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November 16, 2017 / 6:45 PM / CBS News
When Demetris Payne saw a missed call from her son's junior high school, she knew something was wrong.
With a sigh, the single mom of four from Shreveport, Louisiana, called back. A school official said her 13-year-old son Jadarien was suspended for three days for talking back to his teacher. She was told to pick him up right away.
"Three days seems kind of harsh -- why not do in-school suspension?" Payne asked.
But since Jadarien had been in trouble once before, they said he had to leave.
As soon as the pair got home, Payne took away her son's cellphone and video games. She left him with her 70-year-old father who lives with them.
"When I got home from work he's eating strawberries and having fun with my dad," Payne told CBS News. "I was like, 'Oh no.' It was like a vacation."
Payne knew she needed to do more to discipline him.
So she handed him a rake and asked him to start cleaning up the yard. When he was finished, she told him he'd be volunteering his lawn care services free of charge for people in need during the remainder of his suspension.
"He didn't believe it," Payne said. "I can be soft on him and baby him sometimes."
But Payne was serious. She posted a photo of Jadarien on Facebook with the heading, "Yard service - FREE," explaining that he got suspended from school and would mow lawns, pick up trash or wash cars for members of the community over the next three days.
Within hours, Payne got requests from several residents taking her up on the offer.
So she drove Jadarien from house to house. She stood by the car and watched him work. He mowed lawns, picked up pine needles and raked leaves.
"He didn't complain the whole time," Payne said.
Jadarien spent about two hours cleaning up the yards. He ended up hitting at least eight different homes. When he was finished, Payne took him to the library, where he spent the rest of the day reading and completing homework assignments.
"We explained to him that these chores weren't to punish, punish, punish, but to teach him a lesson and teach him about discipline," Payne said. "No matter if the teacher is right or wrong -- always respect your teachers, respect adults."
On Tuesday, Jadarien was happy to finally head back to school.
Look who's back at school. Meeting with all his teachers and set up a plan so we can make sure he stays on track....
The eighth-grader's classmates and teachers said they saw him on Facebook.
"He just laughed it off," Payne said. "Some people say he was 'shamed.' He wasn't shamed at all. He's not that type of kid. He really isn't."
Payne sat down with Jadarien's teachers to help come up with a plan to keep him on track. However, she's confident Jadarien learned his lesson.
Hundreds of people have shared Payne's Facebook post over the past week, many praising her for her unique approach to discipline.
"Beautiful idea! Parenting done right," one Facebook user commented.
"Raising your child to learn consequences for unacceptable behavior falls under good parenting 101," another wrote.
Payne said she hopes her other kids -- ages 3, 8 and 17 -- also learned something from Jadarien's experience. But if she has to do it all over again, she will.
"Single parents, do not give up. Keep encouraging your child. When one avenue doesn't work try another avenue. Get to the root of the problem," she advised.
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First published on November 16, 2017 / 6:45 PM
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One mom has no idea what she should do after she discovered that her 18-year-old son was having sex with her sister-in-law. Originally, she thought that having her brother and his family come stay with them at their farm would be a nice change. Their families could bond, she reasoned. But perhaps her son and his aunt took that spirit a little too literally.
They own a house on a large farm, she explained on the r/relationship_advice forum, and because they'd all been working from home they thought "it would be a good chance to stay together as family and for my nieces to spend time on the farm," she explained.
As for the mom, she has three kids of her own: a 13-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old daughter, and a son who's 18 years old.
Like when they recently went grocery shopping together and he splintered off from his mom to go buy "gym supplements."
"I saw condoms in my son's plastic bag when we arrived at the house two packs with 36 condoms each so 72 in total (didn't think anything of it thought he had gotten a GF and wanted to be safe)," she wrote.
It seemed very "normal" until recently when the mom was baking in the house and realized that she never actually saw them run around the property.
"I asked about it and they said they decided to hit the road (I thought nothing of this everything seemed normal)," she continued. "My SIL and son seemed to have a very good bond."
She was coming home from a friend's house before the sun came up when she noticed there was a light on in a cabin that they have on the property.
"I thought maybe one of the employees had forgotten to lock up," she explained. "So I went to close the door and switch off the light as I got closer I heard people having sex and I took a [peek] and it was my son and SIL having sex. I didn't confront them I was so in shock."
Does she confront them? Does she tell her husband? Does she tell her brother?
"I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm sure they have been having sex for a while from the condoms (my son was always at the house, never brought a GF), the morning runs around the farm (do they really go on a run or do they have sex?), the close relationship," she mused.
"I grew up on a farm and I'm just going to give you the advice no one here has yet -- hide the guns," one person advised. "Lock them up in a safe if you have one and put the key in a new place. No matter how you handle this it's gonna be bad."
"Tell husband first, then brother when son (and SIL + kids if possible) is out of the house," someone else suggested. "Come up with a plan with your husband to get them not living in your house anymore. Get a therapist for your son. No matter how 'consensual' this was, he's still young and this was a trusted family member who went after him. The months of lies alone will make him question his own integrity and could lead to issues.
"Lock up the weapons, not saying anything about your brother at all, but desperate people do desperate things," the person continued. "You never know how anyone involved will react. Hope for the best, plan for the worst."
"Tell your husband then sit down and talk to your son together, away from everyone else. Say, 'I know you and your aunt have been having sex. I need [you] to tell me what's going on,'" the person wrote. "Do not elaborate and do not tell him what or how you know. He will spill more information this way than if you give him details, because that means he can't lie as easily. Then get him and ALL of the kids out of the house before you talk to your brother."
In an update to her original post, she shared that she first went to her husband (who could barely believe it was true) and then her son, who'd seen her first post online and already knew that his mom knew about the illicit affair.
"He didn't deny anything, he confessed," she wrote. "He told us him and SIL have been having sex since February last year (he was 17 at the time). My son said it started on SIL's birthday party he attended they got drunk and had sex in a bathroom and they have been meeting at hotels ever since and sneaking off at family gatherings."
She wrote that her son told her the SIL initiated their first encounter and was the one setting up hotel rooms, buying him meals and giving him "an allowance."
He sent their son to stay in a condo they owned "in town as he didn't want to see him in front of him at this moment."
"When my son was gone my husband stormed into my brother's room and told my brother everything (SIL was not in the house at that moment)," she continued.
He demanded to know where his nephew was to "teach him a lesson," but the parents refused to tell him. Meanwhile, her SIL never returned -- which means her brother called her or her son tipped her off.
"In all the screaming and shouting my daughters heard everything and are devastated that their family might be ruined they miss their brother and are afraid my husband won't ever let him in the house again," she wrote. "My husband hates all forms of infidelity to the core and has always drilled this in our two eldest children that they must never cheat on anyone or be in a relationship with someone in a relationship."
He won't answer her calls or texts, and her husband advised her to give him space to "heal."
"My son has left the condo because he is afraid of what my brother will do to him and is now hiding at a friend's and he won't tell us which friend," she wrote. "No word on SIL."
It is probably best if her brother and his family leave the farm and allow them to work through things on their own, while she and her husband work together to get her son into therapy. Hopefully he can both get the support he needs but also realize that his actions have MAJOR consequences.
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