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Blogger Jill Smokler wondered how honest women would be if she created a judgment-free confessional online. She had no idea.
By Jill Smokler Published: Nov 15, 2011
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Visualize yourself bumping into a neighbor who asks after your teenage daughter. You respond flatly, "I kiss her good-bye in the morning, then I close the front door and flip her off with both hands."
Now picture yourself at book club. In the middle of small talk, you say, "I wish I could be happy for my best friend's amazing children, happy marriage, and perfect life, but I'm seething with jealousy."
Pretty far-fetched scenarios, right? Yet the quotes above are real: They all came from an anonymous "confessional" on my website, Scary Mommy. I started the section because I got tired of the shiny-happy parenting reports filling up my Facebook feed. I knew I wasn't the only mom who wanted to slam the door in my kid's face every once in a while, or temporarily favored one child over the other. I wasn't proud of those moments, and thinking I was alone in having them made me feel even more helpless.
So I built a virtual confessional for people like me, and made it a safe place by barring judgment of any kind. Women post their feelings in the raw, and readers have three reaction options: They can click "Like," "OMG, Me Too!" or "Hug." There's no "Dislike" or "Eye Roll" button. I left no room for superiority or snark — we all face enough of that in the real world.
The response was phenomenal. Anonymously, mothers were willing to get down and dirty about what parenting really looks like. Sometimes, we yell too loudly and make poor choices. And finally, we're being honest about it. Halle-freaking-lujah!
The need to vent is universal, and so is the craving for understanding. I get emails from people who type and delete the same confession a dozen times before having the courage to submit. When they finally do, their words are met with 20, 30, or 200 OMG Me Too's. One woman wrote, "If it wasn't for the confessional, I'd be convinced I'm the only mother who'd ever felt like a failure. I no longer do." And then there are the confessions that deal with depression or illness or a deeply troubled child. People might not necessarily relate, but they want to offer their support. If, for whatever reason, those moms aren't getting the real-life hugs they need, a virtual one can do wonders.
Confessing online feels so good — imagine how liberating it would be to speak the same words over a beer with girlfriends? It might be like therapy: You unload your darkest, most embarrassing thoughts, and then you're able to move on (only it's free)! We encourage our kids to talk about their emotions, but as parents, we do the opposite. It's too bad; when close friends lend you perspective, you almost instantly become a better mother.
Of course, getting comfortable with that kind of honesty hinges on having friends that act as a cheering squad, not hecklers. Motherhood binds us: We are all on this crazy ride together, loving our kids the absolute best ways we can, trying to survive another day. So why the condemnation? Why does identifying someone as a poor mother make us feel better about ourselves? There is no trophy for best parenting, and nothing to be gained from pitting ourselves against one another. After all, we play for the same team: our kids.
Jill Smokler blogs about motherhood at scarymommy.com . Her first book, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, comes out in April.
For every mother who is doing the best she can (and yes, that's all of us), we're starting a movement to banish mom-on-mom criticism and start supporting each other. We're declaring November 30 "No-Judgment Day." Go to redbookmag.com/motherboard , where we've just launched our new Motherboard Blog Council, featuring great new mommy bloggers nationwide. They'll be confessing the secrets they don't want to be judged for — so join in! Tweet @redbookmag with your own #dontjudgemebecause mom moment, or share it on our Facebook page. Plus, add our "No Judgment" badge to your profile. Feels good, right?
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There’s mom fantasy and then there’s mom reality. I used to be one of those smug moms to be who swore she wouldn’t let herself go. Post baby life will be glorious! My meticulously styled hair would whip slightly in the gentle breezes, I’d smell like a Bulgarian rose, and frolic at the playground with my two cherubs all day long.
My reality as a mother is beautiful, but it’s the kind of beauty only another mom would appreciate. Beautiful but not always pretty. There is sometimes shame. Secrets I keep to myself and hold on to tightly. In the spirit of camaraderie, I’m opening the vault. Fellow moms, you are not alone. Or maybe my shameful self is alone.
Either way here are a few of my shameful mom confessions for your reading pleasure.
I thought it’d be super cute to make my children little mugs of hot chocolate with a dollop of marshmallow fluff on top after a few hours spent playing in the late autumn cold. They were seated and enjoying themselves so I seized the moment, left the room, and got to work on a pile of dishes. Bad idea. My two-year old daughter rubbed the marshmallow fluff into her hair like candy shampoo while my three-year old soon gleefully cheered her on.
As I picked the large chunks out of her hair I checked the clock. Bedtime. Do I delay bedtime and wrangle two cranky kids into the tub alone, or go about my business as if nothing happened? That’s right. I let my child sleep with some marshmallow fluff in her hair.
I was exhausted and in no mood to endure the horrible shrill screams my daughter subjects me to during shampooing. No, thank you. She wasn’t carried away by a colony of ants in the middle of the night and I gave her a bath in the morning. Shameful? Maybe but I got some much needed sleep.
I wear yoga pants, but I hate yoga. I know I’m not alone but I take yoga pants wearing to shameful new levels. I buy yoga pants with the precision and meticulous research normal people save for purchasing their first home. They’ve got to have the right cut, stretchy fabric, and some sort of stomach panel.
I know what you’re thinking and yes I really should get back to my 18% body fat pre kids shape, but until I have the time to spend two hours a day in the gym – again it isn’t happening. For now yoga pants are my secret weapon. I look fantastic in them and that secret stomach panel keeps everything where it should be like a set of bootleg Spanx.
Of course on days when I have to go somewhere yoga pants aren’t appropriate and try squeezing into my jeans I’m shocked . Where did this weight come from! I looked so good in those pants yesterday! Oh, right I live my life in a deceiving yet flattering casing known as yoga pants.
Oh well. Oh and once I went out in my dressy yoga pants and when I came home changed into my more comfortable hole in the crotch home yoga pants. That’s when I knew I hit rock bottom.
If those aren’t bad enough for you here are a few hall of famers:
What’s your most shameful mom confession?
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Ask Amy: I had sex with my brother. Should I just forget it?
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DEAR AMY: I am a 40-year-old woman with a brother two years younger.
We were raised in a house that had a lot of pornography exposure (initiated by my father — my mother was dismayed).
At the ages of 10 and 12, my brother and I started behaving sexually with each other. It went all the way.
It was consensual, and it lasted less than a year.
I still think about it and wonder if my brother ever thin ...
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