Mom Daughter Spanking

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A vintage postcard from a more innocent, or far more twisted, time
We could be entering the two toughest parenting weeks of the year. Greedy, sugar-charged kids with no school, no structure, and no sense of decency are suddenly roaming your halls at ungodly hours -- like noon. What will you do? Turn to Ask Dad, of course.
A mother says her husband still insists on spanking the kids and she's totally opposed. She wonders if she has to just get used to it or try to convince him he's wrong. 
Spanking, really? I thought we'd all agreed to drop that, not because of its cruelty, but because it's so old-timey. It's like the MySpace of punishments, largely abandoned except for throwbacks, fetishists, and musicians. 
I guess if we declare your husband a horrible person, we'll have to do the same for half of our parents and all of our grandparents.
But for all the widely-cited reasons, it's really time to give up the paddle, even if it is signed by all his beloved fraternity brothers.
It would be one thing if spanking were totally and obviously effective. Then you could get into the arguments about cruelty and decide on that alone. But without evidence of its worth, it just means dad is insistent on being an ass, something we all are at times.
I am worried about one thing though, if corporal punishment becomes truly rare. Will the adult spanking fetish die out? Think of all the jobs lost for dominatrices and workers in the paddle and leather-whip industries.
But so be it. We all have to modernize, from auto workers to grocery checkers to paddlers of "naughty" businessmen.
This includes your husband. So at the risk of invoking the Iron Law of the Internet__*, may I suggest some __alternate harsh punishments if your husband feels the need to be cruel?
Tips for Getting Your Kids Ready for a Virtual Doctor's Appointment
Lock the kid in the closet and make him smoke a whole pack of cigarettes: As long as we're going for archaic punishments, this old penalty handed down to kids caught with cigarettes is extremely rare nowadays, what with the difficulty of getting smokes and society's disdain for closet-locking. The same retro-chic as spanking, but so much more poetic!
A 12-hour marathon of the Fresh Beat Band: The reasons should be obvious, but if not, they are explained here.
Teach them the days of the week out of order: This from guest suggester, Rob Delaney, who calls this method "Effective, horrible, not illegal."
Have them sit in a car seat installed 10 percent looser than humanly possible: Over the top? Maybe. But sometimes kids gotta learn.
*The Iron Law of the Internet: There is nothing you can say so ironic or sarcastic that at least one person will not think you're serious.
There's no one foolproof way to make the first year of parenting easy, but there are ways to make it just a bit simpler, thanks to technology. If you've never had a baby before, it's so easy to become overwhelmed with all of the different things you need to keep track of, like feedings, diaper changes, and how much your little one is (or isn't) sleeping … and sometimes, you might not even realize it until that first pediatrician's appointment when they ask you how many wet diapers your baby has in a day!
Fortunately, nobody expects you to remember this information off of the top of your head — there are ways to keep track using your phone. There are all kinds of baby tracking apps out there, from super simple, user friendly ones to apps that allow you to also save photos and receive tips on growth and milestones, too.
Here are the best apps to track your baby's development as you navigate the first year of their lives together. We promise — this parenting thing gets easier!
The Sprout Baby app allows you to track everything from feedings to diaper changes to sleep and more, along with features that allow you to document fun memories and photos along the way. You can also track your child's health data, so it's all in one spot for your next pediatrician appointment — and there's an app for Apple Watch, too, to make it even easier.
If you used Glow to track your period and fertility, you might want to check out Glow Baby. The app is similar in functionality (and in the pretty design) and allows parents to track feeds, sleep, and diaper changing, along with 101 developmental milestones.
If you're looking for an app that focuses specifically on milestones, then BabySparks is for you. This app takes you through all of the different markers they should be meeting in the first three years in their lives along with how to help them on their way, and if you subscribe to the service, you'll also get a program tailored to your child's specific needs, thanks to experts including pediatricians, occupational therapists, and educators.
Sleep is a Big Deal in that first year (and all the years that come after it, really), and many parents find that Huckleberry is a great tool in helping to figure out that sweet spot for bedtimes and naps. Use the app to track baby's sleep, and the app will help you figure out what your child's wake windows should be … along with capabilities to track feeds, diaper changes, and all the usual stuff, too.
Whether you're breastfeeding or bottle feeding, it can help to keep track of your baby's feeds, especially in those early weeks and months when you're still figuring it all out. The Feed Baby app is super simple to use and features big, bright buttons, which you will really appreciate at 2 a.m. — trust us.
More into tracking the fun, sweet moments of babyhood, rather than documenting every feed and diaper change? You might want to check out Tinybeans, which acts more like a digital baby book. Even better? It allows you to share those moments with the people you love without sharing those photos on social media, keeping everything as private as you choose.
This app is specifically for the fourth trimester, when you'll need something like a tracking app the most. This baby tracker allows you to record every single detail of your baby's day, and even includes a feeding timer so you can be as precise as you want to be. You can also sync the app across multiple devices so that all caregivers have access to the same information.
BabyTime allows you to track all of the basics, but it's built for one-handed use, knowing that most parents who use the app are probably holding their babies at the same time. It also has dark and light mode, and allows you to see patterns in your baby's eating and sleeping habits.
Looking for a baby tracking app that does a little bit more than just functioning as a space for you to keep a diary of feeds and naps? Check out WebMD Baby. It does allow you to track the basics, but it also has access to plenty of baby tips and information straight from pediatricians.
Trying to keep things as simple as possible? If you want a totally free app with no bells and whistles, just tracking, check out Baby Tracker. They keep it simple and basic — just put in the times you feed, change diapers, and when baby is sleeping, and the app will store them for you.
Child Growth Tracker is an app that will allow you to keep track of your child's height and weight separately — a great place to log the latest updates at each pediatrician visit (which happen quite frequently in that first year). You can check out the curve your baby's on, and see how fast it changes through the year.
If you like seeing your baby's growth and habits in pretty charts, this one's for you! BabyTime (Record & Analysis) creates a statistical analysis of your baby's feeds, diaper changes, and growth, and can even compare to other babies whose parents are also using the app.
If you're pumping, this app is a lifesaver. Milk Maid allows you to keep track of your pumping sessions, how much frozen milk you have in your stash (and where), and it even helps you calculate how much milk you'll need to use from your stash if you'll be away from your baby based on how much you've used in the past.
The Hatch Baby app is totally free, and even better than that? It has Alexa capabilities, so all you have to do is tell Alexa to log a diaper or a feed, and she'll do it all for you, which is basically a dream come true when you're exhausted and taking care of a newborn.
If you're into tech, Talli Baby is for you. You can download their app and purchase the device, which allows you to log everything your baby does at the push of a button (and yep, there are Alexa capabilities with this app, too). It couldn't be easier, and actually makes the tracking a little fun.
Diapers: Everything Moms Need To Know
How many diaper changes should my newborn get per day?
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Mom Daughter Spanking