Mistress Man

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Mistress Man
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Female who is in an extra-marital sexual relationship
"Side piece" redirects here. For the Jack Harlow song, see Come Home the Kids Miss You .
The examples and perspective in this article deal primarily with England and France and do not represent a worldwide view of the subject . You may improve this article , discuss the issue on the talk page , or create a new article , as appropriate. ( March 2020 ) ( Learn how and when to remove this template message )
A mistress is a woman who is in a relatively long-term sexual and romantic relationship with a man who is married to a different woman. [1] [2]

A mistress is in a long-term relationship with her attached lover, and is often referred to as "the other woman". Generally, the relationship is stable and at least semi-permanent, but the couple does not live together openly and the relationship is usually, but not always, secret. There is often also the implication that the mistress is sometimes "kept" – i.e. her lover is contributing to her living expenses. [3] [4]

A mistress is usually not considered a prostitute : while a mistress, if "kept", may, in some sense, be exchanging sex for money, the principal difference is that a mistress has sex with fewer men and there is not so much of a direct quid pro quo between the money and the sex act. There is usually an emotional and possibly social relationship between a man and his mistress, whereas the relationship between a prostitute and her client is predominantly monetary. It is also important that the "kept" status follows the establishment of a relationship of indefinite term as opposed to the agreement on price and terms established prior to any activity with a prostitute. [5]

Historically the term has denoted a "kept woman", who was maintained in a comfortable (or even lavish) lifestyle by a wealthy man so that she would be available for his sexual pleasure (like a "sugar baby"). Such a woman could move between the roles of a mistress and a courtesan depending on her situation and environment.

In modern times, the word "mistress" is used primarily to refer to the female lover of a man who is married to another woman; in the case of an unmarried man, it is usual to speak of a " girlfriend " or " partner ".

The term "mistress" was originally used as a neutral feminine counterpart to "mister" or "master" . [3]

The historically best known and most-researched mistresses are the royal mistresses of European monarchs , for example, Agnès Sorel , Diane de Poitiers , Barbara Villiers , Nell Gwyn and Madame de Pompadour . [6] The keeping of a mistress in Europe was not confined to royalty and nobility , but permeated down through the social ranks, essentially to any man who could afford to do so. Any man who could afford a mistress could have one (or more), regardless of social position. A wealthy merchant or a young noble might have had a kept woman. Being a mistress was typically an occupation for a younger woman who, if she were fortunate, might go on to marry her lover or another man of rank. [7]

The ballad " The Three Ravens " (published in 1611, but possibly older) extolls the loyal mistress of a slain knight , who buries her dead lover and then dies of the exertion, as she was in an advanced stage of pregnancy. The ballad-maker assigned this role to the knight's mistress ("leman" was the term common at the time) rather than to his wife. [8] [9]

In the courts of Europe, particularly Versailles and Whitehall in the 17th and 18th centuries, a mistress often wielded great power and influence. A king might have numerous mistresses, but have a single "favourite mistress" or "official mistress" (in French, maîtresse en titre ), as with Louis XV and Madame de Pompadour . The mistresses of both Louis XV (especially Madame de Pompadour) and Charles II were often considered to exert great influence over their lovers, the relationships being open secrets . [10] Other than wealthy merchants and kings, Alexander VI is but one example of a Pope who kept mistresses. [11] While the extremely wealthy might keep a mistress for life (as George II of Great Britain did with " Mrs Howard ", even after they were no longer romantically linked), such was not the case for most kept women. [12]

In 1736, when George II was newly ascendant, Henry Fielding (in Pasquin ) has his Lord Place say, "[...] but, miss, every one now keeps and is kept; there are no such things as marriages now-a-days, unless merely Smithfield contracts, and that for the support of families; but then the husband and wife both take into keeping within a fortnight". [13]

Occasionally the mistress is in a superior position both financially and socially to her lover. As a widow, Catherine the Great was known to have been involved with several successive men during her reign; but, like many powerful women of her era, in spite of being a widow free to marry, she chose not to share her power with a husband, preferring to maintain absolute power alone. [14]

In literature, D. H. Lawrence 's 1928 novel Lady Chatterley's Lover portrays a situation where a woman becomes the mistress of her husband's gamekeeper . [15] Until recently, a woman's taking a socially inferior lover was considered much more shocking than the reverse situation.

As divorce became more socially acceptable, it was easier for men to divorce their wives and marry the women who, in earlier years, might have been their mistresses. The practice of having a mistress continued among some married men, especially the wealthy. Occasionally, men married their mistresses. The late Sir James Goldsmith , on marrying his mistress, Lady Annabel Birley , declared, "When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy". [16]

" Paramour " is sometimes used, but this term can apply to either partner in an illicit relationship, so it is not exclusively male. If the man is being financially supported, especially by a wealthy older woman, he is a "sugar baby", "kept man" or "toyboy".

In 18th and 19th-century Italy , the terms cicisbeo and cavalier servente were used to describe a man who was the professed gallant and lover of a married woman. Another word that has been used for a male mistress is gigolo , though this carries connotations of brief duration and expectation of payment, i.e. prostitution . [ citation needed ]

In both John Cleland 's 1748 novel Fanny Hill and Daniel Defoe 's 1722 Moll Flanders , as well as in countless novels of feminine peril, the distinction between a "kept woman" and a prostitute is all-important. [17] [18]

Apologists for the practice of mistresses referred to the practice in the ancient Near East of keeping a concubine ; they frequently quoted verses from the Old Testament to show that mistress-keeping was an ancient practice that was, if not acceptable, at least understandable. [19] John Dryden , in Annus Mirabilis , suggested that the king's keeping of mistresses and production of bastards was a result of his abundance of generosity and spirit. [20] In its more sinister form, the theme of being "kept" is never far from the surface in novels about women as victims in the 18th century in England , whether in the novels of Eliza Haywood or Samuel Richardson (whose heroines in Pamela and Clarissa are both put in a position of being threatened with sexual degradation and being reduced to the status of a kept object). [21]

With the Romantics of the early 19th century, the subject of "keeping" becomes more problematic, in that a non-marital sexual union can occasionally be celebrated as a woman's free choice and a noble alternative. Mary Ann Evans (better known as George Eliot ) defiantly lived "in sin" with a married man, partially as a sign of her independence of middle-class morality. Her independence required that she not be "kept". [22] [23]

Women adored him and he adored women. He married three times and had numerous mistresses. (Yet another Jimmyism: 'When you marry your mistress you create a job vacancy.') He was loyal, in his own way, to all of them, and all of them were loyal to him. He had eight children by four different women, and never have I seen a more closely knit family.

Interpretation of the news based on evidence, including data, as well as anticipating how events might unfold based on past events
What’s the male version of a mistress? And other relationship terms we should question. ANALYSIS | The language we use is inherently sexist
“That then began to influence the way we spoke about men and women, especially their relationships to sex, love, family, relationships, and so on.”
We're moving! Get our latest gender and identity coverage on washingtonpost.com .
If there is one thing that the #MeToo movement has uncovered, it’s that there are definite disparities in power dynamics between genders in relationships.
Although we have perceived equality, men are typically the people in power. Women are the subordinates . And because of this, women have historically been exploited to the point that we need a hashtag to describe our shared experiences.
Uncovering these skewed dynamics has, of course, gotten women thinking critically about all the ways in which they’ve been gaslighted into accepting and perpetuating this behavior through internalized misogyny and how we can move on from this.
But there’s an aspect of this whole conversation that is a lot harder to untangle than we think: In the English language, the way we talk about men and women, and their relationships to sex, is inherently gendered and sexist.
When we think about gendered language, we tend to think about languages where certain words are either male, female, or neutral. But there’s a difference between grammatical gender and societal gender.
So while in French, books are male (un livre) and chairs are female (une chaise), English is generally gender-neutral when it comes to grammar (the book, the chair).
Samantha Fox, a professor in the department of society, culture and languages at the University of New England, explains that the way gender affects English really started to solidify around the 18th century, when we as a society moved from an economy of feudalism to one of capitalism.
In this new world order, men’s positions and work were valued more than that of women. Because of that, Fox explains, the language we developed to describe male and female work splintered off and became gendered.
And while humans definitely influence language, language has the power to influence humans and their behavior.
Take for example, the stereotypical nagging harpy wife. “We don’t really have an equivalent cultural archetype for a man,” says Andrea Bonior , a psychologist and author.
“Women, on the other hand, are so fearful of falling into that stereotypical role that they might quiet themselves in situations when they should speak up,” she says.
It goes the other way, too, in that language affects the way we’re meant to act — not just what we want to avoid.
“Typically, with women you get this gendered language that is a lot more expressive,” Fox says. “Women are socialized through language to be nice, to be nurturing, to be sensitive to other people’s needs. Men, on the other hand, are socialized through language to be less expressive. They are independent and dominating.”
Fox recalled a situation in her class when, talking about an assignment, the men in her class used words like “I dominated” or “I owned it.”
Women rarely use these types of descriptors, she says. “So men are socialized to be dominating, while women are socialized to be nice,” Fox says.
Since language is so gendered on a basic level, it should stand to reason that the same words can mean different thing when talking about men or women. “Just think about the word b---h,” Bonior says.
“When you call a woman a b---h, it means one thing. But call a man a b---h, and the word takes on a completely different meaning.”
And out of that grew gender-specific roles.
Another example: slut. It’s a derogatory term to describe women, based on a nonspecific number of sexual partners she is perceived to have. But because of decades of gendered use, the term is inherently female. So when referring to a man who has a perceived number of sex partners, we slap the term “man” in front of slut to get “manslut,” a term that doesn’t exactly pack the same kind of punch as “slut.”
If there isn’t a gender-equivalent term for certain negative words, then the behavior of the opposite gender tends to fly under the radar.
The word mistress, for example, has no male-equivalent. There’s no opposite to “the other woman.” And that influences behavior. People are more likely to blame “the other woman” when their husbands cheat . But when a wife cheats, there’s no collective blaming of “the other man.”
“Since there is no label for a male mistress, that behavior doesn’t define the man in the same way it would the woman,” Bonior says.
In order to decolonize this language and move closer to gender equality, we have to move away from binary ways of thinking, according to Fox. In discussions of sex, gender, and sexuality, these terms are incredibly detrimental, and will always create division.
“We have binaries, and they create these neat little boxes, and they define how we view the world,” Fox says. “But the problem with binaries is that it allows us to define out of existence anything that doesn’t fit into those neat little boxes.”
We can see this especially in queer marriages, when heterosexual people will ask queer couples “who is the husband, and who is the wife?” Not only does that question assume and reaffirm traditional gender roles, it ignores the fact that all couples, including queer couples, should have the freedom to form their own dynamics in relationships.
The road out of this binaried world is tricky. The first step is one that we’re already seeing — awareness. “If in our day to day movement through society, we can stop and be mindful about these words and their meanings, that’s a good first step,” Bonior says.
Fox echoes that sentiment, but takes it a step further. “We need to be aware of these binaries, but also interrogate our privileges when it comes to their usage,” she explains.
This shift requires the people in dominant positions to recognize and validate the people in subordinate positions. And in a lot of ways, men still decide the parameters because, historically, they’ve been in those positions of power. That influence still affects us through internalized misogyny, which guides how the rest of us move through space.
But it’s an important one to attempt, because if we continue to have these gendered, binary ways of talking about relationships, we’ll never be able to accomplish true equality. And if this moment in history has taught us anything, it’s that equality is something we sorely need.
Maria Del Russo is a Lily contributor.
A product of The Washington Post, The Lily of today is a place for the curious minded and for those who want to be heard.


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In some of the most depressing news of the day, cheating husbands have revealed exactly what they look for in a potential mistress.
Among the most important traits are a curvy figure, long hair and a woman who “takes care of her appearance.”
According to a survey by extramarital dating website Victoria Milan , cheating men are often attracted to a curvier physique when choosing a partner for an affair.
Of the 5,000 men who took part in the research, over 40 percent said that this was their preference, while 35.2 percent wanted someone “slim.”
Almost 30 percent like their mistress to “keep fit,” and a similar number said they were scouting for a woman who’s “elegant and stylish.”
Long hair has become more important to male adulterers, alongside taller ladies with “beautiful eyes” who are “petite.”
Unsurprisingly, 70 percent of the unfaithful men stated that physical appearance outweighs personality.
But they did say that they need to have some kind of rapport with the person they shack up with.
They’d like a mistress with a sense of humor, with 67.6 percent saying that a “funny woman” turns them on.
More than 50 percent called an “adventurous spirit” important, and the same number rated kindness. Shame they clearly aren’t demonstrating that quality when it comes to their wives.
Youth was a notable attribute for 45 percent of men, while 40 percent said they were looking for reliability (the irony) and romance.
Intelligence was only considered important by a third of those surveyed, and an “impulsive woman” ranked at 22.5 percent.
Around five percent mentioned maturity and generosity.
Sigurd Vedal, CEO of Victoria Milan, said: “Male stereotypes of women have evolved — it doesn’t matter anymore if they are curvy, slim or average size.”
“We all like healthy and fit people when dating, especially if the aim of the date is to find an extramarital affair.”
“These results show exactly how men’s physical preferences are now different and all types of women are represented in the survey.”

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by


Paul Brian


updated September 19, 2022, 9:54 am



What makes it twice as bad is when it’s more than just an affair: it’s a love affair.
If you’re dealing with this, or think you might be, here’s how to be sure.
We all know the cliche about a married guy who never listens to his wife.
This isn’t fair to many married men who listen to their wives and care what they say.
But at the same time, the stereotype exists for a reason:
A large amount of married guys end up tuning out on their wife and perfecting the art of smiling and nodding without hearing a word she says.
It’s precisely the opposite when you’re looking for signs he loves his mistress.
He listens to what she says, cares about it and remembers it.
He hangs on her every word like it’s a pearl of pure feminine wisdom.
“I confidently tell you that a married man who is in love with his mistress would remember every piece of information about her.
“Look, a man in love with his mistress wouldn’t toil with every single detail she tells him.”
When a man loves a woman, he wants her all to himself.
If he’s just seeing a mistress for sex then he’s not going to care if she’s spreading the love around, but if his feelings have gotten involved it’s another matter entirely.
In this case, he’s going to be concerned about her dating life and trying to make her into his and his alone.
He will ask her where she’s been, check her social media and have a definite attitude of caring who she’s been seeing and why.
This crosses the line from a purely fun mistress who he
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