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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.He's going to ask someday. She's going to have questions. You need to get your story straight.
Jun 14, 2016, 04:53 PM EDT | Updated Jun 15, 2017
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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.
You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you'll be caught with your pants down when the kids ask about the specifics of sex.
And, in a dark car, on the way home from dinner, it happened: my son and I had a whopper of a conversation.
While I've mostly recovered from the trauma, my friends are still reeling from the advice I gave him.
The evening started out innocently enough. After attending an event as a family, Hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner at one of our favorite watering holes (read: drink martinis as the kids consumed large quantities of fried foods and dessert). We spent that time talking to each other, visiting with friends who'd also gone to the restaurant and joking with our favorite bartender. It was a picture perfect moment: warm sweaters, noisy atmosphere, a family smiling together. I had no way of knowing that my son had questions brimming and he'd decided he was going to get some answers on the way home.
As we had taken two cars,my son opted to ride home with me. I should have seen this as a SIGN, people. Of what, I don't know, but I should have seen SOMETHING coming.
Once in the car, and about two seconds after I navigated the car away from the curb, he dropped a bomb on me: there was a sexting scandal at school and he was upset.
Let me repeat that: MY TWELVE YEAR OLD WAS UPSET ABOUT A SEXTING INCIDENT. Twelve. As in, they don't even have the word "teen" in their ages yet, bitchachos.
Pardon me as I try not to drive this people mover right into a tree.
While he was not involved (THANKYOUSWEETBABYJESUS), he was upset about the consequences, the children involved and the general implications that this kind of thing brings. He wondered what would happen if he received salacious texts, who he should tell, why kids would do such a thing. Heavy topics weighed on his mind and he wanted to talk about all of it. WITH ME. As I was driving heavy machinery. In the dark. Without Hubby as a back up.
I'm not going to lie: I was caught with my pants down and I swear, the deer we passed on the road did not look nearly as surprised as I did when I was driving.
But, I made a choice to keep driving, to take the longest way home possible because my tween was talking, openly talking to me about sex. I didn't know when, or if, this situation would ever present itself again. I don't know if it was the dark, country roads I slowly drove, the fact that we weren't facing each other or if the stars just magically aligned to make him open up, but it happened.
As we quieted from the sexting discussion, he coyly and shyly said, "I have one more question" and the tone of his voice made me realize I needed to brace myself.
"Well. You know. Some of the boys, they talk about this thing that involves blowing. And work. Blow work, is it? Something that is like a job and involves blowing. I don't know what that means. Can you explain that to me?".
I'M NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS, YOU GUYS.
Here I was, in a car, being asked a specific question about a sex act from my twelve year old. In the split seconds that followed his question, I debated: do I tell him? Do I push it aside and tell him that's for grown ups? Do I pull over on the side of the road and call Hubby to take over? How hard will I have to junk punch Hubby when I get home? I honestly didn't know what to do and, as I gripped the steering wheel and tried to keep myself from driving into a cornfield, I made a decision.
I told him. I was honest and forthright. And, then it was HIM wearing the deer in the headlights expression.
As the reality of the answer set in, and, realizing these moments with tweens are fleeting, I took it one step further: I told him a committed relationship is a two way street and when you are intimate with someone, it's never one sided. If he's alone with a girl, it's to be enjoyable for both of them and it's never okay to let a girl please him solely.
I told him that if you get one, you give one. Plain and simple. Because no daughter in law of mine is going to stand in my kitchen and wonder why he's such a greedy asshole in the bedroom.
And, judging from the looks of horror on my friends' faces as I've recounted this story, I seem to be in the minority when it comes talking openly with kids about sex. I've been accused of condoning pre marital sex. I've been told I crossed a line by explaining the specifics of a sex act to my child. And, I've been told that I'm asking for trouble by telling him that his eventual girlfriend's needs are important, too. Mostly, my friends have cry laughed at the image of me driving down the street being asked about knob polishing. And, naturally, they all asked how soon I'd be blogging about my drive from hell....
But, for all the judgement, all the shocked outcry, I stand by what I told my son. I stand by my honesty and I hope, that in doing so, I've set the stage for him to want to come back to ask questions, to get good, solid answers from his father and I. And, in that moment, he trusted me with his thoughts and was open and honest with me. The least I could do was be honest right back.
Because if you get it, you give it, people.
Christine Burke is a blogger and freelance writer. Her personal blog is keeperofthefruitloops.com and she can be found on Facebook . Her latest book, "I Just Want To Be Perfect" is available on Amazon.

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Posted on December 11, 2014
- By
Rich

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN

Here we go again. When a picture of a mom and son in the bathtub with her son made its way around social media, the internet went crazy. Words like inappropriate, child pornography, and abuse infiltrated the comment sections of Facebook posts and forced everyone to hit the share button and call this mom out on her actions. And those who did not have as much of a problem with her in the bathtub with her son had a problem with someone taking the photo and posting. Let the judgment begin.
So the first question a lot of people probably asked was the age of the boy. He looked to be at least four or five, but it’s hard to say what his exact age is. Now, unfortunately for “tubmom,” in order for this behavior to have been acceptable by internet mafia standards, said boy should have been no older than two for her not to be condemned for her actions. Not to mention, from the looks of the photos, they both looked cramped and there wasn’t enough room for them to properly bathe. So not only were they inappropriate to everyone, there was a chance they were both not even fully washed. But I digress.
Seriously though, we can’t continue to think we can tell other parents how to raise their kids, or decide the decency line for everyone else. To each his own.
As long as there is no harm done to the child, there shouldn’t be any real issue. Like many others, I saw more harm done by posting the photo.
We know the type of backlash something like this could get so this was a bad decision by tubmom or the anonymous photographer (maybe dad?). Truthfully, I highly doubt there was anything inappropriate going on, and it really did just look like she was taking a bath with her child. The exposed boob that was covered was probably a bit much. But hasn’t this woman learned that social media is the devil?
Admittedly, I have taken a bath with all of my kids at some point up until they were about two. Not because I wanted them to infiltrate the only time that I had alone, but because it just seemed like the only way I could preserve time back then. I know a lot of moms who do this. As the kids become more aware of things and get curious about body parts, it makes things uncomfortable. So it eventually stops. For some, it stops a little later. For me, two was the age where it felt as if they could start remembering these things. Therefore, since society (and my husband) deemed it inappropriate, I made sure to stop. By three years old, I actually started locking the bathroom door. They bang on the door until I get out of the tub and unlock it so they can ask me something that could have waited. My seven-year-old has now figured out how to take a penny and turn the bathroom lock to make her way in. I say all this to say that no matter how hard I have tried to cover up or shield them from my own nakedness, they have caught a glimpse here and there. They usually don’t even think twice about it. I yell at them to shut the door. They don’t. Instead, I’m left exposed in the tub with a cold draft. It’s inevitable.
No one wants to scar their kids with visions of naked adults, but it’s not as uncommon as the comments on tubmom’s photos would have you believe. What is uncommon is posting a photo like that. Now that the photo has made its way onto everyone’s timelines, there’s a smh type feeling. Judgment awaits.
Is it a little weird? Kinda. Inappropriate? Maybe. Should she have posted it on the internet for the world to see? Absolutely not.
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