Mistress Man
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A man reads biographer Paula Broadwell's book "All In: The Education of General David Petraeus," in Manassas, Virginia, on November 13, 2012. Petraeus' surprise resignation as CIA director on Friday resulting from an extramarital affair has now spiraled into a complicated story of infidelity, intrigue and politics. (KAREN BLEIER, AFP/Getty Images)
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© 2021, Chicago Tribune
If Paula Broadwell is David H. Petraeus' mistress, what is he to her?
Biography subject, sure. Boyfriend, maybe. But what's the male equivalent of "mistress"?
The growing cast of extremely prolific characters (30,000 pages of email!) in the Petraeus scandal appears to have four or so marriages among them. (Petraeus and his wife. Broadwell and her husband. Gen. John Allen and his wife. Jill Kelley and her husband.) Only Broadwell appears easily labeled thus far.
News outlets as varied as the Washington Post, Associated Press and the New York Daily News have decided on the not-particularly-accurate "mistress," defined in Webster's New College Dictionary as, "A woman who has a continuing sexual relationship with a man to whom she is not married, esp. one who receives financial support from the man."
"When I read some of the coverage, 'mistress' struck me as a little bit funny because it has the connotation of economic support and financial dependency," says Carolyn Bronstein, associate professor at DePaul University and author of "Battling Pornography: The American Feminist Anti-Pornography Movement, 1976-1986" (Cambridge University Press).
As far as we know, Petraeus isn't financially supporting Broadwell, a research associate at Harvard's Center for Public Leadership and a Ph.D. candidate in the Department of War Studies at King's College London who is married to a radiologist.
"I think the term 'lover' is much more accurate and likely to eventually replace mistress, which, to my ear, sounds antiquated," says Bronstein, who contends that the financial element of "mistress" is likely the reason there is no male equivalent.
"Historically very few women would have been in an economic position to support a male lover on the side, in addition to whatever marital relationship she had entered," Bronstein says. "The term evolved because men were typically the breadwinners and controlled the economic resources, so they could support a woman on the side who was primarily a sexual partner."
The Daily Writing Tips website (dailywritingtips.com) tackled the "male mistress" topic back in 2008, pointing out that "mistress" used to be the female equivalent of "master." Indeed, the first two definitions for "mistress" in the Oxford English Dictionary are "A woman having control or authority" and "The female head of a family, household, or other establishment; a woman holding such a position in conjunction with a male counterpart."
"The master/mistress pair is one of many examples of words that were once more or less exact equivalents, but which parted company because of gender-based prejudices that govern the language," writes Daily Writing Tip's Maeve Maddox.
Bronstein supports removing "mistress" altogether from discussions of extramarital affairs.
"Companion is better," she says. "Or lover, which is more gender-neutral and doesn't imply financial dependence."
Urban Dictionary has yet another suggestion.
"Misteress: A man who has an ongoing affair with another person outside of a relationship in return for financial support from this person, a male mistress."
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https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/ct-xpm-2012-11-14-ct-tribu-words-work-mistress-20121114-story.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mistress_(lover)
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Mistress Man
