Mom I Son Sex Help
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Mom I Son Sex Help
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I have been married for 5 years. Our sex life was very lusty and fulfilling when we first met - but it soon settled down to having sex once a month after a drink.
My husband is a loving man but is not demonstrative. We have chatted about the lack of sex in our relationship but end up going around in circles I was happy to go through this until we were both ready to sort it out, until last year. We usually have a drink every weekend and I often fall into a deep drink induced sleep
But I began waking in the morning feeling sore down below. I had the feeling that I had had sex but did not remember - I would ask my husband if we had sex the night before and he would say no. This continued every time I fell asleep after a drink and I could not work out why.
One night just out of curiosity I went to bed first as normal but decided to pretend to be in a deep sleep (I made sure I did not have a lot to drink) to see if anything was going on. My husband came to bed and within 15 minutes just as I was drifting off he started to touch me, and went on to have sex with me. He clearly didn¿t want me awake.
The next day I asked my husband if we had sex, and he said no! I was disgusted and felt violated and had to face him about it in a way he could not deny it. So I waited until next time pretended I was asleep again - but this time half way through I just pretended to wake and asked him what he was doing.
He came up with every excuse under the sun other than admit to what he was doing. He was distraught and said he would cut his hands off before touching me without my consent in that way again. I was very upset that he was getting off on this kind of sex preferring that to the loving intimate adventurous sex life I was trying to get back. He promised it would not happen again.
Now I cannot relax and feel I daren't have a drink in case he does those things and I get that horrible sinking feeling again the next morning. As I see it he would rather jump all over me and enjoys the fact that it is without my consent or involvement. Our sex life, or lack of it, really is not a problem but what he did when I was in a deep sleep does.
I cannot fathom out why he says he has such a hang up about sex, but can have sex with me when I am asleep.
Please help this resentment is destroying my respect for him and I feel raped and violated and have told him so. I feel I cannot confront him again about this. I got nowhere last time.
He gave me empty promises saying he would never do it again. Does it make me just as bad because I am aware it is happening and have not confronted him about it this time?
Am I consenting in a way? I am 34 and my husband is 40.
Published by Associated Newspapers Ltd
Part of the Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group
'Are you serious?' A man has revealed how a bizarre pre-wedding family tradition has lead to tension in his relationship.
Amy Sinclair / Lifestyle / Updated 24.05.2021
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A husband-to-be has shared his disbelief after his fiancée asked him to spend a night in a hotel with her mother.
The man said his partner told him of the bizarre “family marriage tradition” to enjoy a romantic night with her mum in the lead-up to their wedding.
He said he was expected to buy his future mother-in-law a dress for their “date night” as well as something to sleep in.
For more Lifestyle related news and videos check out Lifestyle >>
The fiancé would then be expected to take his wife-to-be’s mother out for an all-expenses-paid restaurant dinner before taking her back to a hotel for the night.
While he wasn’t expected to be intimate with his fiancee’s mum, she unbelievably told him she wouldn’t be upset if he was.
Sharing his story, the man said he initially thought his fiancee’s request was a joke.
But he soon learnt she was deadly serious.
“My girlfriend and I have been dating for four years and engaged for one,” the man said in a Reddit post.
“Not too long after we had been dating she told me about her family tradition for marriages.
“She said that the boy must take the mother of the bride out on a date night, buy her a dress and something to sleep in, pay for everything and buy them a hotel [night] to stay in.
“She said that it’s nothing to be worried or freaked out about and that getting the hotel doesn’t mean you have to sleep together (although a long time ago it did).
“I laughed a little bit and asked if she was serious. She said that she was.
“I had a hard time believing it but I didn’t care to discuss it anymore.
“We never really talked about it, until this past week. I had honestly pretty much forgot (sic) about it.
“My girlfriend and I have our wedding in less than a month.
“We were talking about wedding stuff and she asked me if I had picked out what her mum and I were going to do for our date night.
“I laughed it off and waited for her to move on. She didn’t, she looked confused as to why I was laughing.
“She insisted again that this was 100 per cent serious and that she expected me to do it.
“I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with doing that. I didn’t want to spend a night alone in a hotel with someone who wasn’t my girlfriend or wife.”
While insisting that he share a hotel bed with her mother, the fiancée explained how the disturbing tradition came about.
“I asked her why we would have to get a hotel,” he said.
“She explained that a long time ago the mother of the bride would actually sleep with the boy and that it was viewed as a way to kick off the marriage.
“I asked if she expected me to do that. She laughed and said of course not, but that she couldn’t be upset with me if it did happen.
“She then said that her mother doesn’t plan to actually do anything sexual.
“My girlfriend got more upset and asked me why I was refusing to follow a fun tradition.
“She said that I’m acting like a stubborn kid and that I should just have fun. I insisted that I wouldn’t do the hotel part.”
Since then, the man said relations have been tense with his future wife.
“She left and went on to tell her family,” he said.
“They have all reached out to me and asked me what is wrong with me and why I’m being such a jerk about it.
“The mum called me and she actually was nice about it.
“She said that she thinks I’m a great guy and that while she would love to have a night together, she understands that I have a right to say no.
“Nonetheless my girlfriend is still upset with me.”
Social media users were blown away by the man’s story, with all agreeing he has the right to say no.
“That sounds incredibly uncomfortable, and I would definitely be upset if my partner’s family expected me to do that,” said one.
Adde another: “The fact that she wouldn’t be upset if he slept with her mum. Just ... yikes.”
I'm A Wife. I'm A Mom. And I'm A Swinger On The Side.
Photo: Alina Cardiae Photography / Shutterstock
By Guild Of Unbound Women — Updated on Nov 14, 2022
Everyone has a secret. Things we don’t want people to know because we are embarrassed, too proud, or too private. We keep secrets because some things are too intimate and special for anyone else to know.
But sometimes we keep secrets because we may feel like we will be harshly judged and don’t want to invite the criticism that may follow. Often, we just simply don’t know who we can trust with sensitive information because it might illicit unwanted gossip.
For example, you would never know I have an “open” marriage . I’m not the lady in the 4-inch heels at school pick-up that wears skin-tight jeans or has DD implants. I don’t have wild parties where people stagger home with someone else’s spouse because they picked their car keys from a bowl on the coffee table.
I’m just another mom who drives a sensible car, does the grocery shopping, wears clothes from Ann Taylor, goes jogging to stay fit — and occasionally has sex with men who are not my husband.
If I ever told you about this part of my life — which I probably wouldn’t unless you were an extremely close friend — your first reaction might be “What? How? B ut...what about your kids?”
Surely, you already have an image in your mind of what an open marriage is.
It's often mistaken for polygamy , where a man lives together with multiple women like in the show Sister Wives or Big Love . Or you might think that it’s a convenient excuse for a husband to have sex with other women without losing the security of having a wife or the social complexities of having a mistress .
What most people who have never experienced an open marriage might not understand is that every open marriage is different. And it’s probably not what you think unless you know someone personally who has one. (And you probably do, you just don’t know it yet!).
Not everyone in an open marriage is some kind of sex-addicted freak show.
Between household duties, raising children, and having a meaningful relationship with my husband, I do not have a lot of time to dedicate to having sex with other people, even if I wanted to.
I do not have sex with every man I meet. I do not want to steal your husband. I do not even want to have sex with your husband. I do not have sex at the grocery store or soccer practice or bring strange men into our home.
My open marriage did not start out as such.
It was very much closed with a big, iron door and the thought of that ever-changing never once crossed my mind in the first 13 years of our marriage. My husband, on the other hand, had been making threesome jokes for at least 10 of those 13 years and often wondered out loud about all the sex he missed out on in his youth.
He grew up in a very conservative family where sex before marriage was considered a sin.
I had a similar upbringing but had secretly given in to my desires and had been with someone before I met my husband. I felt incredibly guilty about it because that’s not what “good” girls do.
But eventually, the reasons against experimenting sexually with other people were overshadowed by curiosity — and the exhausting requests by my husband.
We didn’t know exactly how this kind of thing worked, so we took a risk and asked some friends who we thought might know. It’s a delicate subject to broach, but we felt like a few conversations we had in the past left us with some clues that they were, if not in an open marriage , at least open-minded people when it came to sex.
Our hunch was right, and they told us about a place in town where we could go — what you might call a “ Swinger’s Club .”
After talking about it for so long, I was ready to at least go and have a look and was excited and nervous to see what it was like.
The club itself was dark with a lot of scantily-clad women and sharply dressed men dancing or milling around the bar sipping drinks while lights flashed and stage smoke puffed up from the floor. Some people were sitting on the vinyl couches in a separate area behind the dance floor, chatting and caressing each other.
The beat of the music was pounding as hard as my heart was pumping in my chest. What am I doing here? Am I weird for wanting to know what happens here? Am I deprived? While most people hired a babysitter to go to dinner and a movie, we had left our children at home so we could watch come here and ... what?
Pretty much anything goes in a club of that nature, but it’s different for everyone.
For our first foray, we stayed together and only exchanged touches with other couples. We had agreed in advance this was more of a reconnaissance mission than a full-blown invasion into an open marriage. But that night things happened — I won't go into detail out of respect for my husband — that sparked a change in what both of us wanted and needed in our marriage.
Our curiosity (and the subsequent desire to satisfy it) came from a place of safety and security in the relationship we had fostered over the last decade.
It has been a few years since our first visit to that club and our relationship has changed and grown with time, as all relationships tend to do. The rules of our open marriage have evolved and developed over time, and we now both understand what the other person needs, and we feel comfortable with that.
The key for us is communication and respect. It also means that our relationship comes first.
We spend quality time together, we date each other, we clean the house on Saturdays, and take the kids to dance and soccer. And occasionally, if one of us is on a solo business trip or a night on the town with friends, that big iron door is flung open and we let ourselves have fun. We’re young(ish), good-looking, and in good shape. And we enjoy it when it feels right and safe.
None of our outside experiences are kept private from each other.
We both know what the other spouse is doing, and sometimes we do it together.
I’m happy to share with my spouse the details of any sexual adventure I might have , just as he would do for me if I asked (although we don’t always want to know). An open marriage for me means having new sexual experiences without guilt or shame.
As “open” as we are with each other about this aspect of our relationship, we are not open about it with our kids.
Just like we don’t talk to them about the complexities of getting a mortgage, why and how we invest our money, or what kind of birth control we use, we don’t talk to our kids about this small but delicate aspect of our marriage.
They're too young to understand that if mom sleeps with the mailman (just kidding — he’s not my type) that that doesn’t mean Mom and Dad are getting a divorce.
They don’t understand commitment, unity, or loyalty on the level required when discussing an open marriage. They’re kids — and they need to stay that way.
So they play with Barbies, and Legos and fight with each other and don’t ever have to worry about whether Mom and Dad love each other.
Because we show them every day when we eat breakfast together or dance around the kitchen or cheer them on that we're a family and that’s never going to change.
But if the day comes when one of them says to me, “You know, Mom, this one time I heard a rumor ... “ I’m not going to lie.
I will sit down with my child and answer any questions they might have and explain that for us, this lifestyle works.
Maybe then they will be ready to grasp the idea that you can love someone, spend your life devoted to them emotionally, be best friends, and lovers ... and have sex with someone else on the side. But until that day comes, I’ll keep the secret between me, my husband, and, well, you.
The Guild of Unbound Women is a space to explore the many million issues of single motherhood, but it's also for all the ladies — women stuck in bad marriages, unfulfilled broads wishing for divorce, and happily coupled former single moms with a ton of wisdom to share.
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