Mom Being Teens

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At 15, most girls are thinking about clothes, boys, and parties. But Jamie got pregnant—and now she's focused on raising her son.
It was Friday morning, first period, and I was in my science class, just like a typical kid in a typical high-school science room. I'm sure you can picture it—the little plants sprouting in Styrofoam cups, the usual charts and posters on the walls, the teacher asking us if we'd done our homework. Just a normal moment in the life of a teenager.
But then the loudspeaker on the wall squawked: Jamie Rush, report to the nursery!
It was another reminder that, no, I wasn't a normal high-school kid. I was a teenage mom attending an alternative school with built-in day care. I excused myself from class and hurried to the nursery, where the attendant met me at the door. "You forgot to leave your son's diapers!" she told me, scowling. I confessed that I had left them at home and asked if I could borrow a few from someone else. She said okay, but then she shook her head at me as if to say, "Careless kids!"
Such moments—and there were lots of them that year—made me realize how out of place I felt in high school after my son was born. I graduated last June, thank goodness, and have been working as a clerk in a local toy store ever since. Still, I can't ignore the fact that my life is really weird compared with the lives of most kids my age.
Everything changed for me in tenth grade, the night of the school play. I was 15. This guy and I were just friends, but that night, he asked me to go for a walk with him. He grabbed my hand, and we started heading to the stadium. He kept stopping to kiss me and tell me how pretty I was. I was nervous, but I was also flattered. I had been feeling so self-conscious about my looks. (I know—it's lame.)
Anyway, one thing led to another . . .
My mom and I are very close, so the following week, I told her about what had happened. I couldn't keep it a secret —I was so scared I was pregnant. I just had this feeling that something was going on inside me. She said we'd just wait and see what happened.
A few weeks later, I took a home pregnancy test, and it showed a very faint pink line. I yelled for my mom, and later that day, we were at the doctor's office. The doctor did a blood test, then came back, lowered his glasses and said, "Positive," in a stern voice.
My mom and I just looked at each other—nervous and numb. I could tell my mother was disappointed, but she wasn't mad. I think that's because she had my older brother when she was only 17, and he turned out great. Anyway, after the shock wore off, both of us felt a little nervous but excited. We never even considered an abortion; my mom and I are both pro-life. And adoption was out of the question; I couldn't imagine giving my baby away.
From the start, I wanted to be a good mom and decided to teach myself everything I could about pregnancy and child rearing. I looked at a bunch of pregnancy Websites and learned all about how babies develop. I read lots of books, took my prenatal vitamins, and went to all my checkups. I tried to eat well, although I also used being pregnant as an excuse to treat myself to lots of fast food. After all, I was eating for two!
My pregnancy was considered high risk because I was only 15, but it turned out to be pretty easy. Except for the birth part. Whoa! That really hurt! After 19 hours of labor, though, Tyler Dominic Rush was finally born. He had a full head of black hair and gorgeous blue eyes. He was beautiful, healthy, and he was mine.
I couldn't wait to leave the hospital, but the second we got home, I froze. It was like, "Oh, no! I have a baby! What do I do now?" I never felt more like a little kid. With lots of help from my mom, though, I gradually figured out how to hold him, feed him, and bathe him. We set up a beautiful bedroom for him—decorated with a Winnie-the-Pooh theme—but he slept with me every night for the first five months.
My relationship with the father pretty much ended when I told him I was going to have the baby. He never really came around to the idea of being a dad. He's stayed out of the picture, and since we aren't really on good terms, I think it's best that way. I don't know what will happen in the future. Right now, I don't want to think about it.
My parents have been great. I help pay for some of Tyler's stuff, but basically, they're supporting both of us. My mom babysits when I'm at work. She's terrific with him, almost too good. Some nights, I'll put him down, and he'll fuss nonstop. I'll try so hard to get him to stop crying—and then Mom comes along and quiets him down in half a second. I have to admit it: That makes me feel bad. The whole situation has been harder for my dad. He wasn't planning on living with a baby again, and he gets annoyed sometimes. But he's really wonderful about everything and completely supportive in every way.
I don't have much of a social life. I can't relate to my old friends anymore: the things they talk about, the clothes they wear, the parties. I still have my Eminem posters in my room, but instead of staying up late listening to music or talking on the phone, I go to bed at 8:30 so I can get up at 6 a.m. with Tyler.
I plan to go back to school and will probably take some classes at the community college someday. But right now, Tyler is my life. I'm crazy about him. At 15 months, he's starting to talk, and he knows so many words. He says "Mama," "Mamaw" (that's what he calls my mom), "bye-bye," "hi," and "no-Ty" (for "no, Tyler" when he does something wrong).
He can wave bye-bye, clap his hands, and point at what he wants. He's starting to pick out his clothes by opening the drawer and pulling out a shirt. He knows how to Velcro his shoes too! I'm just so proud of him. I love buying him stuff: I get a 25 percent discount from the toy store I work in. Woo hoo!
Tyler's a good little boy most of the time, but like any toddler, he has his moments. When he cries in public, I really cringe, because I feel under a lot of pressure to be a perfect mom. If he acts up, or if he falls over and bumps his head, I always think people are looking at me as if to say, "It's because you're a teenager."
In truth, though, I think I'm a great mom, and I know that my son is crazy about me. I definitely don't want to promote teen pregnancy; believe me, it's not easy at all. But I truly believe that having Tyler has made me into a better person. And I'd like the world to know that teenage moms can be every bit as caring, loving, and perfect or imperfect as any other mother. We're parents too, and we're just like other parents—only a little bit younger and with a little bit more to learn.
By Jamie Rush, as told to Debra Immergut
Couple talking at restaurant over dinner
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David Barsha Joseph and his daughter.
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"I wasn't prepared for all the things that were going to change."
Becoming a mom when you're still young yourself is an incredibly tough choice. For girls who get pregnant in high school and the years right after, it's not always easy to tell what the next few months and years will look like, which is why we asked a dozen girls to get real about their experiences as teen moms. They talked about changing college plans, career paths, finances, relationships, friendships, and more. They also explained what they wished they had known before they got pregnant, and the struggles and challenges they've faced. 
1. "I got pregnant just a few weeks before graduation, when I was 18. I wish I would have known that going to college was going to be almost impossible. It's not so much a financial thing as a babysitting issue. I don't want my son in daycare when he is so small. And without daycare, or someone to watch him, I don't have a way to go to school. I don't work so I can stay home with him, and I think that puts a lot of stress financially on my son's father to be the sole provider of our home." — Casey, 19
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2. "I was 18 and fresh out of high school. One thing I wish I had known was how big of an emotional toll being in separate households from my boyfriend was going to be. It felt like I was a single mother and I developed terrible baby blues, which caused me to leave the father of my baby." — Kyndal, 19 
3. "I was 19 when my daughter was born. The one thing I wish I had known about being a teen mom is how much my life would change. Being a mother changes your life anyways — being young is just a bit more stressful because you haven't experienced much of life yourself. It's all a learning experience. I love it. I don't mind that I can't go out all the time and party like my friends my age do. But I do miss being able to just get up and go wherever I needed to. I can't do that anymore. I have a human to look after other than myself. You truly do give up your needs — not completely, but they're not in first place anymore!" — Brooke, 20
4. "I'm 18 and gave birth this year. The hardest part is worrying about how I'm going to support my kid financially. I have a lot right now, but I do need a lot more stuff for the baby." — Skyla, 18
5. "I got pregnant at 16 and had my baby at 17. I wish I had known how insanely hard it would be. Forget the screaming baby and the poop running up their back while you're trying to rinse spit-up out of your freshly curled hair. It's the amount of stress, the lack of support, and the stereotypes that comes with being a teen mom and trying to prove people wrong. Nobody wanted the mom with a baby at their slumber party." — Jennifer, 23
6. "I found out I was pregnant for the first time right after I turned 18. I wish I knew how much I would have to give up for the well-being of my daughter. It wasn't until I had to decide between something for her or something for me that I realized that she was the most important person in my life. My needs and wants were no longer relevant. All that mattered was giving that little girl everything she could ever need and more." — Ariana, 21
7. "I was 19 when I had my son. I wasn't prepared for all the things that were going to change. My goals, aspirations, even my social life — everything slipped away from my norm. I wish I had known that I would lose so many relationships due to my child. Too many people who didn't plan on sticking around met my son, and some of them he happens to remember. Listening to him tell me how much he misses people who chose to exit his life is overwhelmingly heartbreaking." — Stephanie, 23
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8. "I was 20 when I got pregnant. I wish I knew how hard it would be to juggle everything. It's tough to find a reliable babysitter so that I can work." — Holly, 24 
9. "I was 15 with my first pregnancy and 16 with my second. The hardest part of being a young mother was the misconception and stigmatization from society. Adults are cruel and the lack of support from society puts you down and makes you feel ashamed of being a parent. I also felt that my children were being judged on the sole reason of having me as their parent. I wish I wouldn't have felt ashamed or embarrassed." — Lisette, 29
10. "I was 16 when I got pregnant and 17 when my daughter Ari was born. I finished high school by taking college classes at the University of Minnesota. Guidance counselors helped me make that choice. I was raised by my parents with the expectation that I would go to college after high school, so I went to college about an hour's drive from home and I brought my baby to college with me. Balancing college classes, raising a toddler and having a social life was the hardest part of teen motherhood. I wish that I would have better understood the impact that my day-to-day decisions had on my child — choices like moving apartments a lot, leaving her with babysitters, spending too much time away from her, and even the 'normal' mistakes that teenagers make. When you have a child, you are making mistakes for two, not just yourself and those mistakes will affect your kids forever. But that struggle also shaped who I am today, and fostered my desire to make the world a better place for all people who struggle in life." — Leah, 43
11. "When I found out I was pregnant at the end of my sophomore year of high school, my life was derailing. I was drinking and smoking pot and couldn't have cared less about school. My GPA was a 0.05 and I have the transcript to prove it. When I found out I was pregnant, I had a profound and sudden paradigm shift. I realized my actions not only affected me, but that of the unborn child I chose to keep. I pulled myself together, started going to class, and making up credits. I ended up graduating on time with the rest of my class with a 4.0. I went on to receive a B.A. and a Master's degree." — Christina, 36
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