Mom Dominates Son

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"Marry James?" Kenny's look was nasty. He waited for an answer as he noticed his mother's nervousness. She always looked around the room when she was stumbling for words.
It was just the other day he reminded her, dad had left three years ago. He often thought of mom getting married again, but to James?
What would she say? Would she even answer him?
He kept his eyes steady, a little sad at his mother's discomfort. Maybe this wasn't the right time to ask. But he had to know.
"Mommm," an impatient whine dragged on his tongue.
"Well Kenny, you know James has been coming around
more often lately...and yes, it has been discussed..."
"I knew it! I just knew it!" he exploded. "Why didn't you ask me how I might feel?" Without giving his mother a chance to answer Kenny grabbed his schoolbooks and rushed out of the room.
A steady drumming of foot-thuds could be heard as he pounded upstairs. Each step stomped out a message, "I'm upset. I'm upset." Echoes of his feet attack on the stairs soon faded away.
How could she think about marrying again? What's wrong with her…gee whiz, mom.
Slumping on his bed, Kenny thought of dad who had been gone since the winter the boy had turned nine. "My leaving has nothing to do with you. I'll always love you," dad said. Then he stepped out of his life, like a fading ghost. There were times Kenny cried like a baby, over something he knew was missing in his life.
He kicked off his sneakers and bent to peel off his socks. Lying on his back, arms tucked under his head, he scanned the room carefully.
His eyes took in the pennant from Halifax and pictures of he and mom. Also himself and his buddy Troy, taken at Boy Scout Summer Camp last year.
Kenny sat up and placed his feet on the cool floor, then walked slowly to the window. He knew he had the best view in Sheldon, a village of 200 people near Truro, Nova Scotia. His house sat on a hill overlooking the highway. He felt like an owl settled on a branch watching the world move along.
The collection of old houses, trailers and newly aluminum-sided buildings straddled both sides of Highway 104.
They were like salt sprinkled at random.
Right now the stars were bright, their luminous eyes keeping him company. He could see the Big Dipper or ‘Ursa Major’ as he learned in school.
"It's tough growing up," he said aloud. He knew he was acting silly but things seemed much simpler when he was younger.
He enjoyed staring out the window at night, elbows on the window-sill, chin cradled in his hands. There was a time when he dreamed of being an astronomer or 'star-gazer.' Everything seemed so peaceful up there.
His brow furrowed when he thought a lot. And he was thinking about Larry, his neighbor who took him fishing last Saturday.
He would make a great dad. But he's already married with grown up kids of his own. "So I'll probably end up getting stuck with someone like James," Kenny sighed.
It wouldn't be so bad if James didn't have to work all the time. He never took him anywhere. And he's so strict. Kenny continued to look out the window as his mind raced along on a merry-go-round of memories.
Tiredly he made his way back to bed and flung himself down. He was too sleepy to even climb under the sheets and pull up his covers.
His mind re-lived events from last Saturday when Larry took him fishing. It had been a perfect day. "This is really neat," Kenny had said, eyes dancing with excitement. Kenny really liked Larry.
The first time they had met was last year when Kenny began a paper route. Kenny had marched up the front steps. "Would you like to take the weekly? He had asked. "I guarantee good service, how about it?"
"Call me Larry," the man had said, "unless your parents object."
"That's cool. My mom won't mind. She's divorced and she lets me make lots of decisions."
Since then he had met Larry's wife and even had a tour of their big old house which used to be a church manse. Imagine, the place was over 140 years old.
He learned to play chess with Larry and had come over many times to help pile wood and mow the grass. It soon become his second home.
Larry didn't pay money for chores. "Instead I'll be glad to take you hiking or even go on a fishing trip,” he had said.
Now his dreaming relived that awesome trip last weekend to Economy Lake, ten miles north of Bass River village.
His sleepy eyes gave in to the comfortable images.
"Remember what I told you Kenny," Larry had said, "about the different parts of the canoe?" He knew Kenny liked to be tested on his knowledge.
"Yes, the sides are called gunnels."
Kenny knew Larry was proud of him. He really liked someone to teach him things.
Fishing rods were loaded, food packs carefully placed into the center of the canoe, and life jackets worn. They had waded barefoot from the shore, carrying the boat to a depth of several feet, so as not to scratch its hull.
Kenny stretched, then turned on his side. His memories were like a movie reel. The best part was yet to come.
While Larry held the canoe, Kenny gingerly placed his cold feet inside, one at a time then sat down in the bow. As Larry seated himself in the stern, Kenny said quickly, "OK dad, let's go." He glanced back to see if Larry noticed what had slipped from his tongue.
Kenny hadn't said it on purpose. It sort of sneaked out. "OK dad," he repeated under his breath "let's go." Sounded really nice, he thought to himself. He turned around from the bow and looked back.
He noticed Larry's peaked hat, with the perch fish on its front. Red vest, blue shirt, worn jeans and bare feet completed the picture. Larry's paddle was ready for action. And his eyes seemed at peace with himself. They were always full of laughter.
Kenny wished James was more like Larry.
"What's up Kenny? Why are you looking at me so seriously?" Larry had said, chuckling.
Kenny turned away quickly, his heart pounding.
But it wasn't all. He missed having a dad, and he was glad his face was turned away as moisture gathered on his cheeks. He wasn't crying, not really. He felt like a traitor for even pretending Larry was his dad.
But then it must be okay, the sky didn't explode or anything.
To himself he said softly, "OK dad, I'm ready now. Let's go." And he felt good inside as his paddle dipped in the water...
Kenny jerked awake in his room as he heard his squeaky doorknob. Through half-closed eyelids he watched his mom step in.
Kenny pretended to be asleep, one arm flung out. His fingers were open as if waiting for a handshake from someone.
As his mom crossed the creaking floor, he carefully controlled his breathing. He felt her eyes travel from his toes, lanky legs, and thinly stretched frame to his blond head.
She puffed air softly on his closed eyelids, testing to see if he was really asleep. It tickled, but somehow he calmed his reflexes.
He wanted to reach out and hug her.
She retrieved a blanket from the closet and placed it over him. He groaned softly, letting out some of his tension. The sound drifted as if from a far-away planet.
Before he fell asleep he made a promise to himself.
Tomorrow he would tell her that he loved her.
Co-authors Richard and Esther Provencher invite you to view their newest novel SOMEONE’S SON written during Richard’s recovery from a stroke, which gob-smacked him in 1999. It is a Young Adult novel dealing with a family crisis. http://www.synergebooks.com/ebook_someonesson.html
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I am the youngest of three girls. My mother has been a dominant figure in our family life. My elder sisters are married and live their separate lives. My father passed away 15 years ago. Since birth, I have been under the wing of my mother. Initially as a child, I always tried to please my mother as she worked hard each day. As an adolescent, I was always subject to her emotional black mail. She believes in silence as a tool to make me feel guilty and force me to her way of life. She is extremely disciplined and hard headed and demanding. She uses silence, crying and emotional black mail to get her way. When my father passed away, she ensured that I did not marry the man I loved. I gave in to the family demand and married another man. However, never settled into the marriage and we separated after 8 years.
In reality, I have managed to put most of my sad moments in life behind me and be a happy-go-lucky person. Everyone who comes in contact with me when my Mum is not around says I bring joy and happiness wherever I go. I am extremely popular with colleagues, friends and people around me. I try to smile as much as I can and bring to joy to everyone I come in contact with. I believe there is nothing in this world that is worth being sad about. Life is an experience and we must look at the positives and be grateful for all that we have. I call myself a “people person.”
I would love to devote my life to orphan children. After my separation and during my divorce, my mother ensured that she came to stay with me after having blackmailed everyone about her loneliness.
Now that she is here with me, my life has become a rut. I feel caught in this web of “honor thy mother.” Yet, I want to live my life. I just do what I am told. I can’t express myself, can’t have friends around, and can’t go anywhere without her scrutiny. Each time I try to set boundaries or break away from the rut, I end up being subjected to her silence, crying and nagging behaviour.
I now lead 2 different lives in which I make the people around me happy, and share their joy or sorrow. But, when I enter the house I turn into a different person and just feel trapped.
We live in a studio apartment and it becomes very difficult to ignore her. Life has become so harsh that I don’t wish to live any more at all and just carry on because I don’t want others in my family to suffer my plight. Since I am already 38 years old and she is 75 and in very good health, I really don’t know how to cope with my life. I cry myself to sleep and sometimes even use alcohol. I know that this is not the solution to my problems.
I Need guidance on how to ignore the guilt I feel about my mother and learn how to have my own life.
This Disclaimer applies to the Answer Below
As a 38 year old woman you have the right to live your own life, unecumbered by your mother. In fact, you gained that right many years ago but did not find it within you to be able to break free from her manipulations and dependency needs. An educated guess that I am making about your situation is that your mother singled you out as the daughter who would always care for her.
Your story reminds me of a very old movie classic from the 1940’s with the brilliant actress Bette Davis. The movie is called Now Voyager. A young Bette David plays the daughter of a powerful and dominating mother who uses hysterical symptoms to keep her daughter weak, dependent and at home where she can always be company for herself. In fact, the daughter even becomes mentally ill at one point and is required to be in a mental hospital for a period of time. This suits the mother because it keeps the daughter totally helpless and dependent. In the end, the daughter realizes that she must break free of her mother’s dictatorship if she is ever to have a life of her own.
I am sure the movie is for rent and can be viewed.
I realize that your mother is 75 now and her age plays into your sense of guilt. However, you report that she is in good health. Therefore, she can fend for herself. I know many physically healthy elderly people who live alone and have full lives. These individuals would never think of relying on a child and take complete pride in their ability to live for themselves. If your mother were ill, and handicapped, she could live in an assisted living arrangement with other elderly people. The point is that you have a right to your life.
If you cannot summon the strength to break away from your mother then you need to enter psychotherapy where you can learn to gain that strength.
The fact is that you have dreams of your own, including wishing to help children who are orphaned. There is no reason why you cannot and should not pursue your dreams.
In addition, you are a young woman and can marry the man of your choice if that is what you want.
I guess the bottom line of what I am saying to you is that it is time for you to take hold of your life, whether your mother or other family members like it or not, and live that life in all the ways that you want. If that means moving out of your apartment and leaving your mother there, then, do so and as soon as possible. You really have no reason to feel guilt because you have done nothing wrong other than submitting to her will for too long.
What is the ancient saying? Carpe Dieum. It means, “Sieze the Day.”
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Mom Dominates Son