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Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture
Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.

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8 expert tips for exploring your sexuality.
After years of wondering if I could ever be intimate with another man, I decided to hook up with a dude my freshman year of college. I figured this "bicurious" thing clearly isn't a phase, since I'd been thinking about it for a few years. The only way I could know for sure if I was actually gay or bi was if tested the waters.
So I did. Alas, I got so drunk in order to have the courage to hook up with another man that I ended up puking midway through our encounter. After the experience, I could not tell you if I was gay or bi. Overall, the experience was "meh," like any really sloppy, drunken hookup regardless of gender.
The thing is, I went about hooking up with a guy all wrong. I had expectations about what I should feel, still struggled with internalized homophobia, and didn't realize that sexuality is a spectrum. I think that's why I felt even more confused after hooking up with a guy.
Still, I'm glad I did explore, and it did eventually lead me to embracing my sexuality, though it took another five years. Nevertheless, there were definitely things I could have done to better prepare myself for exploring sexually with other men. Things I learned years after the fact. Now, with the help of two sexuality experts, I'm going to impart what I wish I knew and had done before (and after) hooking up with my first guy.
You don’t need to jump headfirst into penetrative sex with a man. Porn is a great way to explore your desires in a manner that’s accessible and private.
“As a starting point for acting out sexual fantasies, many people turn to pornography because it offers a ‘safe’ way to explore, especially if you’re a little afraid of acting it out or don’t know how to go about it,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller , research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author Tell Me What You Want .
For bicurious men specifically, Lehmiller notes there are plenty of pornos out there which feature bicurious themes. “So that’s probably the easiest starting point for getting a sense of what you do and don’t like,” he says.
"Apps and chat rooms using sexting and video chats are great ways to explore how you feel about engaging sexually with men before jumping into the deep end and scheduling your first hook-up," says Jor-El Caraballo , a licensed mental health professional who works largely with LGBTQ+ clients. It allows you the opportunity to engage with other men sexually without doing anything IRL. (Grindr and Scruff are two good apps to use.)
If after watching some bi/gay porn and talking to some dudes on apps/chat rooms, you’re thinking to yourself, alright, I think I could potentially be into this , it might be time to consider having a threesome with a woman and another man. In Lehmiller’s research on sexual fantasies, he’s found that a lot of bicurious guys report fantasies about mixed-gender threesomes. “I think the appeal of this scenario is that it seems less intimidating than hooking up with just another guy,” he says. “A lot of bicurious guys worry about what it means for their sexuality if they experiment with another guy, so being able to explore that with a woman present might make it less intimidating.”
Exploring bi-curiosity isn't just getting out there and doing it with another guy. “It's important for men to understand that we live in sex-phobic and homophobic culture that helps shape what we see as possible for ourselves and our desires,” says Jor-El. This means that we first have to explore how much of our reluctance might be attributed to cultural attitudes and how much of it is solely our responsibility. “Naming that societal homo- and bi-phobia first is an important step,” he says.
One of the biggest ways to reduce internalized shame and to better understand how your sexuality might not be binary or stagnant (meaning, specifically, that you're not always exclusively gay or straight) is to educate yourself about sexuality. Alas, sex education leaves quite a few things to be desired here in the United States (and abroad, too). Instead of discussing how we come to form our sexual identity, some sex-ed classes never get beyond condoms on cucumbers—or teach abstinence-only curriculum.
"Because we live in a culture that has [negative] perspectives on bisexuality and same-sex attraction, it's important to gain exposure to alternative perspectives," Jor-El says. There are two books in particular Jor-El tends to recommend to his clients. The first is Brene Brown's Daring Greatly , which tackles shame resilience. The second is sexologist Dr. Chris Donaghue's book Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture.
When I got to college, I decided I was going to finally explore my same-sex attractions that had been gnawing at me for the past few years. Without going into too many details (you can read about my full experience here ), I left that first encounter feeling even more unsure of my sexual identity. I thought I was going to have this big “aha” moment. I’d kiss his lips and immediately realize, “Woah… I’m gay. I’ve never felt like this when I've been with women.” Or it would become crystal clear I definitely wasn’t into men. Neither happened. In fact, I came to the conclusion after the experience that I was straight, and it took me another five years of hooking up with men to embrace the fact that I am bisexual.
As always, it can be helpful to explore this in the safe space of therapy. "With a LGBTQ+ affirming therapist, you can talk through aspects of your sexuality that seem daunting or frightening to deal with on your own," Joe-El says. "This space will give you the security of a confidential and non-judgmental space where you can make your own decisions about what works best for you without outside pressure."
Personally, seeing a therapist was the most helpful thing when it came to exploring and eventually embracing my same-sex attractions. By the end of my third session, I began calling myself bisexual.
There's this notion that if you so much as kiss a man once, you must be gay or bisexual. This makes it particularly scary and seemingly "binding" when you explore. You fear that if you experiment, and don't like it, people will wrongfully assume you're closeted. You fear that rumors surrounding your sexuality will haunt you for the rest of your life, but here's the truth about experimenting: If you come to the conclusion after hooking up with a guy that you're straight, then you are just as straight as a dude who's never experimented. One sexual act does not define your entire identity. Period.
Now if you're someone like me, who comes to realize, oh yeah, I really can get down hooking up with other men, then welcome to the club, my dude. Your world is about to get a hell of a lot more fun.

How do you know when your someone's sloppy seconds?
Has your wife ever come home from work after cheating and dying for you to take sloppy seconds?
How do you like it? Do you like it sloppy?
What does the common phrase "sloppy seconds" mean?
Lives in NW Chicago Suburbs · · 1 y ·
How do you know when your someone's sloppy seconds?
Has your wife ever come home from work after cheating and dying for you to take sloppy seconds?
How do you like it? Do you like it sloppy?
What does the common phrase "sloppy seconds" mean?
How do you know you're experiencing sloppy seconds?
Are you sloppy seconds when you’re a cheater?
What's the naughtiest thing you've done on third date?
What does “you can have my sloppy seconds” mean?
Why did my boyfriend call me sloppy seconds?
Where did the phrase "sloppy seconds" come from?
Do you like sloppy seconds? I finally had done this it’s so weird how I like it.
What's the sluttiest thing you've imagined and then followed through on?
Have you ever cheated on your husband? If yes, why, when and how?
Have you ever allowed a train to be run on yourself? Did you regret it?
How do you know when your someone's sloppy seconds?
Has your wife ever come home from work after cheating and dying for you to take sloppy seconds?
How do you like it? Do you like it sloppy?
What does the common phrase "sloppy seconds" mean?
How do you know you're experiencing sloppy seconds?
Are you sloppy seconds when you’re a cheater?
What's the naughtiest thing you've done on third date?
What does “you can have my sloppy seconds” mean?
Why did my boyfriend call me sloppy seconds?
Something went wrong. Wait a moment and try again.
Sure have. I organized a gangbang with this woman I met on a dating site with two of my friends. The three of us fucked this sex-crazed bitch all day from around 10 am through to 5.30 pm in a motel.
I came 3 times that day. One of my mates came in her twice..but the third mate, WOW, he came in her five times…then gave her a pearl necklace just before we called it a day.
This chick just loved being fucked and wanted a cock in her all the time. Before we started fucking her, I went down on her, but she admitted that she wasn’t really into it (and she was pretty average at giving head), but could s
Sure have. I organized a gangbang with this woman I met on a dating site with two of my friends. The three of us fucked this sex-crazed bitch all day from around 10 am through to 5.30 pm in a motel.
I came 3 times that day. One of my mates came in her twice..but the third mate, WOW, he came in her five times…then gave her a pearl necklace just before we called it a day.
This chick just loved being fucked and wanted a cock in her all the time. Before we started fucking her, I went down on her, but she admitted that she wasn’t really into it (and she was pretty average at giving head), but could she fuck!!!!!
Every time one of us pulled out, that cock was replaced with another cock. I have NEVER felt a more warm and super slippery wet pussy in my life.
At one stage, after I had finished fucking her and we were taking a breather, I went into the bathroom to have a piss…she followed me in, squatted on the shower floor and asked me to piss on her…and that's exactly what I did. She held and directed my cock as I unleashed a stream of warm piss on her. I called my mates in, and they both took turns pissing on her as well….then she showered.
I didn’t EVER think I could get bored fucking, but I sure did that day.
On a side note, I ended up fucking her on the side for around 12 months..she was a true nypho.
When I was 20, I got involved with a married woman who was 32. She and her husband were still very sexually active at the time, but I did not think much about it.
Then one morning, I went to their house after he left for work like I usually did. Dawn was acting different, and soon admitted that her husband was horny before he left for work and they just had a quickie a little while ago. She said she would go take a shower, and she also understood if I did not want to have intercourse with her.
I was a guy in my early 20s - I did not want to wait! lol So we went to the bedroom. I remember when I
When I was 20, I got involved with a married woman who was 32. She and her husband were still very sexually active at the time, but I did not think much about it.
Then one morning, I went to their house after he left for work like I usually did. Dawn was acting different, and soon admitted that her husband was horny before he left for work and they just had a quickie a little while ago. She said she would go take a shower, and she also understood if I did not want to have intercourse with her.
I was a guy in my early 20s - I did not want to wait! lol So we went to the bedroom. I remember when I first touched her pussy how wet it felt, then I realized I was touching her husbands cum! I took my wet finger and offered it to Dawn, and she tasted it. Then she reached down and fingered herself a little and had ME taste it. I cannot believe how erotic that was. I ended up kissing my way down her body and ate out her cum filled pussy. I could not get enough of their combined flavor! omg When I finally had enough, I penetrated her - it was SO slippery going inside her. I pulled out briefly and saw white globs all over my cock - her husbands cum! I got so turned on, I was soon adding mine to his.
From that day on, she tried to arrange it once a week for me. Not kidding, but our affair lasted over 9 years. I probably ate her husband’s cum out from her at least 200 times. It got to the point were I would be disappointed if I did NOT get sloppy seconds from him. Her husband never found out about our affair, or how hooked on his cum I became.
Dawn also loved the idea of having a “mixture” of two different guys inside her the days it happened. We used to joke and wonder about how her husband and my sperm were getting along…lol

Could You Be the Next Men's Health 'Ultimate Guy'?
Tom Brady's New Running Collection Takes Off
Umbrella Academy Star's Transition Improved Life
Love Languages Don’t Matter as Much as You Think

This content is imported from {embed-name}. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Sex Outside the Lines: Authentic Sexuality in a Sexually Dysfunctional Culture
Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
A Therapist Explains Why Narcissists Fake Sickness
What It Means to Be Queer, as Told by LGBTQ+ Folks
Advertisement - Continue Reading Below
How to Get Rid of a Hickey as Fast as Possible
A Doctor on How Long It Takes for Women to Orgasm
My GF Is Incredible but I'm Afraid She'll Cheat
Love Languages Don’t Matter as Much as You Think
Here's Exactly How to Make Your Partner Squirt
A Urologist Demonstrates How to Measure Your Penis

Our product picks are editor-tested, expert-approved. We may earn a commission through links on our site.

8 expert tips for exploring your sexuality.
After years of wondering if I could ever be intimate with another man, I decided to hook up with a dude my freshman year of college. I figured this "bicurious" thing clearly isn't a phase, since I'd been thinking about it for a few years. The only way I could know for sure if I was actually gay or bi was if tested the waters.
So I did. Alas, I got so drunk in order to have the courage to hook up with another man that I ended up puking midway through our encounter. After the experience, I could not tell you if I was gay or bi. Overall, the experience was "meh," like any really sloppy, drunken hookup regardless of gender.
The thing is, I went about hooking up with a guy all wrong. I had expectations about what I should feel, still struggled with internalized homophobia, and didn't realize that sexuality is a spectrum. I think that's why I felt even more confused after hooking up with a guy.
Still, I'm glad I did explore, and it did eventually lead me to embracing my sexuality, though it took another five years. Nevertheless, there were definitely things I could have done to better prepare myself for exploring sexually with other men. Things I learned years after the fact. Now, with the help of two sexuality experts, I'm going to impart what I wish I knew and had done before (and after) hooking up with my first guy.
You don’t need to jump headfirst into penetrative sex with a man. Porn is a great way to explore your desires in a manner that’s accessible and private.
“As a starting point for acting out sexual fantasies, many people turn to pornography because it offers a ‘safe’ way to explore, especially if you’re a little afraid of acting it out or don’t know how to go about it,” says Dr. Justin Lehmiller , research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author Tell Me What You Want .
For bicurious men specifically, Lehmiller notes there are plenty of pornos out there which feature bicurious themes. “So that’s probably the easiest starting point for getting a sense of what you do and don’t like,” he says.
"Apps and chat rooms using sexting and video chats are great ways to explore how you feel about engaging sexually with men before jumping into the deep end and scheduling your first hook-up," says Jor-El Caraballo , a licensed mental health professional who works largely with LGBTQ+ clients. It allows you the opportunity to engage with other men sexually without doing anything IRL. (Grindr and Scruff are two good apps to use.)
If after watching some bi/gay porn and talking to some dudes on apps/chat rooms, you’re thinking to yourself, alright, I think I could potentially be into this , it might be time to consider having a threesome with a woman and another man. In Lehmiller’s research on sexual fantasies, he’s found that a lot of bicurious guys report fantasies about mixed-gender threesomes. “I think the appeal of this scenario is that it seems less intimidating than hooking up with just another guy,” he says. “A lot of bicurious guys worry about what it means for their sexuality if they experiment with another guy, so being able to explore that with a woman present might make it less intimidating.”
Exploring bi-curiosity isn't just getting out there and doing it with another guy. “It's important for men to understand that we live in sex-phobic and homophobic culture that helps shape what we see as possible for ourselves and our desires,” says Jor-El. This means that we first have to explore how much of our reluctance might be attributed to cultural attitudes and how much of it is solely our responsibility. “Naming that societal homo- and bi-phobia first is an important step,” he says.
One of the biggest ways to reduce internalized shame and to better understand how your sexuality might not be binary or stagnant (meaning, specifically, that you're not always exclusively gay or straight) is to educate yourself about sexuality. Alas, sex education leaves quite a few things to be desired here in the United States (and abroad,
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