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Savage Love
Mar 11, 2019 at 1:30 pm
Her Son Wants Just One Thing For His Birthday...
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Quick back story: When my son was ten some kids on the bus told him that a French kiss was when you transfer chewed food from your mouth to another's. Gross! After correcting this misinformation I decided it was time to educate him myself. A friend recommended “ It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex and Sexual Health .” It was the right book and the right time, and my son and I can communicate opening and easily about anything. But wasn’t expecting him ask for a sex toy for his birthday—specifically, he asked I would purchase him a “ Fleshlight ” for his 16th birthday. WOW! I told him that seemed pretty varsity/advanced for him and should get some some mileage using his hand and maybe have partnered sex before thinking about toys.
I have no idea what it's like to be a teenage boy and I'm glad (if slightly horrified) that he feels comfortable talking to me. But I worry that if he were to use a Fleshlight before having partnered sex it could negatively impact his experience. But I keep thinking about your male callers who used the " death grip " growing up and then wound up having problems getting off with a partner later in life. I purchased him “ Drawn To Sex: The Basics ” by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan, which feels like a more appropriate sex positive gift.
Would you purchase a vibrator for a daughter? — Dan
Good question! I have a 13-year-old daughter. And, yes, I would get her a vibrator if she asked, while warning her that too much can lead to desensitization. — SPM
If you would get your daughter an insertion toy—one that vibrates, something flesh-and-blood dicks can't do—why would you hesitate to get your son an insertion toy? Yes, boys have hands (so do girls) and boys can make fists. And boys, unlike girls , usually don't need to be encouraged to masturbate. But if you want your son to arrive at partnered sex without a bad case of death grip syndrome, a Fleshlight is a safer option than a fist. It's awkward, of course, to think about your kid pumping away at an appliance in the next room—and, hey, here's hoping he doesn't leave it in the sink after cleaning it. But I'm often surprised to hear from sex-positive, progressive parents who would purchase vibrators for their daughters—or in some cases already have purchased vibrators for their daughters—but who are squicked out by the thought of providing their sons with insertion toys that work for/with/on dicks. ( Not all vibrators are insertion toys , of course, but many are and many are used that way.) — Dan
When you put it that context I understand! — SPM
Oh, and about that "too much" vibrator use "can lead to desensitization" thing... you should pop over to Bustle and read this myth-busting piece . — Dan
Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org !
Tickets to HUMP 2019 are on sale now! Get them here!
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A polyamorous trio hopes to someday become husband and wife and wife!
DeAnna Rivas, 27, begged her husband, Manny Rivas, 28, to allow her to take on a 20-year-old blond girlfriend named Melissa “MJ” James to help fulfill her sexual desires and care for the couple’s two children.
A three-way union is not legal in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where they reside, but they live as if they were bound.
DeAnna wanted an “open relationship” after falling into a depression following the births of her daughter, Vaneza, 7, and her son, Gabriel, 4.
“Before we found MJ, I was so miserable, I felt like there was a hole in my life that only another woman could fill,” DeAnna, who works as a sales assistant, told Barcroft Media.
“I wasn’t able to talk to anyone about how I was feeling, about being a new mother. When I told Manny that I was having problems, he understood that I was sad but he didn’t understand how to fix it,” DeAnna added.
As a last relationship-saving resort, Manny, a boat salesman, and DeAnna began experimenting with another woman, who later introduced them to MJ. The chemistry was instant.
“I thought she was so hot and I was attracted to her blond hair and youthful looks. She’s just blown my socks off,” DeAnna told Barcroft.
Manny struggled with the idea of inviting another person in at first, but now the dad — who shares a king-size bed with his two lovers — says he couldn’t be happier.
“Sexually it is very interesting. We open up our marriage and our bedroom. We do everything,” DeAnna told Barcroft.
The relationship has also proved to be beneficial in raising the children.
“We all sleep together as a threesome and sometimes we will pair off. It helps with child care because one of us can watch the kids while the other two have fun,” DeAnna told Barcroft.
The kids love having three parents and they’ve even started calling MJ “Mom.”
“This isn’t the type of love I expected, but I love being with DeAnna and Manny and I love the children — my feelings for them are real,” MJ told Barcroft.
Even though the kids are comfortable with their parents’ relationship, they tell other kids at school that MJ is their aunt in order to avoid bullying and unwanted questions.
“I do worry that they are going to face discrimination, but at the same time hopefully we can combat that. Vaneza has been bullied in the past, but we hope we can build them up and make them confident and help them know that it is OK,” Manny told Barcroft.
Even though Manny and DeAnna’s kids are accepting of their unconventional relationship, their other family members are less inviting.
“Our families probably completely hate us all just because we are different. People don’t think you can be in a polyamorous relationship and actually genuinely love each other,” DeAnna told Barcroft.
“We can’t legally get married, but it would be a ceremony just celebrating our love for each other and us becoming a family. We plan to spend the rest of our lives together — regardless of what anyone else might think,” she added.
While there’s plenty of love to go around, three-way relationships are far from perfect, explains DeAnna.
“We do have jealousy issues — with two women and one man, it’s bound to happen.When one of us does feel left out, we try to talk about it before it becomes too much of a problem,” she said.
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