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Domini-Yorkian Raquel & her daughter Djali talk style, natural hair, and cultivating self-love.
So my mom has been one of these people
When she found out that I lost my virginity,
I thought it was gonna be like a total like, witch hunt.
She was just sitting in the kitchen, on her computer,
just being her, and I looked at her and said,
There's something about you that's different,
and I just fucking know that you did,
and you didn't tell me, and I know that you did
But she's so open, so I don't know what this is,
My name is Raquel Cepeda, I'm 43 years old,
and I'm a Domini-Yorkian, which means
I'm Dominican, of Dominican parents,
We grew up together, right, basically
she had me basically around my age.
To have a child at 23, it was a very lonely experience.
I remember when I found out I was pregnant.
I just saw my life flash before me,
and I knew that it was not gonna work with her father.
I just didn't even see him in my life, you know,
but I saw her, I just had to have her.
I always dressed her not the way I saw little girls
being dressed when I was growing up.
You know, a little too mature for their ages.
It got to a point where I allowed her to pick
whatever she wanted to wear, so she could kinda form
her own sense of style, and even if that meant
mixing prints, which she was doing back in the day
or like wearing many, many layers of clothing
or wearing things that I'm like, oh my god,
and there's like no one way to define our style.
I would say, what, I don't know, maybe bohemian chic.
I like, you know, jewelry, and I love wearing things
that remind me of places that I've been
Yeah, but like it's mine too, you know?
And I like to have space in my closet,
and she needs space because she's always in my closet.
I went through this thing where, like,
I didn't like my complexion because
and a lot of the Latina women that I knew
And I associated that with, like, beauty.
So in my immediate family with my mom, my grandparents,
I'm the darkest, so I felt really terrible about that.
I tried to wear long sleeves in the summer.
And so I felt that I was not uglier,
but just like not as pretty as my mom.
[Raquel] She did go through a phase, I would guess,
I would say like in junior high school as well
where she wanted to emulate, you know, fit in
like any other kid would at that age.
I went through this phase of gelling my hair down
really, really tight to my face, and it was just bad
because first of all, I damaged my hair,
but then I also started to break out all over
which made me really, you know, self conscious as well.
I was really trying to achieve the Puerto Rican girl look,
During those days, my mom would tell me,
And she's always been really, like, fight the power,
influenced who I am today, like I go protesting,
and I'm all about like natural everything
and loving your curly hair as like a political statement.
We never had a very deep conversation that was dramatic
about you are a beautiful woman, you know, it wasn't that.
It was just her way of doing things is like joking.
It's like, Come on, man, you're dope.
How many people try to look like you in tanning beds,
or I've had conversations with her myself,
You know, you're not black enough because of your hair,
or you're not Latino enough because of this.
When people are insecure, they try to challenge
your identity, you know what I mean?
I feel confident in my relationship with my daughter enough
that even if she didn't live here, let's say,
and she moves out at some point in her life,
I know we'd be talking to each other at least once a day,
and we'd see each other all the time
because I genuinely like hanging out with her,
and I feel like she may genuinely like hanging out with me.
We have a good time when it's just us.
I don't believe that you gotta leave at 18.
I believe you leave when you're ready.
I can't think of a day where we don't laugh,
and I think that her smile when she's laughing,
especially when it's those laughs that don't have sound,
I really try to bring it out of her everyday.
I see myself in my daughter when I see her protesting,
when I see her standing up for something she doesn't,
She's not political or kind for the Gram.
She just does it because that's just who she is,
and I really fucking admire the shit out of her for that.
She teaches me how to be still, and I give her fire,
I'm like, oh my god, if I did anything right, I hope it was
that, I hope it was to instill that feeling in her.
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Home » Relationships » Caught in the mother/daughter web!
Believe it or not, I am a virgin at 25. My problem now is that my boss and her daughter are trying to get me into bed. After I finished at law school, my mom arranged for me to work in her friend’s chambers, to gain experience. Sadly, my mother recently lost her battle against breast cancer. She died, leaving me devastated, and my boss said if I ever needed anyone to talk to, she would always be there for me.
Then, she started inviting me to her place for meals. She’s a single mother of two, and lives with her daughter, who is of the same age with me. I was leaving her house one night, after a meal, when she asked me to wait. She shut the door and started kissing me. But she stopped when her daughter arrived. The next day at work, she started sending me saucy e-mails, saying, “I think you have a hot body.”
Now, she’s confessed she has feelings for me and she wants things to get sexual between us. I’ve never had sex before, so I don’t think I’d be much good to her.
I’ve also been spending time with her daughter. She’s single and very pretty. I’ve introduced her to my friends because she wants to meet a man. This had taken my mind off things and got me socialising again. I thought she’d find a man quickly, but it hasn’t happened. So, I asked her why. She said it was because the person she would really love to be with is me. Then, she asked me to come up to her bedroom. I was shocked and a bit lost for words.
Why has this happened? I don’t know what to do. It’s stressing me out. I’m worried one of them will say the wrong thing to the other at home and it’ll all blow up in my face. What should I do?
You obviously know very little about women, and I fear you’re letting these two women take over and dictate your life. You’re 25 and still a virgin and, judging by the female attention you’re getting, I’m guessing you’re an attractive man. So, it’s fairly safe to presume there is a reason other than lack of opportunity as to why you’ve hung onto your virginity.
If you were eager to put the proverbial notches on your bed-post, you’d have slept with the mother and the daughter. Instead, you resisted the mother and while you were attracted to the daughter, the attraction faded when she tried to lure you into bed. You are obviously not out for sex, but out for a real connection…and it is okay to be.
You have lost your dear mum and are feeling lost and vulnerable. The last thing you need is a weird mother/daughter sex triangle. If you can find another legal firm to work with, do so. If not, let the mother realise that as much as you’ve appreciated her support, you’re not interested in having a relationship that is more than maternal.
As for the daughter, I think you should steer clear. It’s going to be very messy if you date her. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but mother losing out to daughter is something even more dastardly. You deserve to be with someone who really cares about you, who’s willing to take it slow and let you initiate sex when you feel ready to have it. So, go back to socialising with your friends and simply enjoy yourself until you feel truly ready for a relationship
Believe it or not, I am a virgin at the age of 25. My problem now is that my boss and her daughter are both trying to get me into bed. After I finished at the law school, my mum arranged for me to work in her friend’s chambers to…
Believe it or not, I am a virgin at the age of25. My problem now is that my boss and her daughter are both trying to get me into bed. After I finished at the Law School, my mum arranged for me to work in her friend’s chambers to gain…
“Throughout the years I lived with my mother, I was never in doubt she hated me”. Shenne, a 43-year-old industrial nurse said, as part of the reason why she refused to attend her biological mother’s funeral. “She had me at 19 when she got pregnant for a fairly well-to-do businessman…
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