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Published June 21, 2011 5:01PM (EDT)


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Sex

I finally had "the sex talk" with my mom on the final day of our family vacation. This isn't a teenage memory; this happened just last week, and I was the one quizzing her about youthful dalliances.
We all joke about the difficulty of the "birds and the bees" conversation, but what's talked about less often is the reverse: adults sitting their parents down and having "the talk." I don't mean showing them how to use a condom (although recent reports suggest seniors could actually use a refresher course on safe sex); I mean asking them about their first sexual memory, losing their virginity, having "the talk" with their parents and so on and so forth. These are the revealing, powerful details that are excluded from parental folklore. Sex gets at the core of a person and it felt to me like an essential part of knowing my mom more fully -- as a person, not just a parent.
My hippie parents were always open to talking about the mind-bending wonders of meaningful, loving sex -- and how it's the "glue" (ew) of marriage -- but I knew little of my mom's sexual and romantic past. I had lots of questions, and her terminal cancer diagnosis a year ago drove home the fact that I might never have them answered. I also know someone whose father passed away before he could ask him some burning sexual questions, namely why his dad's marriage to his mom was largely sexless. Now it will forever be a mystery to him, one that is deeply tied to concerns he has about his own sexual experiences, and it haunts him.
So I knew I had to have "the talk" -- but it was easier said than done. I write about sex virtually every day and my parents read most of what I write -- about everything from orgasmic meditation demonstrations to the rising popularity of anal play among straight men -- but the prospect of asking my mom about her "first time" made me blanch.
Then, last week, I went for a hike with my dad through a forest of lichen-covered oak trees. Afterward, on the twisty mountain drive back home, he started to cry; something I had said, an exclamation over an enchanting patch of moss, had reminded him of my mom, who can no longer walk in nature -- or for any significant distance at all. Before long, I was tearing up too and choked out the words: I have questions for mom, but I'm scared to ask. I sounded more like a preteen than a 27-year-old; I guess sex can do that to you at any age. He privately relayed our conversation to her -- which I knew to expect on some level -- and she approached me later, smiling: You have some questions for me?
That was all it took. We sat there for nearly two hours, talking and, at points, crying. Who was your first boyfriend? When did you lose your virginity? How did you feel about it? What kind of men did you date when you were in your 20s? What was your sex life like before Dad? She matter-of-factly illuminated what had seemed like dark canyons of secrecy. I'll have to keep most of it in the shadows here, because these are her stories, not mine -- but, as an example, I learned that her first sexual experience wasn't something that she at all romanticized. At the time, she felt "glad to get that over with" -- meaning losing her virginity and all of the absurd religious moralizing attached to it. She was rebelling against a strict and old-fashioned father.
That helps explain her relaxed attitude to letting my high school boyfriend, my first love, sleep over (and move in during my senior year, but that's a much longer story). Oh, how the pendulum swings! And yet the apple doesn't fall far from the tree: She explained how in her 20s men reacted to her as an anomaly because she thoroughly enjoyed sex rather than treating it like a chore; she's always felt a bit like a sexual outsider. These are things I'm all too familiar with myself. You see, this sex stuff matters for the same reason we ask our parents anything about their childhood: We like to know where we come from. Often enough, we can see ourselves reflected in their stories -- whether it's nature or nurture or some perplexing combination thereof.
Long before I pulled off this conversational feat, I talked with a friend who had undertaken the same maternal investigation. Much to her surprise, she discovered that her mom had cheated on her father once and never told anyone until that very moment. The rest of what she learned was less shocking, but still fascinating, and humanizing. "The hardest part is asking that first question," she told me at the time with the flushed, wide-eyed fervor of a teenage girl reporting her first sexual encounter to a less experienced friend. "It's all downhill after that, and it's worth it." Now here I am telling you, She was right.
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According to the team at TrueMedical, women report high levels of satisfaction with their sex lives when they’re also hitting the gym regularly.
It's true that most moms are stressed and busy. In fact, many moms feel like they don't get any time to themselves to just breathe. However, even mom deserves to have a little fun from time to time — even in the bedroom.
Sometimes, though, women find it difficult to enjoy sex, especially after they've had a few kids and stay constantly busy and stressed. Sometimes women think they need to branch out or try something extravagant to rekindle the flame between the bedsheets, but apparently, that isn't the case. In fact, the team at TrueMedical says the answer to improving your sex life is simple: you just need to work out a bit.
Back in March, TrueMedical interviewed 1,099 male and female individuals from across the United States. The respondents answered a series of questions about their overall satisfaction with their sex lives, their daily habits, and their career.
While this may sound like a somewhat ridiculous connection, it really isn't. In fact, the team at TrueMedical and experts at Healthline say there are a number of reasons why working out frequently can improve your overall sexual satisfaction.
Furthermore, studies show that exercise more specifically improves short-term and long-term sexual satisfaction for women in particular. While the science behind this is still being looked at, most experts assume that exercise improves arousal and reactivity of the body's sympathetic nervous system and overall health .
This research provided by TrueMedical could make a huge difference in many marriages, especially given that over 60 percent of all women are actually not satisfied with their sex lives at this point, and nearly 20 percent of married couples claim their marriage is "sexless."
Obviously, exercise won't fix all of your marital issues, but as this data shows, working out either with your spouse or on your own could help you both connect more intimately and increase your overall satisfaction in the bedroom.
Megan Glosson is a mother and freelance writer based Nashville, Tennessee. She enjoys writing on a variety of parenting topics, but loves taking on anything with a personal connection to her own life. When she's not writing, you can probably find Megan building Legos or playing board games with her two adorable daughters.

To check out more of Megan's work or to contact her about freelance opportunities, visit http://meganglosson.com/.

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I'm A Wife. I'm A Mom. And I'm A Swinger On The Side.
Photo: Alina Cardiae Photography / Shutterstock
By Guild Of Unbound Women — Updated on Nov 14, 2022
Everyone has a secret. Things we don’t want people to know because we are embarrassed, too proud, or too private. We keep secrets because some things are too intimate and special for anyone else to know.
But sometimes we keep secrets because we may feel like we will be harshly judged and don’t want to invite the criticism that may follow. Often, we just simply don’t know who we can trust with sensitive information because it might illicit unwanted gossip.  
For example, you would never know I have an “open” marriage . I’m not the lady in the 4-inch heels at school pick-up that wears skin-tight jeans or has DD implants. I don’t have wild parties where people stagger home with someone else’s spouse because they picked their car keys from a bowl on the coffee table.
I’m just another mom who drives a sensible car, does the grocery shopping, wears clothes from Ann Taylor, goes jogging to stay fit — and occasionally has sex with men who are not my husband. 
If I ever told you about this part of my life — which I probably wouldn’t unless you were an extremely close friend — your first reaction might be “What? How? B ut...what about your kids?” 
Surely, you already have an image in your mind of what an open marriage is.
It's often mistaken for polygamy , where a man lives together with multiple women like in the show Sister Wives or Big Love . Or you might think that it’s a convenient excuse for a husband to have sex with other women without losing the security of having a wife or the social complexities of having a mistress . 
What most people who have never experienced an open marriage might not understand is that every open marriage is different. And it’s probably not what you think unless you know someone personally who has one. (And you probably do, you just don’t know it yet!).
Not everyone in an open marriage is some kind of sex-addicted freak show.
Between household duties, raising children, and having a meaningful relationship with my husband, I do not have a lot of time to dedicate to having sex with other people, even if I wanted to.
I do not have sex with every man I meet. I do not want to steal your husband. I do not even want to have sex with your husband. I do not have sex at the grocery store or soccer practice or bring strange men into our home. 
My open marriage did not start out
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