Mom Gonzo
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Mom Gonzo
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Filed under
penises
sex and relationships
tattoos
2/4/22
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This British woman believes size matters — and she’s got a new tattoo to prove it.
Tracy Kiss, 34, stunned family and friends after having a ruler tattoo inked down her forearm so she could accurately measure the length of her prospective partners’ penises.
The sex-minded mom — who has a 14-year-old daughter — told Jam Press that she’s looking for a well-endowed boyfriend, and her new body art is “a practical design and tool to enhance my life.”
The tattoo does not include any numbers, instead featuring “pretty dots” that are spaced an inch apart up Kiss’ arm.
“As it doesn’t have numbers, it’s actually rather discreet and allows me to innocently reach up to stroke a man’s stomach whilst taking a glance at my arm alongside it to count the inches,” the creative blonde exclaimed.
“It’s something people may not think about when shaking my hand and won’t look out of place in a nursing home when I’m 90 but will always put a smile on my face and twinkle in my eye,” she further enthused.
Kiss — who said she has a high libido and once had sex 11 times in a day — said knowing a partner’s size is important to her.
“I’m a woman who enjoys pleasure, body confidence and intimacy and feel that women have just as much right as men to speak honestly about sexual encounters,” she declared.
“It’s not all about size, it’s what you do with it and how your partner makes you feel when building an intimate connection, but for those who enjoy finer details, it really is the cherry on the cake for me!”
Kiss’ teenage daughter initially believed the tattoo was designed to measure bananas and cucumbers before she finally clocked what the erotic inking was actually for.
“My daughter is at an age now where she realizes my cheeky sense of humor and picks up on adult jokes which she’d missed before,” Kiss stated.
And while her child may not mind the raunchy inking, Kiss’ friends are less enamored.
“My friends think my new tattoo is a little outrageous … I doubt they’ll be lining up to get their own rulers inked anytime soon, but each to their own, whatever floats your boat!”
Kiss says the tattoo has other practical uses and recently came in handy while helping her mom pick out a new garden pot.
“My mom remarked at how handy it was to have a tattoo that could be used as a ruler. I smiled at her and said, ‘What a coincidence!’ Her new pots look lovely,” she chuckled.
Kiss has more than 70 other tattoos, and may soon add an extra inking so that she can measure a man’s girth.
“I am rather tempted to add some dots from my thumb to my index finger to measure girth at the same time but I’m not sure if it would be too obvious what I’m doing,” she stated. “I guess it all depends on where somebody is looking when I whip it out to count!”
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