Mistresses Women

Mistresses Women
Home » Married Men having Mistresses - The Tradition of Kept Women
Married men having mistresses is one of the most significant markers – some would say, consequences – of the patriarchal underpinnings of human society. And thus it spans vast stretches of time as well as space – the tradition of kept women has carried on over millennia and is to be found in almost every corner of the world. The idea of a websites that make affairs possible may be new but the concept of Mistresses is very old.
The idea of the mistress was one of the principal ways that patriarchy established itself as the source of all power in society. The polarity of the ‘wife and the whore’, the ‘angel at home and the fallen woman on the streets’ is a common one in almost all major religions and cultures. It was by dividing the subjecthood of women into these two polar opposites that patriarchy managed to divide and subjugate the female sex as well as wrest supremacy in culture, economy, religion, politics and all aspects of society.
Meet millionaire men at MillionaireMatch.com. In the most popular sense of the term, a mistress is a woman who is involved in a romantic relationship with a man married to someone else. The significance of the term becomes apparent when compared to roles like a ‘partner’ or ‘girlfriend’. A woman can be called a partner or girlfriend of a man - even if he is married - and still be considered one half of a relationship, though extra-marital. In contrast, the term ‘mistress’ immediately brings with it connotation of a threesome, an extra third of a three-sided relationship. Closely related to the above idea, is the fact that the term mistress carries with it a risqué element, a feeling of someone engaged in something taboo. An example is the definition of mistress in the Oxford English Dictionary as “a woman who illicitly occupies the place of wife”. The sense of the socially condemned role arises from viewing the “other woman” as committing adultery – a sinful act. Interestingly it is the male partner – as a married man – who is the prime actor is this adulterous relationship and therefore most liable to be condemned. The mistress or the other woman may not be married at all – as is usually the case – and hence not the primary participant in the sin of adultery. But then how is a relationship with a mistress different from an extra-marital fling? The former implies a relationship that has been going on for some time while the latter is merely a casual encounter, a one-night stand perhaps. A mistress is one who has been involved with her married lover for some length of time; in fact British writers Wendy James and Susan Jane Kedgely 1 say “A mistress by our definition is a woman with whom a married man has a parallel relationship, or a woman who, outside her own marriage, has a relationship with another man. All these illicit relationships… must be long-term and as a yardstick we chose one year as the minimum period of involvement”. Another important difference between a mistress and a sexual partner for a one-night stand is that there is some degree of emotional attachment with the former while there is no emotional give and take in case of a casual fling. This difference is a natural consequence of the fact that a mistress relationship is not a one-time affair but grounded in some length of time and thus brings with it all its related emotions of involvement, guilt, responsibility and dissembling. What about the economics of keeping a mistress? In earlier times when employment opportunities for women – especially those from the middle and upper class – were severely limited, they could choose either the role of a wife or mistress. In case of the latter it was understood that the male lover in exchange for sexual favors and emotional support would assume the financial responsibilities of his mistress - and sometimes her dependents too - and it was this arrangement that gave way to the tradition of the ‘kept woman’. And even though now with women becoming financially self-reliant, the modern usage of the term mistress need not imply any financial dependence on the male lover, some degree of financial element in the nature of lavish presents or expensive vacations is usually still involved. However on the other side of the spectrum of modern mistresses are those who would be quite averse to receiving financial support from her partner. These are usually self-confident, busy professional women who can comfortably support themselves and have no need of men to take care of their financial needs. This type in fact figures as one of many different categories of mistresses in a very interesting book by Penelope Orth 2. According to the writer, this kind of mistress is a Career Woman who has no time for marriage and hence takes a married man as a lover. Another kind is The Assistant who works tirelessly for her male lover who is most often her boss or at least a senior co-worker at the workplace. Then there is the One-Man Call Girl which of course means exactly what it says and lastly the Masochistic Mistress who really wants to get married but inevitably gets entangled with men who cannot marry her, who in other words are already married. While by definition a mistress has a married lover for a man, what about her own marital status? Different scholars and writers have interpreted this differently. Orth in her 1970s book on the contemporary American mistress defines her as ‘a single woman, divorced, widowed, or never married, who is having an enduring affair with a married man…’ however according to the British definition put forward by Wendy James and Susan Jane Kedgely, a mistress can be married herself. ‘A mistress by our definition’, say the writers ‘is a woman with whom a married man has a parallel relationship, or a woman who, outside her own marriage, has a relationship with another man’. That the latter scenario has always existed is evident in the past tradition of royal mistresses where kings and rulers often had mistresses who were wives of other nobles or aristocrats. However in the more popular and contemporary sense of the term mistress, it does not usually imply someone who also a wife. Finally like all other sexual, gender and cultural signifiers, the ‘mistress’ too has evolved over time. With changes in legal, economic and cultural position of women, the roles, privileges of and expectations from a mistress too are undergoing constant change even though the idea of the glamorous, slightly illicit figure is too delicious to let go off completely. References: Mistresses : T he Free Woman and the Unfree Man , Wendy James and Susan Jane Kedgely TBS The Book Service Ltd; 1st edition (Oct 1973) A Enviable Position : The American Mistress from Slightly Kept to Practically Married. Penelope Orth, David McKay Co; 1St Edition (October 1972)
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1. “The truly upsetting thing about being the other woman is finding out that’s what you are when you thought the man you loved was single and you had a future together. For a year I was in a long-term relationship with a man who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I only found out because his wife snuck his phone and saw our text messages and called me. I’d never felt so betrayed and used and I’ve had trouble trusting another man ever since.”
2. “It can be wonderful, really it can. The best sex I’ve ever had was with a man fifteen years older than me with two kids and a wife of ten years. For me it was more of a FWB arrangement. For him I think it was just a way to escape from the drudgery of his life without completely destroying it. A warning though, this can only last so long. I saw him for two years and as time went on more and more of his home life crept into our relationship. After a while it became very much the drudgery for me that his home life was for him and I broke it off. It had become toxic because he was just bringing his family’s problems into my life instead of keeping them separate. I don’t know if his wife ever found out because I quit speaking to him when we split. I do still care about him though and I hope they’re happier together than they were.”
3. “I had an affair with a professor of mine when I was in grad school and I really don’t regret it. He was one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met and definitely the smartest. His wife was also a professor and at first I expected to somehow get in trouble but as time went on it became clear that she either didn’t care or was clueless. I hadn’t dated much in college and all the men I was in school with at the time just seemed very immature in comparison and the whole thing seemed sort of forbidden as well which was sort of sexy. I learned a lot about men and myself in that relationship and I think it made me a better person over all.”
4. “When I was seventeen I met a man in his 30s at a concert and we hit it off incredibly. He was hilarious and incredibly sexy. When the concert was ending he asked for my number and I figured why not. About a week later he gave me a call and we got together. I was still living at home at the time and told my parents I was going to meet friends. We went on dates and he never pushed me for sex. It was wonderful and he waited a month before he even tried to kiss me. At the time I felt like the whole thing was storybook romantic but one evening we were leaving a movie and we ran into a friend of his wife leaving the same movie with her husband. I remember he told them I was a just someone he’d sat next to in the movie and started chatting with and I thought ‘wait, what?’
After that I dragged it out of him that he was actually married and had a toddler at home. I stopped it right there and went back home crying. My mother asked me what was wrong and I told her that a boy I’d liked had been cruel to me which was mostly true. Thankfully I went off to college not long afterward but that was and still is the most heartbreaking thing that’s ever happened to me with a man. Guys, if you get married then don’t cheat, not just for your wife but for the other woman whose heart you might also break.”
5. “Most stories like this that I’ve heard are bad but my experience was universally positive. He was a man I worked with and we were very, very close friends. Our co-workers used to joke that I was his work wife and stuff like that. He was going through a very rough spot with his wife that had lasted well over a year and one weekend we were at a conference and ended up hooking up. There was never any illusion in my mind that he wanted to leave his wife because we talked all the time and I knew he loved her. I knew that he just needed affection that he hadn’t been getting for a long time.
We hooked up probably once a week for the next six months after that. Eventually his wife agreed to couple’s counseling and he told me that he felt this was his last chance to save the marriage so we stopped seeing each other in a sexual way and remained friends. He and his wife’s relationship got better and they’re now very happy. Most importantly to me, he is very happy. I don’t feel bad about it all. I actually think that I helped save their marriage.”
6. “When I was twenty I ended up sleeping with my boss for about six months who I knew was married. He’s still an executive at a very well known company. I wouldn’t say I did it just to get ahead at work although that was definitely part of it. I really liked the guy and he was completely unhappy with his marriage. His wife was materialistic and always wanting more money from him while, at the same time, complaining about how he was never home. Possibly the most clueless person I’d ever met. When she’d come in the office everyone would avoid her because of her entitled attitude. The only reason he didn’t divorce her is because he didn’t want to lose half of everything he’d worked for.
We had a casual, mostly sexual relationship and eventually he promoted me, outside his department of course, and things waned after that. It wasn’t a big deal to me then and I don’t regret it. His wife certainly didn’t get hurt and he and I had a good time.”
7. “In my mid-20s I found myself in a relationship with a man I knew was married but who predicated our entire relationship on the notion that he was going to leave her. TWO YEARS later he still found reason after reason to not even begin moving towards leaving his wife and I couldn’t take it anymore and put an end to it. I still get so mad about this because that was two years I could have been doing anything else with my personal life and I spent it on a man who was dishonest with me. On top of that I felt incredibly guilty for being with him and always had to tell myself that they were only legally married and that it was going to end soon. All of it was complete bullshit and I compromised myself over and over.
Ladies, if he’s married and promises you he’s leaving her then know that he probably won’t and you’re most likely just a distraction for him.”
8. “I’m still not sure if I was the ‘other woman’ or the girlfriend. I dated someone my freshman year of college who used to go home almost every weekend because he said his mother had some health issues and needed help around the house. That was fine and I definitely understood. The thing that started to get me wondering was that he never picked up the phone when I called when he was home. He would call me but he’d never pick up the phone. Early in Spring semester I called and a girl answered with a ‘who is this’ and I told her. Then he apparently came in the room and she handed him the phone and I told him to go fuck himself and hung up. I’m pretty sure she broke up with him seconds later.”
Amazon Prime’s library of horror movies can’t be beat, but with so many choices, it can be tough deciding what to watch. Collected here are the best movies available to rent, buy, or stream for free on Amazon Prime.
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