commented. "I applaud her kids for choosing to live with her dad. Good on you for telling your sister like it is."
Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway0292720 for comment.
In another viral Reddit post, a woman was praised for "keeping her children" from their dad after she came home from a trip to find the place a mess.
Another woman received support for "ruining" her husband's birthday dinner , and a man was supported for sharing a family secret and "ruining" his brother's family.
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It’s natural to want to give family members all the honors—after all, in our lives, they are some of the most important people. But are their titles capitalized? Is it proper to address mom as Mom or refer to your favorite aunt as Aunt Viv ?
Family member titles are capitalized when used as a title immediately before a person’s name ( I adore Aunt Lisa ) or when the title is used in place of their name ( Where’s the milk, Mom? ). Do not capitalize names that refer to common nouns: Those two men are fathers or This class is for expectant mothers .
You should capitalize family member titles when addressing your own relatives: hello, Mother . A good rule to follow is to capitalize them if they are used as proper nouns , as in the previous example. The word Mother is a proper noun standing in for the mother’s name.
Even if a title isn’t being used to directly address someone, it is always acting as a proper noun—and should be capitalized—if it replaces a person’s name. For example, the word Dad is capitalized in the sentence I went fishing with Dad this morning even though the speaker is not talking directly to their dad. You can easily see that Dad is a proper noun if you switch in a name, as in I went fishing with Brian this morning .
Family member titles are also capitalized when used immediately before a family member’s name: I invited Uncle Chet to the baseball game . In this case, this is not a direct address. Instead, the title is being used as a proper noun similar to other respectful titles such as Miss, Doctor, Captain, or Professor.
If used as common nouns , don’t capitalize, as in: We honor all mothers in May . In other words, capitalize words such as Mother , Father , Grandmother , Grandfather , Son , Daughter , and Sis when they are used in place of the person’s name. But there is one exception: they are not capitalized when they follow possessive pronouns such as her, his, my, our, your .
Whether or not a noun is a common or proper noun often depends on how the sentence is written. Make sure you know how a noun is specifically being used in a sentence so that you’ll know whether to capitalize the family member title or not. For example:
Common noun: I went to the mall with my cousin , Jenny.
Proper noun: I went to the mall with Cousin Jenny .
So go ahead and capitalize the names of those important family members in your life, but remember not to capitalize when using a possessive pronoun or talking about family in general .
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
" Tsutsumikomu Yō ni... " Released: February 21, 1998
" Hi no Ataru Basho " Released: May 21, 1998
^ (in Japanese) "オリコン アルバム 1998.7.6" . Retrieved 2009-05-12 .
^ (in Japanese) "オリコン アルバム 1998.7.27" . Retrieved 2009-05-12 .
^ (in Japanese) "歴代アルバムランキング" . Retrieved 2009-05-12 .
Mother Father Brother Sister is Misia 's debut album, released on June 24, 1998. It debuted at #3 on the weekly albums chart with 330,660 copies sold. [1] The album stayed in the Top 3 the next two weeks and on its fourth week, reached the top of the charts with 277,990 copies sold. [2] The album remained in the Top 5 for eleven consecutive weeks and sold over 2.58 million copies in Japan alone. It won the award for Best Album at the 40th Japan Record Awards .
As well as being Misia's highest-selling album, Mother Father Brother Sister is also the 7th best-selling debut album and 37th best-selling album of all time in Japan. [3]
Mother Father Brother Sister (1998)
"Never Gonna Cry! Strings Overture"
"Koisuru Kisetsu" ( 恋する季節 , "Loving Season")
"I'm Over Here (Kizuite)" ( I'm over here ～気づいて～ , "I'm Over Here (Realize)")
"Kiss-shite Dakishimete" ( キスして抱きしめて Kisushite Dakishimete , "Kiss and Hold Me")
"Chiisana Koi" ( 小さな恋 , "A Little Love")
" Hi no Ataru Basho " ( 陽のあたる場所 , "A Place in the Sun")
"Hoshi no Furu Oka" ( 星の降る丘 , "A Starry Hill")
" Tsutsumikomu You ni... (Dave "EQ3" Dub Mix)" ( つつみ込むように… (DAVE“EQ3”DUB MIX) , "Like Being Wrapped Up...")
"Never Gonna Cry! (Junior Vasquez Remix Radio Edition)" (Secret Track)
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When Samantha Rodriguez lost her mother, Lisa, to cervical cancer in 2013, it didn’t seem like anything could be worse than experiencing that devastating heartbreak. But just three years later, when Rodriguez was 17, she found herself grieving again over the death of her father, Alexander, who died after a battle with lymphoma.
In what could have been her darkest, loneliest hour, there was no time for Rodriguez to feel that desolation, as she was surrounded by her five younger siblings, all of whom needed someone to assume a parenting role. Someone who would let them know that even during these difficult times, everything is going to be OK.
Though she was still in high school at the time, Rodriguez, now 21, didn’t hesitate to step up to the plate.
“I always knew that I was going to care for them, ever since the start,” she says. “After losing our father I realized, OK, I need to make doctors appointments and sign things for their schools, things like that.”
Rodriguez’s siblings, Milagros, 17, Brenda, 15, Michael, 13, Bella, 9, and Destiny, 7, are all under the legal guardianship of their grandmother, Lourdes Navarro, in Orlando, Florida. However, Rodriguez explains Navarro is limited as to how much she can help with her grandkids because of arthritis pain and a language barrier (she only speaks Spanish). For this reason, Rodriguez asked for power of attorney from her so that she is allowed to take care of all the legalities typically handled by a parent. Now that she is old enough, Rodriguez is in the process of getting legal guardianship of her siblings.
There are five kids. As much as I would love to give them and as much as they deserve, I want to make sure I’m doing the right things for our future.
“I still get weird faces, even now, like look at this 21-year-old, you’re their guardian? You don’t look like their guardian,” she says. “I just put a smile on my face and I don’t let it get to me.”
It’s that tenacious attitude that pushes Rodriguez, who works as a waitress to help support her family while attending Valencia College in Orlando. She has plans to further her education at the University of Central Florida. Still, even the most determined of individuals might be afraid when they find themselves in the dual roles of older sister and parent. For Rodriguez, her biggest fear is not having financial stability.
“Knowing that I want to give them so much and being only one person, it's hard,” she says. “There are five kids. As much as I would love to give them and as much as they deserve, I want to make sure I’m doing the right things for our future.”
Rodriguez describes her days as hectic between taking the kids to school, getting to appointments, picking them up from school, and making sure everyone is fed—not to mention her own work and school schedule.
“Our weekdays are definitely crazier than our weekends,” she says. “I log everything down, take notes, and just try to stay focused. It can be difficult to remember if I don’t write everything down. I have a schedule and I know everything I need to do for the next week, every single day. It might not go perfectly but I have a good idea of what’s going on.”
While Rodriguez continues to adapt to life as a caregiver, she realizes she has to consistently revisit her approach as her siblings get older. Two are teenagers, with her brother on the brink of 14, and as anyone who has been at the parenting game for a long time knows, the challenges are different with each age.
“They want to do their own thing and I’m trying to learn how to talk to them as a friend and a parent,” she says. “They're going to want to make their own decisions. I try to get them to understand that I've been where they are. I know exactly how they want to grow up. I just want them to focus on school. Don't worry about getting a job right now. Leave the responsibility to me and be a kid while you can.”
The Rodriguez family has received support from the Orange County Sheriff's Office aviation unit, who learned of their story on social media. Several anonymous donors in the community bought Rodriguez a car and in April 2019, Samantha started a GoFundMe page to accept donations of support from the community as she continues to provide for her siblings.
"Just to know that there are people out there who want to help me when they don't really know me, I'm lost for words," she says. "It's just amazing to see how much people can care."
In June it will be seven years since she said goodbye to her mother, but Rodriguez will never forget the kind example she set. She taps into her mother’s loving spirit with every move she makes.
“She always kept a smile in any situation,” says Rodriguez. “We went through a lot of crazy stuff as children and I always saw her with a smile. It reminds me to be grateful for the moment and not think of all the worries. I think that is what has really pulled me through all of this. I try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Everything is temporary. I’m staying positive and pushing for our future.”
More information about kinship guardianship and available assistance can be found at Childwelfare.gov .
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